Friday, November 28, 2008

Planning the time table..

The planning of next semester's timetable can get pretty time consuming. Questions like should i try to free up my Mondays and Fridays? Should i try to be in the same class with this friend or with that friend or should i just make new friends?

Ive given it much thought and have decided to spread my days out -- considering that im more productive in school than at home. And the library and the old canteen A can be a pretty good place to meet people.

One of the electives that im looking at is photo imaging - principles of black and white photography. Non-examinable. Pretty technical. The only hard part: Whether there's a creative me in me.

Interactive public art and media seems fun too. But through blog searches, i think the mod's way too arty farty for me. Reading some write ups for some art projects, I really wonder what goes on inside the mind of an artist. They're like in a world of their own. That said, i still might want to give it a try: to just culture the arty side of me.

A week has passed. 4 weeks till school starts.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

How much is enough fun?

Marathons of tv shows been keeping me occupied. Been repaying all those hours of sleep that i owed to myself this past few weeks.

Past notes all cleared and my messy den all tidied up, im actually waiting for something to happen. I know i cant be waking up late all the time and watch hours go by after every two hours of Heroes, PrisionBreak, The Big Bang Theory and who knows what else after i run out of episodes? Project Runway or Cashmere Mafia?

Perhaps i shall start writing up on my second speech. I'll use my slimming pill persuasive speech as the back bone and add 4 minutes worth of muscles in the form of words to it.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Always the love 2

It has been 2 weeks since i spoke to either of them.

I never knew this side of me existed but I guess i now know what it feels like to have your heart broken. Whenever friends talk about how their friends just broke up with their girlfriends and how they feel very sad, I'd often say that if you get too emotionally attached to someone, that's what you'll get.

I guess i was too emotionally attached to those two and that i should've heeded my own advice. Perhaps enough was enough.

I'm feeling like a mother who sees years of love and affection go down the drain. A mother whose heart just shattered into million of pieces that there's just no way to mend it. I'm recalling those days when my own mother would refuse to say a word because of what we did and im finally starting to understand why. But back then, there was my father who could turn things around.

Perhaps that explains why ive been dreaming of him ever so often lately. Perhaps a part of me just wants him to come back. Or perhaps im feeling what he's been feeling ever since i started to grow up. Maybe he realised that the best way to tell me everything is by telling me nothing. Maybe it's about time i realise it too.

And now that i feel like a single child, I finally understand why kids out there hang out in the playground late into the night or choose to sit at the voiddeck strumming their guitars. Or why they ride a bike and ride into the the night. They're just looking for something to keep them occupied, for someone to spend time with.

Perhaps in the end, parents are really the ones at fault for every delinquents they raise. For not ensuring a healthy environment at home for their kids. For creating a functional dysfunctional family.

But i guess one has got to look life in the face, always to look at life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away.

Always the love. Always the hours.

Friday, November 21, 2008

After 3 long weeks..... FINALLY!

3 of what seemed to be the longest of weeks have finally come to pass. And never have I felt so deserving of a break for I believed i did the best i could for my first five papers. Of course i would have done things alot differently if i had the powers of a precog -- one who can see the future. Or if i had the ability to bend time and space and teleport a couple of months back. I just miss watching television (over the internet) without feeling guilty.

While i'm waiting for episodes of Heroes to stream, I googled "easy NTU electives" to have some rough idea as to which are the easiest of them all, those that are non-examinable, MCQs, or project-based. Sadly though, no one writes about "NTU electives one can get an A in" ... which means that ive gotta go with my intuition.

2 Arts, 1 Biz, 1 Science and 3 unrestricted electives.

For Arts, Mind over Stress, Are you OK? Mental health, What is Cinema?, Fictional film: From Hollywood to Bollywood, Media in America and Fundamentals of Communication studies seemed the most attractive of the lot. But i heard that there'll be lots of writing and film reviews. So how should i choose?

Biz's so not my cup of tea. Accounting, Principles of marketing, Fundamentals of Business Law and Fundamentals of Management seemed useful but which one is easier?

Science.... I've had enough of science but Cyber Security, Astronomy and Spatial Info Science seemed the least scienc-ey of em all. Heard that though it's fun, ive gotta memorise the stars and constellations and what not... which will neutralise the fun-ness in it.

As for the unrestricted electives, there's an array of electives to choose from: Among which are Interpersonal Communication, Introduction to Children's Literature, Studies in Malay Music, Basic Counselling Skills, Motivating pupils to learn, Chinese Level 1 and Spanish Level 1.

Spanish might be useful in future on days i wear my mexico jersey. Ive attracted my second Mexican - who's doing a Masters in something. It's as if they see family whenever they see anything Mexican. And it seems that Mexicans dun speak Mexicano but rather, Spanish. So who noes. At least they dun have confusing strokes for words, unlike Chinese or Japanese.

And there's also a minor in Education seems fun. No exams, but rather it's assessed more on project works, collaboration, and problem based learning.

And of course there's the issue of bidding that Ive not really experience before - this being my first semester - so it helps to know what u want in case u fail to get ur first choice. :)

3 more episodes of Heroes to go. More entries to come!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Heart....

It was the weirdest of dreams.

I found myself having to go for a heart operation. And I had this donor who was willing to donate half her heart to me. The transfer went well and it was the most heart warming experience -- to know that someone whom Ive never met before was willing to donate part of her heart to me. But when i woke up, I felt confused.

Could it be a warning for what might happen as a result of all the McDonald's Extra Value Meals Ive had during this exam period?

Could the dream be telling me the difference I can make in someone else's life as an organ donor -- by putting myself in the shoes of the recipient?

Or am I suppose to reflect upon my dream literally..... That there's someone out there whom Ive never met before who is willing to give me half her heart should I need it most one day.

...... But i think it's meant to take my mind off school and papers.... 2 more hurdles to go.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Remember that life is short

It's easy to get caught up in our own stress and anxiety. However, if we remember that our life is short and temporary, and that the everlasting life is in the Hereafter, this will put our worries in perspective.

This belief in the transitory nature of the life of this world reminds us that whatever difficulties, trials, anxieties, and grief we suffer in this world are, Insyaallah, something we will only experience for a short period of time. And more importantly, if we handle these tests with patience, God will reward us for it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The first and second hurdle...

My foot got stuck at the very first hurdle. I fell pretty bad but one has just got to get back up quickly and move on.

The second hurdle was cleared cleanly but the thing with econs is if i somehow got my logic wrong, there goes my marks. Nevertheless, i m glad that not all of the effort i had put in went down the drain.

Monday's hurdle is Computing: Im looking forward to it. Wednesday's Physics and Friday's Chemistry. And then i can breathe easy...

University is really no joke. It's tough.

Went over to NIE with some friends for lunch and for some final recap of econs and one can just feel that it's in a different world altogether. Time seem to pass at a slower speed and students seemed generally happier and relaxed.

Could the grass really be greener on the other side?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Feels like A levels....

First hurdle come tomorrow. Despite the efforts made, i dun feel ready for the jump. But i guess they dun really care as to whether or not ure ready.

Time really flies and 14 weeks gone just like that. I shall not worry too much about tomorrow's hurdles. What's done cannot be undone. But i will keep in mind that maths is something u practice on week after week. Easier said then done but i'll try to apply it come next semester.

Lots of things to rethink about...

In two weeks...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Always the love.

I cant tell Sundays from Saturdays or Thursdays.... For each day had been the same. Same spot at the old canteen, catching up on work. The day ends when i reach home minutes before midnight for a deserved sleep. And 6 hours later, a new day, another cycle.

And having spent most of the week in school, i ended my day earlier today to spend some time at home watching tv with my brothers. But i guess these days, kids no longer behave like how they're supposed to. Or perhaps im just lost in my own world where i believe younger brothers should treat their elders with respect.

Sometimes i wonder if Im better off in school then at home. Why bother to love someone when they dont seem to care? Sometimes out of frustration, i do ask my mom if we could adopt a small kid from some home that do not know what it feels like to have a family. How it feels like to be loved. But i know it's costly.

Why is it that i see my brothers changing... growing up... but i still see the same me? I really feel for parents who spent so much time and effort in raising their kids only to suddenly find their kids rebelious and uncontrollable.

But i guess one has got to look life in the face, always to look at life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away.

Always the love. Always the hours.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Money supply increase, interest rate decrease...

"God-like" is a phrase often used to describe a student whose intelligence make others feel like he's from some distant galaxy. For example, some would say that our maths tutor is "god-like" cause he's able to solve seemingly complicated questions using the simplest of methods. There is also an international student in class who is associated with the phrase "god-like". If only the guy was me.

Today has been another long day. My mama kind of reminded of the past couple of days when she told me not to study in school till late and that I should take a short break in between. Ironically, it was what she told me a long time back that made me want to study. She told us kids about how her friend had to force her son to go out of his room just to have his meals coz he was too busy studying in his room. In other words, it was her way of telling us to at least be half as hard working as him.

And now you know where i get my read-between-the-lines skill. Haha!

Spent 8 hours on a single economics lecture -- Short run economic fluctuations. Ie. why aggregate demand curve is downward sloping, causes of economic fluctuation, the influence of monetary and fiscal policies on the aggregate demand and the list just goes on. (To be exact, 1 and a half drawing block required with my cute and small handwriting)

8 hours is indeed a long time considering the number of subjects i still need to catch up on. However, im pretty glad i got it over with coz really, it made me feel "god-like" -- thought it was just during the moments when i managed to expl confusing parts to my friends. If there's to be a turning point in my uni life, tonight would be it. I didnt forget to be more grateful and less cocky.

However, when i got back, I noticed the utilities bill increase by about 60%. Ouch! Lucky there's some sort of Gvt intervention in the form of rebates. Total amount payale was halved. Mama couldnt understand why there's price increase as well as subsidies at the same time. And she asked why couldnt prices remain and eliminate all the subsidies nonsense.

After all that studying and boosting of my morale, I was brought back down to earth.

Hmm....let me give it a try.

One of the causes of economic fluctuations/ recession is a leftward shift of the aggregate demand for goods and services. ie. A decrease in consumption by households and firms. This will reduce the GDP of a country.

GDP = (Consumption- Tax) + Investment + (Tax + Government Net Earnings) + Net Exports

By imposing a tax/tariff on energy consumption, households and firms are now required to pay more for the same quantity of electricity consumed in order to offset the decrease in consumption. However, this will lead to a further decrease in consumption as some consumers are less willing to pay a higher amount for the same qty of electricity consumed. Take note that the demand for electricity is price inelastic as electricity is an integral part of our lives. Therefore to offset a further decrease, if any, subsidies and rebates have to be implemented.

Rebates and subsidies vary inversely with income levels -- the higher ur income, the lower the subsidies, the more tax you pay and vice versa. The lower income families will maintain consumption -- under the perception that they will enjoy subsidies and rebates during certain months of the year. In other words, the bulk of the tax will come from the rich, the rest coming from the tax paid by lower income groups on months where there's no rebates.

Taxes generated as well as other monetary and fiscal policies implemented by the Government will increase, if not, maintain, if not, minimize the fall in GDP. Therefore, a tax on electricity during a recession is in fact the way to go!
Let me see if i can convince Dear Mama with my theory. Gotta tell her that her question kept me awake for half the night, and Man United will be keeping me awake for the next half.

On a sidenote, both my brothers are having fever and I have this feeling mum will be next coz she's looking after them. If she catches the virus, who'll look after me?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Been a long day, but...

Long tiring day. Much more to be done but this post shall be nothing about school.

It's about how even two parallel lines can one day meet. Ive been using this quote ever since the night i watched the movie "Turn left, Turn right".

It's been 3 months since two parallel lines met. Usually, if a line sees another line whom it kind of liked, it would take the first step by slanting towards the other line. Whether both lines intersect or not is another story altogether. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

But there are some lines who seem to confuse fairy tales as well as the reel world with the real world. And when such lines happen to meet some other nice line during their long journey, they would still remain parallel -- but silently wishing how nice it would be if two parallel lines could meet.

And sometimes, like in the fairy tales, wishes do come true! :)

And there's a line somewhere silently wishing for two parallel lines to meet more than just once. If it can meet once, why not a couple more time? You know, each line travels by itself on a seemingly neverending journey. It can get pretty boring sometimes.

So if two lines are parallel, heading towards the same direction, wouldnt it be nice journey together side by side?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Lack of inspirations....

Inspirations are hard to come by these days --Inspirations to write that is. Perhaps as the days come closer to the exams, I find myself too caught up with the need to spend every waking minute studying.....

..... that i forget to set aside time for myself. I find it a crime sitting and thinking about something to write about. I find it a crime to watch tv. I find it a crime to play soccer. And it's all because the exams are 10 days away.

I have not been doing much housework. It has been a very long while since i last swept or mopped or folded the clothes. Mama's been doing everything. And I know she's fine with it cause she know the exams are just 10 days away.

I have not visited Grandma for almost a month. The longest ever absence. And with this favourite lady of mine, I know she's pretty angry about it. Never has she called my home asking us to visit her. I can imagine how she feels inside. Despite all the feeling feeling, I didnt followed the rest to visit her -- all because I find myself too caught up with the need to spend every waking minute studying..... But I will do so soon.

Despite being too conscious about time, it's not as if Ive been fully utilizing my time well. I still find myself distracted with TV, the computer, the internet. Each time i get stuck trying to understand certain concepts, I'll let myself be distracted. Something's just not right.

I was rushing through my prayers in the hopes of wanting to study. The guilty feeling finally sank in. I finally realised what went wrong. My being successful is not my doing and i forget that. When i start to feel good about myself, i tend to forget where it all came from. I forgot to be grateful. And each time i forget, I fall. I always have to realize it the hard way.

Why cant i always remember to be grateful? This is definitely not the first. Looking through my past entries, i have risen and fallen one too many times just because I forgot to be grateful.

Whoever's reading this, never let a little success cloud ur mind. Trying overly hard might just be the wrong thing to do. Always remember to be grateful and insyaallah, with some effort on your part, u will get what you want. Do not make the same mistake as me.