Sunday, January 31, 2010

Complex Theories and Analysis

INTJs are very analytical individuals. They are more comfortable working alone than with other people, and are not usually as sociable as others, although they are prepared to take the lead if nobody else is up to the task, or they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be very pragmatic and logical individuals, often with an individualistic bent and a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are also commonly not susceptible to catchphrases and commonly do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank or title. Hallmark features of the INTJ personality type include independence of thought, strong individualism and creativity. Persons with this personality type work best given large amounts of autonomy and creative freedom. They harbour an innate desire to express themselves; that is to be creative by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. Analyzing and formulating complex theories are among their greatest strengths.

(From one of Facebook's many apps)

Sometimes, we try too hard. And when trying hard just doesn't seem to work, take the foot off the pedal. Relax. Think smart. And pick up where you left off. It works! (:

Now my only question is whether I should continue analyzing and formulating complex theories. I need my analyst's opinion right about now.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Thin Red Circular Line

These lines. They cross many other lines. They tangle and untangle. But where it ends, who it ends up with, no one knows.

It's killing me. I thought that a five-day break from writing would make me forget everything and come up with something fresh. But when the time came for me to select labels for my post, "sweet distractions" sat inside the long white rectangular box all by itself.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Feeling Detached

The purpose of having a blog, personally, is to organize the mess in my head into something nice and decent. Helps make me calm and composed and more in control coz the mess are now beautiful entries. And a tiny part of me would like to read an entry each night to my grandchildren which'll make them go...

"Apa jadi dengan Little Red Riding Hood Atok?"

And hopefully I could tell them, "She's the one hiding at the doorway. Smiling. Eavesdropping."

I'm finding some of the comments I leave behind on Facebook blog-worthy. But it's funny though how feelings can change in a matter of minutes. I guess waiting for the morning trains will no longer be the same.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Enigma

Have you ever done things without much thought only to look back and wonder why you did the things you did? But then you tell yourself that whatever the reasons maybe, perhaps it's best if they're left unspoken and unwritten.

I guess sometimes, it's liberating to do things without much analysis. It's alright to be random. To be enigmatic. To be spontaneous. To be me. Be yourself.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

There's only so much...

... that one can plan. Most of the time, we end up not getting those that we want. I'm talking about electives. Not her. But, maybe, hmmm.... perhaps. Wait. No. Not her. I wanted the Soci module, The Islamic World module or the Creative Writing module but ended up with the Singapore Architecture module. And by the time my appeal for the Soci module was approved, I was already falling for Architecture.

And had I been to the Studies in Malay Music audition instead of attending the Soci lecture, I would've been clearing 2 Unrestricted Electives this semester. But like I said, there's only so much one can plan. But (to loosely translate a Malay idiom), perhaps there's a prawn behind the big grey stone. A silver lining of sorts? Who knows.

I shall wrap up the hunt for electives forthwith and, ironically, plan ahead.

Since I'm left with an Arts PE and 2 UEs, my options shall be narrowed down to a Sociology or Film mod, Studies in Malay Music and Mind of Sun Tzu. Plans, there's only so much...

Spontaneous Me

The word 'spontaneous' isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe myself. I've always been one who thinks ahead and plan, identify possible outcomes and preempt the ones that are unfavourable.

However, I've always knew that most of the time, we have to make split-second decisions. To be able to think and decide on the spot, for me, is a skill in itself. And lately, I've been on a mission to make spontaneity part of my life. One of the good things I noticed about spontaneity is that I can see the results of my action almost immediately. The down side though is when things do not go my way and I just can't help but wish I had been a little bit more patient when making my decisions.

Thank God. Before I embarked on this mission, I told myself that when making decisions, I need to be certain and confident that I'm making the right choices so that when things do not go my way, I know I won't look back with any regrets.

My point is: We learn things the easy way, or the hard way. The most important thing that we need to remember is to keep on learning. And growing.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dear Diary,

I realized today that Sociology's my cup of tea. Some Lit too. Not History. Sociology of work seems awfully interesting and I love the sociological approach to things in general. So now I'm hoping someone drops HS815: Why We Work - How Work Shapes Our Lives.

On a totally separate note, my brothers have done ok for their O-Levels and are currently at the point where they have to decide which path they should take - the polytechnic route or the junior college route. One moment they're dead certain on going to poly and in another instance, they're thinking that perhaps the junior college route might be an option too. I tried my best not to influence them in any way into thinking that one route is better than the other. My sister, who took the poly route, balanced things out a little by giving her two cents worth. And somehow, I get the feeling that everything's been laid out pretty nicely on the table and the onus now is on my brothers to decide their own future.

One thing I learnt about my brothers is that they are as optimistic as I am. When I told them that only the top 5% of poly students go on to the University, they replied that it's ok. They'll beat the odds. (I don't remember being much of an optimist at their age) I also learnt that they are also looking ahead and thinking about going to the University too. It struck me too that one was considering taking Civil Engineering at the polytechnic and then perhaps end up to where I am now. I guess without me realizing, I have become some what of a role model that my brothers look up to. Despite my complains about them growing up too soon and all, I'm starting to realize that they're growing up to be just like ... me!

I've never pushed them hard to study for their O-Levels yet they manage to get pretty decent scores. One even ended up forth in the entire cohort! And to hear them say "If only I had scored a grade better for this and that" - priceless. Now i pray and hope that they'll come to a decision based on what they feel is best for them.

[This entry sounds more like what someone would write in a diary than on a blog but I don't care. Just this one time, I promise.]

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Islamic World

HH205 The Islamic World: Tradition and Modernity

I never liked history at all. When I think "history", I think dates, events, places and individuals - the Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, and ... (that's as far as I can remember). I may be a Muslim but I know very little about it's history and tradition. But for some reason, it seems like an appealing elective for me to consider.

What is modernization? What is tradition? Is the Islamic World that backward? Are we not keeping up with time? Is there really a need to modernize? If there's a need to, who defines modernity? Do we export western definitions and notions of modernity?

Forgive my barrage of questions. These are questions I hope will be answered during the duration of the elective. And I foresee spending lots of time researching and thinking about issues just like I did for my Introduction to Magical Realism module. Perhaps taking a history elective would help colour a dull engineering semester. I'm hoping I'm able to get it. So if there's anyone out there intending to drop it, do tell me!

To the sociologist in Amsterdam, here's hoping you will stick around and help (:

If you're listening..

I'm not writing. I'm not interested. But still I find myself thinking.

I find myself talking to you. Telling you that if we're fated to be one, one day we will be.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


By Al-'Asr (the time),
Verily! Man is in loss,
Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience.

...Surah Al-Asr

He is a waster of time. He recalled the stagnant grades of his and wonders if it could be due to how he spends his time. Perhaps. He knows shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts during prayers and he's trying not to. He closed his eyes but his mind was still able to see. As soon as he's done, he went to his study and took out the Quran. He read Surah Al-Asr. He then took a pencil and wrote the surah on a blank piece of paper.

It felt like a million years since he last wrote something in Arabic. His handwriting was terrible.

"Time .... I'm a waster of time. I'm in loss. I try to do good, believe in doing good, tries to be patient and tell others to be patient. But still, I'm in loss. Please help me." He heard the message from his heart. He vows to ease it's pain.

2010 is here. I've yet to pen a resolution so here goes.. If there's one thing I wish to achieve this year, it's to make use of time wisely. I do not want to look back and say that I could've done better with the time I had. Which then brings me to regret.

I hope to not look back in regret - the things I wished I had done but I didn't, or the things I wished I hadn't done but I did. This is a tough one coz I know my actions could go either way. But then again, most of the time, we only know which are the actions that we'll live to regret and which are the ones that we'll not only through experience. Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” And from mistakes that I'll inevitably make, I guess I could view it as an opportunity to discover something new about myself, about people and about life.

2010 will therefore be a year with few regrets, plenty of mistakes and countless opportunities to discover and learn, insyaallah.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

A tad too much

I woke up this morning from one too many dreams.

Chaos. Hostages. Suicide bomber. A freezing ocean. A yatch. A break dancing competition. Saw people from 3 years ago. A child burning a match. An old lady. I was running away. My shoes were dirty. My shoelaces were undone.

I woke up. The last thing I'd told my friend before I slept was "I need to sleep. My mind needs to stop thinking."

I believe my mind's overheating - the stories, writing and thinking about floorball, frisbee, soccer, the sweet distractions.

I then took a deep breath and slowly made my way back to the day when it all began.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Scientist

In one scene Yvaine asked Tristan:

"The little I know about love is that it's unconditional. It's not something you can buy... You did this (finding a fallen star) to prove your love for her. What is she doing to prove her love for you?"

Later, she confessed to Tristan:

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable.

All those wars, pain, lies, hate... made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves…. You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.

So yes. I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...

What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.

My heart… it feels like… like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

Lovely. And yes, I've finally learnt that girls only confess their love in the movies. In reality, it's the guys that ought to make that first move. I guess one doesn't need a scientist to teach him that. Or maybe he does.