Wednesday, July 30, 2008

You're Beautiful

...I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure....

......You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do.......

.....Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.....

......There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
You're Beautiful, James Blunt

There was one that caught my eye and that'll be a story for another day.

A couple of days ago, i was feeling nervous.... just that little bit nervous. And after the event today, whatever apprehension i may have had is almost gone. Im pretty excited. CEE is indeed a Challenging Experience to be Enjoyed. Looking forward to that challenge and hoping to enjoy it! I finally understood what it means by rather than waiting for school to hit and surprise me, i should prepare and look forward to it!

A dear brother of mine once wrote, "Many of us live lives that are way too cluttered — with things, activities, obligations. We tend to fill everything up, including our calendars.

We need openness in our lives, breathing space, unfilled time. These function as reminders of new possibilities, signalling that we have room to grow, and that we can indeed grow.

In religious terms, our daily contemplation, prayers, zikr or seclusions are actually uncluttered time when we can step out of our busy schedules and stop doing what we normally do or trapped into doing. It is a time of rest, certainly, but also a sacred time when we open ourselves anew to the Divine Presence."
There's a tendency for me to fill up my calender with tuition lessons and study time and visit grandma time and what not for some reason. And upon reading the above, i realise that ive forgotten to leave some time for me to breathe. Guess i was too caught up with this and that.

Ive been coming home to an empty house of late. And it just doesnt feel right. I want someone there to ask me how's my orientation and me telling her it was fun and im looking forward to it and ill try my very best to make you very proud. But there's no one and life feels so empty. I guess having someone to take over my role might seem like a good thing but it no longer is. Some other reasons too have made both me and my sis try and persuade her to just stay at home... if need be, find a less demanding and strenous job. Hope she listens to us.

And after telling her how excited i was and how i'll do my best and the rest is up to Him, she reminded me of what he said, "Later when the kids are all grown up, they will make their mother happy." And when she asked him what about making their father happy, he replied that by then, he would be no more.

I feel that she's done well to deserve a break. Now it's time to make her happy. =)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A week till school starts

It's weird how ive waited 9 months for school to start and how i was travelling at constant speed from then till yesterday and suddenly today, time seem to move just a little bit too fast.

So many deadlines to take note. And it's much easier having the right people around you who would remind u of things u might not already know. Gone are the days where one is guided from start till finish. Now, all the things u need to know is available on the website. Go read.

However, i realised that though time has moved slightly faster, i too have learnt how to move faster with time thanks to the experience gained in the past months. No more pressing the panic button. No more running around aimlessly. One just gotta read the situation one's in and react accordingly. Step by step, one thing at a time. Ive learnt when 's the right time to do the right thing.

I also realised that ive become some sort of a neat freak in terms of things being in the proper place. However, im still trying to put the things in my room in the right place.

How i miss being in the comfort of a place im comfortable in. Where things remain more or less constant. I remember complaining one too many times about hating it when things do not go my way, when things do not start and end on time, when the unpredictable happens ..... I really did hate it back then.

However ive been constantly reminded each time i complained that thought it is definitely ideal for things to revolve around me, it simply doesnt work that way most of the time. And ive got to learn to work under those changing conditions -- only then will i excel in what im doing, only then will i be an asset.

So every time i feel worried and miserable and i start to miss being somewhere else doing the things im comfortable with and good at, i'll remember the above advice..... and march on.

Put it simply, Im feeling kind of nervous now. Just a little tiny bit, that's all. I used to not want to take that step forward into the unknown. But after stepping into the unknown and being able to do well in it, im ready for this next challenge.....

........with the following in mind:

1. The believer will be grateful (make shukr) in times and occasions of success and prosperity, and he will be patient (make sabr) when failure and adversity overtake him. This is the great advantage which Allah Ta'ala points to in the following aayat:

" that you do not lose hope over what you have lost nor do you become elated because of what you have gained." (Surah Hadeed)

2. The believer will not rely solely on material and mundane measures, but will resort to dua as well. He believes that nothing can be gained without His Will. He thus derives greater hope and strength by supplicating to Allah Ta'ala. An additional benefit of engaging in dua is the strengthening of one's relationship with Allah Ta'ala. A strong bond of love with Allah Ta'ala is the basis of peace and all comfort.

3. The believer in Taqdeer will not attribute success, accomplishment and excellence to his efforts. He will attribute everything to the Will and Pleasure of Allah Ta'ala. He will thus be imbued with humility. Such a man will not be arrogant and haughty.

4. Abu Hurairah (ra) narrates that Rasulullah (saws) said: "Strive to acquire what is beneficial for you; seek the aid of Allah; do not lose courage and if a setback overtakes you, do not say: 'If I had done this then it would have happened like this (i.e. not what had happened).' Instead, say: 'Allah has ordained this. Whatever He has willed, has happened. (Muslim)

Friday, July 25, 2008

A trip down memory lane

Are you really here or am I dreaming I can’t tell dreams from truth For it’s been so long since I have seen you I can hardly remember your face anymore When I get really lonely and the distance calls its only silence I think of you smiling with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

3 years ago, my entries are long. And i just realised that back then, I did cutting and pasting too and there i was talking to you about your long entries. Today reminded me of me back then. And here's an excerpt of an entry that i had:

Sthg for me to read when i got the time... "We all noe wat it's like 2 get "butterflies" wen someone we're attractd 2 walks into a room, but how do we know wen it's love & not simply an infatuation? Is it Crush? Infatuation? Love?

Anw, its definitely 'Mind Boggling or Mind Blowing'. Surfing thru e Net or driving on e roads of life, u encounter many a people who become ur frens. Some frens are cool, some aloof, some near, some far. These frens tend to be so open wif u & most of e teenagers feel e fun of flirting, some get infatuated and soon when once e message flow stops – everything Freezes! The friendship flops and vanish into thin air! All remains is memories & those sweet or bitter memories reminds of a human interaction, a longing to talk to someone, whoever you encounter on e roads of Internet. 

Relationships in frenship do have its own charm and tt frendship which lasts a life long is e ‘true friendship’ and rest is wat u call ‘crush’ or ‘flirting’ or ‘infatuation’ or ‘acquaintances’ or ‘having wee bit of scoop in life’. Infatuation can be characterized as feeling excited , physically and emotionally, when a particular person is present or even when thinking about the person. When you are infatuated with someone, the tendency to dwell solely on the person's good qualities while neglecting the negative ones is present. This is not love; placing someone on a pedestal sets you up for disappointment and hurt. 

With infatuation comes a total devotion to the point of loss of one's identity and self. Infatuation can be particularly dangerous if the person becomes such a dominant part of your life that you are no longer able to live up to your responsibilities. Having a "crush" on someone is a normal part of growing up and discovering what kind of person you would like to be in a relationship with. If kept in perspective, these crushes can be exciting.

 Being in love seems to bridge the gap between infatuation and true love. It encompasses the intense and passionate feelings at the beginning of a romantic relationship; the excitement of hearing your partner's voice on the telephone or staying up all night talking and watching the sunrise. Eventually, the newness of the relationship wears off and the "spark" may not be as strong. However, this does not mean that the relationship is over. Nevertheless, it is important to assess whether you are losing your attraction or interest in the other person or whether your feelings are simply developing toward a higher level- more intense love.

Loving someone goes deeper than infatuation or the intensity of feelings surrounding a new relationship. It involves an unconditional acceptance of another person's beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This does not mean, however, that you must agree with the person on all matters in order to love him or her, but an appreciation and respect for opinions and emotions is vital. 

Love takes time to develop and involves sharing one's thoughts, feelings, dreams, disappointments and triumphs. Love must also exist at a level in which each person can maintain a sense of his or her identity apart from the relationship. Loving someone entails acknowledging and accepting everything about him or her, both good and bad. Your personal growth should not be stunted by the relationship but, rather, must develop more fully because of the relationship.

 Loving someone and building a solid relationship is an ongoing process; it will be filled with conflicts and resolutions and should never be taken for granted. To love or to be loved is the greatest gift one can give or receive from another.

So, What is Crush then? You feel low, falling apart, flying high in the skies or being pricked by a thousand thorns inspite of the fragrance of a rose, when the heaven meets the hell and you feel all is ‘Oh so, exciting yet malign’ – You are having a Crush!! Crush is no too young or too old for any person. Anybody can have a Crush, be it a teenager or a 40 Plus! Traditions insists on a certain age gap between a guy and a girl in love and the girl got to be younger but that’s no longer the rule! A crush throws traditions out of the floor. The relationship in friendship can be matched to a younger girl and older man or a married man and young girl or married women too. So, what if you get caught in this age old trap? What if you feel that you have a Crush? It happens any time, anywhere, someday, somewhere in everybody’s life. Isnt this true? All one got to remember is ‘Smooth sailing Relationship’ with soft hearts but no broken relations if one got to stay happy, make happy, stay cool. Just Remember.. Stay cool. Make sure the person you like so dearly is not married because it sooner or later spells disaster. If you do so, keep the friendship a distance and let not your emotions go haywire. After all, many people learn this from experiences only. If your Crush is too young, treat her right! Don’t scare them out of your wits. Just be cool friends, give positive signals of openness to make her realize that you care. Even if you don’t get encouragement to positive signals, let go. Don’t hurt yourself or the other. Do not tell tales about your Crush as it would only harness yours and her reputation spreading rumors about your relationship. If your crush is too old, Watch out! Snoop around a bit and get to know how her reputation holds mportance. If you think of her as a flirt, the warning signal but if she is a flirt like all libras and Leos do, just remember that she lives a lot in realities and you will sooner or later realize your own mistake! Don’t get smitten with love bite but be cool to let your relationship take on a lighter tone while flirting and think positive that some relationships are inspirations and encouragements too. These things are more important to back you up in pursuing your responsibilities in life. Staring, sending cards, making phone calls, sending messages and stuff should mean something but let not those emotions run wild. It may happen that your crush is more mature and finds such things ‘Silly’. Just ‘Be yourself’ Do not act in haste, make a show-off, smoke, drink or drive senseless to impress someone. In any case, mature people don’t change themselves to please others. Stop those ‘Blank calls’ and all the crazy ways if you have the Crush. Soon you realize its only a ‘Crush’ but if you think, you like the friendship, go ahead and be practical instead of being crazy because friends are forever. 

If you think, your emotions are chasing high, stop, think and analyze and then, go and let your Crush know point-blank what she means to you or you are interested. If you feel you are right, you are right and stick tight but if you don’t have those reciprocal relationship treat, just Relax, stay cool – catch the hold of the moment, let the heart beat into the sweet memories forever."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Stop And Stare

....Stop and stare

I think im moving but i go nowhere

You start to wonder why you're here not there

Do you have a facebook?

The third day of my rest day and ive not been out of my house since day 1 - except for a short run, and for tuition upstairs. Ive been spending the bulk of the time in my room and in front of the television. I used to wonder how some people can cry watching the Oprah show and now i know why.

Anyways, my point is, why is it that i dun feel bored being at home for 3 days? I know of some people who'll die of boredom if sentenced to 3 days confinement at home. 2 days of doing nothing is more than enough time wasted.

Technically it's not really wasted coz i feel totally at peace. Weather's been pretty cool lately that i feel like im on Cameron Highlands.

Think its finally time for me to try and do something constructive.
Though i dun think launching my own facebook account falls under that category =)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Cool weather today. Nice day to just relax and do nothing -- and that's just what i did.

Mama left for work an hour ago and though it may seem like the good thing to do, i'm not to sure about it. My sister seem to share the same sentiments as me. It's been 15 years or so since she last left home for work. Somehow, somewhere, it just doesnt seem right.

Though it seems like the right thing to do, it just feels otherwise.

I guess someone's gotta win the bread and it's my mum's turn. The onus is now on my sister to make sure she graduates and get a decent job. Then, it'll be her turn to carry the baton till it's back to my turn.

Friday, July 18, 2008

I was told that i don't look like the kind who'd have a blog. But you did say im an introvert and "introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings." So basically this is where I explore my thoughts and feelings -- primarily for me to look back on and see how much ive developed since back then.

It has been a pleasant 9 months. Something i'll miss when i start the next phase of my journey. Everyday was something i actually look forward to when i first started --there's so many things for me to learn and i wanted learn everything quickly. Having people around you who never fail to render their help no matter how many time i ask the same question made my learning a smoother process.

Till today, i realise that there's still a lot for me to learn. Perhaps when the opportunity comes knocking again, i'll answer the call.

I'll miss being the youngest in the family -- having people older than me who're watching over me. I'll miss having people whom i know i can talk to even though i don't really talk that much. I'll go back and look after my family like how my family here have looked after me.

Ive been told im a nice guy but on days when i wasn't as nice, my profound apologies.

For all that ive received throughout my stay here, my sincere and heartfelt thank you.

Someone whom pretty much shaped me into the somewhat changed person i am now once said, "As with many journeys in life, this is not a goodbye or the end of our paths together. It is just a temporary separation of time, distance and place whilst I traverse on my own personal journey towards Him. We remain close as long as we remain in each other's prayers. I hope this journey will make me, and us, even stronger. "

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Love and Sacrifice

It was a beautiful read. One really has to read it with a clear mind, in a quiet place and most importantly, with minimal disruption to truly let the words sink in. Considering the effort put it on the part of the writer, some effort has to be put in on the part of the reader to appreciate his work.

For one who do not seem to see the beauty of poems and beautiful verses, the opening verse was simply perfect -- though it took me several reads before i finally understood it.

Indeed, "From young, we have been told of the dire consequences of not complying with Allah's commandments -- that everything has to be dogmatically performed without appealing to the reasons or rationale of the particular ruling." And "Over time, even Muslims begin to believe that Allah, the Most Merciful is indeed a punishing God."

Even i seem to forget "His Name is mentioned most frequently with His attributes of 'Ar-Rahman' and 'Ar-Rahim'...". Only after reading this i finally truly understood the beautiful verse by Mevlana Rumi. And the rest of the paper flowed nicely thereafter.

I particularly like it when the writer mentioned, "When in love with another individual, one becomes oblivious to any short comings in the beloved, as this kind of love renders one blind and deaf." And although ive never really heard "the famed story between Laila and Majnun", the quote's something i dun think i'll ever forget. For those who're in the same boat as i was, the story's about a young man who was scorned and ridiculed for his obsession with the maiden, because to the eyes of the world Laila was extremely plain-looking. In response to this, the youth replied: "To see the beauty of Laila, one requires the eyes of Majnun."

The paragraphs on teacher and student is pretty accurate and close to the heart. A teacher is like "our soul's gardener. He takes you from where you are right now, and uses your inner materials as fertilizer to grow your heart... He is like a taxi-driver:you get on wherever you are, and the driver takes you where you want to go."

"There are however responsibilities imposed on the student. Good students make good teachers...... Of course, the necessary ore needs to be there, but the students are also responsible for the kind of leadership they receive. In a very real sense, it is they who create the guide with their own sincerity and yearning."

Sometimes i wonder why i work differently with the different kids i teach. And the above pretty much answer my question.

It leaves me now to say that after reading the paper, it managed to change the way i view certain things in life. One of which is that each time i pray, it's because of love rather than because of fear of his wrath. After all, "Allah exists with or without our love, but we will perish without His Love."

Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm moved. I'm happy. I'm touched. I'm humbled. And im so thankful.

As i was spending time with my thoughts, i realised a couple of things. Today had served as a reminder to myself -- to be at constant remembrance in being grateful to Him. And i'm also reminded of a thought i had before.

To which i was told that "Subsequently, accompany in your prayers those who have touched your heart with your regular doa. the rest is His Work :)"

"What we have done for ourselves alone, dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. [Albert Pike]"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I'm uninspired. Ive been trying to type something in this box this past five days but i just cant write each time i try.

And no this aint wikipedia -- where i just cut and paste some nice text or nice poems or nice quotes from some books just because im having the writer's block. (Writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.)

There a reason for those seemingly "lazy" entries... One just gotta read between the lines. And when i do cut and paste from wikipedia, it is to help those who needs that little bit more explaining.

Here's something nice i came across.....

Charity is never lost: it may meet with ingratitude, or be of no service to those on whom it was bestowed, yet it ever does a work of beauty and grace upon the heart of the giver. True charity is the desire to be useful to others without thought of recompense.

If you desire light, be ready to receive light. Nurture vainglory and become separated from light. If you long for a way out of this prison, bow down in worship and draw near. [Mawlana Rumi]

Sunday, July 6, 2008


By Carol Bainbridge,

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

Extroverts and Introverts

Extroversion and introversion are terms used to gauge social styles. Extroverts are more comfortable interacting in groups and are more energized by being with others than by being alone. Introverts, on the other hand, are more at home with their own company than in throngs of interacting people. They are stimulated by private activities like reading, listening to music, or working on a hobby or project. The latter have to be dragged to parties, and the blizzard of festivities around Christmas and New Year’s ranks right up there with colonoscopies and root canals.

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, the introverted wife of 38 years to an extroverted husband and author of The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, prefers quiet conversation while her husband seeks the stimulation of others. Sound familiar?

Why do extroverts end up marrying introverts? Psychologist Carl Jung, the creator of the personality descriptions of introversion-extroversion, says the individual seeks wholeness. The outgoing type seeks balance by marrying the more inward individual and vice-versa. Extroverts are easy to understand. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs and thrive on interaction with other people. They also make up most of us.

Three-fourths of all people are extroverts. And, unless they have mastered compassionate acceptance of all sentient beings, they think introverts are plain odd. Extroverts have little understanding of introverts. They assume the company, especially their own, is always welcomed and cannot imagine why someone would need solitude. Understandably, they have many friends and find it easy to strike up a conversation with strangers.

Not all introverts are as misanthropic as philosopher Sartre, who said, “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Some enjoy breakfast with people who have quiet conversation. They usually have a few long-time friends and are exhausted when engaging with large groups. They need quiet, secluded time to recharge their batteries.

Despite being outnumbered, introverts do have their spokespersons. One is Jonathan Rauch, author of Caring for Your Introvert. He writes: “Introverts may be common but they are among the most misunderstood and aggrieved group in America, possibly the world. I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually I am far from shy. I love long conversation and explore intimate thoughts and passionate interests. Remember, someone you know, respect and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.”

There are definitely benefits to being an introvert. Introverts do better in college and graduate school. They divorce less and change jobs less than do extroverts. However, a study of 258 college students found that extroverts had higher self-esteem and fewer sleep problems. So there are trade-offs. Says Laney, in defense of her way of being, “I eat slowly, too. I have learned to be prepared for waiters to try to snatch my plate….I talk more slowly, and my clients are used to waiting for me to finally eke out my words. I may plod along in life, but I get quite a bit done.”

Rauch adds, “…extroverts are over-represented in politics, a profession where only the garrulous are. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life around other people….Extroverts therefore dominate public life. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place.” It’s not likely they’ll get the chance.

... HealthLeader, an award-winning online health, prevention and wellness magazine, produced by the Office of Institutional Advancement of The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Seminal Advice from Yemen

Sidi Khalil Moore recently made me aware of a very beneficial document that has been posted in the articles section of the Guidance Media website. This Seminal Advice by Habib Umar bin Haffiz, a scholar and exponent of Classical Islam and Director of the Dar al-Mustafa in Yemen, contains eleven inspiring and wise recommendations to Muslims living in the West:

1. Carefully study the Sirah;
2. Develop strong certainty;
3. Display rapport & composure;
4. Devote yourself to remembrance;
5. Be not affected;
6. Have firm resolve;
7. Focus on Divine acceptance;
8. Look after your family;
9. Make your goal Allah;
10. Respect all scholars & show graciousness to humanity;
11. Fervently ask for forgiveness.

All of these points are expounded upon with superb clarity in the actual article [349 KB Adobe Acrobat file], which has been elegantly translated by Sidi Khalil. I pray that all Muslims in the West read and benefit from these wise words.

From courtesy of Sheikh Google Search

Fear of the Dark

For some unexplained reasons, i'll always feel uneasy when im out late.... ie. not home by 1030 irregardless of whether or not my reasons are good. (No i didnt went out with a girl, if ure reading and wondering where i went)

I looked at my watch. Imagined mother wondering why im later than usual. She knows ive got classes. Decided to call her only to realise she was asleep coz she was ill. I know i should be glad im spared from the naggings and what not.... but I wanted her to be up asking me where ive been and why i was late.

I looked around. Asked myself if i should take a cab and be home as early as i could or take mrt and risk worrying her, even if she was asleep? I decided on the former. And I prayed preety hard for a cab coz i was once again, in unfamiliar grounds. It's already late at night, definitely past my bedtime. And my heart was beating faster than normal. And as i walking with no real sense of direction, i walked straight towards a taxi. Thank god.

While in the cab, i wonder why the fear of coming back home late. I thought i was past that. And thank god ive finally found the answer.

I crept into the toilet in mother's room to wash up. She was sleeping. But when i stepped out, she told me she had only fried eggs and some vegetables. And i almost felt like crying . She didnt ask where i went or what i did. I told her i'll eat tomorrow. Instead she got up and went to the kitchen and wanted to prepare something for me. Though i was quite hungry, (i think she knew) i insisted she went back to bed and assured her i could take care of myself. I told her insyaallah i wun get gastric. And she went back to sleep after washing the things in the sink... And she nagged about how sister needs to be told what to do and went back to sleep.

Finally, whatever doubts i had about being home late was gone. I may be old enough to be home late but there's someone whose always waiting whom i cant disappoint....

ps: Coffeebean's choclate drink should never be confused with milo --it's actually 95% milk, 4% chocolate and 1% irritating bubbles. My first and i dun see myself in one in the near future....

She has no time

You think your days are ordinary

And no one ever thinks about you

But we're all the same

And she can hardly breathe without you

She says she has no time for you now

A bad dream

I wake up, it's a bad dream

No one on my side I was fighting

But I just feel too tired To be fighting

Guess I'm not the fighting kind

Wouldn't mind it

If you were by my side,But you're long gone

Yeah you're long gone now

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

You never fully appreciate someone until he/she is gone. Ive heard this oh so many times, felt it on more than one occassion, yet somehow, for some unexplained reasons, it's just not possible to fully appreciate someone until he or she is truly gone.

"He or she leaving would result in nothing more than an empty room," I thought. And i was right.

It resulted in an empty room ...... but i'm in it.

Ive been thinkin' about
All the times you told me
You're so full of doubt
You just can't let it be
But i know
If you keep on coming back for more,
Then i'll keep on tryin...
Keep on tryin...


And i feel so satisfied when
I can see you smile
I want to confide in
All that is true, so i'll
Keep on tryin'