Monday, May 30, 2005

148 days and counting.....

Yesterday, while reminding someone to make full use of the holidays and reminding her just how many days we have left....... i feel like it's as though i m reminding my own self just how many days i have left before the A levels. Am feeling rather scared lah..... scared tt i cant make.....scared tt even if i gave my all, i still wun b able to meet the cut.... scared tt i'll disappoint everyone.....scared tt ppl will laugh at me..... -scared-

Managed to start a conversation wif my mum by first telling her abt my sis's grades. Hhaha... she told my mum tt she haben got back her report book... but wen i read her blog, she's just scared to tell her lah. She failed all but 2 subjects sia. The more i read her entries..... the more i think she's like me lah. Kind of experiencing depression.... stress.... talk to frens more than talk to ppl in e family....hah..... its in the genes i guess. She's takin her o-levels mother tongue tmr....wish her all the best lah. hhaha.... the only thing i manage to say to her was tt it's the Os and when its just the Os, u close both eyes also can do the paper. Haha.... not much of an encouragement i guess....haha....

Den i told my mum tt it's not like the As lah..... damn hard one..... and i did told her that i might even die studying lah....and even if i prayed for the best, i dun think i can do it lah. Den she said, with my prayers as well as my determination to succeed, God willing, i will succeed. think that i actually received an advice from someone in the family....haha..... Am really lacking in confidence right now lah. I hope that I'll find that BIG C soon....... -motivated-

Btw, I found a chess set in the house that was put away some time ago. HAha......and guess what since yesterdae, me and my bros have been playing it lah. To think they actually none how to play this "brain game". Of the 9 time we played, i won them all lah.... was getting bored of winning oso lah.... haha....den yesterday....played wif the youngest bro.....was damn cocky lah me....i say i'll kill him off in 15 minutes lah...den i committed all my pieces up in attack lah. I got this feeling i ll win him in a couple of moves lah. Haha.... den suddenly,due to unforced negligencein fact, my pieces were being swallowed up lah.....den it ended up against my last king standing against LOTS more pieces lah. Hhaa.....i lost.... to think i can actually lose to my bro..... was kind of a shock to me lah.....humph! Wun give him chance the next time round.. ..haha

"The best cousin in the world" dropped by yesterday.... he was feeling better....coz he recently fell of his bike...motorcycle to be precise....haha.... since i nvr go see him after his accident, he came to see me lah....haha....he misses! as if... Yup... he told me stuffs meant for my ears only..... but someone's else's ear kind of did hear it to lah... or in fact, read it lah. But i TRUST that that SOMEONE BETTER NOT LET ANYONE ELSE"S EAR HEAR ABT IT!!..... haha....-kiddin- myself a frenster account....coz tt cousin of mine who's the last person on my mind to have a frenster account had just opened an account... i was like wat the heck??? Haha.... so i guess.... i m e last person in the world to hav an account?? See lah.... when my sis had one....i said it was stupid lah.... when my sis had a blog....i said it was stupid lah..... so whose the stupid one now?? looking at the mirror now.... and I SAW THAT STUPID GUY!! ahah..... lame.... kk...OUT!

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Be yourself day.... WONDERFUL Mac Experience

It was BYD todae. We get to wear anything we want. Well....not everything i guess coz there were guidelines tt needed to b followed. And of course we needed to submit proposals..... which had some classes fuming coz their proposals were rejected.... but overall..... it was an ok day lah.

Of course being a Be Yourself Day..... i decided to be myself. I had lots of fun watching ppl play soccer sia, eating breakfast in a nearly empty canteen.... watched ppl sing Steph Sun songs, FIR songs at K-Box... watched a small part of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen...watched a really small part of Van Helsing.... and caught a glimpse of Totoro(??? Is tis the title of the movie....din hear it properly during morning assembly. Walked here walked there..... hha....damn shiok lah. And i got to enjoy this special day with a very special someone lah. Someone whom i spend time with most of the time....all the time in fact..... Someone who truly understands me...not all the time though...hee... Someone who enjoys being with me...... It being BE Yourself day.... i spent the day wif.....




my own self. Haha.....yeah.... expected?? Thought it was someone else?? There's no someone else lah..... its either me or everyone else....Haha.....anw most of my frens either played soccer or watched movie. Din want to stink myself decided not to play soccer.. and Van Helsing?!?!?!? .... wahlao.... dun wan to fill my head wif unwanted images... hhaa.... this kind of disgusting horror(is it horror???) ..... scary movies dun appeal to me lah. Haha..... too bad... tts just me lah....whether u like it or not. Ali told me he wanted to eat after watching some soccer coz the sun was hindering my view. Stomachache sia... haa.... lucky that Mee Rebus auntie got open shop. Den i treated myself to ice cream.... hhaa.... power..... but the ice cream seems to melt a little too fast?? Hhaha.... but power nonetheless.... its been a while since i ate ice cream....

K box was ok lah. Managed to listen to an FIR song tt i find rather nice...... after a while.... i decided to take a peek at the movies....wah....full house lah! Had to stand at the door sia. so couldnt really enjoy the show lah.

When it was time to go to the hall....i finally met up wif the other guys.. chat here chat there..... den went can leave skool already that time.... we went to mac.

Bad day at the mac. it was really WONDERFUL..... more like 'WonderFUl'. Firstly, that manager at the counter was damn not polite lah. Never smile. Den i kept on saying i m member but he already deleted dunnoe wat from the cash register and went to take my stuff. Wen he came back....i told him i was a member......not tt i was tt desperate for points... but he being rude.....i decided to use the RIGHTS i have as a consumer and a customer. He pressed the register and gave me the points lah. BUt although i paid 6.50.... he gave me the points for $3.55 lah....the price of just the McSpicy double.... damn angry lah..... but calmed down.... coz i dun really like this kind of ppl. He told me he'll send me my PLAIN McSpicy double coz haha....i dun eat mayo(One of the many things on the list of stuffs that i dun eat).... Anw, b4 i went back to the table, i asked him for chilli sauce lah. Coz he din even put any lah! Den he put 2 only!! Den i asked for more.... den in tt unfrenly tone of his, he asked how many more.... i said 2 more. He put 3!! Damn rude right!!?? Attitude..... I asked for curry sauce.... he said curry sauce only for nuggets.....pls lah!! All other McDonalds cashiers give curry sauce whether u buy nuggets or not. WTH!!!! So i went to the counter next to his for curry sauce lah. To hit him back. Blardy attitude sia.....

While waiting.... i ate my fries lah. Den suddenly got this malay lady.... a big round and unsightly being came to our table and told us that we never invite her b4 we eat. I m not sure if invite is the word coz in malay....wen we eat.... we must "invite" others ard us to eat oso.... aiya.... u noe wat i mean rite. Wen i saw her..... i didn looked up anymore lah... haha.... unsightly.... den wen she spoke.... i tot she knew my fren Tauhid lah. Haha.... coz i assumed she was talking to him lah....coz i din look up and Adib and Shak had their backs towards her. Den Tauhid like stunned like tt said "huh...huh....ya..."... den she went away lah... go disturb some ang mohs who were from united world college... coz i heard the lady said United world college. DEn When Haz came tothe table, she went back over and said..."Sikit("A bit" in malay)" and took one or two of Haz's fries. WE were like "????".... den she sang a bit of Toni Braxton's Unbreak my Heart....... wahlao.... again ...????.... we found it humorous too lah.... i found it humurous lah.....until she went over to me....and asked if i wanted the chilli sauce which were on my tray....which i had a rather hard time getting lah....haha....

Btw.... i dinnoe she was really crazy lah.... so i said....if she want she can take lah. DEn she took not one...not two ...but SEVEN of my chilli sauce lah. 2 of which Shak give me one. ONLY DEN.....i told myself she was really wrongly wired in the head lah. Coz when she leaned over to take the chilli sauces....she kind of moved towards shak lah..... and immediately after tt.....Shak went off lah.....haha....freaked out i guess.

Den the lady took a chair from behind and sat facing us.... in a dammn unsightly manner lah! I din really see her eye to eye lah..... jjust from the top of eyes or the side of my eyes... den i was holding my fries....i was like 'SHIT!!".... den she sae "Nak sikit(Want a bit" in malay..).... i was like damn pissed off and disgusted lah.... but i din want to sae no.... or simply ignore her lah.

Cmon lah....shes human after all right! Just tt God had made her the way she is lah. Just imagine if she's ur sibling.....and she suddenly left home to dunnoe where..... den wen she hungry... she go ask ppl for food... den she kena bullied...or luffed at.... poor thing rite?

So instead of letting her go ard taking ppl's freis..... i gave her mind lah. Anw....i din hv the appetite to eat oso lah. Den i was drinking my MEDIUM(ALREADY UPSIZED) coke lah.... den she said "Nak sikit..."...... i was liek....siao!..... so i sipped a couple more times and gave her everything lah. More than 3/4 full lah!! By this time.... nizar and azhar already went to a sit far away lah.... After i gave her practically everything i ordered..... i remembered that that STOOOPID manager STILL haben gave me my blardy McSpicy Double lah..... so i immediately stood up, and went over to the counter lah for my burger.... as well as to get away frm tt lady lah..... eeeyer.....

I gave my attitude face oso.... liek looked him in the eye with the pissed-off-wif-him look.... and wif the pissed-off-wif-me look, he said that his worker had been looking for me.... cannot find..... Pls lah!!...... I wanted to tell him that i CLEARLY heard him say "Take a sit first. I ll bring ur burger to u." And how the heck would his worker noe how i looked liek lah!..... but tt too will be rude lah. No matter how angry i may be at that time.... one word .... RESPECT. I took the tray and went back to my sit. But the moment i turned and faced the table we're at..... i turned back and told the manager i wanted a carrier.... -->Take away....

I took the burger....and took my bag lah. Den tt lady said.....u eating eat at home?..... and i just went away to the place nizar was sitting at lah. Shortly after that..... Tauhid and Hafiz and Stephen followed. We saw the manager tokin to tt lady and finally, she left the building. We went back to our original seat lah.... Adib and kim was still was boon and guoxing.... Rongzhu had already left. We were like.....Eh!Where's SHak??

Tauhid gave him a call....and shak said he was somewhere outside. Hhaha.... we told him to get back in lah....coz she's now outside mah! Hah.....farnie! Laughed here laughed there...... and den we went for prayers....

They went to play pool at Paradiz.....i went home lah... coz stomach a bit pain.... and also.... my wallet damn dried up lah.... Going to Mac exhausts my allowances lah! Yah....

Then at home.... kicked the ball ard outside wif one of my bro. The other had to go skool help teacher. DEn we went back in and played FIFA on the PS..... Den at 7.... while waiting for the time when i can start my evening prayers..... played solitaire.... vegas type....meaning the card will not repeat one.....hope u get wat i mean.... I think I played ard 10 times lah in a span of 20mins.....finally, managed to complete the round sia. Haha.... damn proud of myself for not giving!!

Had recre soccer on Thursdae. Boy do i really suck at soccer now lah. Lost touch to everything lah. Haiz.....sien..... so i decided to take out my name from the interhouse games..... hock replace me. Haha.....power.... so now i hope i can make it into the squash and badminton interhouse team lah. I already signed up for volleyball too. Haiz.... i signed up for games i dun even noe the rules lah. hhaa.... play for fun got lah.... but proper ones wif rules....never sia.

Which is why i've been downloading videoclips....watching video streams of squash and badminton matches..... to at least familiarise myself wif the game lah. Haha...power.... been playing badminton wif myself too... in my room....against the wall.... have always lost to the wall lah....sien.... simple ball oso can miss....i wonder plae wif real person how sia..... den again....i always knew that P(me winning against the wall)= 0!! haha..
unless i hit the shuttle so hard that it pass right thru the wall!! HEhe..

Jun holidays just started.... better start studying sia. And better train my self up sia... stay in good shape. Oh...the pilot test is on this coming friday sia! Woohoo....cant wait for the day to come. Hmmm....what should i wear?...haha.... -jokin-

I guess tt's it from me. Wah.... Hock no longer online recently sia.... all the stuff in the house are in boxes coz it's undergoing renovation. Boring.... No one to really tok too now lah. Haiz......

My frens have asked me to join them for grp study during the hols.... grp study's not my thing lah. Wah.....cannot really focus on anything lah. SElf study's more my thing lah. Haiz.... sien.....

Hope people out there are having fun.... Enjoy ur holidays.... But at the same time, study too k?

Thursday, May 26, 2005


What do i want to be when i grow up? Or is it what do ur parents want u to be when u grow up?

Its a damn hard question for me to answer.Lately, these questions have crossed my mind a couple of time..... so wat better way is there to work on it besides writing my thoughts on it! A doctor? A teacher? Or a pilot? There's so many things to choose from but i dun even noe where to begin with!

Last week, me and my other Malay schoolmates who were part of a mentoring programme organized by the Malay/Muslim organisation called Mendaki were told to fill up some information on a piece of paper. On the paper was 10 blanks to fill in. The first 5 blanks were for this question: List 5 fields of studies you would like to know more about (eg. medical).Took a look at the next part....: List 5 jobs that u want to be attached to. Well, the questions weren't exactly phrased this way though.... but close to what i've stated.

I was like....huh???? A couple of jobs crossed my mind lah. Teacher. Engineer. Haha..... man.... this is the only 2 things that i know lah. Eh...actually, i dun even noe wat an engineer does lah!!

THere were a couple of frens who happened to be ard me while i was doing this filling up thingy. Haha....they suggested stuffs like vet (eeyer!)..... farmer??? .... and the one of the things one of them said was Chef....hha..... very good idea lah. POWER!!.... so now that's 3 things i had in mind already lah. I decided to take a look at what other people wrote on their paper and boy did i nearly died of heart attack. There were people who put petrochemist, pediatrician, nanoscientist, hotel manager, economist,psychologist.... and many other cheem jobs.... ANd there i was thinkin along the line of a primary school kid lah! Teacher, doctor, pilot, firefighter, policeman......

Den today, my form tutor messaged me to hand in this Career-Fair-talk-signing-up-thingy by today. KK....she didnt messaged me. She messaged my fren to pass the message to me. Wah.... my fren got this message right b4 physics lecture. I was damn shocked lah coz i TOTALLY forgot abt this thing. Cleanly forgotten abt it! Searched through my files couldnt find anything lah.Den since the lecturer was facing some difficulty trying to switch on the projector....i decided to look for it in my locker i told my fren tt i'll be off for quite sometime. HHAha.....and i went out of lecture! Wah.....den i searched and searched all the files i had in the locker but dun hv! DEn i walk and walk ard skool to look for ppl whom i think may have the paper lah.... but to no avail. Den i saw Michelle who said that Qiuteng had left the thingy in class and now its missing. Den Jun han suggested a damn brilliant suggestion lah-- go to the box and photocopy from other class... wah! I should hv thought of tt. By then, it was already maths tutorial lah.... but this was a die-die-must-get-it-done i went and asked uncle to photocopy 2 for Michelle.... den my instructions got so damn unclear tt the uncle only phtocopied one. So must wait a while more to get it done.... Den i rushed back to maths tutorial......

So after all this beating-around-the-bush..... i was only going to talk about this career-fair-talk-signing up- thingy. Basically we must choose the talks we wanted to attend. At least 3 talks. So i was looking through the options. This was where the "what do i want to be when i grow up" question crossed my mind again lah. To cut the story short..... i chose 4 talks-- the one by MCYS(social worker...psychologist....thereapist..), the one by Singapore General Hospital..... the Engineering one.... and the Banking and Finance one. Just curious what exactly banking and finance ppl do sia....

Then the letter i got from the Air Force made Pilot another option of mine. So what exactly am i interested in? I'm not so sure......

Sien.... today damn sien. Maybe having 4 periods of physics in one day overworked my brain. No wonder every wednesdae i damn exhausted lah!! Coz of physics, maths and chem!! Den i tot american idol is 2 hr todae sia.....kena cheated..... so decided to just share with the world what i want to sae..... and maybe....sleep a while.... coz tonite will be a long nite....i hope. Need to plan my plan for the days and weeks to come.

So what are your ambitions? Are they wat u aspire to be? Or are they merely dreams? Like what Vickram said on speech day...."Dreams are only castles on clouds if u dun do anything about it."

SO wake up.... and start doing something..... and put in ur best effort to make ur dreams come true! All e best!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I m now on the border line.....half asleep, half awake

Damn bored lah now. Maybe not bored.... just feeling "moody"? Got no mood to do things now. Went thru chem's transition metal and almost everything oso i cannot do lah. Den want to do math's tut 32....tts wen i fell onto the 'border line' lah. Mind stressed a bit. Went down to support BT todae. Their final game. Sadly, both lost their games. Everyone looked veri sad lah. The players tt is. The feeling of defeat...... wonder if i have ever felt it before. Maybe during the CDP games got feel defeat lah..... Haiz.... But it should be known tt the teams that were at the courts today were all winners lah. They made it to top four.... so technically, there's no such thing as losers todae lah.

Hey, dun take things too hard on urself k? That's wat i can gather after seeing tt final game of urs. It's not ur fault. And hey! Dun think tt u had disappoint ur other teammates .....supporters ... and frens hu came to watch u.... It just wasn't meant to be. It was a good fight i must say. Maybe not ur best performance.... but a good match nonetheless. Its alright to be feeling blue...... for now..... but try not to feel this way too long k?
Today marks an end to a chapter filled with ups and downs. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a rather hectic but exciting journey ahead.
Hope wat happened todae will not affect ur tommorrows.

Before i blogged down this short entry of mine.... i was reading thru past conversations i had wif some ppl on msn. Btw, a BIG THANKZ to the creator of the Message Log of Msn lah....haha.... Coz reading past conversations really brought back fond memories, funny incidents..... sad experiences.....late nights...... -sigh-

Better rest now. Long day tmr. Nite! Am feeling slightly better. I guess doctors should start to subscribe to their patients who are feeling depressed, sad,suicidal and what not ..... this new medicine i've just discovered for myself.....blogging...

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Rain.....rain.....more rain....and WET SHOES!!

Has been raining these past few daes. And in five daes alone ...i have used 8 pairs of socks! And now i have to find a time to wash those wet socks of mine. This wouldn't be a problem if it were'nt for the holes in my shoes. Am waiting for the day when shoes will start falling from the skies instead of rain....HAhaa... Rather waiting for the day my mama sympathises me and my shoes and gives me money to buy a new pair.

I left off in the previous post wondering how my frens at badminton are doing. Sad to sae that both lost to their relatively strong opponents. They had to face tougher opponents in the semis yesterdae.... which they also failed to overcome. They must be damn sad lah coz like Hock said.... so near yet so far. Well.... i guess getting third isnt that bad. At least they fought till the very end..... erm.... not the end yet coz their final game's next tuesdae and it will decide whether they're 3rd or 4th.Jiayou!!

Yesterdae....i got a letter from the Air Force. Well.... the letter was dated 11 May... it has been quite a while since we checked the letter box. Anw..... they said that i have been identified as a potential candidate to be a Military Pilot based on my medical fitness and educational standing(haha....they haven seen my latest results yet..). Anw.... they invited me to take a 5 hour Computerised Pilot Selection Test on the 3rd of June.

It's kind of power sia given this opportunity to try this kind of things. Haha.... BUt i wonder how many million other kids have got this letter. Put that aside.... it just feels like a chance to turn my dreams into reality. Coz in my younger daes.... i have always wanted to be a pilot. Its the normal ambitious dream every young kid would have. Haha..... in p5.... we were suppose to some sort of a note book where only our teacher could read what we write inside. I remember clearly that we were told to write abt what we want to be when we grow up.... and i told myself, and my teacher that i wanted to be a pilot. i grow up.... my mind begin to change. People grow up becoming more pragmatic...... and i realise that it is an unrealistic dream.... u noe... how many of us will be what we want to be? Little!... So receiving this letter kind of rekindled the dream i had as a little boy....and i'll see how it'll go come June. Haha....and they included at the end of the letter: "You will receive an exclusive souvenir upon the completion of the test." But i'll go to try turn the castle which i once built on the clouds into a reality.

Speech day todae. The only thing i took away from today was the valedictory speech by Vikram..... and the performances by various cultural grps like the band and CO and dance society. Haha .... when the dancers started to "Meow" at the start of their item..... everyone in my class started looking at me lah....haha... and i didn't stood up on my chair.

Suppose to go for a game at the french school in serangoon..... lycee dunnoe wat french de singapour... but since it's raining... i guess i ll miss today's game.

Sat for the physics test on fridae. hard lah. Although i think i studied.... well i guess it wasnt enuff..

Got back my chem result.... failed it.... but nothing regarding the cheating incident. So yup... i usual.

Man.... it has been raining consecutively these past few days..... so dun u be upset ok? When u cry.... the sky cries too u noe! HaHA!! :p

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Man.... this song's so nice man. I feel that i can relate to this song sia. Am home early today.One word.....Exhausted. Electronics in my head. Statistics too..... can't bring myself to sit at the usual place and do work. So far....i just ate and ate and watched American Idol.... and before doing an essay..wanted to blog a while.

Looks like nothing is being said abt the stupid incident. Either the teachers haben really confirmed it or maybe i just thought too much. Coz Mdm Khoo(Chem teacher) spoke to me during a very concerned manner.... asking me why is my paper almost blank? Meaning that the cheating fiasco was just a suspected thingy..... the teacher just saw me looking at the other guy's paper..... Anw.... this is just a thought.... hopefully nothing big emerge as a result of this....except tt evry single one of my frens knew i cheated.... IF nothing really emerge, i should really count myself lucky....prayers answered.

Haha....Mdm Khoo sounds really concerned abt my studies lah. SHe keeps "waking me up" and ask me to better do something abt it. She's the one tt make me realise exactly how much time i have left....159 days!!

Wonder how the BT guys and girls are doing right now. If i got handphone, i could have called or sms... TOO BAD.....sien...... Better start some work now....

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The day After Yesterday...

Really really ran out of idea for the title. Anw....didn't get called out by any teacher regarding yesterday's case. Maybe not so soon lah. GRr.... Anyway, today's feeling regarding yesterdae's issue was less intense lah. I have decided not to brood or think too much abt it. Based on past experience....getting mad at something does not do you any good. So today....i try to make things easy and enjoyable for myself.

AFter school, I went to the hall to pray.. and then sat on stage to watch Michelle play.... for one whole period. Think here think there but i was generally relaxed. WEnt to the place behind the canteen and started to sort out my file. Den i changed into a much comfortable outfit - the pe shirt- and walked around for a while. DEn i did Physics....ALL of the electronics tutorial in around an hour liddat..... den i walked ard again... eat some snacks... pray....

Den i did Maths....finished ALL of the remaining questions which i had left in ard 45 minutes... den i decided to read up on electronics again...coz my concepts are still not there yet. Walked slowly to the locker.......and took my time to get settled.... I did manage to learn a thing or two after reading ....

Then i decided to go for a run.... maintain my fitness.... Since it was wet, i wanted to run on the thread mill..... The machine was off....and while trying to make it come back to chased out coz some ppl wanted to do gym duty. Hhahha... maybe not chased out coz they did tell us very politely to go out and come back later.

So i went back to the place behind the canteen. While reading electronics....felt tired.... so while waiting for the gym to be ready... i rested my head on the table.....and took a nap.ALmost fell asleep lah!.... It's abt 6 now....

So went back to the gym and started "fixing" the blardy threadmill.....after onning here and there.... interchanging the plugs and all..... i have come to a conclusion that either the machine is spoilt ...or the plug extensions were faulty. SO i ended up running ard the track...... The hole in my shoe has OFFICIALLY become bigger!

RAn 6-7 rounds. Inconsistent running sia.....there were sprints which weren't really sprints.... fast jog...slow jog....walk.... damn tiring sia..... den Kim took out a ball and we started kicking the ball ard......den we started to join the recre game... boring!.... BUt it filled my time 715.... i decided to make my move.... so ran one more round...

While cooling down....wenta the mph to see badminton. SAw 2 Hocks playing together lah.'s this other J1 guy in badminton who to me ...."feelS" like Hock.... ANw.... while watching the Hocks plae....den there seems to be an argument breaking out in the gurls team. Dunnoe wat happened but the impt thing is..... everything's ok. Or at least tts wat Hock told me.'s not the time to be fighting lah.....fight to win yes.....but not this internal fighting.....but its common long it doesnt affect their performance can already....

DEn i wenta change....pray....and go home...

Upon reaching home, i ate dinner. bro make me super angry lah. I was eating.... holding the plate of fried noodles up..... den he bang into my hand... and the whole plate fell lah! Wahlao....den there's no more left lah. DAmn stupid lah! And damn am i hungry now. DEn i watched TV...decided to bathe later.... watched some malay cultural show while ironing tmr's set of uniform....den watched CNA's 360. Something abt women and how they are affected by wars and natural disaster... ONe interesting fact mentioned was tt there were more women who died as compared to men during the tsunami.... and one of the reason why this is so is that women tend to help as many people as they the children, babies, mother.... and while trying to do this....face difficulties and die... Was an eye opener for me lah.... coz this kind of things never come out in papers one...

DEn i fell asleep while watching it..... till when i heard my grandma waking me up. SO i go bathe.....pray..... and decided to blog!......which i am already almost finishing...

DONE! So i just wanna say again tt i m trying to let yesterdae stay a yeserday and not bring it along for the days to come..... i am really worried abt wat could possibly happen.... but.... i'll just have to face the consequences lah. No point being afraid abt it. AM just living life to the fullest now.......

physics test this Thursday.....i noe what i m not suppose to do..... Still so much homework to do..... how to revise my work..... Haiz.... kk.....better sleep now....if not tmr tired again.......

K lah.....nitez!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Utterly disappointed in myself...

Am utterly disappointed in myself. What was i thinkin! MARZUKI!! What were u thinking!!

"Marzuki..... u just did something damn stupid u noe tt? So much for saying that u wun cheat again in future. See what happen now? GOt caught somemore! Well.... the teacher din actually sae that u cheat.... but u were looking at his paper alright. Hey! Keep your eyes to your own paper lah next time....if there IS a next time. Skali u'll be kicked out of school for doing such a dishournarable thing and barred from any exams for the rest of ur life."

To think that I actually wanted to be a millionaire. Am truly disappointed in myself now man. Tomorrow will be a different world altogether man.... teachers will start looking at you differently..... your friends... I am thinking at 100km/h right now lah..Haiz... It's just a lesson for me to learn from. Man.....i really dunnoe where to put my face right now. Man.... what kind of a class leader am I? Put that aside....... what kind of a brother am I?? I dun have the courage to tell my mum what happened. Man.....that'll really disappoint her lah! SHe asks me how things are in school....asking me to put my utmost effort into this final lap of mine. And here i am doing such disgraceful things. If my siblings ever find out about clean image as a rather smart brother will be gone lah!...haiz....."

Am trully trully disappointed man..... the thought of the consequences did came across my mind.... how it is prohibited and all....and all i can say to myself then was "Just one more time. It wun hurt." WRONG!

AM not blaming my lousy luck lah. Like there's ever a thing called luck. Everything is pre-planned.That's fate. CAn't help but keep thinking abt it lah.... Am going to slp over it...

Monday, May 16, 2005

Dreams....coincidence?..... and Mama's boy

Dreams....purely imaginary....just images from our subconcious being played back while we sleep. But when it has links to the real world.... and when things become strangely just can't help but wonder...can he? Well one thing's for sure, dreams should remain where they are..... in Dreamland.

Just watched the scariest movie i've ever seen. Damn irritating lah the show. So shocking and filled with suspense. And here's the title of the movie..."Deep Blue Sea"..
Haha.... abt the shark.... yeah.... i got damn irritated by all the shocks(and sharks) tt i gave up and went online.

Chem test tmr.... shaky concepts..... gonna let this one fly by me...Never thought i'd sae this....but i surrender.. I started too late. I always live to regret. Here's a personal note to Marzuki...

"Eh Marzuki! Marzuki here! Just tell u ar. U shouldnt live to regret wat u've done! I wonder wat u're doing rite now if u are reading this some 15 years from now....HAha... A millionaire i hope! =P ....anw... Just want to sae to you tt you shouldnt do things last minute ok? I noe the "mood" is hard to come by. BUt dun follow the flow.... follow ur heart. Just pick up ur notes and a pen and paper.... and write down stuffs. U wun feel gd being "forced" by urself to do work... but at least u aren't wasting ur time and leaving things to the last minute. See...tmr i got chem test, and i just started work todae. Still got some more topics to do. Yes, the mood was here since morning...but as light fades to darkness....and as Mr Sun makes way for Mrs Moon..... i began to realise that there ain't much time for me to mug. So I gave up and watched tv and talked to friends. I really wanted to do work, but topics like electrochem and NMR cannot be understooded in just a short period of time. Wat i am thinkin now is,like i said, i'm gonna regret wat i've done...and i'll let tmr's...well...todae's test fly by.... and start waking up in preparation for the bigger exam. EH marzuki.... u noe that whenever u sae u wanna wake up.... u really really wanna wake up. BUt most probably, u always seems to wake up rather late. So from the bottom of my heart....i m telling u right now not to make the same mistakes that u have made before.... and i really hope that the Marzuki reading this is a millionaire! But if u aren't....den i have to sae tts it's my fault ure not wat i want u to be.... but i promise u.... if i want u to be a millionaire.... damn will i try my best to make u one. Just remember, in case u forget,in case my mind gets polluted by the thoughts of money,......just remember who u were. Where u used to be. Wat u used to be like. The ppl who helped u. The ppl who supported u. Never ever let silly things like money brain wash you. My first note to myself.... the Marzuki who will one day read this again in future.."

WOrds....words can mean a lot. Words can either raise ur spirit..... or crush ur morales. But my spirits were high tonight. Becoz of words.... such nice words said abt me... never have anyone been so nice... never have anyone been so close to me.... feel so darn touched lah....

Anw....came across this article while surfing the net...found it interesting.

When Mr. Right is a "Mama's Boy"
By Lynn Harris

A Mother's Love

Candles, soft music, a bottle of wine, and...Mom? Everyone knows the unflattering stereotype of "mama's boys" and the mothers who love them. He's dependent, immature and, if you are his girlfriend, he puts her first. To you, his mom may seem nagging and invasive. And, if you are his girlfriend, you fear she hates you.

But this stereotype also comes in a more appealing scenario. He loves and respects his mom, so he loves and respects women -- including you. His mom is wise, cool, and, because she just wants to see him happy, she likes you.

In fact, a new study suggests that the second scenario is closer to the truth. Researchers at Ferrum College in Virginia have found a correlation between men who are close to their moms and women who are satisfied with their partners.

A man's relationship with his mother, says researcher Sarah R. Roberts, "is his first introduction to femininity, and where he gets many of his ideals." Her survey revealed that men who feel close to their mothers tend to have partners who feel "understood"; men who feel understood by their moms are described as "affectionate" by their partners; and men who feel they communicate their feelings effectively with Mom have partners who are happier in general.

The study included 33 couples, who were in dating relationships. The men answered a questionnaire describing the degree of closeness they felt with their moms, while the women sounded off on the level of satisfaction they felt with their partners.

Such findings confirm our instincts about men and their moms. As Judy, 38, a financial planner in Palo Alto, California, says of her fiancé: "One of the first things he said was what a great person his mom is, which I took, correctly, to be a good sign about him and his ability to have a high-quality relationship with a woman -- say, me."

Adds New York attorney Rachel, 30, "Look for the guy who reminds you about Mother's Day."

He "Gets" Women

John, 43, a customer service representative in Ridgewood, New York, is one of those guys. He lived at home -- paying rent and doing his own cleaning -- before marrying at 32. His dad worked three jobs when he was little, so, John says, "My mom was my parent." He was also the only boy among three sisters and a grandmother.

"If any man could claim to be in tune to 'a woman's way of thinking,' I can," he says. "I still do things that startle my wife, like being able to help her pick out clothes." His upbringing, he says, helped him not think of women as a scary, mysterious other species, but rather as fellow humans that one can -- and should -- learn to get along with.

Patricia, 25, a marketing executive in Long Island, New York, loves her boyfriend's closeness -- literally -- with his mom. "Most women would run from a 26-year-old man living with his momma, but my boyfriend's so sweet that he enjoys helping his parents out financially and doesn't need to move in order to be independent," she says. "He feels comfortable asking her advice, including 'Patricia's sick -- what should she eat?' To me, 'Mama's boy' equals future family man [and the most] wonderful boyfriend I have ever had."

Still, there's close, and there's too close. "My ex got a mild case of dengue fever when we were in Asia. His mom flew to Thailand to take care of him for a few days, and he didn't try to stop her," recalls Veronica, 28, a travel agent in San Diego. "I felt like, what am I, chopped liver?"

The study did pinpoint where a man's relationship with his mother could cross that kind of line. According to Roberts, men who said their mom was their "best friend" were described as less "considerate" by their partners. "In my opinion, it makes sense -- if he's spending all that time with his 'best friend,' his partner might feel left out," she says.

Strategic Tips

How to share him with Mom

Your guy's so close to his mom that he's often spending time with her and helping out. How can you compete?

Remember, this is a guy you can talk to. "You could say, 'I love that you have such a great relationship with your mom, but sometimes I feel a little jealous, or worried that somehow I won't measure up,'" says Albuquerque, New Mexico psychologist Christine Nicholson, PhD. "If he's had that compassionate relationship with a strong maternal figure, he'll probably be able to say, 'Honey, I have a different kind of love for you and no one can replace or surpass that!'" Often, says Nicholson, just feeling heard can make you feel better.

He's cleaning out her gutters? Perfect! Quality alone time --or Girl Time -- for you.

Spend some time with his mother (without him) every now and then. You'll feel less like an accessory and more like a member of the family.

What if she's not on his good side?

What if you're thinking: My guy doesn't get along with his mom, and our relationship is fine. Should I be concerned? Should I encourage him to patch things up with her?

If you're happy, there may be nothing to fix. Studies show, Nicholson notes, that abused children do not necessarily become adult abusers. Likewise, she says, "A guy who has not had a good relationship with his mom might yearn for a positive relationship with a woman, even bend over backwards to make it happen."

Helping him mend fences "shouldn't become your mission," says Nicholson. "No one has to have a good relationship with their mother." Some things are best left in the past, and some things, strictly speaking, are not your business.

If their hostility does affect you and your relationship, that's where you have some say.

Keep the focus limited to your feelings and your dynamic, cautions Nicholson. Rather than criticizing him -- or worse, criticizing his mother -- say "Let's figure this out together."

(PS: Nothing to do with me and my life. Any resemblence to me or my life is purely coincidental.)

Sunday, May 15, 2005

I'm becoming like Hock!! Help me!!

Dun get distracted by the title..... i still look like me..not like Hock. Wat i mean by i'm becoming like him is in the sense that i too tend to sleep a lot nowadays. YEsterdae...i slept at 8 lah! Immature sleeping again! I wanted to study chem lor! And go online too! Wahlao! I'm feeling tired and i not quite sure why. Maybe i m dying.....

Haha....just kiddin! =p

Anw, maybe my weekends will start becoming like this. I have to pay all the debts i owe to myself. My sleep debts. All those wake-up-early mornings and sleep-late night are taking its toll on me. Maybe i also slackening fitness wise. I think i must make it a point to run every day. Will it make me more tired at night?? Or would it make me more energised? GRr..... sien...

One whole saturday wasted! Did nothing!! Disappointed in myself. I couldnt bring myself to touch my notes lah. Chem test tmr and i didnt start revision yet! So much for planning. I m just too tired.

If i m really dying...... i just want to sae few words before i go. Tt i haven really been the best of frens....i haven really been the best brother ard...i haven really been the best son around.... I am not fully prepared to leave this world but if i really am goin... Friends.... dun miss me ok?

Haha.... lame..... whether i am dying or not i dunnoe lah.....but I M NOT COMMITING NO SUICIDE!! Tt would mean hell for me straight away! Hahaha....

Just disappointed in myself ...tts all.. If i dun help myself, how can God help me? BUt regarding my "last words", haha.... dun worry. I m still here. Those words should only take effect on the day i die.

Argh!! The more i think abt yesterdae, the more i m disappointed lah. DAmn wasted day! I dun think i can study everything todae lah. Cheating is an option..... but it is a very disgraceful thing to do. After finding out what the Prophet says....i dun think i ll cheat for the rest of my life lah! I guess i ll just study as much as i can and God will help me in one way or another.... idling is also prohibited. I shouldn't be wasing anymore time worrrying. Just put it aside and do the next best thing coz tmr is Mondae....not Saturdae again!

Btw....i hv been having dreams man.... she seems upset in my dreams.... This dreams began on Thursdae night lah....3 daes ago.... But i dun think she's upset, or is she?

Anw, hope u all have enjoyed ur weekend . Spend ur Sunday well ok? And those taking their chem test tmr... all the best lah. And those taking chem test on Tuesdae...(u noe hu u r)... Gd luck....... And those playing for AJ in any kind of tournament.... play ur best game ok? Dun worry abt the schools u r playing against... dun worry if it is a decider or not.... just really really play ur best.......just believe tt u WILL go far!

Better start my day proper now.....Gd morning and goodbye!

PEaceful week.SPA. The race against time.

This week went past without me writing anything on my blog. After each and every single day, I seem to face less and less problems that i need to share with the whole world. Hahaa... i dun really feel the need to "release any pressure".

Anyway, had physics spa on monday evening. Wahlao.... i was so damn prepared lah! I really really memorised all the steps lah.... and did the whole thing in less than half an hour lah. Damn glad lah. I seem to be able to absorb the things i read better. Another one of my many prayers answered.

Am thinkin abt what happened on the other days this week but I am facing difficulties recalling what i did on these days man. Haha..... my mind is really at peace.

Thursdae 15 minutes civics period was spent discussing abt Be yourself day on May 27. Had to come up with a theme. Denim was the only theme that had practically the whole class raising their normally heavy hands up in support. So yeah.... we ll be wearing anything that is made of denim.

WEnt to the talk on Thursdae.... the christian-muslim dialogue lecture.... but the lecture end up talking abt education and how the arab world has contributed to the world and conflicts and all....what the..... more like a social studies lesson than a "dialogue". Far from what i had initially expected.

Friday. Chem spa. Did really well too. But i am not proud of what i did during spa. I wonder if theres anything in my holy book that says about cheating in exams. HAha... Was googling abt this and i found out that i mustn't be doing it lah. MAn..... The Prophet says that "He who cheats does not belong to us." MAn.... but i have to admit that i didn't know about this until before just 2 minutes ago. So now that i am aware of it.... better not cheat anymore in future.

Man..... living by the Book is really hard lah. I seem to be finding out abt new things every day lah. I have not been listening intentionally to music for almost a week or two now coz i found out that it is prohibited. I read from some websites that music will like pollute ur head and tt when a song get stuck in your head, it will be hard for u to remember practically anything lah. What i mean is that the stuff u learn will be forgotten easily.I find it quite true too.... especially during the days i listen to Hock's mp3 lah. The songs were like soo good and i was like "addicted" to it lah..... But having feel the need to change.... i will try my best to avoid doing things that must be avoided....

This sudden change in me....spiritually.... is due to my studies lah. I, like many others, have always wanted to do well like other good students. But i never could get close to where i want. I have heard many of my religious teachers saying that ur religion is the foundation of everything. If ur faith is strong.... u do what's right and avoid doing what's wrong.... then, ur other aspects of life should be well taken care of by God. I realised that although i knew what's right and what's wrong.... i didn't really observed that knowledge of mine. I continued doing what i knew was wrong. My bad habits were ongoing. I wasn't really a muslim. I was just a muslim by name.... not by actions. And just 2-3 weeks ago..... i felt as though God was showing me the path i should be following and i shouldnt really waste this chance to get back on the right path. I watch closely the things i do. I watch closely the things i want to say. I watch closely the thoughts in my mind. Anything bad will be erased by thoughts of God.... and his punishment. I must always think about the life after death. Coz many of my teachers have constantly been reminding us that the world we live in now is temporary. At the end of the world.... and people rise from their graves.... that's when the real things start. WE will be given our "report card".... if our sins are more than our good deeds.... we will have to serve our 'sentence' in hell. If all is well.... then heaven is the place we ll go to. Grr..... scary thoughts...

Anw..... tt was digression at its best. I went way off what i was supposed to say. Haha.... After school.... it was a race against time. After gp, Eugene asked if i wanted to go support Hock... it was an excellent thing to do after school....coz i have always wanted to see them play... but the obstacle was Friday prayers lah. We cannot miss it for any reason man.... At that time, it was 11.30am.(My class finish early..haha..) Then Ms Tan cancelled her Physics make-up lesson. So i was like...i want to go but friday prayers how? If i go after prayers.... den it will be too late. SO the only way for me to go was to pray at a mosque in TAmpines. But the next obstacle is.... where is the mosque? HAha... SO i rushed to the com lab.... looked for the area map of the Tampines Sports Hall on Google.... and guess what? The mosque is right behind the Sports Hall lah. My lucky day.

The next obstacle was time. I had to reach before the prayer starts... which is ard 1.15pm. Since we can only leave school at 12.15pm.... i really am afraid i couldnt make it in time lah. I knew i could take 969 to Tampines... but i haven actually used 969 before. I went to google the route that 969 took...and it seem like the fastest lah. All i had to do was run to the MRT station...take the train to Khatib. Take the 969 to Tampines. ANd i got 45 minutes to do that. 50 minutes to be exact coz i left skool at 12.10pm. So much for following closely to the rules. Haha.... i really wanted to see them play lah. So upon reaching YCK Mrt station... i only had to wait a couple of miutes before the train arrived. BUt when i went to the bus stop, 969 took an awfully long time lah. 1230 den it reached. Was looking at my watch...praying that i could make it in time. Hah... 1255 and i was already inside the mosque. Damn fast sia. Phew!

Btw.... i had to make my way there alone lah. Coz Eugene they all wanted to take the train. They ask me if i knew what i was doing....coz if i got lost, there's no way of contacting them or them contacting me. Haha....i guess it was just a risk i had to take and i told them that if i do get lost, then i'll just go home. Haha...

The atmosphere in the hall was tense lah. I can feel the tension even though i was just a spectator lah. HAh..... but the feeling when u noe ur skool's winning is shiok lah. At first i was like just wathcing....and praying that the team would win. Den ppl like Kang wei was like telling me to cheer for them.... and aj's coach...wahlao! Bastard me lah. I was like standing beside him while Kang wei was talking to me... den he told kang wei that the supporters today are lousy. Watch only never shout. Haha.... basket.

I want to shout and all but it being the first time in my life i watch a badminton match... i didnt really noe anything lah. I didnt know when we scored points and all.... haha... i scared i clap wrongly....hha... and i didn't know what to shout oso lah. Not that i was the type who would shout lah. Haha.... but i cannot tahan the coach saying that the supporters were lousy lah. Wahlao.... after all the trouble i had to face with to see AJ play....haha....

SO i learnt that the only things ppl say were "Jiayou!".... and "Good judge!" and..."it's ok".... and "cmon".... and "focus".... and "keep the ball in"... and " nice one!"..... haa.... and "Get it back!" seems to be Yuying's line.... coz no one else said it lah....haha...Anw, so i quickly applied what i heard lah.... coach's reverse psychology must've worked on me lah.. And i was losing my voice too lah. Haha...... shiok ah the feeling...

Incredible Hock wasnt incredible lah. WAhlao....he and his partner lost lah. But i see like it was his partner fault lah! Always hit the ball out. BUt hock say its both of them fault. Which is the politically correct thing to say lah.... Becoz of the fact that the guys still haven won yet.. we had to support them lah. Then i missed to see Yuying play lah..... Haha.... no one there to support her lah.... coz the gurls already won and the guys desperately needed support. HAha......finals.....

Anyway....i got this feeling that they would win. Coz five times a day, i pray to see them be champions. Hopefully....this prayer would be answered. Hhaa...... i didn't pray for the soccer team to win....coz at that time....i wasnt really a full time muslim lah....haha...god willing.... this AJ team will go far..... ANw, So both the guys and the gurls won their first match of the second round. Shiok sia the feeling. It was the next best feeling after my jumps during sports day. so...Cmon guys! GO far!! You can do it one...

An old malay man who was watching the game talked to me for a while. He said that the fat indian guy was good but the chinese is even better. He was referring to Qiuteng. And he was there watching Yaohui play. And he said that if the AJ team keep on playing like this.... we will get a cup.YOU will get YOUR cup. Hope he's right.....

See.... i got nothing negative to release this week. No burdens to share with anyone. BUt i better start studying for chem test this mondae now.....haha....

Man.... my blog is becoming more and more boring sia.... looks like if this goes on... my readership will go on a decline....and fast!Hhaha..


Sunday, May 8, 2005

Did so much yet so little

This whole dae i did AC, QUantum physics, Group 7 tutorials! All done. I even attempted the first 4 qn of analogue electronics...which is so freakin cheem lah!

But i feel like i got so many other things left! How....i always feel like i have not enuff time lah. Grr....did do much, yet it feels like i did nothing.

Cmon lah Ali!

Am having fun at home doing nothing. Yup...... the home is the best place to be in lah. I didnt do anything after 5 lah! Wanted to do maths but ended up watching tv. Precious sand in the hour glass trickled by just like that!

Not much to tok abt tonite i guess.... nothing much happened todae. Except tt i saw the news regarding the Iranian style of law. Cool man! Damn cool lah!

And tt i really cant help but think of the worst possible scenario. And tt i just cant help but worry. And tt there is a limit to everything. And tHat Giving in isn't evrything.


Saturday, May 7, 2005


Man....i m sick sia. Must becoz of Tuesdae's soccer in the rain. NOw got spells of headache and my nose seeems to be 'running' non-stop. I guess the tissue industry will be making lots of money.

Had soccer recre yesterdae. We played 11 a side. Haiz..... disappointed and frustrated sia. Most of those who played were not from the recre team lah. Only some people turn up. I m beginning to find recre a waste of my time lah. With that 2-3 hours, i could have finished the whole charge particles questions in the TYS lah. Yong wanted to quit lah..... me too. But i really feel that it is not right for us to quit(or give up just like that). It ll be like so irresponsible of us as leaders to raise the White Flag above our heads when the going gets tough. WE came to a decision which will make both of us happy. Simply call for a meeting. See how many people turn up. If got a lot, then we ask them to select people to be their 'captain' and organize the whole thing lah. If got so little people.... we ll simply close shop i guess. But what abt those who has recre soccer as their only cca. Suck man. BUt since the A's are coming... i better not care abt all tis things lah. Irresponsible? Sorry... no choice.

And knowing that i was sick and all.....i did a very stupid thing lah. Which is to play soccer yesterday. Didn't help me in any ways lah. Haa...

Had a small talk with my chem teacher. She tok abt me and my grades and my other subject grades. I told her chem was my weakest but my two other subjects not that good either. She asked me what i m doing abt it and all thatand told me to make a study plan of what i am going to do and give it to her next week. MAn...... though troublesome..... i find it sort of as a necessary evil. MAde me more focus abt what i want.

Did my werk at 'the place behind the canteen' on thursdae like any other dae. SO many people passing by. Some said hi. Others told me to study hard. BUt many called me mugger. Hhaa..... Man..... but like one of my cousin said, mugger is the IN thing now. yeah! A couple of J1s said i have no life. Everyday see me with my books. In my first year in college, i sort of wasted my whole life then lah. I got no time to waste now. Haha...

And i slept early on Thursae. 7.30pm sia. Must have felt really tired. Lucky fridae is a short nd to prepare tutorials.... BUT my uniforms weren't ironed yet lah! Then woke up late on fridae. NOt that late but fifteen minutes late. Put my uniform on the iron board and bathed lah. Incidentally, my sis came out of her room..... and went to iron her uniform lah. And she THREW my clothes on the chair lah. Wahlao! DONT WANT TO HELP ME! So much for brother-sister thingy.

Well, to make the whole story short, when i finished bathing, my clothes were all ironed lah. I asked my mama if she helped me lah and she said no. It was my sis that helped me iron my clothes. Aww man.... -touched- and my sis didnt sae anything lah. SHe simply made her way to the bathroom.

Yups..... i guess my another one of my many prayers have been answered. I wanted me and my sis and my bros to be closer together. And looks like they are getting along with me quite well now. For slightly more than a week now t hat i have never raised my voice at her. When she uses the com in my room, i ll do my werk on the floor. She'll leave by 10 lah.... and will ask me i want to use the com before she shuts the com down. I no longer like 'hate her presence for dunnoe what reason'. I simply let her use the com..... she wants to use it to chat or do her work dun really matter to me lah. Coz i myself do chat more than do werk on the com. Now my bros will be the one sabo-ing my sister . But i just tell them to shut up only. They ask if i am letting my sis chat and all that.... i just said... just keep quiet.

I guess before i do anything stupid at my sis again..... the words of a friend will be played in my mind over and over again. Make me realise what i should be doing and what i should not do. I am really lucky to have a friend like this.

And btw, i realised that many of my frens read my blog. People like King (Kim), Yong, Ronaldo...... and they saw this other side of me lah. Man..... haha.....and i end up in this weird situation when my blogging personality meets the real world.

Yong asked me why i dun fight back and all when ppl 'bully' me. And i should be angry when ppl bully me..... He asked me if i had seen him being angry before.... haha... if course..... but i just told him tt i cant get angry..... tt its just not me to get angry lah..... haha...... he talked abt giving me advices since he is the youngest in the family... but at tt point, he meant it as a joke lah... not the right timing.... and he told me to tell them things i normally say on my blog..... and that he is surprised to noe what i m inside..... even after six years knowing me.....since sec 1. Man..... i can talk thru the blog with little problem.... coz there's no one to interupt what i sae. No one laughing at the littlest mistake that i make. No one watching me stutter when i talk. When i blog, it seems as though i m talking to a very good listener. Coz i can talk and talk all i want and reader would just listen. Haha... i just told them(Yong ronaldo and mark) that i just let my fingers do the talking.

Man...... when the blogging personality meets the real world.... I ll be in deep trouble.... haha....

Like i've said, i am sick. And dunnoe why, when i am really sick, i ll think abt death. I rethink abt myself, think abt my family and friends but most importantly, think about my faith. Whether or not i am prepared to leave this temporary world. Coz i haven really done enuff to be ready for Judgement. I only started recently. Its good to think about death. Makes u think abt the future.

Before i end, i just wanna share something tt happened yesterdae and a couple of daes back.

Yesterday, i was so deep in thought that even when the green man turned red, i was still walking slowly-- only to realise that the green man had turned red and i had better walk fast if i ever wanted to continue walking.

A couple of days back, I was awoken in the middle of the night by the television which had its volume turned on very loudly. In my mind, i was saying that i better wake up early to ask my sis to switch off the TV to prevent her from yet another scolding. Sadly, i woke up late. BUt my sis didnt get scolded. My mum's nagging woke me up and she said my name. She said it was surely me who left the TV on. I went out only to realise that the TV that was on was not my sis's but the living room one. No one in the family admitted having switch on the tv. And although i usually wake up in the middle of the night to watch soccer matches, i would turn the volume to mute. And there was no matches on Tuesdae. ANd my dad said before he slept, he went to the kitchen to drink water and the tv was off when he went back to his bedroom. ME and my bros were already sleeping then. SO who was it?

My mum simply said that 'IT' should have helped her fold the pile of clothes that were directly in front of the TV. And this has happened once before in this house, and a couple of times in the old house. In the old house, the main plug to the tv is off.... yet the tv can on one lah...... basket!

SO who was it? HAha....becoz of tis, i didnt wake up the next night to catch the chelsea game...for fear that i ll be watching it with SOMEONE ELSE....

Friday, May 6, 2005

By the way....

Am surprised to see the ad down there. Coz i c n p the article from the TNP website and haha.... the ad must have been c n p -ed along. C n P is not some funny wae of saying Permutation and Combination. It simply stands for copy and paste. Obvious? Nope.... a fren made me realise that c n p is not p n c. Hah.... so yups.... I m not helping to promote ST or anything ya.... And if there's a rise in their subscription....they must give me incentives sia... haha....yup..... i didnt noe u can cut and paste pictures into blogs.... lemme try it again...

(after several tries)
....well i guess it didnt werk the second time round

Thursday, May 5, 2005

Scribble........scribble...... scribble

Yup! U guessed it! I m bored. Well.... exhausted seems to be the word. Am doing chem remedial tutorial-- Ionic Equilibria.(Last year's topic).Man.... i forgot evn the basics lah. Read notes oso cannot really apply lah. Gosh! This is just one out of the many J1 topics lah. Haiz... how am i goin to cope. -worried-

Have been keepin up with my J2 werks. Beaten Hock again in the P n C test. Haha! But can understand lah. I have been a free bird for quite a while now. People all have trainings and games and what not. While everyone is busy doin tt, I m SUPPOSED to be doin my hw lah. Haha... did manage to spend most of that 'free time' fruitfully. I guess after his tournament... i better watch out for him. Yups.

Speaking of tournaments.... both the guys and gurls badminton won their first games sia... 5-0 and 5-0 respectively. Great job! But they better not get carried away too much and become complacent or cocky. They should cherish the moment and build up on this momentum. Yups.... all the way guys....

And cockiness and complacency..... one word...CHELSEA! YEAH!! They lost to Liverpool. Haha.... man.... were they brought back down to earth HARD! Chelsea is a great team... but their cockiness games after games make me wanna slap their faces lah. Man U losing points didn't help lah.... yups.... Liverpool weren't expected to even make it to the semis lah....But they beat the best team in the world and will be in the finals. One word....."inspiration". Truly an inspiration to us all.

Was reading the NewPaper.... besides pics after pics....reports after reports of Liverpool's triumph over the Blues.... something caught my eye... and i ll leave u with this..

A FRIEND should be radical.
He should hug when you are unhuggable, love when you are unlovable, and bear when you are unbearable.
A friend should be fanatical.
He should cheer when the whole world boos,
Dance when you get good news and cry when you cry too.
But most of all, a friend should be mathematical.
He should multiply the joy,
Divide the sorrow,
Subtract the past,
and add it to tomorrow.
Calculate the need deep in your heart,
And always be bigger than the sum to all of these parts.
- Spotted by Tay Shi'an
(TNP 04/05/05)

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Confessions. Its my fault.

Had a long long chat wif someone last night. Haha..... tok abt everything lah.Friends. Siblings. Problems. Conflict. Concepts. Advice. ....yea...I learnt the gurl's side of the story lah. WEll i am well aware of my sis feelings before my fren even talked to me abt it lah. Hhahaa... coz i m the kind of guy who is empathic-- can see things from someone else's point of view. least this is what the online EQ test report told me. Haha... i got 130 for my EQ.

But nevertheless, being a guy, I dun really do anything much until I really hear the things i needed to hear from someone else lah. So SHE kindda made me realise tt this.... me and my sis... should not continue the way it has been all this while. She said that i should probably change but told me she is not telling me to change lah. But she added that if i really want to continue the way me and my sis get along... and continue to 'hate' her... then its my choice. other words.... i MUST change lah.

She told me that she and her bro were like me and my sis. They used to fight and all. But now they are like best fren. Haha..... and she told me it took them 2 years. BUt i guess 2 years is really a long time. Maybe i ll give myself a few months. HAha.... its more of me changing meself than her changing her own self. So yups..... my scope for this situation has really been widened.... thanks to a friend who is extremely understanding and is willing to waste her time listening to my complains. Haha.....

Me sis and me bros(yup they're back) went to Snow City wif their cuz. Man.... absolute peace at home....... yup.... i talked to her nicely. As in ask her who else is going.... and she said goodbye to me before they left. Hhaa..... i never said goodbye to her when i leave for skool and all. Its more like bye to my mum and dad and brothers.... but not to her even though she's there when i m leaving lah. HAaha

Yesterdae, she asked me if i wanted prata for breakfast so she could cook it for me coz she was cooking hers. Being me... and maybe my awkwardness and all... i said no lah.... though i was damn hungry. I ended up cooking it myself.

ON Satudade, i woke up first and reheated the fried rice lah. For my own self. I ate and went back to my room to do stuff. Then after my sis woke up and all, and when i went back to the kitchen.... i saw that she reheated the rice for two lah. Her and me. I was like.... -ashamed-

Gurls will be gurls and guys will be guys. I noe i am not the perfect big brothers around but i noe that i can be coz u see..... the problem is not wif my sis but more in me. BUt of course i wun really admit that its totally my fault lah. HAha..... guys....

WEll..... long dae todae... have to study for tmr class test. My tutorials are all ahead from the rest. Am proud of myself. Haha......

And to my frens having competitions, all the best in ur events ya! I wun wanna wish u luck and all coz i dun really believe in luck. I believe that everything lies deep within urself lah. So just do ur best and Play the best game u have ever played. Never never never NOT give ur best.... and never never never look back at a defeat and say that u could or should have done better. Coz u have already did what u could.Ok?

Yup. And all the best in watever u readers are doing in life! :)

Monday, May 2, 2005

Sien dae. DAmn sien dae

Me bros and mum and dad coming home tonight or tomorrow morning i think. Have not been eating proper food man. Just reheated fried rice fried a couple of daes back. ANd ate biscuits.... lotsof biscuits. Did washing and mopping and sweeping.....and my sis did her fair share of work....after much reminders for me.

Man i find that gurl "amazing". She is now outside in the living room watching movie... clean ones that is... WITH 2 OR 3 OF HER GIRL FRIENDS LAH!! Basket! I can't believe she invited her friends over lah! Lucky no boys. If not i really dunnoe wat to do lah. If got boys and i dun do anything, confirm my parents will scold me lah. Man..... the gurls are tokin SO bloody loud as if they are the only ones here. And their language is somewhat .... neighbourhood... if u noe wat i mean. Haiz.... i cant understand my sis lah. I would think twice before askin my frens over.

The rain helps A LOT by making time pass ever so slowly. Like grr... Am now like stuck in my room and like waiting for THEM to leave.... Again, grrr....

Did nothing much todae lah except for NE quiz and Probability. Had fun doin the quiz wif 2 other guys. Had more fun after finishing the quiz.... but i cannot go on to elaborate.... haha... was in such crappy mood lah....haha...Doin more stuff later... i hope..

NOW should be the word to use. Yups. Will do it now i guess. WOnder how 'normal' people are spending their weekends out there?

PEace! And home pls.... I am hungry....

Sunday, May 1, 2005

Spent hours on my blog.....

I spent hours on my blog. Trying to make it look better. It has been almost 5 months since i had this blog and i suddenly felt like changing the layout of my blog.

I chanced upon this template. Simple.Purplish.Tried to change the colors to tones of blues but the combinations simply didn't work out. So i leave it purple. Cool. Having brighter colors dun make me look moody and all! haha....

Had fun experimenting with the html codes and all, though i just did trial and error. Grr.... so complicating.

Haha.... i had spent half the day doing nothing fruitful. Haha.... have been sitting on this chair for quite some time now. Hhaa.... better do some house work..... wash clothes and all.... den do some serious studying and homework.

My fren just called to tell me that i have a friendly game at 5 pm later in Deyi Sec. BUt i felt the notice was too short. Some more my sister go library study. Wait she wonder where i go without telling her coz i said i wun be going anywhere. Aiya...i also got homework and housework to do.

The CC has selected the team of 20 to play in the upcoming inter-constituency tounament. I hope i'll get into the team. Tournament starting mind-May. Must start training. And study coz i wun want my mama to ask me to quit the CC soccer coz i never do my work.Hahah....

Man....what a slack day it has been todae. DO i find my life boring? Certainly not! I like it the way it is....haha....

Found out from HOck this morning tat THe champagne and Haz won the best band and AJ idol respectively. Caryn got best solo singer. least one of my votes were right. SInging competitions like this as well as American Idol and SIngapore Idol are nothing but a popularity contest. LJB should have won lor!...

kkk.....yeps....tts it for todae.... hope u like the new layout! :P

Reflections. Confessions. Ups and downs.

I have not been feeling my usual high this entire week. Dunnoe why lah. But I am just not ME this week. I have been this grumpy fella who talks rather rudely to some…. less nice to others. Man….. this kind of feeling really sux. I got to release some pressure in me to lessen this burden I am carrying….haha…

Thurdae….Sports day. Went there as a spectator….ended up running 4 X 400m…. man…Cougar house didn’t have enuff players to run for them so I ran lah. Wahlao…din practice nor was I prepared mentally. The fastest 400m I ran was 69seconds lah, during soccer training. So I went as a second runner. I ran at the same speed as the guy that was in front of me lah. After 200m, I died out. I started my run in 2nd place…and ended up in third place. Overall we came in fourth. Man….i didn’t noe that guy was a tracker lah. But even if I did…. I wanted to see how far I could keep up with him. Man….i should have followed him closely from behind. Grr…..but it was a good experience. I felt damn high after the run lah. Head felt light. Legs wobbly. Took almost 30 minutes to recover lah. Den after that played some court soccer wif my frens. Malay against Chinese. Kim lost the game for us lah. He played for the Malay team. 20-18. I scored 1 only…but assisted 8. Haha…lucky game for me lah. Was feeling damn tired that night so I din even got the chance to blog. I didn’t even read my Chem Spa notes. But it’s only pre-spa.

And Constantine is out! What the hell!! Man…what a loss to the competition. But then again, Tauhid told me yesterday that the reason why Constantine was out was because one week earlier, his band got a record deal with Universal…. Dunnoe how true it is but …well…. At least I noe Constantine left not becoz he was lousy…..

Friday….. Nothing much during school hours. Den during lunch, we went to KFC. We talk cock after finished eating. Den the first thing they talk about was me and Yuying lah. Haha….basket. They wanted me to confess and all. WTH! Haha….. I keep telling them we are good friends…haha….but they wanted a confession nonetheless. Confess what sia? Haha… this has been goin on for a week now. Maybe longer... Lol…. Nothing lah… farnie sia...

AJ Idol. Initially I din want to go lah. Coz goin to this kind of thing was not my thing lah. Den dun have ticket some more. Den Nizar said he got ticket can give me. Den he said he dun want to give me. But I knew he’ll still give me lah. But I wouldn’t be upset if he really never give me coz this kind of thing ain’t my kind of thing lah. Anw, I told them that I was going home coz I got no ticket and it was going to rain. Hha….true enuff, my frens love me lah. Haha… so I ended up goin.

First four solo really really really sux lah. Azra, Ryan, Haz and this J1 gurl Caryn. Azra could sing but she never use the mike lah. Her voice never come out. And what was she wearing!!??? Man…. If that was my sister….no… my sister won’t dare wear such outfit. She noe she shouldn’t. Otherwise, her big brother would stop her from stepping outside the house wearing such a thing! Haha…. not being unreasonable here but Malay girls should be wearing the things they noe they should be wearing. Ryan….. wth…. Nothing special abt his voice lah. Haz…. I din think his voice is soulful…or sexy…. Bleargh! To me, I think his voice sort of vibrates lah. Dunnoe how to describe it. Bad. Then the Chinese gurl… I kind of thing her voice is kind of the best lah. But the song itself didn’t sound nice. And also when she sings, she seems to run out of breath towards the end. Haha…. but guess who did I vote for?….. The person who sang the best. Though all weren’t as good as I thought it would be.

Was feeling kind of bored and uneasy during the first half of the show. Firstly, I missed prayers….. and secondly, I was afraid of time lah. I didn’t tell my mum I was going home late to watch AJ Idol. But my frens said I looked sien coz I regretted goin there and all and I should have waited for Yuying….haha….wth…. Man… do they know how to tease me…haha…. No lah…

Den the band performances resumed after the interval. LJB and The Champagne performed. Ppl upstairs were cheering for LJB. But I was like…. They really good meh. Like I saw The Champagne perform during the auditions which seems ok lah… But LJB I didn’t see. But their performance was fabulous lah. For the first time that night, I clapped for them lah. The singer sang her best. The band was energetic. Everyone was a star. But The Champagne…. It was all Haz. He sang better than his solo performance but still… the band as a whole wasn’t good. They should have chosen a “fiercer” song lah…. Not Drops of Jupiter!… I voted for LJB of course. I voted LJB for AJ Idol too. I wonder if they win, who will keep the trophy?…. Yup! I didn’t noe who won wat coz I left early. Man…. I said I was uneasy. Den as time goes by…. I felt damn worried lah. Haha.. goin home late and all… so I go home lah. AND….. my frens asked whether Yuying msg me to go home wif her. Wth….. Double hit. Yuying not my gf and I got noe phone. I told Kim that Yuying was my gf lah…. good friend. Yup. A really good friend.

On the train, I was like looking at my watch every few minutes lah. I was oso like thinking if I am the only 17-year-old guy on this planet who is afraid of his mama. I told myself, once a mummy’s boy, always a mummy’s boy. Went home, my mama ask why so late. I told her watch AJ Idol and she didn’t really said anything lah. She also dun even noe what AJ Idol is and she didn’t ask. She trusted me in the sense that she knew I wasn’t doing anything she would frown upon. I knew she wouldn’t scold me. That’s why I chose to go home as early as I can coz I didn’t want her to think I was abusing the trust and freedom she gave me lah.

Den while walking home, Cinderella came to my mind lah. I was rushing home as though my shoes and shirt and pants would turn into rags if I reached home late. … Mr Cinderella…hhaa

Some issues for me to reflect on. Firstly, regarding me and my leadership role in class. I felt that I really suck at being a leader. I didn’t really do anything much in class. I have been reading books about leadership and all. I know what leaders should be doing and all but I didn’t really did any of those things mentioned in the books lah. The book made me see so many flaws in me lah. Wednesdae was the class burfdae. 27/04. Ms Tan wanted the leaders to do something. Den she wanted us to put a closure on some issues. In my mind, I went like frustrated lah. I really dunnoe what closure she wants sia. To me, the issue is fine already. All at peace but still, she wants to see a closure. IMPOSSIBLE!! The situation is good enuff! Man…. Den she wants us to celebrate class bdae. Not that I dun want. Neither do I really want it. So I was like asking the leaders what they want to do and all. All were clueless. Being in the grumpy mood that I say I was, I told them… So what class bdae! Big deal ar! We don’t need it lah. Not that impt! Why waste our time!….. I noe I should be doing something. But I didn’t. All this things make me question myself what have I really done to make the class a better place. I didn’t got chosen for Delta exp. Results were put on Wednesdae. I wasn’t disappointed. Really. If I got in, then it would be a bonus lah. If not then nevermind.

Den the next issue is the class bbq. Man…. This kind of thing also not my kind of thing lah…. or should I say, not my cup of tea lah. I must say that it is becoz if I want to go and enjoy the BBQ, I must prepare the food coz it has to be halal and all. Lazy lah. Told Hock about it lah. He said just go play game. Was like….. got bbq which I cannot enjoy…. Just go play game… hang ard….WEIRD! Den I told him about how I felt abt bbqs. I told him that there are some people who cant stand staying at home for 24 hours (like my sis). But I am not those kind lah. I am the kind that cant stand staying outside my home for 24 minutes lah. Ok…. Not 24 minutes but u noe wat I mean. He told me…WEIRD! I am a weird guy. I really have to admit it lah.

Ask u all. Where got guy scared go home late because wait mama scold even when he noes his mama wont scold him? Where got guy who wear Pe shorts to Sports day when all his other friends wear long pants? I told them PE dept say must where pe short and what to I get….. coward. Hhaah….. When a guy tucks in his Pe shirt inside his short?… Coward….. When a guy wants to go somewhere at least 10 minutes before the actual reporting time…. I got this, “Relax lah. Go late oso nevermind. Why? Scared ar?”… What about a guy who wears the school badge and keep telling his ‘brave’ classmates to wear the badge? Wat about a guy who never pon lecture becoz he is afraid of the consequences? Well…. Let’s not talk about a guy who is afraid of lizards and cats and dogs and frogs. Yup frogs. Got one day I walking home on the path from AJ to the MRT. Saw a couple of frogs hopping on the path lah. Eeeew. Lucky I was alone. Lets not talk more. I am simply weird lah. That’s me.

As someone puts it…. I am a sensitive guy. Good or bad…. I dunnoe. Haha…

But before I conclude my entry, I just wanted to say that there is a limit to jokes and all the teasing lah. You can tease me all u want but dun make fun of the people I love, those I care about. Dun be disrespectful. I dun mind when ppl joke abt me. Tts me lah, a source of entertainment for my friends. But I can’t take it when ppl go too far. Not that I show my unhappiness and all. I still do laugh lah. It’s me lah not to do things that may hurt the feelings of the jokers. And it’s me to lose all this unnecessary battles. Yup…. Let it be…

Am feeling lighter now. My whole family gone to Malaysia. Go relative wedding. Left me and my sis. Hope we wun quarrel again like we did a couple of daes back.

Whenever I talk to her, my voice will always rise one. Dunnoe why. Perhaps after all this time, I have come to realize that people like her I cannot talk nicely one. Den because of me shouting at her, she got angry and say the bad word. Yup….the baddest word u can think of. I wun sae it out coz I dun like to say this kind of thing lah. Not that I never but it’s not just me lah. Anw, she got scolded by my mother and got *whack whack whack* by my mum. Although my sis said she said that word just like that and not to me, nevertheless, people in my family dun say such things in the house. She can say the word all she wants in school, but the home is a home. Den she sort of said while crying that why must I shout everytime I talk to her. I knew wat she meant lah. I know I have not been the bestest brother lah. I must say that I really dun want to see her get scolded and cry and all. But her age, shes 2 years younger than me, allows her to have her own mentality, her own way of doing things, which is rather opposite of my way of doing things lah. Before my mum left, she told my sis to wash clothes, heat the food, cook rice and all, do what’s right, dun go out of the house… and she told her to change. Change. Change. And change…please. Three or four times my mama told her to change. Mama didn’t told me to do anything coz she noe i noe what I have to do. That how different me and my sis are. But still, I noe I am in the wrong for talking to her in a high voice. Although she may be different and all… I must talk to her like how I talk to my girl friends in school lah. Yup….. hmmm…. –haiz-

Am feeling really relaxed now. And guess what. I am in my room typing this blog out and out there in the living room, the music is put in a very high volume. My sis lah, who else! Man…. That’s her lah. Always trying to attract my attention. Like some little girl deprived of love and care and concern from her big brother. Hmm… sounds familiar… hhaa.. well…. Something for me to work on then….

Blogging is really cool lah. Help me relax myself. Being a person who keeps to himself in the real world, I can be another person, the me I want to become, in this imaginary world. Haha…

Have a great long weekend ya guy? Spend it fruitfully wif ur frens and family :)