Just thinking......

It's just nice to just write what i feel like writing.

It's even nicer looking back and reading what i had written.



Makes me smile when i simply cannot believe that it was actually me who wrote it.
Makes me wonder why i even bothered writing about it.

I may read what i wrote yesterday today and find that it's really stupid of me to write what i wrote.

But i know im not writing for today, or tomorrow. Im not writing for you. Im just writing for myself. The me of the future. Yes i know you're reading this. Hope you turn out to be a somebody..... ali........marzuki.....


And i was just thinking.... Did you eventually get a Phantom or a sports bike?

nano

yes seems like everyone's got a nano. A couple of guys in camp have the 30G one that can store movies in it. Of course it would be lovely to have one. But never in a million years would i get one. Coz we cant afford to. How much does it cost? Google says $350 for a 4g one.

$350can get u alot. Small things like bowling once a month with nizar for the next 4 years instead of the once in a blue moon act ive been doing all this while. Can subsidize my class 2b pracs should i consider to enrol. And i can go on and on and on.

I look at macs and i say to myself that those days are over. I accept that fact.

I look at going out with my friends and i say just as things are starting to change for the better, i just cannot afford to. Once a month still can. Must close one eye. But once a week, i know for sure i cannot ok nizar?

Well i just have this believe that what is just 70 cents, or $5 or $350 today could be worth a "fortune" once i ord. Not spending 70cents on a can drink today would mean i can afford to do so when im studying in the uni. Some may say im being over paranoid but in my shoes, im preparing for the worse.

Given the rough idea of my situation based on entries ever since the day my dad passed away, i just cannot accept the fact that there is an ipod something somewhere in my house. And i think you would feel the same way too.

And it just feels sucky when u go to extremes to save a mere couple of dollars a month and seeing others in your family waste money just like that. To my sister, should i be supportive of you and ur nano? Sorry i cant coz money is a very touchy issue. Angry i wont be. Disappointed, yes.

hmmmmm....... cant talk much... must report back by noon. Be back later tonight. Ive got more to say.

Rama rama....

Seumpama rama rama
Terbang bebas di udara tanpa ada halangan
Aman damai suka-suka
Riang ria tanpa ada rasa duka sengketa
Rama rama


......

home home sweet home

when i couldnt sleep last night, i did something i know i shouldnt have stopped doing. i ve not been doing my job for quite a while now. And looking at the things that have been happening to me lately, i realised i needed help. And who else better than him. And i fell asleep soon after.

And i realised my mistakes. And understood why things happened. Somehow i think that all this is my own doing.


Was watching My time with Ah Gong from the Stories of love Anthology series. Nice show. Touching. It was good. Made me think of trying to write a story that might move hearts and probably make readers shed a tear or two. First and only time i wrote with feelings was in one of the paragraphs in my malay compo exam. Teacher said it was good. But it was just that paragraph coz the rest of it went a little out of point. Writing that paragraph made me shed at least a tear but when the invigilator announced that there we had x minutes left( i think it was 15), i scrambled to end my compo. Maybe under normal conditions, i could try it once more. Either in malay or english. Hmmm.... when was the last time i wrote something in malay?

And if ure wondering why i still confine myself to the four walls of my home when others would be going out, id say i just dun know why. Yeah i still dont know why.

Really.

Think i should start a story about me.

Life

is really really tough.

Never have i been so caught up with something that has made me awake almost the whole night. Some issues i wish i could solve in a peaceful manner.

Sometimes i just dont understand myself. And others.

And when i think i do, i dont.

I hope the remaining months in the army will be a smooth one.

And sorry really seems to be the hardest word.