Saturday, October 23, 2010

Of birds and man-made waterfall

I could look at them birds and they could look at me, all day. At times, I felt sad seeing them birds being the object of our amusement. I felt sad that some seemed more lonely than others (yes I psychoanalyse birds too, hurhur). But there are moments when I envy their freedom.

Sighs. When I look at them birds, I see me. And I begin to wonder ...

Am I happy or am I sad? Or am I .... nevermind.

The rubbish that I type makes me smile sometimes.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Fear of Losing You

Many many months ago, I posted an entry called Beauty.

Many many months later, I watched a movie called Bridge to Terabithia. And I realized that the picture that I used in the entry Beauty was from this very movie! Lovely story. Even more lovely is how things from the past connect with the present in weird little ways.

It is sad how Leslie Burke had to go before the guy Jesse could tell her how he felt about her. The feeling of losing someone sucks, I know. And for some reason that I will never be able to explain, I do fear losing you.

Sighs. I'm a sucker for movies that move.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Listener

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a position to advise friends in matters of the heart coz I'm someone who's afraid of falling in love simply because I'm afraid I might break someone's heart.

That said, if you've got issues regarding life, love and everything in between, let me know in the comments coz my advice seems to comfort somewhat. Sighs.

Monday, October 11, 2010


My brothers have left home on a short 4 days trip organised by their school. It's only day 1 and the house feels pretty quiet. My sister wouldn't be home till later and if I were to be in school right now, the house would be eerily silent. Mama would be all by herself.

I can only imagine what it'll be like should my brothers really pursue a career in the marine industry. They'd be away from home for months, to say the least. I wonder if Mama can cope with that. If I were her, there's no knowing when I'd cry coz the feeling of being alone .... sucks much?

What if what if what if I were to pursue a career abroad? What then?

I can only imagine how she feels. I feel for all mothers. I wonder if dads feel the same way too.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Week 6: Quiz Week

We're nearing the middle of our semester and I ....

... I feel somewhat afraid. But everytime I feel afraid, I take deep breaths and push on. Tomorrow is just one quiz. Friday is just another. I'm supposed to be prepared for these quizzes but if I'm not, I need to remember that fear and stress will not make these quizzes go away. The quizzes will not get any easier.

So yeah, deep breaths and think happy thoughts. Allow your mind to wander for a while. Think of people and their smiles. Smile. We can do it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

My 3rd 21st Birthday

Today I feel alot younger and happier even though school's been pretty hectic as I try to balance both work and play.

It's funny though how I've come to fall in love with words over the years. I remember days when my words hurt the feeling of others. And the days when the words of others hurt me so much that deep down, I wish I'll never ever hurt the feeling of others.

At age 23, I look at my facebook wall and I see lots of words of well-wishes and I feel warm and fuzzy. I feel loved even though they're just mere words.

At age 23, I realize the attention that I pay to the words of others and wonders if others pay attention to mine.

At age 23, I still imagine how it feels like to celebrate my birthday with food and a cake and balloons and noise and presents even though I prefer the peace and quiet that I'm enjoying right now since I'm the only one at home.

At age 23, I still imagine, wonder and dream of the "what ifs" from the comfort of my home. A quiet 3rd 21st birthday. Many quiet 21st birthdays to come. Happy Birthday.