Thursday, May 27, 2010
Alhamdulillah, I cleared all my modules. Alhamdulillah, despite feeling worst than I ever felt, I actually did my bestest. THIS is weird. I was more distracted than ever this semester. And I was ready to defend the countless hours I had spent on floorball trainings just in case mama decides to use it against me. Thank god I no longer have to. Alhamdulillah.
Now I feel much more motivated to study. Study and distractions (like floorball) can go hand in hand. Effort is as important. Those hours spent overnight in school definitely helped somewhat.
Yesterday, I nearly wrote a post entitled "Why do we need friends?" Today, I've found my answer.
We need friends. These friends are the ones that keep you going when the going gets tough. Long hours on MSN, the silly (thankfully shortlived) quarrels, the words of encouragements, the annoyance and irritance - these things definitely went a long way to a memorable yet fruitful semester. Thank you for being my friends.
Yesterday i wrote, "So my advance apologies should you wake up the next morning only to find me gone without saying goodbye." Should I ever do that to anyone of you, promise me that you'll look for me. Find me, slap me, and tell me never to run without saying goodbye again. My advance heartfelt Thank You.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Am I a runner?
When things go wrong, I pack up my stuffs and run to some place new to rebuild a new life. While I really do care about the people and things I leave behind, sometimes I feel that it's better to run than to fix broken stuffs. Why bother fixing only to see it come crashing down over and over again - knowing me?
I used to think I'm not a runner. Today, looking back at all the things I have done, I realize I am one. I run and I will keep on running, until I'm tired of running. So my advance apologies should you wake up the next morning only to find me gone ...
... without saying goodbye. Life sucks. Sometimes. At least there's Glee.
Sometimes, the mind asks too many questions. Why arent the Malays doing as well as the others? Why are we weaker in Maths and Science? Why do some Malays perform better than others? Where do the faults lie?
I have asked some of my peers these same questions, yet time and time again I still ask these same peers these same old questions. I ask in the hopes of obtaining a different reaction. I ask despite knowing the wrath I might incur. I know it can be irritating but I'm just stubborn. And I guess it's okay to incur the wrath of your peers knowing that they will forgive you some day some how. But if they don't, then you're probably living a cursed life and it's about time you realize you need to learn how not to behave with the next new close peers you make.
Or sometimes, the mind should just learn how to stop asking questions and just be like normal people and talk about normal things. Life will definitely be a lot simpler and easier that way. This is stupid.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Yesterday was a long day. Upon reaching home, my brothers asked if I knew Thermodynamics - steam table, superheated vapour, saturated water and the likes. "Nope, I never learnt," I replied as I put my stuffs in my room.
Later I found out that they couldn't do any of the six questions and according to them, they've been at it for hours. They were about to call it a day but I told them to push on. And naturally, that would mean that I've got to push on with them.
I began by asking each of them to explain the meanings of certain terms and formulas. Their ability to explain to a newbie like me tells me that they do know their stuffs. I then put my awesome Googling ability to the test and stumbled upon worked examples.
We attempted all 6 questions in 3 hours. It was the first time in a long long time that I actually sat through their homework with them. It was also their first time doing school work till 1am. I believe that all kids need is someone to guide them when they're feeling helpless and lost. I hope that by helping them to understand those 6 questions without having any prior knowledge of the topic, it'll show them that school is not all that difficult. All they need is to try harder.
If only I practice what I preach.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sometimes I wish the world really is a playground where we can just escape to wherever for the day and come back before 10pm coz that's when Mama will start worrying and start calling.
If the world's a playground, this is where I wanna go!
Day 1: New York
Day 2: Egypt
Day 3: Paris
Day 4: Switzerland
Day 5: Hawaii
Day 6: Africa
Hahahaha! There's one place in the world where I'd like be right now but I can't put the destination up just yet. Coz you see, I wanna be there for more than just one day. :D
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sometimes, there's just so many things on my mind that I want to write but can't coz I'll sound silly if I do.
Like for instance, why am I a highly picky eater? I don't like nuts and cheese and milky stuff like cheese and mayo and milk but I like chocolate milk but not banana milk or strawberry milk. I eat my greens but not all greens.
Or why are the words 'missing' and 'you' floating around in my mind even though i dun really think I'm missing anyone? And who could I probably be missing cause I hardly miss anyone besides probably my dad? Nevertheless, if there really is someone whom I really do miss, then I really do hope that all is well wherever you are and that you guys are in the bestest of health, insyaallah.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My apologies for the lack of entries this past 5 days. I guess ideas are like the rain that come and go as and when they please. After 2 days of trying not to think about the essay, the mind is finally fresh with new ideas.
The more I read, the more I wonder what's really the problem, if there's a problem to begin with.
I was introduced to an article written in Berita Minggu on the 16th of May 2010. In the weekend edition of the Malay Newspaper, the interviewee mentioned that Malays do not dream big. He noted that Malay youths are easily satisfied with their present achievements. He also suggested that the lack of education is one of the reasons why youths get involved in crimes. It is also interesting that he mentioned hardship should not be used as an excuse for one's lack of success.
Education and money are the two biggest words among the cloud of words in my mind. While I've yet to identify the present and future challenges that our community is/will be facing, I believe that with education, we can meet the challenges as one.
Now the doubt.[Assumption: Malays are GENERALLY not as well off as the others.]
Does having the lack of resources limits one's success? Does the lack of funds limits the quality of education that a child gets? It's really hard to say. Too much money makes one take things for granted. Too little makes one go, "Why bother? Life's unfair."
I need to ask people questions. This is Day 7. I'm giving myself another 2 weeks to do more research for this paper. No writing as of yet.
On a side note, I've finally got my hands on Lily Zubaidah Rahim's The Singapore Dilemma: The Political And Educational Marginality of The Malay Community. Hoping for a new perspective. Hoping to be enlightened.
I want to be a visionary. Am I asking for too much?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
If he's right, I guess I've got a small mind coz all I like to discuss about is people. I may have all these "great" ideas but what good are ideas when you don't understand people. Yet another day gone by trying to understand people - the way they think, why they think the way the think, why they act the way they act.
Is there really a glass ceiling imposed on us? You know, the elusive ceiling that limits dreams. Or did we impose our own glass ceiling that impedes our own progress? Forget about big ideas, I shall begin by studying people. My people. My community. Only then will I talk about trying to demolish the two ceilings.
Dear 1st of July,
Please take a 4 months vacation, or something.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
This entry shall mark the end of a series on entries on love and distractions, for now. If there's any Love Story Writing Competition, do let me know! I have to admit that I kinda got carried away with my thoughts and my writings this past couple of days. One of those rare moments where I allow myself to be led by the heart rather than the brain. Am glad someone managed to snap me out of it. Perhaps this is the reason why writers like Keats die young. The pain his heart must've felt. Hahaha. Or maybe not! Whatever it is, my take on Ada Apa Dengan Cinta shall take a back seat. Till next time...
The end of one marks the start of another. I intend to dedicate my remaining waking hours to complete a 4000 word essay due on the 1st of July 2010. I'm gonna take part in an essay writing competition. I foresee spending countless hours both night and day. Yet, I foresee countless hours of joy and excitement. As always, I ask myself if it's worth it to spend so much time and effort on something that I might not even win. I'm sure there's plenty of undergrads out there with minds many times more brilliant than mine who will be fighting for the top prize!
However, I tell myself that maybe, just maybe, I should not base my brilliance on the results I'm getting for Engineering. I'll never know until I give it a shot! Haha!
All the best to me.
Monday, May 10, 2010
I do not know what's gotten over me this past few days. Wellll, maybe I do but I simply refuse to believe it is what it is. But how do I know it is what it is? What if it isn't?
But one could also ask me, "What if it is?"
As days turn to weeks, as weeks turn to months and as months turn to years, this feeling I'm feeling keeps growing stronger and stronger. Too strong that I'm afraid I might do something wrong... and then all of this will be gone. A couple of days ago, I left a comment on a blog hoping to make a tiny difference. The writer wanted a fresh perspective on relationship - to help out a friend in need. And in it, plenty of advice for me.
"Are you ready?
This is a yes or no question in my opinion. Are you ready to get dumped by the guy knowing how guys are when they see someone better? Are you ready to dump him should he not be as he used to be during courting? Are you ready to learn things about him that might make you think twice abt ur decision to commit urself to e rs? Are you ready for the worst?
These are among the things that I think individuals should ask themselves before starting a rs. A rs isnt something that needs to be rushed. There's ample time to get to know someone a little bit better WITHOUT having [to be in a relationship].
If you need a year to think about it, tell the guy, "You're nice. And i think i like you. I think I like you maybe, probably. But give me a year. Are you willing to wait [one] year?" ..and if u really do this, PLEASE do not suddenly get attached to some other guy and leave your nice guy hanging. That's evil.
There's no reason to rush into a relationship. Personally, I believe that relationship blossoms over time. No matter how far 2 individuals may be, no matter how long the guy may take to win the girl's heart, if two individuals are meant to be, they're meant to be.
Never jump into one no matter what the circumstances may be, k? Pray and seek guidance from Him. I pray that both you and your friend do not get hurt by this silly little thing called love. Insyaallah."
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Where do I begin....
I first began to write so that I can sound eloquent in real life. I wanted to organize the messy thoughts in my head into nice long strings of words. And the more I write, the better my writing becomes, the more I write. I wrote from silly boring routines to life at home to hopes and dreams.
Then along came someone during one cold lecture. Forget about how the Sun or the number of moons Jupiter has. That first sight produced the following line: "It's funny when someone catches your eyes." Nothing more, nothing less. That's it.
3 months later, the same familiar face. This time, she looks different. Different good. It prompted me to write, "It amuses me how the person that caught my eye during one of my lectures earlier this sem happens to share the same mrt station as me. And lately,we so happen to cross each other’s path on certain lucky mornings and we also happen to choose the same mrt cabin and the best part of it all, i found out her name – without having any intentions whatsoever of knowing her name. Of course, it’s better to find out her name by talking to her but coincidentally seeing a very familiar face commenting on a friend’s quiz on Facebook isnt that bad either."
And I never saw her ever since.
Later that June, someone else caught my eye. "Some do leave you with a pretty sweet impression. Many did. Many could still do. But should one ever decide if the impression left is the sweetest? Or should one simply wait for the next sweet impression and then the one after that and the one after…" However, she too vanished not long after. These feelings come and go, I know.
The new semester began. Yet another cold lecture. Forget about Kafka and Marquez. I went back home that 20th day of August and wrote, "It was then when Pablo saw a girl running towards the bus from a couple of houses away. He’d seen her around once but couldnt put a place to the face."
The cold lecture, the train station. No wonder she looks familiar. Since I was taking a module that touches on the magic, the real and the fantastic, I began writing stories. The mundane became magical. I then wanted the magical to become real. One thing led to another and another and another and now,...
... now I wonder if this is real. Am I simply writing mere stories? Or are these stories my little steps towards her. As of this moment, I dare say that she has become more than just a story. Now what?
Friday, May 7, 2010
Employment is in sight, alhamdulillah.
When I think of work, I think black office shoes, smart black pants and long sleeve shirts. There's a light pink shirt that caught my eye some days back and I'm wondering if I should get it.
Though my late nights are now kinda numbered, I guess it also means that I've gotta start planning my time well. This writer still intents to study Fluid Mechanics and Material Science during these 4 months. This semester had been one riddled with complacency. May it be the last. I do not know what is in store for me in the remaining couple (or so) Academic Years, but what I do know is that no matter what the outcome may be, I'm gonna figure out my next moves and keep working hard.
The Chase. First, the grades. Then, you. They've been saying that my hints are way too subtle. But they don't really know for sure, do they? Neither do I. But I know that if we're meant to be, we're meant to be.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I'm finally done.
So much on my mind. And there are those little notes I stored in my phone. I'm exhausted. More to come real soon. To the he who's yet to finish, it'll be over soon. Remember the she who finishes a day later than you. Kesian korang. It'll be over soon k? Hang in there.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Despite my extreme optimism, I realize tonight that I'm incredibly realistic and fatalistic when I deal with one particular aspect of my life. The more I reveal, the less it feels like a fairy tale. Reality slowly sinks in and I get more ... down.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?