Extreme Optimism

O Extreme Optimism, will you be my downfall?

In life, we make decisions that will make or break us. If a decision breaks us once, or twice or even thrice, do we stop listening to our hearts and minds? Do we lose faith in our ability to decide? I believe we should keep making these decisions and pray that one day, the decisions that we make slowly go our way. Faith? Or am I simply extremely optimistic?

Effort and Approach

These are two key areas that I need to work on. At the end of every semester, I reflect. I write about how I intend to mend my ways. And I also write about how my intentions always fail. Complacency at play? I think so.

Now I write about my intention to eradicate complacency and introduce consistency. I'd like to maintain the extreme optimism and add a little bit more purpose to my life in school.

Memory

I hate committing myself to remembering formulas. This mind of mine loves to think, understand, analyse and most importantly, remember. It hates memorizing. Time for a diet of raisins (and someone to sit infront of me with a rotan and force me to memorise).

I should be somewhere and writing something else right about now. Then again, I don't think there's much that I can write anyway. I'm unwell. And I'm giving myself another chance. I will not disappoint.

The Last Minute

I looked at him and asked a meaningless question. I asked what he thought could be the reason why the family of six suddenly cancelled their dinner booking.

His reply was: Death in the family.

Somehow, in my dream, I knew death was the reason why that family cancelled on dinner - one of the six had passed on. But Dad didn't. Out of curiosity, I asked him why death was the first reason that came to his mind. Of all the reasons that one can come up with to cancel a dinner booking, why did Dad mention death.

His simple reply: Guess why?

I gave it some thought. The phone rang, but I ignored. After several rings, I was told me to answer the phone up. He told me he'll wait for me. But the moment I opened my eyes, I realized I had fallen asleep too early - I was supposed to rest my eyes for 5 minutes. ONLY.

I killed the alarm on my phone. Prayed Fajr. Prepares for Structures 1 at 1PM.

... Guess why. Guess who.

The Fine Lines

Being too worked up often leads to depression. Being calm and positive sometimes lead to complacency.

That balance is oh so elusive. I'm midway through my University education but I've yet to find that balance. This semester, I think I've strayed a short distance into the Valley of Complacency.

In the name of Allah the Beneficent the Merciful.

O Allah I seek forgiveness from those things which I have repeated after repenting for it and I repent to You for those things which was intended for You but while doing it the intention was changed which was not for You.

And I seek Your forgiveness from those bounties which was bestowed for Your obedience but I used for Your disobedience and I repent for it that there is no one other than Allah, He is the living, the self existing, Knower of the unseen and present everywhere, the Beneficent the Merciful. I seek forgiveness for all those sins which I have committed and of all those sins which I have initiated.

O Allah give me perfect intelligence and enlighten my wishes and intellect, clean heart, abundance knowledge, clear ethics, all these things which are beneficial to me and not harmful to me. O the one who is most Beneficial by Your mercy, "I seek refuge in Allah there is no lord except Him, the living, the self existent to Him do I repent.

=.=ZZZ