Tears

not from me but from my grandma. She went into my room, closed the door and told me she feeling very hurt. Coz she heard me and mama fight yesterday and she said she never hear anyone fight liddat before. And i very the sad oso lah Coz the part when my mama ask me where i want to go, i told her my grandma house can oso... den i shouted across to my grandma's room..."can or not grandma? U wanna go back? I'll follow u.."

man... grandma cried...never see her cry before lah. And the fite was yesterday! And she still cries thinking abt it. Tts how hurt she feels. Tts how hurt i feel too.. And all that becoz of her grandson. kk.... i noe i shuldnt have gotten into that arguement with my mama... and i knew i shuldnt hav shouted at anyone nor whacked anyone .... but....

i did cry a few times too lah. coz i was so so so wrong. And i'm sure mama cried too coz she always does when i...I push her over the edge. And i noe my youngest bro cried..made so many ppl cry. Just becoz of me-- stress, depressed, exams and school. Well i noe i shuld vent frustrations elsewhere.... but if not to frens then to who? To ppl at home lah! BUt i NOE its wrong.... but u cant stop a temporarily unstable person from doing things can u.

U cant do much when ure alone. U can comfort urself all u want. U can write all u want. BUt at the end of the day, sadly,....my frustrations hv to go to somewhere doesnt it?

The other side of me u guys wun noe. But hey, i dun mind telling stuffs like this. Long time never tell stuffs to anyone.... so why not do it here.... its nice walking ard knowing that more ppl noe more abt u....even though by doing this, i'm condemning myself to being single all my life..

-Still cant believe i made grandma cried. Maybe she cant believe that she'll live to the day when I, the grandson she raised, was shown the way out by my beloved mama, the women she raised-

Cried too much that i can cry no more..