3rd Year: Same Story

1 day 16 hours 44 minutes to the end of my 3rd year in NTU.

Exams have never been my forte. I simply do not know why the brain refuse to commit formulas and concepts to memory. I'm at the point when Im starting to ask myself the same old question of what I wanna do with my life, where I'll be in 5 years time, where can I go once I'm done with university.

This semester, I learn that everything comes from Allah, and that includes the motivation and drive to succeed. During the first half of the semester, I find myself enjoying my solitude. I was focussed, I could juggle my time well, and I even managed to memorize a new surah. I even did pretty well for my quizzes. However as the semester wore on, I felt as though I owed my little success to my ability to manage my time, my diligence, perseverance and having a good circle of friends around me. Ignorance got the better of me.

One by one, I felt as though those abilities of mine were slowly being taken away from me for reasons I should know.

I felt how it's like to be super productive this semester. But I also felt how it's like to have so much time in my hands yet the only thing I can do is to watch time pass me by, slowly. The strength and perseverance and diligence simply vanished. The circle of friends slowly went separate ways. Life is full of ups and downs. Ive been experiencing the ups and the downs for God knows how many years yet, I subject myself to the same old cycle again and again and again.

God, when am I going to learn my lesson.

A part of me feels that the 3 weeks break from APEX played a role in this downfall of mine. I was missing the company of good people, good kids, good intentions. It might be a little too late to do anything about it given that I'm 48hours away from my one one-week break. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. It always does. However, I do hope that these little hiccups that I'm experience during my schooling days will one day shape me into a somewhat decent guy in future.

All these years have confirmed that I make a bad student, but I'm still trying to figure out what Im good at.