Something's not right......

Just feel as though everything just doesnt seem right for me lah....EVERYTHING doesnt seem to go right for me lately.

....got tis guilt feeling....not between me and frens or me and my parents or me and anyone lah....... but me and GOd.... coz i ve done things i NOE i SHOULDNT be doing..... and i have NOT done some things i NOE i SHOULD be doing.....man....

my mind is definitely not in peace man..... cant really concentrate.....cant really focus

wen i pray.....my mind goes everywhere lah........ haiz.......when i say my prayers...my mouth goes one way and my mind goes another way..... seems to be unable to get my mind and mouth and heart work in unison like it always could....

....thoughts....thoughts.......and more thoughts..........

.....am like a zombie.......

.....no one can understand wats like within me......

...the feeling is just too surreal.....

...i guess i ve not been the me some 6-7 weeks ago. MAn.....i really ought to wake myself up..... stop doing things i shouldnt be doing....and start bringing myself closer to god.......

Its the foundation problem again......wen the foundation's not right..... everything else will NEVER be right......

and this morning......my dad SUDDENLY complains why shuld he be the one throwing the rubbish outside...when he has been doing that for like 1/2 a year already! When i used to tumpang his van to sec school.....i was the one the bring the garbage outside.... when my bros was in the afternoon session....they would be the one to bring it outside....and now that everyone in the family "works" in the morning shifts..... only ma dad walks in the direction where the rubbush bin is...... coz us 4 kids walks the other direction.... wat abt my mama u ask? she s out of the eqn lah....wahlao....cant expect her to walk quite a distance to throw the rubbish...and cant expect her do everything rite??........ but the thing is....why suddenly complain.... wahlao....early morning make my dear mama not happy.... little things oso he cannot do..... cmon lah... other ppl's dad oso work too wat. They get tired too wat.........

...but den again......maybe its just stress lah. Coz ma dad's getting not too healthy.... going for check-ups..... eating lots of medicine...... maybe he needs to vent his frustration on someone i guess.... this kind of stress father experience hard to say lah..... den my mum oso not say very healthy too lah...... her legs' weakening too like in the past...but not so terok yet lah like the past.....last time i need to hold her tight while walking with her lah.... coz dunnoe y.... she just felt weak lah.... then now cough cough only........

signs of ageing i guess...... man..... i cant help but think of the future lah....God willing, they might see me thru my education years... but my sisters and brothers education? Tough times here..... just a short test i hope...... tts why we at home cannot really take things for granted.......all the good food...sometimes not good food(i m a picky eater)...all the lights we have......the water.....the internet......the phone.... all comes at a price.....

tts y my mama not sae dun like.....but dun quite like the idea of a handphone.....tts y my sis seldom use handphone now...and when she does use it......eh wait....her phone's in my mums hands...... ya.... tts y only my dad has one...... tts y i dun feel like having one..... dun sae dun feel like it ....but...... aiya, u get the picture........

Everything wun seem rite when the foundation is wrong. My foundation is shaky rite now. I need to correct this fault of mine in order to see things with a clearer mind.....

and boy do i need to start a.s.a.p ......... i nd the concentration....confidence.....rite now......

a couple of wks back...when i feel like im the most focussed and determined guy on campus..... everything seems to fall right where it should be.....i thot tt tt was the most ideal scenario tt ever happened to me.....

....but i took things forgranted......i thot things will stay tt way..... my mind began to go astray....and day after day.....i lost touch to everything lah.....

am disappointed. yea. but tis is life.

(well i noe the things i wrote above may not make perfect sense. i m just writing down the things i feel and the things i m thinkin of rite now....just one of those entries where i just need to write and write to loosen myself up...... i wun be surprised if even i wun noe what the heck i m writing abt if i read tis entry tmr.....but i sure noe wat i m writing the very instant the words appear on this screen of mine...... life.... why must it always have to be this way?)