Sunday, September 26, 2010
I knew the world was small but I was pretty sure it wasn't *THIS* small. I think I'm more or less dead. Gosh. And for the first time yesterday, I saw myself in the mirror and realized that when I blush, my entire face turn red.
Oh boy, that was freakily embarrassing. I need a paperbag.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Monday: Hari ini, aku rasa seolah-olah Tuhan telah menjauhkan diriNya dari diriku ini. Tetapi, mungkin ia kerana aku telah mula menjauhkan diriku daripadaNya.
Tuesday: Floorball trials. It was purely for the fun of it since I'm barely a year into the sports. Or so I thought. Somehow, the feeling of rejection still sucks no matter what.
Wednesday: Attended 2 tutorials. Read up lecture notes and did some tutorial questions but studying alone is a sucky feeling. I wonder what happened to the guy who loves studying alone.
Thursday: Rushed for Frisbee Recreational training. Meeting new people was lovely. Towards the end of the session, I was asked if I was interested to train with the competitive team. Should I?
Friday: A slow rainy tiring day.
Saturday: Visiting. Quiz revision.
Sunday: A Sunday morning soccer friendly. Was trashed 7-0. It could've been 7-7... had I converted the 7 or more chances I had. My mind's all over the place. I can't seem to focus. Everything seems to be crashing down.
Perhaps, a timely gentle reminder for me that things may be handy dandy one day, and shitty the next. Never take your current situation for granted. Be thankful, always.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
"Ma, can you walk faster?"
"Ma, can you please stand behind the yellow line?"
"Ma, can you let the people in the train alight first?"
"Ma, can we please not take the bus?"
"Ma, can we just wait and ask the taxi driver if he'd take the five of us?"
"Ma, can you walk under the shelter?"
"Ma, hurry up."
"Ma, can you just wait?"
"Ma, can you not do that?"
"Ma, don't do that."
"Ma, it's irritating."
"Ma, people are watching."
Sometimes we forget that she's the woman who's responsible for the individuals we are today. We forget that she cannot walk at lightning speed. Or walk four flights of stairs. Or walk the seemingly short distance. We forget the countless of taxi rides she must've avoided in order to provide us with the coins for our school meals. We forget the countless of times we must've embarrassed her when we cried in public or vomit on the bus. We forget the countless of times she told us to pray on time, to wake up early, to do this and this and that - yet, we never listen. Sighs. The things we forget.
"Mama, please bear with us just a little bit more. We may think and feel we're old enough, and we know more than you do but really, do we really? We don't."
Friday, September 10, 2010
Eid this year was pretty much like last year's and the couple of years before that. Eid mornings will never be the same without dad. His presence can still be felt when we wish for him to be around so that we wouldn't have to take the public transport or so that we could get Hari Raya money or when we talk about Hari Raya when dad was still with us. He's always in our conversations on days such as today and I hope he will always be. Mama would feel less lonely that way.
On a sidenote, my sister gave us kids Hari Raya money!
And yes, I'm sticking to my "Zero Story Policy" this semester. (:
Salam Lebaran my silent readers.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
... to the things I tell myself to make my life as pleasant as I know it should be no matter how sucky things may be. I'm looking at my tutorials, googling up definitions and examples - trying to figure out what I'm supposed to understand. It may be the first week, and it's definitely NOT getting any easier. But there's only one way I can go... and that's forward.
.... to the things I find myself telling the people around me to make them feel happy, even if it's just for a second. Secretly, I'm hoping for that one-second of happiness to translate into one that lasts for a long time. Somehow.
I clearly remember a question that was asked by a teacher back during my secondary school days. She asked, "What makes you happy?" I looked around and I see the rest of my classmates waiting eagerly for my answer.
I replied, "The smile on my friends' faces. Seeing the smile on my friends' faces is enough to make me happy."
No matter how unhappy they may have made me feel....