Thursday, April 28, 2005
ARGH!! I was like saying how the weeks have gone by. BBqs....frustrations...how i suck at being a leader.....all got deleted! It was coming straight from my heart....my mind..... and i got deleted!!! NO matter how hard i press the undo button....the thing wun come back!!!!
I was like saying towards the end of tt blog how i was feeling better....how the old me was coming back and all........and of ALL the things that can happen.... the entry got deleted!....before i can even publish it lah!!!......ARGH......MAn...!!..... nxt time must kp saving as draft!
Got nothing to sae.....i guess i am suppose to be this frustrated and annoyed for the time being!!!!!! I was really feeling relaxed till this bloody thing happened!!!! Better get it over with....perhaps....another reflection soon......
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS REALLY SUX MAN.....TO HAVE THE THING U TYPED GO MISSING..... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Todae(THURSDAE).....oops....wat am i thinkin?....WEdnesdae i mean. Man.... todae...has been a very bad day for me lah. Its kind of like last wednesdae. Btw....i m already at home. Writing my blog in a hurry while waiting for American Idol to start. Ya....couldnt concentrate during physics....damn frustrated feeling.....dunnoe why. Maybe becoz of grace lah....haha.... keep askin me to hand in electromagnetism tutorial lah....she reminded me again a few daes ago. Budden ar....i check and check and check my file cannot find sia. Den i searched thru the piles of papers tt i have oso cannot find. I told the teacher tt i cannot hand in todae becoz i lost the paper.... den there i saw Hock and Grace laughing....den grace sae " u long time ago hand in liao".... I was like.... -_-""!! ... Yah....maybe becoz of this ... ANother possible reason was becoz last nite.... i cant figure out how i ended up on bed. Yah....i woke up at ard one to find myself i my room sleeping. I was liek....how did i sleep last nite sia. I dun remember a clue lah. DEn go home just now asked my mama and she said she woke me up last nite to ask me sleep in my room..... -mystery solved-
But yup.....i was still thinkin hard tis whole dae to solve this "mystery".... which ended up making me restless, annoyed,frustrated..... and moody.... man.... i kind of raised my voice at everyone todae lah.... but i did control myself a couple of time....grr.... i hate this kind of moody daes...
SUNdae.... finally saw my cousin after a long time. Brief intro abt him: He's like my bestest friend in the whole wide world lah. One year older than me. Kind of like a big brother coz of his 1 year advantage and a best frind coz we grew up together.....haha....yea.... den got to see his motorcycle....cool.... he gave my bros a ride... mine not so soon lah.... someday.... Although he lives just a couple of blocks away....it has been 2 or 3 mths since i last saw him coz he's been working like 7 days a week. Basket lah. But the last time i saw him was when he gave his and my family a treat--dinner at some decent place.. Yea....
Mondae..... was thinkin whether to go or not to go support. even though i told them tt i ll only go see final, i got the feeling tt i may not get the chance to see them plae....so i decided to go...along wif yong... But true enuff, AJ wun be playing in the finals...lost to SR 2-1. .... man.... yep...
Tuesdae..... hmm.... nothing much i guess...
Got lots more to sae...but american idol starting...... out for now.....more to come tonite....hopefully..
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Looked into my silver notebook(diary)...lol...and did mths Perm and Com. Yeah...finished everything by noon. Watched the goals highlights from the EPL on Channel 5. Den back to homework. I tot i want to do NMR( Nuclear Magnetic Resonance) tutorial. BUt it was so complicated that i fell asleep doing it. WAs woken up by my mama who just came back from the market wif dad. SHe said she called me to wait for her outside to carry all the groceries. BUt i guess the phone didn't rang loud enuff. SO i did some exercise by carrying all those heavy stuff she and dad bought. And felt really bored. Went online and tok to hock for a while. It sort of killed off my boredom and den i decided to do Group II tutorial. By seven, i finished the entire tutorial. yeah! Wanted to do EMI(electromagnetic induction) but it was so hard....so i did probability. Attempted the first 5 qn....not bad lah.....but it's damn hard sia. Den i heard music from outside and i forgot that today was the telecast of "Muzika Extravaganza".
Managed to catch ppl like Taufik,SG finalist, one hansem guy and SITI sing.... I noe Siti, the m'sian singer has always been attractive and all.... but i didnt really cared then. BUt tonite, she was damn gorgeous lah. So preeetie....haha.... Man!.... -blush-
Anw, the show just ended and back to work. Decided to put aside Probability and start on CA: Complex no. II. Must hand in tis Wed. So....yea....todae, i was damn focussed....and siti nurhaliza made my dae...hehe....
PPl out there....dun waste ur precious weekends...do sthg meaningful and fruitful ya? HAng out wif families and frens.
Heheh....my sis went out in the morning to make her IC(she lost it)...and returned home at ard 9.... Mum called her earlier and she said she was at Harbour Front.HAHAAH....dat sis of mine...is she dumb or is she dumb? Wahlao....yesterdae just kena scolded for losing her IC....todae find trouble again..... When will she learn? Its not that i like to see her get scolded all the time.... just waitin for the day she grows up and change.
Maybe and ideal weekend willbe to walk around with friends and all. But none of that nonsense in my family. WHich is why i alwaes stay at home one. Of course i would love to hang out with friends....but seeing that my sis alwaes get scolded.... i dun dare. U see ar...if i am allowed to go out..(which i think i will coz i m old enuff, which someone had pointed out to me).... den ppl like my sis and my bros would also want to go out.... haha.... they will say not fair and all..... basket.... ahha.... but then again, i dun have any frens i can spend my weekend with...haha.....
Btw, my bros are out at my auntie's place....they went to watch movie.... lol.... man....jealous.... But absolute freedom tonite!!
kk....i noe i keep on digressing.....and it's becoming a habit.... better not make it a habit....erm..ya..
Gd nite!!(Btw....taufik wasnt good at all....lucky got siti...hehe)
Saturday, April 23, 2005
YEah!Friday....my slack day. Had chem Spa todae. Had to be in skool by 7.15 sia. Lucky woke up in time. Coz i forgot to set my alarm clock.....i was sleeping....dreaming den suddenly i open my eyes and looked at the wall clock in my room....615....MAN! ...budden i began to relax a bit lah coz that clock is set 15 minutes fast....haha... so i am always 15 minutes ahead of everyone and so that i have always that extra 15 minutes just in case i am short of time...Confused?....haha...nvm.
SPa was okay lah...for me ...but not for hock. Coz he NEVER get any salt and he SEEMS to be the ONLY one in class that nvr got salt. Haha....but he damn suay lah...and i MUST say that i am very lucky. Coz there was this step where we were supposed to add hot water into the mixture in the CUTE conical flask( the flask was 50cm3 one lah, damn small and CUTE)...haha... anw, we should add the hot water until we see salt coming out den we must warm the solution until the salt crystals dissolve back. I was like adding the hot water slowly into the conical flask. First i used dropper to add the hot water. DEn i began pouring in the water slowly. STILL GOT NOTHING LAH!! Den i got fed up and poured all the water i had into the flask. Still nothing. Actually, there was a point where the water looked whitish... but then, i didnt noe must stir wif the glass rod lah. Den after i got nothing, i asked the teacher what to do. She said stir with the rod. MAN.... my conical flask was half full already .... if stir oso the salt wun come out one. But nvm, i stirred....with increasing strength. WAS REALLY fed up.... that i stirred till the glass rod broke....HAHa....THE GLASS ROD BROKE.
I told myself....die... no salt. I got another rod from the teacher. After several stirs....i got sick of stirring that i thought....maybe the whitish thingy i saw was the crystal that disappeared as soon as it appears. LOL... obvious NOT!...but nvm....since the crystals is definitely somewhere inside the solution...i might as well proceed with the next step...COOLING. I ran the flask under the tap. Still not cold enuff. SO i brought the big beaker to the container storing ice cold water in front and filled it up with water. I dipped my conical flask into the beaker for a few seconds and tried stirring again. No effect. I gave up at that point and just leave the conical flask in the beaker and did other stuff i had to do like the sources of error and improvements. Den while completing the table, Jing yuan , the person doing prac beside me picked up my conical flask and said "WAh.....so much ar!!?I looked at the flask, which had half the broken glass rod inside...lol....and saw crystals. WOOHOO! I was damn happy lah. Den the teacher said to me...."wah Ali, buisness very good ar!"....hehe....den a few minutes later...she asked which step i was at....coz she thought that i may have skipped step(technically, i did skip step lah). Budden, den i tot the whitish thing was it lah...so i went on to kool the soln... so i got away wif it lah.[i din lie or anything ok,just that i tot i had already pass tt heating step.Den i quickly filtered out the salt, dry it, weigh it and that's it for SPa!! Was the first to finish i think.....hehee....sly...
Den Hock, at the end of Spa ...was grumbling..... he culdnt get salt.... he said he got stuck at the heating part---the part i was tokin abt earlier. Haha, he add water got no salt comeout...(like me lah)....den i asked him, why he never use cold water(like me) to get the salt. He said he did(like me)......but unlike me, he got scolded coz he wasnt at the cooling step...lol(like me oso....but he suay lah.....hahah) So....he din get salt...it will cost him some precious marks.... and he felt damn tu lan lah.... and said that this was his most unlucky week lah....haha..... ppl have bad episodes in their lives lah....haha.....relax... He kept saying tt the teacher was biased lah....hhaha.... but it all comes down to luck...hehe....
Enuff abt SpA....after the break got gP....discussed essay. When it come to my turn, boy...i think the class toked abt the 2 paragraphs i wrote for ard 40 minutes lah... haha.... fun sia... ppl were telling me stuffs... but i dun really understand wat they are trying to sae... hhaha....den at the locker... wendy apologised to me for giving her criticism of my 2 essays. I was astonished! Man.... why was she apologising? Firstly, i like it wen ppl criticise.... its for my own good. SEcondly, I was afraid that i may have given others the wrong impression thru my reactions. The teacher said some things that seem to imply that if I dun want to give feedback to the things my classmate say…den nvm…she oso wun sae anything…. I was like huh?? Was it directed to me……but I din think so lah coz she was talking to the whole class…. But me being me… my actions, and somewhat similar to the counter paragraph they were criticizing--- confusing. Man….i hate it when I give the wrong impressions…. Grr… haha… but tts me lah…
kk…enuff of skool… after prayers, me and shak decided to go to KFC for lunch instead of the usual Mac. It was kind of like a “lunch date”…haha…. we were talking….. yea… some religion stuff… den he like ask me wen I started praying properly….haha… I thought deep…and told him frankly…. Mondae… haha… which is five daes ago. Man… den half way thru our conversation…. He kind of like sae something that made me feel happy! He said that I am a good boy.AS in….ya…a good boy… u noe, not like most other guys…. I am like different… hhaa…. I can feel that he was saying that from the bottom of his heart lah…
Went to Mac to meet up wif Tauhid Nizar they all… and tt when I became the butt of their jokes lah, as usual…..if I had braces, I wun be a joke anymore….. peer pressure.. haha… When ppl sae I was fat and looked like a hamburger(sec1-3 period)… I knew it wasn’t funny and I knew that I could do something abt it without actually spending money. But my teeth… if I had the necessary resources required… I could change… not for me, but for others. Coz some simply can’t accept u for who u are… but I have to say that the ones who can are the ones u can really call frens..man…. But too bad… I am born this way. I learned some where that it is wrong for a muslim to change the way he or her looks like, unless he or she is being laughed at, hurt etc. by others due to the way he or she looks like. Although I may have thought of braces, for quite some time now, I have began to realize that God made me this way for a reason.
I thought of some reasons why. If I look okay, meaning my teeth are normal…hhaa.. I wun be who I am today….. really…. I may even be like other guys lah…..as in…..aiya…nvm… u would probably not understand…
Den I had to go to this interview to be a facilitator for the upcoming Delta Experience. Man… at first I didn’t noe got interview lah…. Was quite nervous lah…as in worried abt the things that they may ask… and so on… they asked qns like why I want to join this camp, how I can contribute to the J1s, what ideas do I have for the camp. … Man were some of the qns hard to answer. Those that I couldn’t answer, I just smiled and said the I m not quite sure. Those that I can answer, I answered it with frankness. Well, my frankness and truthfulness can be to my benefit, but it may go against me as well. Coz for example, when they asked abt the service learning project my class did last year, I kind of told them that it was a rushed thing…. Wasn’t really a class event…. More like groups in the class…. Den wen they asked abt cca, I told them I used to be in soccer…and I also added MLdds. I could have stopped right there but I told them it was by name only. Coz I wasn’t an active member….haha… Well, it’s this kind of things that I say that can either go against me or to my own benefit…. But it was a good enuff experience…even if I m not selected, the interview itself was a good experience.Haha…. but I m hoping to get chosen though…
After the interview, slacked ard with Tauhid and Khairul…. Crapped ard… tok abt stuff…. Den Tauhid kind of said that with the way I look, who likes me….and before I can say anything…..haha….he laughed and say that its ok…. Got him. He said he likes me. Lol!
-touched?- … I couldn’t sense the truth in him….
……as in I think it was 40% joking 60% truth….good enuff lah… haha… -touched-
Yea…. I got –touched- by 2 guys todae…hehe…. But I not gay hor. Haha…. ok.. I have just passed the 1,500 words limit…. But I guess I’ll carry on.
Thursdae…. Slacked around after skool. Played badminton(BT) with Hock. For 1 hour sia. I noticed that when ppl plae BT, those who waiting for the shuttlecock will like stand in a particular posture. Near the net, with the racket raised high up. I did that lah, and realized why they do that—so can hit the shuttle almost immediately lah. But den when I was walking home that time, I realized that the muscles in my right arm was aching. It felt stronger. Hahha… I think that if I hit the pillar supporting the block I was walking under, the whole block can collapse lah…..kk not funny. Anw, the bad thing is, my right calf was aching badly. MY right thigh oso ache. My right backside oso ache. Man…. Badminton is a tough game after all. Its more than tapping shuttles sia….. haha… Oso play table-tennis... man...i tink it is the most impossible game to plae lah...haha... but nothing is impossible... plae doubles...me and hock vs michelle and the other gurl...me and hock lost lah....haha... not totally my fault thouigh..hehe
Den mugged for chem spa after that. I really mugged for it…. Memorized everything…. Tts why todae’s spa went so smooth. My smoothest spa so far lah. Haha…. kk…
I think tts it… I better stop now… want to comment on a newspaper article regarding blogging… but maybe next time lah….
Haha…. just leave u wif some quotes…
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.”
"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else."
"A real friend is not one who only entertain you, but one who cares about you, one who will be there when you cry"
"True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."
Man…. I am in this –touchy mood- ….lol
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Had the maths test and gp test on mondae. It was ok lah...but boy do i hav to read up again. My knowledge on the z* thingy is damn fuzzy....vectors was rusty.... i hope i can get a decent grade though... GP...essae sux sia... did the "Human being have more to fear of themselves than of the natural world." This seems to be te least cheem-est topic. And the onli points i could think of was war, terrorism and crimes. Lack depth and evidence, so i guess i ll do badly for tis one.
2 casinos. What the hell? 35,000 jobs.....so what? And tt minister ..the manpower one i think... the one who got "so emotional" in Parliament... the "thousands of jobs....i cannot reject" ....WAS HE ACTIng? Damn fake lor. Man.... i hope i got no links watsoever to the casino man. I wun be working there..... not even if the top job is offered to me. I wun be working there even if tt's the only place in Singapore who needs workers. Hhaha... man.... casinos....not ONE but 2!!(My anger despite the fact that i mentioned abt the gambling GP essae i wrote abt in my prvious entries.
Man....i have mentioned in an entry tt i have been regularly attending this religious history lesson. I recalled the story of Prophet Lut, the city of Sodom that got 'erased' from the face of this earth, all becoz of its ppl....the mischief....homosexuals... yea....and after giving it some deep thoughts, i wun be surprised of Singapore got destroyed. Casinos can be seen as a haven for sin. Haha.. The tsunami and all....man....God could make the whole country sink-- but scientists would sae that it may be due to all the tunnels being dug, all the heavy buildings on the surface....and having a casino..oops...2 casinos may be all it needs to bring wrath to the country. Well.... this wrath could be in the form of terrorist attacks. PPl who are more extreme than me may go to such extent.
Man....and during GP on mondae or tuesdae, i cant remember, the teacher told us abt ppl who are sick using blogs to relieve stress, communicate with ppl, share burden etc. And there are those...like the PSC scholar who use blog to do things....dunnoe wat racist comments.... i din read abt it... Basically, she's driving at how technology can be both a good thing and a bad thing.
SO having said all that, I KNOE that i have to watch the things that i sae and all.... u noe... terrorist thingys are taken seriously by the gvt and all.... i could be arrested by the ISA....w/o going thru the court of law.... hahah..... BUT, is it really wrong to sae what u feel like saying? It's a way to "release the pressure building up inside u and all". And for goodness sake, when i write blogs, i dun think many ppl would read it lah.... but for the PSC guy....he must be damn suay lah......MAn....i culd be damn suay if ppl 'sabo' me....haha.... I wouldn't want to be in the Straits TImes front page as the second guy to abuse the blog. haha...
Abuse....wats abuse?....Man....gp makes u ask a lot of questions....the meanings of keywords...
Well, maybe b4 i proceed, i must say that everything i write here in my blog is just the things that i feel like saying and if there ARE ppl out there who are offended.....then my profoundest apology to all of you.
(i picked up this phrase after watching KAte and Leopold...well, Leopold said 'profound apology'...not profoundest). Man......after PW and having got a Band 1....lol.... i learned how to try and kp justifying the things u sae....
ANd one last thing before i stop digressing, will my employers read my blog one day...and after reading all my "reflections".... u noe...not accept me....fire me..... haha....man...i think too much...But....will they?
ok....dats Mondae and a 'little' points to ponder about...now for Tuesdae.
Man....Grace and her non-stop "bullying".... haha..... i hope she gets tired of teasing me....SOON...
Hmm... wat else ar.... oh....had to go for afternoon PE.... den watched ppl plae badminton....den do my works... Yuying got gold for 400m haaha.....but ....theres a funny reason why she got it lah.(she told me not to tell anyone) well, it was Not because got 1 ppl running onli. Not because of 2 ppl running.....but because got only....
To Yuying: Technically, i still haben tell that 'secret'.... lol
Man...... i hope she wun be mad. Coz although i din sae anything ahem* ahem*......i sort of sae it lor. I saw it as a small thing but....if to her is a big thing....den i m in big trouble. SO if ure angry....den my sincere and profound apologies... [ see....i think too far...., just like saturdae]
BUt still, a gold is a gold....so CONGRATS!...i dun tink i formally congratulated u tt dae(yesterdae)...i just luffed ...
WEdnesdAE..... boy was i not in the talking mood todae. Not in the mood for anything lor. It has been like this on a number of occasions...so on these kind of daes....i ll read books...haha...funny rite...i m currently reading 2 books....hehe.... I thought off some of the things tt may contribute to this feeling.
1. Flat hair....boy do i feel so serious if my hair is combed flat..
2.Nothing to spark off/kick start my dae....like the lizard...lol...just kiddin...yea
3. Sleeping too late..like todae
4. SLeeping too early,like mondae and tuesdae...ard 9-10 oclock liddat
During physics lect, so many ppl ponned lor. It went to a stage where it damn OBVIOUS people ponned lah. BOy were those who ponned dumb and suay. HAha.... Mass raid and ard 30 got rounded up....haha....(i m not gloating here...hehe...) DEn during Physics prac which was after the lecture, Ms tan lectured us for a period....haha.....she asked us why we shuld still go for lect evn if the teacher is no good. I told Subu tt i knew the perfect answer--RESPECT. But din exactly tell her lah. HAha....but boy was the things she said same as the things i was thinking abt..... Maybe both of us share the same value system....which is why i nvr ponned any physics lecture yet.....this yr....haha(maybe oso becoz i scared tis kind of things happen lah)
I went home early.Right after skool. I wanted to get skool out of my mind. And i was hoping that Constantine would make me feel better. Yep....Constantine Maroulis...the American Idol finalist....boy does he have the X-factor.....somewhat akin to the x-factor i saw in SLy....lol.....yep!He sang great but SImon and RAndy were bad lor....haiz.....
Den i slept. woke up at 7. Bathed and got ready for religious class. Watched this show/ documentary /health- related programme 'Stress Out' ...not becoz i am stressed or anything but becoz this wks episode is abt jaw/dental. NOpe ....nothing to do with my teeth....haha....better not ok abt my teeth....maybe in other entries perhaps...but it got something to do with my jaw. My Right jaw.
My right jaw is locked. Not totally locked but cannot open totally/normally. Man....3 years already lor. But lucky can still talk. Haha.... BUt if it opened....imagine how much more i'll talk. Anw, wen i open my mouth can hear the clicking sound....not loud enuff for u to hear but enuff for me to hear.... WEnt to clinic....they gave me useless medication. DEn since i can talk....and theres not much pain...so i ignored it lah. DEn one year pass....i go doctor coz i got fever....told him bout my jaw....he referred me to hospital.... but GAVE me wrong place to go somemore sia....after a long queue at the dunnoe wat department at TTSH....the doctor inside told me that i was not in the right department....and referred me to the dental...who said tt i have to make an appointment....came for 2 sessions....and all the doctor said was tt i can do it myself....just move my jaw ard....WTH....one year...still nthg happened...den this year went to doctor again coz got fever...told him bout my jaw...referred me to Alexandra Hospital. ALexendra hospital den called my parents up telling them abt my appointment...and consultation fee---$100!!!... and its just consultation lor...den my dad said no need lah....can tok wat.....sommore expensive....this is his rxn wen i almost got a braces lah....haiya ....money as alwaes been an issue... precisely why i dun possess a handphone.... hope u can see where i m coming from here.
Btw, the show mentioned abt chiropractors and how the can help ppl like me....boy....Chiropractor is a BIG word...bigger than doctor....so i guess consultation is BIGGER too.....boy.... Hey, if any readers out there is has a dad or a mum or a relatives who is a chiropractor...ask him/her if he could give me a free treatment or not....lol....better still, if ure a chiropractor....help me!!...haha...
Things learnt at religious class: Boy was Prophet Yusoff(aka Joseph)...haha...(one of my bros name oso yusoff...the other one is Yunos...aka Jonah to christians)....2 religions so common yet SOO different...i m digressing here...
I was saying boy were Yusoff's brothers bad.... to abandon their own brother. Lots to do with issues regarding family. HOw a parents love should be shared equally, if not theres jealousy.... hhaa...me and my bros and my sis ..... am i jealoous of the attn they get from my dad?....hmm....erm....haha....no comments.
So yup. Has been a slow week.Rather forgetteble. And my mind have been really at peace these few days. Coz i have not been missing prayers--the five times a day one....I have to admit tt i have been missing lots of prayers....and it is mentioned that if u missed one prayer, its equals to 40 years in hell...boy...if i were to calculate....hmm....better not. God is forgiving. I hope past records will be forgiven..... haha....
So yup again....a slow week....forgettable....dazed....but definitely greater focus.
[ Btw, i think this is the first if not the second time religion is mentioned in my entry. ANd there will be an angry bunch of ppl who will be pissed off wen i tok abt religion.....i hv similar experience wen i....nvm.... so....dun worrie.... i ll try not to put religion into my blog....haha......peace!]
Oops....must add something abt tmr AJ vs YJ. Want to go but dun think i can go again lah. Chem remedial. Aiya... den got lotsof werk somemore... haiz.....finals guys...the finals....
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Stress and more stress. Am helping a friend wif maths..... but have been stuck for more than an hour now... haiya.... disappointed... mental block.... helpless...hopeless....i hope it ll vanish after tonite.Was in a super crappy mode earlier tonite....but was brought down to earth by this qn. Man....i got answer oso cannot expl...i myself dun understand. Thanks man yuying.....for bringing me down to earth.... i feel so unprepared for Mondae's test now.... Mans......i m doomed.
At one moment i knew everything. at the next moment......everything's gone. I can't see concepts tonite. I simply cannot process the things i see. 'BRAIN!!!'....wats happening up there??
nd to rileks....break....nitez
Saturday, April 16, 2005
My father told me to print a letter for him on Thursday. The printer got no ink so i told him that i'll print it in school on Friday. Come Friday, I totally forgot about the letter. Come Saturday, my mum reminded me abt the letter at six plus when she woke me up for prayers. She said that my dad needs it by 9 o clock. So i quickly refilled the print catridge and printed the letter. One by one i tried printing, but the ink simply refuses to come out. DEn at 7 plus, she asked for the letter.Change of plan. Dad's going out at 8. Man....i had to rush. Print after print but the ink still refuses to come out. I managed to print out a copy, but the ink is rather light. TIck tock tick tock....time's running out. My dad's already in his van outside waiting for my mum.
So, i simply gave my mum the light print. Man was she rather annoyed. She nagged and nagged about how i shouldn't leave things to the very last minute and so on. She eventually asked for a blank paper just in case my father wants to write it the conventional way-- pen and paper. Man.....we rely on technology too much. When we needed it the most, it usually fails us..
Or maybe, it's just my fault. Leaving things to the very last minute.
I have to addmit that i m feeling rather scared right now. My dad's gonna be very mad when he returns home later. Man...i hate it when this kind of things happen.
Me and my dad aren't very close. WE seldom talk to each other. I dare say that in a period of 2 years, both of us can only clock less than an hour of talking time. That's how not close the two of us are. And when i make this kind of stupid mistake.... and he ll do his scolding.... our relationship will be strained even more sia. Maybe the next time, i'll sae that in a period of 2 years, we clocked only fifteen minutes of talking time.
Haiz...rather sad lah.... but it's ok lah, i guess. It's not as if i want me and my dad to talk often. In fact, I feel very very awkward talking to my own dad....haha....It's as if he's a stranger who works very hard to earn money for my family.
Strained relationship so what? It's not as if we have been talking for the past 17 years. In my growing up years, it was me, my grandma and my auntie. My mum worked, my dad worked.So everytime, i would follow my grandma around and she would always by durian ice cream for the two of us. Durian ice cream is her favourite. WE were a great team. Haha.... So when i sleep, dad and mum return home from work. When i woke up, they had already went to work. But being a mum, she alwaes find time to interact wif me. But for a dad.....
Mum stopped working when the twins came. Coz she do not want my grandma to have too much work to raise the four of us. SO me and my mum became close....but not as close as me and my grandma. As for my dad....
It was only recently, 5-6 years ago that dad began coming home early. By then, i was way beyond my formative years. I already knew what's good and what's bad. I knew the people I loved and the people i dun. So i guess after ard 10 years without a loving father, who needs.....
My dad's very close to my sister, but especially close to the twins...coz it's their formative years. As for me, I still had mum and grandma. Jealous? Nah.... who cares! i grew up in this environment. Why change? Let it remain this way!
I have to say that i love my grand ma a million times more than my mum(which i still loves dearly). But for dad..... love.....what's the meaning of love? Is it simply respect? Giving me pocketmoney?Buying me new shoes? Clothes? Bringing the family for holidays? ...
I guess not. Whenever i feel sad, i would think of Grandma. If she's at my home, i would spend time talking to her, ask her if she's eaten. Tell her i m bored...tired... Tell her i got stomach ache....Tell her about the things that happened in school... SHe would then laugh....and talk to me... give me advice... She simply listens...while lying on the bed... But i guess this won't last forever. God will take her from me. When i was a kid, i would pray to God for my Grandma to live a long and healthy life. For my mum to live a long and healthy life. For my siblings to live a long and happy life. And lastly, for my dad to live a long and healthy life. I had to put him in my prayers too..... BUt Grandma is alwaes the first person on my mind.
When she's at my auntie's house, like now, and if i feel sad.... like later, all i have to do was think about the good old days....following grandma around....looking at her cook for us...eating ice cream... den i would cry happily rather than angily at my dad. Hey guys cry too ok. haha.... It may be foolish of me to write all this down...but i guess, it's something that i'll remember 15 years down road....50 years down the roads....
I wouldn't want my kids to go through this kind of life .... i want my kids to live like other normal kids... that have both the love of a mum and a dad.......Jealous?....i guess i reallly am...
A bad start to the wkend i guess. have a pleasant wkend guys. Mine's already ruined.
Have a great wkend!
(PS: My shortest blog eva!Which is why the font is 'normal',not 'small'...and CoLourFOoL)
I slept late yesterdae nite. 1 plus . Was helping Yuying wif complex no. Though its hard to expl maths online, i wanted to help coz the test is just next mondae and she's done barely half of complex no. 2. Anw...she managed to do all the way till qn 10...gd for her....hope she understands my lousy explanations...and hope she does well for the test. Hopefully me teaching her will make me better at complex no.
Something damn embarassing happened yesterday night lah. Was teaching her how to do and all.... and frm qn onwards...she could do on herself coz it was rather easy lah....SO i decided to take the GP article i was reading to the floor....and read it while lying down. BIG MISTAKE! I fell asleep lor....leaving her alone and the com on... ahha...oops..
Got PW results todae. I got a BAnd 1! Was ok wif it lah coz i kind of expected it.....after all the shit my teacher made us go thru....haha....But looking back, it was all worthwhile!
Went to KFC for luch before Fridae prayers. As usual, most jokes were directed at me. Some was the same old joke while some was damn insensitive and hurtful lah. But I never sae nor do anything abt it one lah. I let all these things 'fly out of open windows'. Why take action? Let them sae wat they want to sae. Made me see who my friends really are. Haiz...
I alwaes try to watch what i sae to people coz i noe it might hurt his or her feelings. But dun others tink alike too? It could be their idea of amusement....entertainment....fun.... Maybe everyone's just different. They may try to change.....they may sae they'll try to change....but i dun tink they can.
Nevertheless, they're still my frens.
Friends.....wats the definition of a friend? Dictionary.com has 4 meanings.
- A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
- A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
- A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
- One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement
Its hard to find a friend who supports you,one who likes and trusts, one who's a comrade as well as one who sympathizes. One whom you can relate to. One whom you can share your thoughts with. One who can listen to all the things you have to say. One who never hurts ur feelings. ONe who understands.....
Man!....this is too much to ask just for a friend. I would end up in isolation if every friend of mine has to have these characteristics. But, like i said, everyone is unique. THough it would be nice to have 'the ideal friends'. Man....i think i hv only a few frens who are 'ideal'. ....But i tink the closest freind i have, the person whom i alwaes talk to, someone who dun make fun of the way i look..... some one who is very close to me....is myself.
Anti-climax rite?HAhaha.....must have been expecting a gurl's name there rite?Haha..... yea...
haiz....todae's rain's making me down and all moody........ and boring rite?..... till nxt time..
Have a good wkend!
Friday, April 15, 2005
Heyz…… I din watched the match. Instead, I jumped the jump that I wasn’t suppose to win. Man…..i really shouldn’t be to affected by what others say. Ppl were saying why bother coz I’ll lose anyway. And that I should support my ex-teammates who are my friends.
No one influenced me in my decision making. I simply wanted to jump really badly coz Tuesdae’s TRIPLE JUMP was soo shiok tt I wanted to jump the long jump. I had to bear all those remarks from frens…and all the guilt I was feeling…
My aim was 5m. Coz Wilson sae tts the average lah. So my first jump was 4.92m….and the second one was a 4.81m. Had a little confusion though from the station IC. He saw the top four distances wrongly sia. He said I was out! Then this Jee Peng( I hope I spell correct) go and ask the IC to see properly. In the end I managed to go into the final – me, Jee Peng, Wilson and Ting Long. Ting Long had to leave for vball….but he left us with 5.25m….hahha
Wilson said that for me to get something, I have to beat 5.25m or any of them(JP and Wilson). Man! It sounded impossible. I asked them for tips. How to fly in the air…etc. Den I did manage to fly(hang)….and got a 5.19m. My last try was a 5.11m.
I Got second!! Wilson third. Tinglong first. JP fourth. Was damn happie lah. Happie tt I didn’t really pay much attention to the crap others say.
Btw…AJ lost 5-3 to TPJC. Man…..i missed it. Haiz….Jiayou AJ!
Thursday, April 14, 2005
I am in a dilemma rite now. THere's a soccer match between AJ and TP tmr at 445 in TPJC. Den theres the HEATS...long jump.
I want to watch soccer coz those playin are my teammates....my frens...ppl who make me improve....
On the other hand, i would like to try long jump...see how far i can jump.... see if it is as shiok as triple jump...
Ppl would sae "WHy jump? Confirm lose one....tmr's match impt...first match agnst home team in their home ground"
But i want to jump.... this is the only chance i can jump.....got measurements somemore...
But den again, i dun want to be left out from the crowd. I dun wan ppl to sae tt i care abt myself more than the team. I dun want ppl to sae tt i already forgotten abt them. I want to do what most of my pals are doing tmr-- go support.
But i really really really want to jump...
i still hv not made a decision yet....but...Knowing myself.... i'll see who'll influence me to do wat tmr.... grr....
REgarding the cat story....haha....it was nothing big lah....
2004: Me and some frens were at the canteen doing revisions for promos i tink. And if u guys noticed, there's this small black kat ard the canteen. DEn ...while doing our werk... i tink got this girl, i forgot hu....sitting in front of me....screamed and looked below the table. Me being very ignorant abt my suroundings, i din realise tt the cat was actually below me. So i looked down and to my horror.......A CAT!
I pushed myself up and stood on the bench. My bag which was on the floor was saved from the cat by me. I aint want any cat-related things on me nor my belongings...haha....den eventually, the cat went away....
If i remember correctly, nizar wanted to carry the cat and bring it to me.....basket.....
ANd den it was almost 7....last time, 7 was considered very late for me...haha.....so i went home....THE END...
....btw, did i mentioned that i screamed as loud, if not louder than the gurl??
hahax....tt s it. ME and my fears. Hope nothing else appears in AJ. Otherwise, i ll be known as the guy who's afraid of everything!
FEars and dilemma...
Had wanted to blog yesterday instead of todae. But something funny happened last night. It was ONLY nine o’clock. I switched on the com, with one thing in mind, to blog. (I needed to blog down lots of things.) Thinking that it’ll take a few minutes to on, I went to my bed and lie down on it. And when I finally opened my eyes, the whole room was dark. The com was off-ed. I looked at the clock—4.45. SHIT! I slept. Not doing any reading for my Physics Spa. Not doing the corrections for my Maths vectors test. Den the Chelsea- Bayern Munich game came to my mind. I missed it coz the game’s already over. Awww man! I must have felt really tired. I guess u dun need to have a CCA to get tired easily. Doing school work’s enough to make u tired!
Anw, lemme continue from where I left of, which is Mondae. I was feeling stress on Sunday night. Really stress. I cannot think of anything to write sia. The essae topic was “Should all form of gambling be abolished?”. I chose to do this topic coz it seemed very easy, especially wen the casino debate is happening right here in our country.(casino=gambling) My immediate stand was obvious – yes! Think of all the social side-effects of gambling…u noe, the bankrupts, suicides, loansharks… But wen it come to the actual writing of the essae outline….. my brain froze sia. I can only think of one reason why gambling should be ban! It’s the same with the casino debate in Singapore. When Singaporeans were asked whther or not they like the idea of having a casino in Singapore…WE said NO NO NO NO NO! Wen asked why…..all the “erms” and the “oohs” and the “aaahs” and the …. “wait ar, lemme think a while” come out. I couldn’t crack my brain that night…. I got so fed up that I just went to sleep. I was ready for morning…ready for the scoldings I may get on the first day of this week.
Mondae: Lucky for me, I didn’t get any scoldings. Mrs Goh didn’t ask for the maths assignment and Ms Tan didn’t come school. But Ms Tan told us to hand in on that day. I needed to get it done before I went home. Went to the com lab to type out this blardy essae.. I typed and deleted….typed and deleted… after 45 minutes in the com lab… I wrote 1 paragraph while Subu, who was sitting beside me was finishing on his. He was gloating(haha..a new word I just learned) about the fact that HE was actually doing better than me! It was quite surprising also lah. I could have typed nonsense and simply hand it in, but I wanted to submit in a quality essay. I got damn stressed out. I said “AAAAAAAAAAAh! I give up!” I switched off the com, shook my head and went to the area outside the bookshop. I had to go for some workshop at the Dance Studio—some counseling werkshop.
Outside the bookshop, I sat…and thought…. and thought…. still no idea whatsoever regarding the essay. I was thinking of doing another question. Then, Nizar came … to borrow my complex number 2. I decided to see if he had any idea regarding the topic. I showed him my rough plan. He said the question seemed easy. He began to read out all my points in a particular manner. He was putting my points and scribbles into a logical structure and said, “ ok what! Wat so difficult?” And then he left. I sat down thinking abt the things he said. But still, I still couldn’t think of how to begin writing. Den Yuying came by… she wanted to see my complex number 1….. she got stuck at another question. She sat for a short while. We talked… I told her about the essae and how I could not do it. How I was feeling damn stress. How I cannot take it anymore. Den I told her that I felt like committing suicide. And guess what was the next thing I said to her? ….. I told her that ironically, the workshop I have to attend, the counseling workshop…. Is for me to learn how to counsel my friends if they are feeling bad and was thinking of committing suicide. Haha! She said good…. Coz den I’ll be able to counsel myself out of committing suicide. Damn stress…
The Counseling workshop: It was quite an enriching workshop. Lemme just jot down some of the things I remember..
1. U need to have listening ears
2. u need to listen for facts and feelings when ur fren is talking
3. there’s an increase in youth suicide
4. more male than female commit suicide ( GP essay could be the no. 1 cause..haha)
5. Listen emphatatically….and this can be expressed through facial expression… show that u understand and feel how ur friend is feeling
6. Listen more than u talk
7. And if ur fren tells u that he or she wants to commit suicide, u should not keep it a secret, even if ur friend tells u not to tell anyone.
Regarding point 7, the instructor asked us, if while counseling ur friend and u eventually find out that ur friend is thinking of suicide and ur friend tells u “ PLEASE…. Don’t tell anyone about this okay?….” and he or she gives u tt sad look, how many of us would really not tell anyone? Only 3 raised up their hand. Me being one of them. My reason being that he or she is my friend, and I wouldn’t want to betray that trust. Yea… we were told to seek help first though. But I will try my best to talk him or her out of it.
After the workshop, did homework at the usual place. Waited for the soccer guys. Remember that I told u that Yong got called back into the team…. He’s out again! (Hey Yong…see….i mentioned u in my blog!!) We were at the MRT station—me, Zhi Kai, Ronaldo, Yong and Boon…. And suddenly, we were talking about my blog. I was surprised that they knew about my blog. Ronaldo said Mark, his friend, who got kicked out some time ago….clicked from link to link and ended up here in my blog. As far as I noe, only 1 person links my blog to hers…. Anw…. Ronaldo said my blog very funny… my writing style very good (…xie xie ni….xie xie ni..) but he said that after every para…got HTML thingy….i was shocked!
I didn’t noe about the HTML thingy. Coz u see, I am currently using Firefox, so I dun see all the HTML language…but wen I found out from Ronaldo abt it…. I checked….using Internet Explorer. Man was my blog messy! Its ugly….
Now, I would like to apologise to everyone for this inconvenience. Its hard to read what I wrote! I guess Internet explorer sux. That’s why I use Firefox now. Anyway, no one told me this before, so I didn’t know. But now that I noe, I guess I ll be editing all my previous entry to make it nice again. I am a perfectionist. Everything has to be perfect. Well not everything perhaps, but some things just have to be perfect.
Anw, my com hanged on me on Mondae. I had to use a spare old harddisk to type out my essae. Long and boring story so I wun touch too long on that. Here’s a quick flashback of Mondae night.
The com spoil. Had to replace harddisk since I needed to type my gp essay. But the old harddisk got no Word. SO had to use wordpad. Damn ma fan sia use Wordpad. So I decided to write out the essay on paper first. I was writing at my study table first. Wanted to lie down so I took a pillow and lie down on the floor face down. Halfway writing the first paragraph, I dozed off. My bros woke me up. I told them I am thinking of a point. Continued writing for a while, and I fell asleep again. My bros woke me up again and asked me to switch off the com. I told them that I needed to do some research for some examples. They eventually went to sleep…. And so did I!(As usual…)
Woke up at ard 3 plus. Wrote some things and went to sleep again. Woke up a few minutes later. Awww man! I needed to get the essae done. So I sat down properly and scribbled everything down. I think I finished the essae just slightly before 5. Den, I went to the com and typed everything as fast as I could. Luckily, I managed to type everything in 45 minutes. My hands were sore and I was sleepy. Went to iron my clothes and got ready for skool.
TUESDAE! The day which I think I yawned a record number of times. Was yawning throughout the day! Sometimes I even got choked by my own yawn. I felt like yawning but the yawn won’t come out. By morning break, got the essay printed out and handed in. As for the maths correction, Mrs Goh asked for it and she told me to hand it in before 5. Man! I tot I would be easy…. coz it’s just vectors, but man was it hard! After PE, while the rest went to plae badminton I tink, as planned, I went to the usual place to TRY and do maths. Got some blanks so at 4.50, I went to the staff room to tell her that I had to hand it in tmr instead of todae. Request granted and I had to den rush and change for my HEATS – the triplejump.
Me, hock and Eugene signed up… they sae want to jump for fun. In the end, the two of them went to plae soccer. Lucky got qiuteng to jump wif me. I went there not knowing wat to do. I’ve seem ppl at Olympics do tis kind of things before…I see like kind of stylo…tts why I wanted to try. When we were given practices…. My legs cannot get used to the rhythm…missed some steps…foul here soul there…. I could barely reach the pit… After several jumps….i felt rather confident lah…. My aim was the sand. To feel sand in my shoes. My first jump, from the 9 metre mark of course, was a foul. Everything was okay except for the landing part. Mr Koh said one leg landing cannot. Wth! No one told me that lor…..grr….den the second try was a 10.19m. Tis was quite ok coz some J1s weren’t even reaching 10m even though they have done triple jump before! Haha! (hey…I am not gloating..hehe..)
Since there’s only 7 of us I think, we went to the finals…..lol…. and for my third try, my aim was to beat my second jump….and I did…I got 10.26m. Halfway in midair, I forgot abt landing on 2 legs….so I landed with 2 legs and my whole body,just to be safe. Haha….Mr Koh said if I hadn’t landed that way, I could have gotten another 1 m or so. Man! And for my fourth try, I got a 10.46m!
Qiuteng got third. He got 11 plus for his last jump….it was our first time jumping for the 2 of us…so it was ok lah. Jumping had never felt so great! Felt like jumping over and over and over again sia. Hhaha…one of my most memorable time in AJ!
Yuying was so nice todae. She asked me what’s my essay topic coz while reading her Times magazine, she wanted to help me look out for articles I could probably use…. man ! But I told her that it was ok coz I finished the essae oready. But man….tt was so nice and thoughtful of her…. Coz I would definitely not have bothered if I was her …haha….. but den again….i learnt something new that I could use another dae….man!….
Wednesdae! Hmm…nothing much todae. Oh ya…..becoz of yesterdae’s jumps … I woke up with my feet and right knee feeling aching. I didn’t think tht jumping was a big deal…no offence to triplejumpers out there ….so I didn’t do warm ups….lucky I didn’t end up as “Limping Boy”….lol…no offence….anw..Physics Spa was great. Den after skool, watched tennis. Boring game sia. Den went to do homework at the usual place. Finished my complex no. 2 and marked my GP essae. The gambling essae. I felt that it was a preety good easse…. So I gave it a 29! Den the dark clouds marched towards our skool….i din want to get stuck in skool….so I rushed home….btw, I think I need to bring a pillow to rest my back….coz sitting on the chair…. For 5 hours straight…man! Back and backside all pain sia… :D
Almost 11.40 now…better do my home work….
Monday, April 11, 2005
ARGH!.... i cant tink of how to write this essae of mind. Really,seriously, i brain seems to have frozen. Hock told me to get some composure. But i tink i left in in my locker. Argh! I really want to wave the white fla above my head-- surrender. I cant handle this stress! Just for tonite onli......i hope
I feel like criyin rite now....waaaaaaaaaah!.......i cannot stand this feeling of pain?Anger?Frustration? I need a shoulder to lean on....a shoulder to cry on.....
I really need to take a break... i dun care wat the teacher will sae tmr..........my brain is dead...i give up!
I want my granny!!!!!!.... tokin to her....will cfm make me feel much better. but since she's asleep, maybe thinkin happie tots will help me rileks....
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Strangers ARE INDEED friends you have yet to meet……
People who were once strangers, people whom I see everydae but never had the chance to sae hello to, have now become my friends…(i've became their frens)....which ever wae u see it, it doesn't matter-- its the same thing!
However, this does not mean that all strangers are your friend! People whom u meet at bus stops…and they happen to talk to you and ask for your number…may seem like a friend….. and you may want to give him or her ur number…but think thrice (twice is not enuff) … before making a decision….
Den, I want to sae my most sincerest –sowies- to everyone whose feelings I may have hurt by the things that I say. I have to admit that I have poor control of the things that keep pouring out of my mouth. What I think is funny, others sees it as rude. What I feel is the right thing to sae, may end up being hurtful… I did some reflections and will mend my ways starting from now…
A couple of things happened this week.
Lets start wif Mondae…. A very forgettable dae…I had to think really hard to remember Mondae….. all I can remember is that I met up wif Yong to discuss the plans for Thursday recre… and we went home shortly after tt….
Tuesday……. Heard the story that I didn’t believe actually happened…..Anyway, having a relatively complex imagination…… many possible scenarios actually appeared in my head. That night, while walking home, I happen to notice every single Bangladeshi that passed by me….they may seem nice…but you’ll never noe… And I have to admit that watching all those episodes of Crime Watch and Missing made me kind of worried for my friend… Hope nothing will actually happen to you! (PS: I still can’t help but worry..)
Wednesdae…mugged from 3- 7….quite shiok lah… Anw, this dae will live in infamy…haha…
I was walking into the physics classroom. Then my group mate, Lay Hoon, asked me, ‘Ali, are you afraid of lizards?”. In my mind, I was wondering how the heck did she noe this secret of mine? I replied in a manly way, “ Of course not!”. Then, it happened. She said that Yinlu, my classmate saw a lizard around the area my group was sitting in!
I froze and my eyes were on high alert—for any small moving objects. I felt the “yucks+eeew+gross” feeling that ppl wun understand… I put my bag down and looked for that blardy creature. I was looking for that creature wen Lay Hoon exclaimed, “Ali! Got lizard!”….pointing towards my shoes. Having got this gift of agility and good reflexes…I jumped…haha…and ran outside the classroom… I knew Lay Hoon tricked me but I wasn’t taking any risk…(Btw, I jumped coz I didn’t want to hurt the lizard ya..)
Den I began to isolate the 4 tables my groups were using from the other tables in the row… just in case the lizard crawled from one end to my group’s end of the table(PS: I didn’t want the lizard to make the girls in my group distracted from our discussion) …yea… And that’s when I saw the creature…which i think measured up to around SIXTY millimetres long… Haha…. And guess what…. I shouted( to warn others abt the lizard so that they wouldn’t harm it)…haha….and ran outside…to ensure that I wun be of any threat to the creature…the poor creature was scared…haha…anw….. a brave person in my class came to my…ermm….the lizard’s rescue…..carried the lizard and took it outside…she was about to put the lizard on the floor when I shouted at her to throw the creature downstairs (for fear that others wun accidentally step it)…haha….. the brave person was a SHE…Sharon…haha….Sharon was my hero that fateful dae….and for the rest of the tutorial….my legs were off the floor…for fear that the mama lizard is out there some where looking for her son(or daughter)… Being the gentleman(or gentle man) that I am, I didn’t want to hurt the mama too!….
Anw, I guess I am wasting my time writing this story coz thanks to some people who saw the fateful scene…. it seems as though everyone knows about it already! And recently, someone reminded me of a similar incident which happened last year—this time, it involves a slightly bigger creature—a cat! If u’ve never heard this story before, relax… it’ll reach u one of this day….haha
Thusday came…. Had recre soccer… wasn’t exactly great coz it’s hard giving instruction to people. The session got interrupted by lightning and thunder….and by the time we were allowed to use the field…. It was almost late and I had to do the bad thing by telling them to go home and come next week. But I have to sae that my leadership skills needs improvement… one guy told me that I better change my style…haha…. Coz I wasn’t actually a model leader on the field. But it’ll definitely be a good experience for me! This is the beginning of life after “being dropped” from the team.
Btw, not many people are aware that I have been dropped from the team. NO one knew, unless they asked. I know when people seriously do not noe….so if u happen to not noe tis...and u asked a question still thinkin that i'm in the team...dun u worry…. i'm fine wif it...
Friday…is becoming my slack day. Yesterday, I wandered around skool doing nothing. Watched the guys training…see a friend of mine ran and ran and ran the 200m again and again and again…wow…I was amazed that she could do that… I could see that she’s tired…but she still carried on running….haha….that uncle didn’t give her any chance…haha. Saw the wushu people plae wushu…damn stylo sport…and saw people train basketball….and saw people plae squash….saw people plae badminton too…and I saw people singing in the audi…. And den, I went home. I wanted to do my homework todae, but I guess after for daes in a row doin work after skool…I needed an entire afternoon to rest…haha…
Saturday…am taking my time to do homework…still not fully focused…did a quarter of Complex no. 2. ….and decided to spend some time updating myself as well as u guys… the highlights of this week… its 8 rite now and i just found out that Yong has been called back into the team...due to the injuries being inflicted on our team. And 2 J1s just got dropped todae! Am really happie for yong though... Although this makes me only J2 not to get a recall, haha... i hav to sae that i'm ok wif it coz i am not ready for this kind of thing...really... i've learned a lot...but it wasn't everything.... still have a long way to go....AJ SOC....see u at the finals!
And I have to sae again that (some) strangers are INDEED friends you have yet to meet..
Monday, April 4, 2005
Did mostly mths todae. Complex numbers really complex sia. But i did all tt i could. Tried every single qn. So gonna ask questions tmr so tt i could put this tutorial aside and start on the second one.
Oh ya....found out from zhi kai tt he got called up for training(he's the keeper who got dropped)
Was happie for him coz the other 2 keeper aren't tt good either.....so i was telling him to plae his best and fight for his place.. Wish i could sae the same for myself
Was planning for this thursdae recre soccer. i like doing all this kind of admin werk--planning things. Hope things will werk out as planned. As for now...the plan isn't fixed yet. We ll have to meet up with mr Trevor to inform him of our plans....
Watched "turn left,turn right". Movie was damn nice. I wanted to watch it coz this movie came out in the cinema wen i was in sec school. People said the show was nice....the newpaper said it was nice.....the marketting was done brilliantly....
Being a guy who never goes to the cinemas, i only wait for movies to come on tv. Watched the whole show. Felt damn touched by it. If only such things really happen in reality. HOw sweet it would be.
Btw....i was scolded for watchin this chinese movie sia.My mum says that i m becoming too much. Too much in what sense i dunnoe. Maybe she saw a change in me. Well, i m changing....pple can see tt i m changing. Talked to a fren of mine. He said that i "am becoming more cina(Malay for chinese)". Coz i m picking up chinese phrases...watchin chinese movie....listen to chinese songs(TIS IS HOCK"S FAULT!)...
ya....another fren also asked....if i am looking for a chinese girlfriend. Haha...all tis just becoz i watched "turn left, turn right"...
no.....i m not looking for any chinese girlfriend....nor am i interested in chinese guys(SORRIE HOCK!)... haha... i m just adapting to my new environment...an environment surrounded by Chinese....i m just blending in...
Regarding the girl.... hmm.... she ll pass by me....one day...
Coz u see,
"Life is full of surprises; even two parallel lines may one day meet."
Sunday, April 3, 2005
Haha.....bathed and ate lunch... washed all my dirty clothes....clean up my very messy room...did some mths and chem...and watched hindi movie.....on V Central......Bathed at 7....completed my chem...ate dinner...saw the crowning of Ms Singapore...(she not that bad lah)....and then more mths....BORING!
Anw, i am feelin MUCH better now. Coz i m getting bored of crying over spilt milk. What's done is done. I m leaving it in the past where it belongs....instead of carrying it along wif me into the future.
I am going back to my debut club tomorrow......my CC team...to train further.....coz i miss the feel of the ball...hopefully, i'd be part of the tournament team....haha... So Canberra United(lame name...i noe..).....here i come!
Oh ya....the AJ team lost to RJ at RJ 2-0....
hey.....the way i write this entry is boring....coz my saturdae...today.....was a Boring one....
Saturday, April 2, 2005
-Sigh- How I really wish a tomorrow will be a new week. I can’t wait for this miserable week to end. And I’ll try make this entry a short one…haha
I was sitting by myself yesterdae, watching my ex-teammates do their self-training. I really missed those daes. Anyway, being me, I began to talk to myself…do some reflections… think about the things that has happened in the past few days.
I asked myself…. “Hmm…what interesting thing happened on Monday?”…. I thought hard-trying to remember something that has happened on Mondae. Nothing came to my mind. Impossible! I told myself. There has to be at least something. I closed my eyes and focused. I began from the time I woke up and breezed through the hours, somehow akin to reading a book. The book was ending soon…yet still no significant event. But before I finished reading the book….something suddenly came to my mind.
Oh ya… how can I forget? Avid readers of my blog(if there's any tt is...haha), remember how I always say that I felt the axe coming…how my performance in soccer sux….how I always say that I will be dropped… and how I always say that even if I am dropped, I’ll still be happy as I had really learned a lot from this experience in my CCA….
So here is what happened on the evening of Monday, 28 March 2005. I was dropped. Handled the whole thing well that day… the coach asked me and the other 2 J2s whether we noe why we were being dropped. Of course I knew! It was my technical skills. As for the other 2, it’s having a bad temperament and some physical limitation. The 3 of us knew where we were heading next- Recreational soccer. We want to contribute something to the J1s…. or one can also say that that’s where rejects go to.
Since that evening, whenever I am not preoccupied with my work, my mind will dwell on the Monday incident. Various questions came to my mind like… “What do I want to do with the time that I have” … “How I wish I was still in the team”… “Am I happy or sad to be out of the team” etc. These questions, and more, were like the pop-ups in my computer—I simply dunnoe how to make them stop and when they pop-up, usually a few of them simultaneously, its hard to close them one by one. To close these pop-ups, my mind will have to venture deep into my mind…give myself the answers to the questions…and only then will the pop-ups be closed. Such is how my mind work.
On Tuesday, I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t concentrate during class and lectures. I needed a pop-up blocker coz the pop-ups are popping up like popcorns in a popcorn-popping machine. After school, did some work till about 7 with Hock and Yuy-g and frens … while my mind was elsewhere.
Wednesday came. I was like a zombie… lifeless. And during physics practical… I felt like giving up everything. We had to do some simple calculations to fill up a table. I need to find the period of the oscillation—a very simple thing to do—just take the total time divided by the number of oscillation. Somehow, I calculated the period using the frequency formula, without realizing it. And I was damn certain that I was right—so certain was I that I wanted to see if Hock and gang remembered to use the right formula.
The right formula, at that time seems right to me, but obviously, it wasn’t right. I saw the difference in our answers and told him, in a very confident manner, that he was wrong as he used the wrong formula. They burst into laughter, and tears and stomachaches, for I have done a very funny thing-- using the wrong formula and telling them that they have used the wrong formula. Yeah… I became the butt of the joke. It was funny…haha..damn funny…if the Ali then was me. But the Ali in the physics lab wasn’t me. He was doing many things at that time… deleting the pop-ups and doing practical. He couldn’t even think straight. He laughed at himself too…but for a while… for he knew that the Monday incident was affecting him. He covered his face…not in shame but in frustration… for he had allowed a small thing to affect him so much. More pop-ups…there was one too many…. he needed a break, so he went to the toilet.
Once in the toilet, it felt like I was in another world—a world where I can take my mind off school. I calmed myself down. Took a couple of deep breath. Washed my face and proceeded with practical.
There was CCA carnival after school. I was at the booth, along with Kai and Yong…. trying to get people to join the Recre team. The whole team was there at first, kicking around before their training. I simply watched from behind the booth—feeling rather disappointed. Again, more pop-ups and of course, no one could see my disappointment …except one…
Btw, we managed to get 47 girls and 23 guys… not a bad figure…
Realizing that there was so many homework for Thursday, I decided not to go for the religious lesson and the history lesson later that night (8-10pm). I really wanted to go coz we’re now at Prophet Yaa’kub (Jacob) and Yusuf (Joseph). Saw cartoons of their life on Kids Central….and I wanted to noe more…but it’s ok…it’ll only be a small portion missed..
Had a warm and nice chat with a good friend later that night. It’s wonderful to have friends that u can talk to. Friends who truly understands and are willing to listen. Hey, ya noe who you are… … really appreciated it and thanks. Regarding your question whether I am okay or not…hmm…. I’m still unsure. But it’s tilting more towards the okay side though.
Thursday came and it went on a low note again. I was a zombie almost throughout the entire day. I didn’t talk as much… or bugged Hock for his mp3… or reminding him to put Jay’s songs in it. But something happened towards the end of the day.
Me and my frens were sitting outside the bookshop doing our own work. Then got this teacher who wanted us to help her. Like I said earlier, I too wasn’t myself that day.
Teacher: Hello, are u guys going to Bridge later?
(Before my frens could answer, I opened my big mouth)
(It wasn’t in a rude tone. More like in a “joking can’t be bothered tone”)--> Wrong move!
Teacher: Would u guys help me staple worksheets for the lectures later….blah blah…Are u guys busy doing anything?
ME (and my big mouth): Erm…yah….we’re busy talking.
She gave me a ‘can’t be bothered look’ and went away. My friends were like, “Ali…. Die She walked away…. Better say sorry.” I realized that the teacher wasn’t in a joking mood. DUH…. She was rushing against time! And those who know me obviously know how slow and dumb I can be.
So I approached her to apologize, told her I was joking, that I shouldn’t have acted that way and that I was really really sorry. She said it’s okay and that she called some of her students to help—in that “pretend to be angry (or was she really angry?) + can’t be bothered look” and went up to the staff room. I sat back and my friends were like, “Ali….she’s angry with you…She’ll tell Ms Tan (my form teacher) about it…Die..”
Man! She was making me feel damn guilty—a feeling not worth experiencing. She came back again, this time with some students. And my friends asked me to apologize again. And she gave me the same look and said, “It’s okay. I don’t need you help. I called some gentlemen (friends of mine) to come and help.” I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. I didn’t want to take any more chances, so I simply apologized again and sat back again. My friends were laughing at me. Like I said earlier, I felt damn guilty. When I’m quiet, I’m too quiet. Once I start talking, I’d tend to say stupid things.
Anw, I consoled myself by telling myself that I wasn’t a saint and that everyone makes mistakes.
After finishing the physics thing that I was doing, I didn’t noe where to go next. I was almost going home when I decide to make a u-turn and do something in school. I walked aimlessly trying to find anyone I know. Life would have been much easier if I had a handphone, which I do not due to some personal and valid reason.
Boon saw me…thankfully… so I watched he and the others play. Was invited to plae badminton, but at that time…. I was feeling damn guilty and disappointed… that I didn’t want to play. Sorry…maybe next time…if there is a next time (relax! This doesn’t imply that I’d be commiting suicide or anything okay)….Then that was when “I was sitting by myself, watching my ex-teammates do their self-training. I really missed those daes. Anyway, being me, I began to talk to myself…do some reflections… think about the things that has happened in the past few days……(Para. 1)”
This Thursday was by far the most restless Thursday I can remember!
Friday morning… i think i became the first person in the world to fall for an April fool's joke.Was chattin and didn't realise that it was April 1. And i fell for a trick I didn't see coming. Lame people like me shuld have seen it coming. In fact, i wanted to play a trick on those in MSN..and be the first person to make others the April's fool....SAdly, i forgot about the time. And hey...i was worried coz u said u had a bad cough... maybe, i m simply naive...haha..congrats for outsmarting me....it's this kind of thing that will help me forget MOndae...
BUT during lunch,I got bastard by a friend who said Xinmin was better than Anderson Sec coz no Xinmin player got dropped from soccer but Anderson Sec got ppl that kena dropped. Although he forgot that I was there, and I am an Andersonian, and that he said he had another Andersonian in mind…. my mood went back to a low. It’s a fact and I have to learn how to cope with this sort of pressure. Nevertheless…the pop-ups that were slowly decreasing in volume came back in numbers. I was beginning to get over the Monday incident as I was told by a good friend not to think too much about it… and that I will feel sad if I think about it coz soccer is my passion. I have to say that this good friend of mine has found for me the answer to why I feel sad even though I keep telling myself that there’s nothing to be sad about. Again….thx…
I’ll have to try harder to forget this. Btw, I had training today…haha….they got not enough people and I was glad to be part of today’s training… got time to improve on my fancy skills…lol…still got a long way to go…
Got home. Slept for 2 hrs. With my contacts on (lucky nothing happened). Too tired. Bathed. Eat. Watched a bit of Twilight Zone. And wrote this blog. Spent 3 hrs on this blog-- the longest amt of time I spent writing an entry.I couldnt do anything else. I had to venture deep in thoughts to recall as much as I can…..i like DOing this kind of soul-related healing procedure....hahaha
As much as I want to forget this week……I too, in future, want to look back and say, that this was the worst week I can ever remember.