The Bonus

My first bonus. It's been nearly 8 months since my first day of work. I'm ever so thankful to so many people who've helped me grow throughout the years. Yet at the same time, I feel ashamed that I can't bring myself to say thank you to them. I feel afraid that my thank you or simple gifts would not be enough to match their contribution to my life.

I realized that although I've been providing the family financially, I haven't been doing my job as a "father". When I received news that bonus will be deposited into the bank soon, I wondered if there's anything I could do different.

This wonder led me to a couple of bookstore that very day after work. Deep down, I knew I wanted to gift my mother, sister and brothers a gift that is tangible - a book that I hope each of them would one day flip open and read. May Allah move all our hearts to read and put to practice the things we read.

Hidden in an envelope, between the pages of the book, is their share of the bonus. Their reactions were similar - surprised that I handed them a book each instead of simply cash. Pleasantly surprised to find the envelope in their respective books.

Throughout this process, I realized that after all these years, I still find it hard to express my feelings. For instance, on my sister's book "Don't be Sad", I wanted to write her a note which says:

"Your current pursuit for a degree will insyaAllah encourage our twin brothers to consider pursuing a degree as well. In this pursuit, there's bound to be difficulties - but do not be sad. In this pursuit of ours towards a better future for ourselves and to make Mama happy, let us not forget that everything comes from Allah.

Make dua for me and my future... (add a short dua so that I'll find a pretty and humble wife soon!)"

I wanted to write notes on the remaining books too but I decided not to - for fear that it might sound too cheesy or too sweet. Perhaps next time. As I regret not writing those notes, I realized that I could move forward by writing little notes on a blank envelope before putting their monthly allowances in and giving it to them. It could be a quote, a hadith, or my own little words. Perhaps.