Monday, April 30, 2007

less of the old stuff

i think this post will be less of how i dread spending weekends or how im stuck in the same old room or how ive been at home ever since i came back from camp.... even though all this is still true.

ive been thinking about the course im taking. The more i talk to people, the more i dun feel like doing civil engineering. Realised that im not really really looking forward to doing CvE. Ive been thinking .......

......i wanna do sthg that i wanna look forward to. Sthg like how i always look forward to booking in to camp. I like doing what i do back in camp -- lets just say its a very challenging job. And i just have this feeling that i wun be THIS enthusiastic -- should i choose to do civil engineering.

Which brings me to the question of my alternative to civil engineering.

Ive been thinking about doing something related to the social world. Psychology, counselling, social work........... working with kids, troubled teens, addicts, families...... in schools, hospitals, childcare centres.......... helping people in need, help them find the light at the end of the tunnel....

This might sound weird coz i may not seem like the people kind. But im starting to feel and believe that this is something i'd like.

So been doing some reading about SimU. Looks like a school that i could be in. But the minimum age is 21. meaning that i can only enter on january 2009. Which would also mean that i can work for 1 year.... Now im just a lil unsure about the course fees. Or if i could get some financial assistance.

Hope i'll be doing what i want to do in future instead of what the uni decides for me.........

Friday, April 20, 2007

On Off...

Will start writing when i stop writing about the same old things.

Friday, April 13, 2007

the friends

i am so so bad at remembering names. Met 2 of my friends while on duty the other day. They were my course mates for 2 months exactly a year ago. And while they remembered me(coz i was quite high profile for both the right and wrong reasons) and my name, i remembered them, but not their names. So we talked for some 10 minutes or so asking which unit each other're at and what they're doin and stuff... and i still couldnt figure out their names.

anws, and update to my own self. Life's been no different. Yet one of the many book out days confined within the four blue walls of my room. My brothers' seem a lil taller. And they are no longer the brothers i used to be able to hug and kiss all the time. The only one person who still loves me is my dear mama. Helping me to wash my army clothes even though i clearly told her i would do it myself... haha... making sure there's food to eat. And sometimes i feel she is not being loved as much as she deserved by my siblings. Sad to know that sometimes kids forget the hardship parents go through to raise their children. The least one could do is show some appreciation and respect.

Wished i could spend more time at home. Wished i could do more than just bring home $702 a month. Only then would i wish for a lil bit more time to spend with my friends. that i could at least remember their names.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

the compliment

I was giving advice to this soldier of mine on the bus back from duty. This soldier is one of the men under me. A hard to handle character that i'm determined to change. He got punished for some mistakes he's made. Ive successfully manage to convince my superiors to lighten his punishment. It was hard fighting his case and am glad i was convincing.

So after advising him of what he should do, how to avoid not getting picked by people and things that he should and should not do ...... he told me sthg. He told me, "sgt, u know what my dad works as on a part time basis?" How would i know right? He told me, "A councillor." And i was like boy his dad should try council his son like asap. And then he told me that i sound exactly like his father.

I take it as a compliment. Surprised that i was able to give him sound advise. But all i did was to put myself in his shoes and tell him what i would wanna hear if i was in his place. But mostly i knew exactly how he must've felt coz ive been in the situation before. Being alone ... picked on.... made fun off... I keep my emotions to myself. He lets everything out. Which is detrimental to himself since this is the army.

well looking into doing this sort of thing in future. Helping others. Giving advice. But before i can do that, i need to start helping my own self and giving me my own advice.

well then....

Saturday, April 7, 2007


Life then and now is really more or less the same. Then i go home straight after school. Now i go home straight after work. Then i spend my weekends at home and now too. And it has been like this then and it still is now.

Of course the subtle changes.

Like how my sister and brothers have changed in terms of behaviour. According to mama my brothers and slowly behaving like my sister... which isnt good news. Not saying tt behaving like me is good either.

What im gonna do with my life. How im going to go about with my life. What my brothers' gonna do with their life. My sister's too. Should i work? Should i go uni?

Should i buy a new com? Is it worth it? Will it spike up my electricity bill? I want to learn driving but is it nescessary? $2000 off my savings is like a lot.

How am i spending my money? Are they put to good use? Am i wasting unnescessarily?

Subtly, subconciously only the stuffs i think about have changed.

Now is still too early to feel big changes. Changes will be more obvious once im out of army on my own. And if i choose to study .... that is when i think all the problems will slowly start to creep out....

Sunday, April 1, 2007


and so i bought a new cpu. couldnt take it anymore. and the fact that my brothers need to do homework sort of made me decide. Almost a month's pay gone... but i hope it'll be a good investment for the future.

i find that depriving myself of temptations like buying a com or eating a prosperity meal is subconciously driving my anxiety level up.... and i heard it kills.. So a bit of retail therapy kinda soothes me a little. Its hard to not spend even though i know that it may be hard to get if i ever need that money some day in the future ....

this week's been all about lessons in ethics. The consequences of doing the morally right thing. Had this navigation exercise and me and my men found all 5 checkpoints. One of them is Moon. So ran into 2 other details from my platoon and they happened to be having a hard time looking for Moon and decided to get the answer from me (there are numbers to note down at each checkpoint). Me having led my men for hours up and down hills and across streams and stuff decided that they should feel how we felt when we couldnt find a particular checkpoint for 2 hours.

And the consequence was for the next few days, i was boycotted by the platoon for "not wanting to help own people". So now its back to square 1: winning back their hearts.

sleep eat com tv sleep eat com tv. my weekends' killing me....