Like a lost floc

But somehow, it gets harder to study when the crucial dates get closer. I don't feel too good. And I thought being in my third year, I'd become a tad smarter in terms of managing my time. I don't feel prepared. I'm scared. I feel like a lost floc settling so freaking slowly down a bottomless sedimentation tank.

I'm gonna walk into the examination hall, scribble some stuffs and walk away hoping to get a grade for it. Again. And if I don't, well, I could try again next semester. And the next. Sigh.

Mum's been asking how's school. The people I study with in school. The place where I sleep whenever I spend the night in school. The food I eat. Sighs. Each time she asks, I'll give the "shrugs-your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine" look and say, "I don't know."

I think she knows I'm struggling. I think I just found out I'm struggling and now, I just feel like vanishing into thin air. Irresponsible of me, I know. And then I saw a note on Facebook:

How to get an A Grade Final Exam?
By Muhammad Alshareef

1. In school, you can often redo your exam if you fail. In the
hereafter, if one fails there is no going back.

2. In school, you often do not know what questions will be asked. In
the hereafter, there are only 3 questions: Who is your Lord? What is
your Deen? And who is this man who was sent to you? But the answers
are answers you live by.

3. In school, we stay up at night to prepare for the exam the next
day. So too in Allah's exam, we should be staying up in night prayers.

4. In school, we pray and hope and work for an outstanding mark. So
too should be our attitude towards Allah's exam.

5. In school, when we get a great mark, we erupt with happiness. So
too will the believers erupt in happiness when they get their books in
their right hands. Work for it.

6. In school, when we get a bad mark, sadness can be seen on our
faces, and we dislike to face others. So too in the hereafter. Protect
yourself from that.

7. During a school exam, you cannot ask anyone for help. In the
hereafter, you can prepare from now to get assistance from Allah's
Messenger, the Quran, and other ways of intercession.

8. In school, when exam time draws near, we banish distractions to
focus on what is really important. In Allah's exam, isn't death within
1 heart beat? Banish distractions and focus.

9. In school, until exam results come out, we worry about the result.
In Allah's exam, we don't know what our result will be, so we spend
our days in hope and worry until the results come out.

Dear God, help me. For nothing is easy except what You have made easy.