Monday, October 31, 2005

Statcounter I logged on to my account and it says 0 visitors visited today. And i was like... shit... my entries must've sucked damn bad tt EVERY single one of u stopped coming here. Seems as if u guys met and decide to boycott my blog or sthg.

den i saw the tag from kim, "sup man.. your friends are still around you! look at the popularity of ur blog! hahaha!"

And i smiled. And i went "eh!..i noe my blog's rather popular!" lol........ And i wonder ... wondered why there's 0 visitor. THe lack of tags sort of made me think there's nthg wrong with statcounter. But Kim tagged! And figured sthg was wrong. Did my own checks and indeed... sthg was wrong.i wenta the forum and it says had some server problem ytd. So no stats for now.

I noe my frens are ard me. I noe they wun simply abandon my blog thx to a few lousy entries.
I noe this now, and i owe it all to kim.Thx dude.

To my frens, haa... keep coming ya? It's really nice to noe that there's actually people who "listen" to me "talk" -- it means even much more esp to one who "doesnt" talk and "hates" others listening to him talk.haha... And i noe this has no value but i promise, no more long entries.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


LOng entries shall be forbidden in this blog.

I guess being enclosed in a room almost all the time, i feel the need to talk. That's all. And u and i noe tt writing in itself is a joy but reading's a chore. Heard from somewhere tt some authors dun like to read wat they themselves wrote. My point being, tt writing's more fun than reading. Oh btw, i kind of like to read back what i wrote; past entries make me see how dumb i was back then. My pt being -- no more long entries.

I was on the road since morning & i badly wanted to talk abt sthg. Oh if ure interested, i wenta follow parents to market, cut my hair, wenta converse warehouse sale(bought a couple of cheap stuffs...nthg fancy.. UNfortunately, dad kena fine $50 for parking. We just reached the place lah! .. Luck... haha.. which means to say our Hari Raya money's

I wanted to blog abt this. A year has passed. And the thing about frens and all... e things Kim said to me -- it's true. I've just "felt" wat u meant Kim. I just felt it this morning.

Things will never be as idealistic as i tot it would be. A year has barely passed and i could already see now tt if u dun "maintain" a frenship, it'll slowly be "wiped of the map". He or she will definitely still be ur fren... but it simply wun be e same anymore. Like the frens i knew in soccer were great in those days but as the days pass... (my days ended sooner than most) ... things change. Not as close any more. Like yong and me were good frens when we were in sec 1 sec 2.well that's wat i think. Go home together and all. But over the years, me being the lousier of the two...... things change. Ronaldo and me were rather close during those soccer days lah... those malacca days... but now, it's different. We're obviously still friends lah but all i'm saying is, the level starts to decrease gradually.

I can choose to keep thinking of those days when i'd always ask yong if he wants to go home, or when i'd wear ronaldo's shoes and keep exclaiming how nice the shoe felt. I can choose to keep thinking of the day i'd always sit at the back of the canteen or the days outside the audi. The late nights. But this is what i've always been doing -- looking back. Enjoying the past... knowing that the present sucks.

Well,see.. i'm stuck now. Shant bother thinkin how to proceed. Shall stop here. AFterall, this is a short thought i had. AFterall, this is a blog where long entries are now forbidden. NIte.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


"I doubt very much that one day we can reach a peace accord with the present leadership of the Palestinians. We must wait for the next generation."
Shaul Mofaz
Israeli defence minister

"A leading member of Islamic Jihad and three other members of the militant group were among those killed.Four Palestinian bystanders also died in the attack, and 15 were injured.Five Israelis were killed in a suicide bombing on Wednesday, leading Israel to promise "wide-ranging and ceaseless" operations against militants."

One side killed 5, the other side killed 7. One side used stones, the other side used rocket launchers. Okok... maybe not stones. Most likely a bomb. WEll then, what's the big issue about suicide bombings when the other side has much bigger guns? And the first quote about not able to reach a peace accord with present leadership, cmon... everyone noes no accord is ever possible. Jews and Muslims ..?

Then, theres the quote by Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calling for Israel to be "wiped off the map". What's the big hoohah about this when Israel PROMISED "wide-ranging and ceaseless" operations against militants. Note the word "ceaseless" and "promise". I'm sure that like how a Christian or a Muslim would try his or her very best to keep a promise, so would a JEw. SO, why isn't anyone concerned about the threat of Israel? Who needs nuclear weapons when i think Israel has the military might to wipe Palestinians off the map too? I guess it's a matter of "If i dun kill him first, he would kill me". Its like how US went to Iraq i guess. If we dun get rid of the "WMD", the "WMD" would get rid of us.

In my opinion,the Middle East should have a solid "defence" system to protect them from "zionists". Just learnt the word zionist today coz the Iranian President made his comment at a conference called "The World without Zionism". If i remember correctly, zionist are simply the Jews and those who support their cause. Hmmm... that means us. So ya, if they dun have the capabilities to defend themselves from zionists whose "defence" system is FAR MORE SUPERIOR, then it's quite easy to foresee the fall of Islam. Israel is already calling for Iran's expulsion from the UN. haiz... But while most Muslim and Arab capitals have remained silent on the remarks, a few have spoken out - like someone from the Egyptian embassy IN LONDON, and "a Palestinian official". Oh cmon.... if the Egyptian embassy hadnt condemned the remark, they wouldve been wiped of the map too. ANd Palestinian official? Oh simply ask the people on the streets and they would condemn the Palestinian official's remark.

Israel and US on one side. Iran and Palestine on the other side. Jew and christian. Muslim. yay.... brought together the Jews and Christians and Muslims in yet another entry. The middle east countries should stop internal conflicts and work as a power to defend from the next greater power out there. Note the word "defend". haiz...

A perspective of the world out there coming from someone DAMN bored lah! Studying in my room. Sleeping on my books. Rarely seeing the sun. okok... maybe this one is too far fetched. Haha.... really hope to mix with real ppl after the exams to sort of dilute this religious fervor of mine. Isolation plus too much stress could lead to extreme and radical behaviours u

-looking forward to life after A's-{erm... what's life?.. haha}

Friday, October 28, 2005

New Revised not Standard entry

Two days entries merged as one. Felt that there are things that i typed ytd which could send out the wrong message.And i think today's "new revised" but not standard version of yd's entry is not much diff either. Nevertheless, i guess these are signs that my days with the blogging world are numbered. (come to think of it, even if i blog till i'm 70, the days would still be numbered) haha...and surprisingly, not many "haha"s in a fairly long entry.Here goes..

Noticed how these past few days' been rather cool.... mere coincidence?
Or is the night i talked about in previous entries coming? Or has it passed? U'll feel a beautiful night one of these days -- a night that's just special.... Haha... hard to describe it lah...

Went for GP remedial today. I've got to say that SRJC Prelim 2005 is THE MOST interesting paper i've ever sat for. ABt religion and all lah.Haha.. In passage A para 2 got sthg abt how like Islam, Christians are against homosexuality, becoz it is "clearly and strongly prohibited by Leveticus 18:22, which says 'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is an abomination'."(Passage A line 12-13 SRJC) .

And i was thinking, if this line is "clear" and "strong" .... how about the line in Leveticus 11, "3Any animal that has divided hoofs and is cleft-footed and chews the cud--such you may eat.......... 7The pig, for even though it has divided hoofs and is cleft-footed, it does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. 8Of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch; they are unclean for you."

Despite my limited knowledge on Christianity and my poor command of the language, two years of GP will tell me that the lines i quoted from Leveticus 11:3 - 11:8 are even more "clear" than the Lv. 18:22 and it also "strongly" prohibits the eating of pork.

Yet, in the same paragraph of Passage A in lines 20, it is mentioned that "no one accuses Jews or Muslims of being bigots because they think they are commanded by God not to eat pork". Hmm... and i was like, where did the Christians go to? Can't they not eat pork too? ..well... either the lines i quoted ain't as "clear" as i thought it was or that the author must've skipped Leveticus 11 when he or she was reading the bible. The passage was simply "Adopted from, 2005".

Erm... okok... wait wait.... I said christians cannot eat pork. And before writing this, i know very well that Christians eat pork. And before writing this, i also knew that Christians cannot eat pork -- Or so i assumed from the lines i quoted. Again, i must add that either the lines i quoted aint "clear" and "strong" as compared to Lv 18:22 and that i could have made a huge error on my part, or that Christians who eat pork must've also skipped Leveticus 11. On a sidenote, i must add that if u ask me which is clearer and stronger, i have to say it's the Lv 11 quote..... coz the "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman" part seems more inferential.

Not trying to be controversial here though. Just trying to blog about sthg's that differs from the norm. Anws, in Passage B, there's a mention of this guy called Socrates. Wonder if u guys heard of him coz i haven, until today. His character is kind of cool, or so is how i chose to view it as. Socrates made it his life's work to compel ppl to question their most fundemental assumptions..... those who talked to him THOUGHT they knew what they were talking about , but by the end of the conversation , they had qualms and doubts about the things that they felt confident about. Cool rite? I didnt noe such fellas existed -- a life dedicated to destroy others' foundation. Dun get me wrong here... i dun aspire to be like him.. just find it cool......hmm..

ERm... ok... provocative and controversial issue aside, i've learnt a very valuable lesson today. Never ever ever soak ur dirty clothes in a pail of water for days! The smell is supper dooper bad lah! Haha.... guys mah... seldom wash own clothes. So when he decides to wash his own clothes, he simply soak it in a pail for days, not finding a time to wash it. So today, his mama do the washing for him... HAHA... and asked me to go smell the smell. haaha... yeps.... mama to the rescue.

hehe... realised that my laundry story kind of made this entry less controversial and provocative. Dun noe if this was how i wanted this entry to end. Haha....actually i dunnoe how i wanted it to end.... 3 bloggers kena charged already... i duwan to be the fourth one... Anws, i guess i wouldnt be on the wrong end of the law coz putting myself in a christian's shoe, i dun think the tone of the author is overly provocative. But the repetition of the word "controversial" in this passage seems to be hinting that a small part of him wanted to provoke his readers -- Provoke minus it's negative connotation.

Do correct me if i'm wrong. Do forgive me if i went overboard. Afterall, what could i possibly noe abt Leveticus and the other stuffs that's mentioned in the Bible when i'm far from understanding the Quran? Hv to add tt I'm not even sure if Leveticus is a christian text coz it's from the OT and all and coz Moses is a "jew" not a christian. And i dun even noe if i quoted from the right source coz there are so many different versions of the bible to choose from. This OT , NT stuffs aint as simple as i tot it was. Too many complications and changes must hav been made, that's why there's the last prophet Muhammad(s.a.w)... there's Islam... -- as a final revelation that is protected from the slightest distortion (15:9) thus, making what's written by "the false pen of the scribes" invalid.

Realised that i've brought the jews, christians and muslims together in an entry. If only it's possible to really unite them together in the real world.The peace it would bring to us all. Hmmm.... -reality check- i noe think that this is simply NOT possible coz it would mean that everyone would be a Muslim. but but but but but... this is where human falters... we think based on probabilities and what not... there's always the OTHER factor. It was prophesised that Islam would be the dominant force at the end of days.... when the dunnoe what come out and so on and so forth, and oh, just remembered that the prophet before Muhammad will return and destroy all crosses and ..... kill the jews. Hmm... tt means the jews adn christians WILL be there at the end..... and soon after doing the stuffs he would do, the world finally ends. SO yup, i guess... Jews will be jews, Christians will be Christians, Muslims will be muslims.

Here's sthg mentioned in SRJC prelim passage A paragraph 2,and is worth a mark coz it's a point in the summary....

We (society) should respect these people (of the books?) because "for all we know, they might be right".

At this point, i have to say that "might" is too light a word. The use of the word "might" makes it seem as though the probability that we are right is very very very very very small. And u and i noe tt it's definitely much more than that.

AGain, forgive me if i sound rude. Forgive me if i had made a mistake-- no matter how small or how big it is. Correct me if i'm wrong. There's the tagboard u noe..

The many sides of me. U noe, like the flame in Aj's crest which symbolises the AJ spirit (i think), there's some sort of "flame" in me too....carrying the flag of my religion.

Oooh btw, ytd's episode of Lost... haha....!!.. die a matyr sia... and the "Iraqi Republican Army" (IRA) fella damn bastard lah.

And WHAT IN THE WORLD was the IRA fella thinking when he kissed Boon's sister(<-- isit really "Boon" or did i heard wrongly?). The producers must've wanted to provoke people like me sia.More mortars would have rained on the American army in Iraq if Iraqi insurgents over there had watched LOST. hmm... i wun be addding a "haha" here coz i'm not even sure if i should luff or frown.

A "different" entry isnt it? Refreshing? Or am i commiting suicide by writing like this. We'll see i guess.... have to add that i still love all my frens out there... Jews(if any of u are but u kept it a secret), Christians and Muslims. AND of course, the compliment of these 3 related religions.

Guys,.... tell me ya... Is it refreshing or isit suicide?

Later... bye.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

beautiful dream..

She was there beside me for a while. No words. Just smiles. And that was it. Oh ya, somehow my two bros were there too. Haha! So technically, they saw who she was.

ok... tt shuld be more than enuff food for thought. Long time never write about this kind of stuffs. Hope i dun receive responses to this post. What's going on in ur mind rite now shuld stay there ok? Haha... till nxt time... or shuld i say, till the next beautiful dream. =)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


So sad tt mama couldnt find the bluish-purple i was tokin abt the othe day. She ended up buying for me a gayish-purple one.... erm.. slightly lighter than the color u see lah. Quite rad as in... it looks ok lah... so contrast to the blacks and grays ive been wearing this past few years. But then, my bros wearing dark blue so i duwan to go out and be like.... eh... u belong to which family ar? haha.... so i decide to wear some 2-3 year old baju kurung lah. And guess what...i let my father wear that "gayish-purple" baju kurung lah. Coz if not, he'll just wear anything he can find in his cupboard lah. Haha... so it's me and bros with dark blue... mama and sister with dunnoe wat color... and dad wif purple. Grandma wearing some green baju kurung which she die die duwan to wear coz she said the color is for young people. Haha.... old ppl cannot wear tt kind of color. And i, as usual... persuaded her to wear it lah.... and if i say ok... means it's ok. Haas... Erm btw, the green not i buy for her one ok. Haha... one of my auntie buy for her one.... haha.... Next year then my turn buy for her! NExt year DEFINITELY buy for her one.....! haha...

Maybe after this Hari Raya...i take back the purple baju kurung from my dad lah. Coz like quite ... i dunnoe... odd to wear such a colour and i can only wear such colour when i'm young...erm.. maybe when i'm like my dad still can wear lah. hAha... Anws, the curtain's purple... the tablecloth will be purple.... the skirting for the table that my mama made will be purple. Powerlah... sweet...

yea... i didnt typed wrongly... my mama made a table... haha... dunoe where she got the planks from lah... quite stylo lah... haha... funny seh... she like like to keep "junks" in the house.... coz everything sure got use in future.. she's the one with the most initiative in the house. Haha.... respect.anws,mama kept asking me to clean the windows and all that lah. And i keep telling her i got no time lah! She say weekdays do my own work den weekend help her. And i'm like... -_-... ahaa... but sure will help one lah. Not tt it'll make tt much of a diff to my grades lah.

Notice there's not much talk on work and exams in today's entry. Though that doesnt mean i didnt touch anything today. I shouldnt like worry too much or keep asking myself why i cannot do this and why i cannot do that. I should just try to do my work and that's it. Coz trying to do stuffs is definitely much better than worrying and not trying enuff.

Man... how i wish mama could find that bluish purple baju kurung.... then can be mathching with my house curtains. haha....if anyone go geylang see tt baju kurung and dun mind being altruistic... haha... thanks ah... lol. I'll put a sticker on it which says... Sponsered by so and so... haha... wells... didnt noe wat to blog about today but seems like i talked about alot of stuffs already.

Long time never tok to real people seh...not that i talk much when given the chance lah... haha..14 more days.... 14 more days plus that 2 weeks... before i start making plans. If scenario A happens, what to do. If scenario B happens, wat to do etc. haha... i'm the captain of my life. I'll do my best to steer my ship to where i want it to go. If the waves are unforgiving thus preventing me from reaching my goal, then there's little i could do. Haha... but hope Hock and his chinese saying is right -- that the boat will turn straight when it reaches the end. lol....

am going round and round without an end in mind. So shall end here. Bye!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

amidst the disorder..

.... i found myself surprised that Hari Raya is just next thursday. Which means As is just next next week.

Reading Nizars blog, i read that we already fasted for 20 days. And i was like..huh... really? Quickly checked my calender and counted ... man... he was right. 20 days had past... meaning its the final ten days. And in this ten days, there's a night that is better than a thousand night. Wat u do on tis day will be equivalent to doing it on 1000 other days. And i really cant believe i hadnt realise that it's the final 10 nights already!

Time likes to fool ard with me. It could seem at one point that i have all the time in the world.... to relax and fool around. But at the next instant, it seems as though time had past by me w/o me realising it, screaming at me, "YOU FOOL!! Muahahaha!"

Maybe it's just me screaming at myself. hmm.... last 10 nights. Last 15 days. Better make full use of it.To repent, make ammends, make a fresh start, pray for a miracle. The glimmer of hope is definitely fading. So is my vision now... haas... sleepy.... nitez...

Early morning thoughts

Woke up in the morning sleepy... verses of the quran playing in my head.. its better than having a song stuck in ur head i tell u. Den it was my voice in my head -- in other words, what i told myself,and u guys of course, on my blog.

THe thing about striking a balance. And the thing about me memorising. That very moment i opened my eyes tis morning, i sort of heard me tell myself, "U told urself, and the world, that the reason why u tink u cant memorise is because 'more thoughts go into my exams'."

Den another one of the many me said, "And now i'm telling u, the reason why u cant focus well during your spells of revision is also because 'more thoughts go into my exams'."

And i was like, " early morning 'lecture' from my ownself." Anyone thinks i'm crazy? Haha.... coz reading the above back, i really do sound a lil bit crazy.

Well, i noe what "the other me" meant when he said what he said. Partly because he and i are one. His way of giving clues is like my way of giving clues -- it's so super dooper obvious! haha.... yea... so after sahur*, i decide to start striking that balance and spent the nxt couple of hours doing wat i normally do. And at this point, i have to remind myself,and u guys, that if the foundation of a building is weak, expect the building to be in an unstable state -- expect it to collapse anytime.

hmmm...Explain what the author meant when he said "...if the foundation of a building is weak, expect the building to be in an unstable state -- expect it to collapse anytime."(the above line) [3]

(Am doing VJ's prelim.... so my brain a little bit GP. And I guess it's a give away question huh?)

Like i said before(maybe i haven), i am like a book. So easy to read.

That's it. Break's over. Back to work. As the days go by, i am finding it harder and harder to concentrate. BUt never ever ever feel like giving up. Never ever think that all is lost. Life's a long journey. It doesnt end if u dun do well for ur As. Like i said before, haha.... u could always write a book and hope it sells. ERmm... u write a book and MAKE SURE it'll sell.=)

Erm... more thoughts pouring into my head. It's overflowing. SO gotta transfer some here.

Just some thoughts. ERm.. maybe it's just one thought that suddenly multiplies. Like a chain reaction.

I wonder
Which is better
Having a close fren
Having many close frens
Or having so many frens

Just some of those many random thoughts i have. If only i had 10 cents for every thought that comes to mind. Only then will the thoughts have a value. Coz if not, it's just something that does nothing except disturbing me.... and making me think. much for an early morning thought huh?

sahur- its the name given to the meal we have before the start of fast. U noe, Sahur is like our "early morning meal" like breakfast is like ur morning meal, lunch is like ur afternoon meal, dinner is like ur night meal.

Good day. Finally, i end. And i did say no more long entries huh?

Monday, October 24, 2005


Super sleepy lah ytd. Basket. no more "three forty sicks" mugging man. Haah.. tt was one off coz i just returned home. Night studying doesnt suit me.... or at least i must add tt i'm not used to it. Regular 9-12 studying would do just fine. And i must add that i better do sthg about chem man. Really sucked at it.

Had a nap ytd afternoon. I dreamt that i was on the day we collect our result slips. The fear of failing. The anxiety. I was like asking my teacher how i did and all that. Then the result slip was in my hands. It was purple -- haha.... looked like my enlistment letter but, it was supposed to be my results. And i wanted to open it, but... it was then and there that i woke up. I woke up 2 weeks before the exam. ANd i was like really thinking.... that this two weeks will determine the grades that i would see when i go collect my results. Maybe that was the reason why i dreamt such a dream. Maybe that's also the reason why i woke up the very moment i wanted to open my result slip (it was like my enlistment letter, the kind u must tear the perforated sides and all...)

This few weeks like damn bad lah. When i eat i think of exams. When i sleep i think of exams. When i blog oso i think of exams. Haha.... ppl who come here all sien see me repeat the same things over and over and over again.

Never think about HAri Raya seh.... wat clothes i'll be wearing for that first day. A replacement for my old songkok. The colour of my baju kurung. Haha... i was watching tv some couple of days back. The burial of Malaysia's PM Badawi's wife who passed away. Then, i saw a man amidst other men. WHile the others wore black or white, that man wore purplish-blue(something like this colour.. i think it IS this colour). That man was PM Badawi. ANd i looked at my mum and said, "This year we wear this colour can?" ... pointing at the baju kurung the PM was wearing.

And this year's ramadhan super bad for me oso lah. Dun hav much time to spare to go to mosque or read the quran. REad oso like that same 6 pages twice a day everyday in the hope i'll memorise it by the end of the month. Maybe not possible given that more thoughts go into my exams. It's really a waste that this Ramadhan hadnt been like my previous ones. It'll be lagi wasted if i dun have the opportunity to meet next year's ramadhan. Balancing life and afterlife. THe choices u make. U may get AAA for alevel but if u pass away soon after, have u done enuff deeds to ensure peace in ur afterlife. Ur AAA will definitely not help u in securing a place in heaven. BUt then, if u do deeds and not get ur AAA and u happen to have a long life, will there be peace in ur present life?

If peace is defined as having a condo, car, education and a wife... then there isnt peace. If peace is defined as the feeling of knowing that ure prepared to die when it's time, prepared in the sense that uve done much good than bad, den i think there WILL definitely be peace-- more peace than a guy that has a car, condo, education and a wife. The most ideal is if one strikes a balance between the two --when one has both kind of peace. BUt tell me, wats the probability of that happening? Striking that balance. I may be stereotying but the rich always wants to get richer. Haas... a couple of analogies to help make my point clearer.. if i was richer, do u think i'll be who i am today? If i was handsomer, do u think i'll be who i am today? Am sort of painting myself in a bad picture here but, i have to admit that there's a high degree of truth in it.

The feeling of self-sufficiency is a dangerous one. But i'll be trying to prove myself wrong. That if i am richer, i'll still be who i am today-- who i was 12 years ago. That if i am more handsome...erm... haha... forget about this, it'll never happen. Lol...

I'll be aiming to strike that balance-- even if the probability is very small.

And i wonder, is there anyone that reads from top to bottom? Hhaha... Maybe tt's why i have bolds here and there -- to help slow down ur scrolling down the screen. Haha..

Saturday, October 22, 2005

House, car, education... wife?

tHree forty Sicks... must do my chem. Was doing chem on friday but i seem to forget ALOT of stuffs. And getting stuck at almost EACH question is making me sick. If only i had an elder brother or sister to guide me all the way man.... like how i always guide my brothers. If only there's an agency which i could go to -- get them to attach someone to me 24/7 for the next 2 weeks. Sit beside me and whenever i get stuck, i'll get immediate help. Hmm.... well, come to think of it, that kind of agency is what we normally call "school".

JUst got home. SEnt off my relatives go pilgrimage. Never sent until airport coz it'll be too late lah. Dad got work. Felt the "call" to go there. Maybe not "call"... heh... just a strong feeeling. But mama said its like around 3-7 thousand depending on the no. of days. Wow.... if i save until 7 thousand, and i go there, i'll be broke when i return lah. Haha.... but i guess, that's why they say at least go there once in ur lifetime if u have the means... maybe i save till 7 thousand to get me there.... then after that, save another 10 thousand so that i can get married. Haha.... I wonder if 10 thousand is enuff.... anws, i think need more than 10 thousand coz i'll need money to buy a house, and a car. HAaha... then there's also my schooling, my siblings' schooling. So many things need money seh.... and all that depends on my Alevel grades. Sad rite? If i dun make it, then no wife, no house, no car. But nevertheless, i'll get my 7 thousand and go do the once in a lifetime thing. Then, God willing, if the emir of Alqaeda is still alive, i can go pay him a visit. haha... maybe can become his apperentice. Lol... (just hoping he doesnt ask for my alevel cert lah.)

Only several days after receiving my enlistment letter that i began to realise how lucky i am and how thankful i shouuld be. Coz if i was enlisted on the 5th or the 6th, i realised that i would be the only one going lah. Coz dad has to work(if he fails to go to work, he must pay $200 or $500 to the company... i'm not so sure). My siblings have to go to school. And my dear mother... who's going to send her home? LEt's just say that though i'm still the six year old me, mama isnt staying young forever. This aint never never land u noe. Haha.... So yea, i guess MOD sort of did some background research on me and gave me the perfect enlistment date -- 7th, which is on a Saturday.

Am revising as much as i can as fast as i can though i doubt it's of any use. But it's the least i could do. I want my house, my car, my education as well as my siblings'. Wife maybe can put on hold lah. Haha.... unless got girl come and get me lah not i go get her. Haha... Power rite? IF got girl come to meet my parents with the dowry instead of vice versa. Haha.... i dun mind... provided i like the girl lah.. haha... Tt's why i hv and must continue to take proper care of myself if i want such things to happen .... hehe.... damn cheeky lah... lol =)

It all boils down to this 2 weeks. My future depends on it. Either i become (1)a successful man or (2) the man on FBI's wanted list.

Friday, October 21, 2005

A new approach....but is it too late?

Flipping thru the pages of the tys. Busy scribbling answers on an exercise book. Flipping to the back of the tys again and again to see if my answers were right.

So many things i didnt noe. So many things i've JUST learnt. Hours went by without me realising. The computer and MSN had just lost its appeal. But, ...

But is it all too late? 19 days. And wats tt? 2 weeks + a few days. How could 1 and a half years be squeezed in 2 weeks? But dennagain, anything is possible.

Boy am i starting to regret my past...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Useful information

My road to success (or failure, but i prefer the former) will be documented right here!!!

Just in case anyone wants to right a book about me. Or just in case i need to recall my past when i write the first of several volumes of "The Life Story: Memoirs of Ali Marzuki".

Heees.... big dreams. Dun worry, people who read my blog can get special discounts and a limited edition autograph by yours truly. Haha... kk... better practice physics now or i'll be writing the book "1001 things u should avoid doing if u want success in life". this too wordy for a title? haha... gd luck guys!

the time is, 7:25am.

Oops... did i clicked publish?

I must admit that i m a loser!

WTH am i doing here again??

Haha.... well... i must say that i learnt my lesson. Never to take a break from bloggging again! hmmm... i guess sceptics of me and my hiatus would be damn glad to see me blog again.

I was bathing when this thought came along... that blogging was my way of a reality check. That if i did my revision, i would have something to talk about. If i didnt do my revision, i would be telling the world(as well as myself) that i haven do anything today and that i better do more tomorrow. Get wat i mean? Me taking a break from blogging may not nescessarily translates to me doing more revision.

Well, i'm now less desperate about blogging. (ermss..) Haha...well... and i think i m less occupied about the thought of that someone. Haa... tts good. And i think i'm more or less on the right track.

I hope i haven lost my target audience yet. Hahah.... the number of pageloads i get is decreasing by the day. Haha.... maybe they'll be coming back on November 18? And if that's the case, then they'll have lots of reading to do! lah. This will most probably be the longest entry till november 18. This i assure u.(haha, my assurance all cannot make it one)

And may i add, the assurances and promises i make in real life should NEVER be tied with the assurances i make in this blog! damn....! I have tis feeling that u guys would go( yea yea....watever). PlEASE DONT! haha.... please... trust me.(this "trust me" is a real life "trust me", not some fake blogging "trust me")

trust me. And below's are some quick peek into my scribblings of this past few days.

Sunday,16 october: 2 weeks after my bday, my grandma gave me sthg to sort of say she remembered my bdae. She wast here on my bdae... wheee... haha... just a simple something... but still... =D

Monday,17 october: Received my enlistment letter. "7th Jan 2006" "7th January 2006" "seven jan 2006" "seven january2006" ...haha... i noe there'll be at least one fella like me out there who would do a blogsearch on this date. If there's such a person, do tag ya? haha...

Hmm... was quite afraid of the thought of having to leave home. ANd on the list of things to bring, theres the alien word "handphone". Haha... maybe to call home and stuff like dat lah. Haha.... but u noe wat, i have this feeling i would be bringing a handphone there. hehe.... still haben forgotten about the promise i made k? I was telling my mum that it'll really be odd for me having one lah. Like i dunnoe how to hold it, where to keep it... how to send a quick sms.. and stuffs like dat lah. Hhaa...,maybe my ns buddies can show me a thing or two.

And i also did tell my mum that i would practice being away from home after the As. haha.... to be around ppl tt are not family... so anyone lonely and need some company can ask me out! haha.... wah... like desperate sia.... Well, anws, i have this gut feeling that i'm the only lonely soul in this lonely planet lah. Well, that makes it two.

Tuesday, 18 october: The worst and most scariest electrical storm i've ever seen. I have this feeling that electrical storms could be Singapore's version of Aceh's tsunami, America's Katrina and Rita, and Pakistan's earthquake. Coz we always take our sheltered city for granted. That we are spared from God's wrath. WEll think again. Scary huh? Going to school, the market et cetera knowing that u could very well be a target. If ure ready to go, then u wun be afraid. But if ure not,.... haha...

Well guys, till next time. =)

Monday, October 17, 2005

A closure

I wanna end it right here right now -- me blogging -- till after As. And i'm dead sure i wun blog anymore. No matter what! (And u guys will be going like ... "ya rite!" )

WEll, i'm preety sure i'll stop blogging for the next few weeks. I'll not go online unless i need help. I wun probably be replying to tags too.... haha... u can see how frequent i'm online thru the "instant" replies to those who tag. Well, i guess the only way for me to end blogging is to really blog as though it'll be my last time blogging.

Wanted to change my blogskin to something purplish but i cant find a simple yet cool purple one. Speaking of purple, i didnt noe the school had a purple physics lab lah! Waaah.... i was in a daze when i saw the lab. Coz the room was dimly lit(not all the lights were on when we came in). It was sooo dreamy lah! And i was like....waaaaaaah. I think after As i'm going to paint my room purple! And do something with the lighting to make it a dreamy place to be in. SO tt everytime i come home from army, can like daze around. haha... Actually, i dun noe what's with me and purple. I used to like blue a lot lah! But the colour purple is like soo... i dunnoe... cool? haas...

And taking a quick glance at my messy study table, there are two dominant colours. If only i had a camera so that u could see the colours i'm talking about. I really do wonder if sometimes, things will take a different course if it wasnt for...

Me and my studying. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. If i'm revising right. Tys. And stats papers. Am trying to make it stick in my head. The formulas and stuffs like that. Am going to school the whole week tis week to study and seek help. I dun think i can finish all by this fri. Maybe extend it to next wed. I really hope that i'll be rewarded for all my efforts. Though i must admit that the final say come frm Him.... i haven actually been a good muslim lately. i'm slightly different from my old self. I'll put a closure to this too -- right here, right now.

And i must add that the new and improved odourless Shieldtox is useless against lizards lah! Normally, spray half the can at the lizard sure it die one! But now, seems like its of no significant effect on them lah! Must remind my mama to buy those normal insecticide. haha...

So much have changed this past 2 years. My academic days in JC is ending soon. My life is just beginning. THe friends i made...i really dunnoe what'll happen next. Normally, most remain in the past unless our paths cross in future. Nevertheless, all will be dear to me. BUt i realised that this is way too idealistic. Life is not as simple as what i perceived it to be. Again, Kim made me open my eyes. Yea that old conversation we had. I guess it really had an impact on me. I noe that i duwan to be doing the same old things ive been doing coz it'll really suck coz most of the time, our paths'll never cross. How could it ever cross if i stay at home all the time? Things'll have to change. But i really dunnoe things will blossom. All i noe is that i'll be leaving this to Him, that as time passes by, i'll be doing the right things,and making the right choices.... choices that i'll not come to regret. I realise that MSN is for kids.... kids like us. Adults use this gadget called handphone. (i noticed even small kids carry handphones!) Hmm... i guess this is the item that'll probably be the key to my problem? I really do not noe for sure....

WEll, things'll develop as planned. If it is meant to be, then it'll be. If it wasnt meant to be, then there must be a reason why it wasnt meant to be. Time doesnt only fly, it changes too. I guess, right now, i'll do what i'm suppose to do -- do my best for the As. Then after that, i'll have all the time in the world to plan my future. All e best to me. Pray for me. All e best to all of u. I hv and will always pray for ur success too.

Till next time,
I assure u, it'll be on the 18 of November-- the day it'll all be over.

Take good care of urself as u revise. Have enuff rest. Trust me, at least 5 hours of sleep a day. Oh ya, i hope u guys'll continue to drop by on the 18 of November. haha... I guess u guys too need a break from reading what i have to talk about everyday rite? haha...wells...

~aLi Marzuki~

Sunday, October 16, 2005

woah... time really do fly. I wish time didnt have to fly. If only it learnt how to walk.

And i m currently STILL terrified. 2 lizards have came to haunt me! I cant sleep! I really cant! Ask me to choose b/w ghost and lizard and i'll say lizards scare me more. Yea.... haha....lousy.

well..... they ARE small. Haha.... when u said small, i though u meant "baby lizard" small. Then it occured to me that even if i'm talking about mama lizards, they ARE small too! haha.... tts why i said theyre big. heh...

WEll.... i'm not scared of stupid lizards anymore. I'm all grown up now. I shall sleep for the next remaining hours before having to wake up again for my early meal.

Lizards, i hope u two sleep too!

Hha.... well, the last time i slept 2 hours, it was the same time last week. And i got fever the next day. Man... haha...

WEll, nites...!=)


i better stop allowing myself to sit back and take a trip into dreamland man...! Letting my mind wander off liddat is way too dangerous!

"A"s are coming in 25 days time. That's like so fast! And i noe it'll be gone in a flash! ANd i noe it's time for me to really give my all. ANd i hope i'll be giving my all! All e best to all!

And i must stop having these weird weird feelings man. It's so not me. ANd it's so so affecting me. .. i hate the June holidays!! Make no sense huh? hahahah... well...

I guess i could see it as ...

.... it didnt end yesterday. It wasnt meant to end yesterday. The ending will come soon... Some other way....

There with you

Sylvester Sim - "There With You"

All this time while you're with me,
I've been in the dark
Didn't think for the life of me
You would do me wrong

We had it all but you chose not to know
You always knew my heart was home
Now we know I'm not who you want
I should let you go

I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop the tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it is time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

All this time while I'm true to you
You turned and looked away
There just wasn't any signs that says
You're just passing through

I'll close my eyes to forget our times
I can't restrain you from your lies

The fear of ever losing you
Has finally come true

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Last day of school....

For the first time, i cant seem to blog anything down. When i think about things to write, i'd play back the scene in my mind..... and imagine... and den i dun feel like blogging. I feel like letting my mind wander into those good old times for as long as i want.

today...sigh...wasnt that good a day. Dunnoe lah.Like i feel as though ... i didnt do sthg i wished i had the chance to do? Something like that lah. Its complicated. It's not the usual miss my friends that kind coz its "the last day of school". Its a much more complex feeling. Its like ever since i stepped out of the hall... I kept thinking about it over and over and over and over and over and over again lah. While in the library doing stats, i was still thinkin and thinkin and thinkin abt it lah. IN class also the same thing lah.Well, i doubt anyone noes wth i'm talking about rite now.

Our form teacher gave us a goody bag with stuffs inside. Class leaders get sthg extra. Haha... guess what's mine was? A small green picture frame. That kind of green. And i was like.....haha.. ..haha..haha...*smiles* A green frame. I'll leave it empty. So that i'll see a different story everytime i look at it.

Everytime i feel like writing something, i'd close my eyes and see that "silent movie" i talked abt in the previous entry. This is what happens when u dun have pictures to look at. But it's cool.... seeing my friends.... in my mind, rather than in some album.

I cant write anymore. Maybe talk about this day some other times. This feeling i'm's so so odd. Cant describe it......... it's nice, yet.... it bothers me that i'm feeling like this. Stupid? haha...

wow... the most emotional day of school man....

...the last day of school.

Friday, October 14, 2005


....but i was happy that i was unhappy coz no one ard me was unhappy that i was unhappy. lah. I wasnt unhappy. Neither was i happy. Well, maybe happy after i beat Adib followed by wilson(THRICE IN A ROW).... haha.... yea, unfortunately(or fortunately) i succumbed to my desires to play the game. Thus making it 8 wins in a row!! hhaha..

Did stats and LOTS of GP!! 3 hours gp bridge. Only me frm my class -so lonely- but it was fun. Was enriching actually coz now that i've started revising GP, GP lessons have become much more interactive. BUt 3 hours in LT5 wasnt doing me any good. Was coughing my way home. Flu.

Talking about me and my desires.... anyone noticed the entry on sunday i think. Hhaha....i said i didnt wanna blog and stuffs like dat. Yet, i blog longer and longer after i posted that post. Haha..... well, that's how fun blogging is to me. As long as Statcounter picks up visitors to my blog,i shall keep on writing and writing...till my monitor explodes.(my monitor's showing signs that it might go soon..haa...)

by right, i must clear all my doubts by next friday. So i am in a rush rush mode now. But am not pushing myself too hard. =)

Oh btw, i cant believe i never blogged about this. My frameless specs broke!! Last thursday! i dropped it out from my pocket. Dun ask me why it was in my pocket in the first place. Bottom line is i dropped it! =(

Told my mama abt it ytd and she said, good lah. -_-..... wah i was expecting a different sort of response lah! haiz.... well, i think i'm gonna get a new pair coz the current specs i'm wearing is the one that i found somewhere(it was left alone by itself for weeks lah so i adopted it).... its degrees are different from mine but its about the same...i use it to play sports only coz this one is not mine what! haha.... but now that i'm wearing it everyday, i scared my eyes got problem. Wait cannot become pilot!!

Any one's dad an optician? haha....can give me free specs? heh.... no lah... maybe i go dig into my bank account for money. Long time never save.. haiz... lucky still got a couple of hundreds inside.

tomorrow's the last day of school. Not going to take photos with frens and teachers and blah blah like others do lah. (Coz i no camera..heh..) Hate taking pictures too coz it never fails to end up as a joke.But yea, that's how it has always been since primary school( i missed not buying class photos in p school, i mustve looked cute lah). Shall keep memories in my heart. Good times, bad times. Hhaa.... everything will be in the form of a silent movie that'll play in my mind when i'm bored. It'll also be in my blog as well as my notebook(left 4 pages to fill....i think i just tear them lah... maybe write somemore).

Jc was fun. The school's great. Teachers great. Frens great. Only i'm the not so great thing ard in AJ. But haha.... expected. anws, i never actually missed anyone from school before lah coz almost all the relations are cordial. ERms, maybe it's me lah -- i suck at keeping in touch with my friends. That's why they dun bother to keep in contact with me. There are a minority of people in the world that will forgotten..... maybe i'm one of them.

Maybe i'm the kind of guy that believe that "Life is full of surprises; even two parallel lines may meet one day" so why can't me and the people i noe? Haha... lousy fella huh?

Well, we'll see how i go. Do still read my blog yea? hhaha... even if go NS, still can find way to blog one. Haha...

Friends.....who will i miss the most? I did say i've never missed anyone from school before but.... could it be different now? hahahahah...... it'll be worse than suicide to say who'll i miss the most but, let's just say that i have a feeling that things could be different now. Haha....

Well, i may not be the ideal of frens but thanks to those who were there for me. Thanks to those who cared. Thanks to those who listened to my craps. Thanks to those in class who tolerated my lousy leadership.... me being inefficient at times and stuffs like dat(but only few in class noe that i have a blog..) Thanks to those who believed in me more than me myself. THough my brain cant remember reagents and conditions for organic chem, it can remember people whom i've been with. From kindergarten till now. haha....hmm... maybe that's why i cant remember the reagents and conditions.... hmmmmmm...

hhaahaa.... well...

Thursday, October 13, 2005


..but i'm unhappy that i was happy...

.... coz when i'm truly happy, the people around me doesnt seem happy that i'm happy. Well...the people who care that is. For it seems to me like i didnt care about me at all. I was like being happy for 7 hours straight ... neglecting my work.Kim and Hock were like shaking their heads... (hmm...shakeshead...haha... nizar's new blog name for those hu werent aware of the change)... and i was like "i wanna be happy for a while...please lemme be happy for at least 7 hours... coz i'm enjoying every second of it!"

on my way home, it was crap crap crap coming out of my mouth. It was quite ok some of the jokes. Either it was really ok or tauhid simply wanted me to enjoy while i can. Either way, it was nice. Hopefully my jokes didnt hurt tauhid. heh...
we're cool about it.... so i hope i dun have to worry about having hurt his heart or sthg. Guys hv feelings too...

Well, another happy thing was that i beat tauhid 3 times in a row.... yeah... that dumb game again. It was the bonding man.... haha.... never have i felt so bonded to anyone simply by playing games. It was fun. And i vowed to let the 3 straight wins be the way to end my career in that pikachu game. Heh...end it with a high.

Was walking home...that's when the shakeshead thingy came into mind. How they were telling me to study yet i didnt listen. I was the dumbest one out there(i still think chong yu's smarter than me) yet i was the one not doing work!
And this was when i felt the unhappiness after the 7 hour of joy..

....even though the last time i was this happy was ... hmm...cant remember... i guess some people weren't meant to be happy huh?....

THis is where ppl who hates long entries can not read.

-- looking thru the book. The selection of secondary schools for my 2 bros. Besides Anderson, their next choice is sembawang sec. Poor thing rite? I dun think they can make it into anderson. They're it is very unlikely that they'll make it. Hope they prove me wrong though. But besides Anderson, mum said that the other schools standard are more or less the same so might as well go to the school in front of my house! Save transport money.(Haiz...always the reason for not being able to go out and see the world.) Anws, shant bother about their school too much now.... coz its more or less fixed. Ard 18 sec schools in Sembawang, Yishun, admiralty, woodlands region. So not much to choose from.

My bros were daring. After their PsLE science, they asked my mama if they could go out with their friends to watch GOAL! Haha.... and they said they duwan SUnplaza. Either Causeway point or GV in yishun. Haha..... and mama's reply was expected... her reasons, she dun want them to develop the habit of going out with frens and so on. ANd 6 or 7 or 8 dollars per person is expensive. (I'm not even sure of the pricing system lah.... got children and adult ticket or not ar?? haha... i only familiar with the barber pricing system..) My bros were sad of course. But no choice mah....

I guess mama sees it as if she let them go, she'll be like my sister. If they dun go, they could be like me. Haiz.... when i see them being controlled, it's really not fun. Not that i can do anything about it though. Maybe i NS that time, got money can bring them go out. hehe...Then some more this friday, Hock they all ask me if i wanna go watch GOAL with them. haas.... wat will my bros say if they find out i went to watch GOAL? UNfair rite? ..... well, not that i want to go of course. Though sometimes, i do feel like going. But i'm not used to it. But.... aiyah....same old prob again....scared i'll change my old self... aha..

In conclusion, i still am unhappy that i was happy today. Coz i hate being happy when i shouldnt be happy. I shouldnt be happy coz my frens feel that it's not the right time for me to be happy? Or is it they want me to be happy for 3 hours at most? haiz..... i find my emotions really complicated. I myself dun really understand what i'm feeling actually.

...Forever doing things that my frens think i should do. (which is always better than wat i wanna do) I'm never happy when others are not happy with what i do... it's just me.... i can't help but be helpless...

But..... but.......... sometimes, i feel......


Wednesday, October 12, 2005


haha...i tink i'm well. 80%

One reason why i think i'm well -- i think i've found a way to beat pikachu. I beat it 4 games in a row and the four games last less than 13 minutes? 5 minutes for the first game and ard 3minutes for the next 3 games(with scores like 4-15 for each game). Cool huh... haas....

hmm...5+3+3+3=14minutes. And i said i played less than 13 minutes... haha.. tts why i said i'm 80% well. =)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Fever. Flu. Sorethroat. Bad headache. --> Bad day. 2 days MC.

Lucky got my mama accompany me at the polyclinic. If not the 2 hours wait will seem like forever.

Not exactly the best of times to get sick huh?

-Now i noe why we have mouths.... so that if our nose gets blocked, we have another outlet to breathe thru.-

Monday, October 10, 2005

You're beautiful...

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
But i can't escape the truth
I will never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
******* high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
But i can't escape the truth,
I will never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

~James Blunt

Lacked the drive.. blog. Maybe its a good thing. I said maybe, though many of u would think that it's definitely a good thing for me. Haha... like i've said, my blog is my way of letting off steam. Hopefully, i find some other means to chill...heh... like reading books and stuffs like dat.

My bros will be having their last paper tmr- science. Haha... never sort of MADE them study ever since PSLE started last week. They said English was easy. Maths was easy. Malay was hard. I'm worried. Their easy is very scary one. Heh.... and they've been scoring 50-60 for their tests since P1 lah. haha... i wun worry too much though. They can always be the top 2 students in any other sec school. They said maths was easy. Haha! The very next morning, i read the Today newspaper and there's an article which talked about how hard the Maths was. Parents were complaining and students were crying and blah blah blah. But not my bros leh. They said there's 3 angles question and it was EASY. Haha.... maybe coz i drilled them angles until they super sien!=D haha... maybe it's in the genes... like how i'm good at angles and 3d trigo, they're gd at angles. Heh... but hopefully, they're not like me totally lah! Coz besides 3d trigo, i suck at everything else! haha... well we'll see how things go.

After PSLE tmr, i'll order my bros to get ALL their books out of sight. Throw away unwanted books etc etc. Time to convert OUR room to MY room.

Till i succumb to my undying desire to blog(or wen i really feel the NEED to blog).... there wun be updates. i'm hoping to take a short vacation away frm blogs.

Sunday, October 9, 2005


Felt like crying when i saw the scenes in Pakistan. Ppl doing their bit to help. Ppl crying. Ppl in hospitals. A different emotion altogether as compared to how i felt about Katrina and Rita. I guess u guys noe the reason why.

Earthquake. Bombs. Tsunami. Typhoons. Hurricanes. SARS. Bird flu. Dengue. Planes....................the scary place we call Earth.

Someone -it's been a while. Disaster - one in Pakistan and the other's within me. God - forgive me.

Shower inspiration

How can 2 parallel lines meet when one of them hides in a corner and not move?

How can day and night meet when one only comes out when the other isn't there?

THe kind of things that i think about ...

Saturday, October 8, 2005


If i dun act like myself, sound like myself or look like myself.... forgive me. It's not stress or stuffs like dat. Or at least tt's wat i hope.

Kim got the series of one-word-replies from me just now. Thus it being a not so great conversation. But its nice tokin to him after a long time. Lately, our paths dun seem to cross that often. Lately, many other paths dun seem too cross as often as it used to. Though two parallel lines may one day meet, the same cannot be said for day and night.

What's with me and my attitude? .... I'm still figuring it out. Must be the gloomy birthday cloud that's still following me around everywhere i go. Maybe its the gloomy prelim cloud. Maybe its the Alevel cloud? I think its more of a cloud A + cloud B +cloud C = FREAkin gloomy cloud looming over me.

Failure is an event, NEVER a person. Failure is a detour, not a deadend.

You dun drown by falling into the water; you drown by staying there and not utter a word or gesture when help is within reach.

Lately,I never did blogged like i always did. Wonder if anyone notices this...
Shall end by saying that i dreamt abt something or someone ytd(go figure) ... made my heart skip a beat or two but the sad thing is, i cant seem to remember that dream in detail!

I guess God wants to give me a peace of mind but do not want me to get too carried away with the dream by making it nothing more than a dream. If only life was a dream and u could do wat u want, say wat u want... without having to suffer the consequences.

-Time for bed- Nitez.... sweet dreamz...

Friday, October 7, 2005

The past entries

Can u feel the heaviness in the way this writer writes?


According to ST's Urban, purple is the IN colour now. Gold is turning purple. Even the potatoes we eat are turning purple.

Where Purple no longer rule? Should i revert back to my favourite -- purple? Lol... step aside green, purple's on its way. (well, highly unlikely to be the case though coz i dun exactly hv e time to waste on unnesec stuffs...) I guess green is staying put... for now..

2 words


Thursday, October 6, 2005

Final stretch

First day of fasting month-- feeling great. Though i may be kind of lagging behind in my studies, i'm less depressed or sad or suicidal (any of those girly emotions lah...haha... kk....not girly..) ... this 3 weeks hv been allocated for pure revision of EVERYTHING. Meaning i have to clear ALL my doubts by this 3 weeks.

Unfortunately, i still haven came up wif my plan. And 3 out of 21 days have already passed. Though i'm getting slightly stronger with maths.... theres still an Everest to climb. Gonna do my homework before break fast(not to be confused with "breakfast") ...and come up with a fairly ok timetable hopefully by tmr.

LEts see how my life will unfold this month.... God willing, it'll be for the better.. =)

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Oh by the way....

the entries today are written within a span of 15minutes. Not more. I dun hv time to spend blogging more than i'm supposed to. =)


I look lost. But it's not becoz i watched too much Lost hock. ONe minute i'm up on my feet and the next minute i'm lying on the ground helpless. And my confidence rarely last nowadays.... always rushing this rushing that and in the end, nothing gets done properly.

"The first duty of a doctor is to save lives". Save mine.

One word. Euthanasia.

Haha.... kiddin.... =)

Whenever i'm feeling like this.... i always look for that little thing that makes me smile... and my sorrows simply fade away....*smiles*

How could this happen to me

Untitled - Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

Such resemblence man.... first the pic of the boy, now this song. How could this happen to me?

Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Tiny lil' things...

Looking for tiny things in which i can take comfort in.

The most demanding race i've ever signed up for. And i am determined to finish first; if not, at least end it with pride.


Monday, October 3, 2005

To think tt it'll be an okay day...

Am very very sleepy right now. My birthday.... the first birthday i've celebrated alone. My mama wenta Malaysia and its 11+ now but she still haven come back yet. It feels very empty man... den somemore my sis went out for tuition at 11... I was practically alone all the way till 2 lah! Tts when my bros returned home.

My ytd auntie bought me a real bdae cake which she passed thru my bros who slept over at her place ytd. EVen though it was a real cake, i cut and ate it myself coz they dun wanna eat it. So there i was eating my own cake while my bros watched tv. All i got from my bros was a short "happy birthday" wish-- no hugs no kisses unlike always. I guess one do not hug nor kiss when one is almost 12..... saded... my ytd auntie also told the whole of Singapore about my bdae over the Malay radio... something which i missed. Coz she told us to on the radio a little too early. After ard 15mins of waiting, we got bored and switched it off...

Den from 3-7, i was in the highly irritated mood. My bros are really getting too hard to handle now... they dun listen to what i say and all. I tell them to do this and they shout and sigh and stamp their feet and all tt stuff which made me mad. My hand's still feeling the sting.

8-10+ was me teaching my bros maths. 3 more days to PSLe and they still wanna slack. So it was more of me in the irritated mood again, forcing them to listen to me explain and all....

10+ and i realise i never do much work at all. I'm lagging behind my plan. And today, i shouted at my bros a lot. SHOUTED at them more than i ever did anytime this year lah! Wonder what's gotten into me on my birthday.

I know i expected this to happen --Minus the me shouting and the me in a very irritated mood. But i wonder why i still feeling like this now lah. It's like i expected to not do well for prelims yet when i cant do the papers, i feel like crying. Perhaps i never experienced this kind of birthday before -- as alone as i can ever get!

This is worse than my normal days..... i cant wait for tmr! I cant wait for this horrible day to end so that i can start work proper. I m currently 2 days behind coz i didnt do what i was supposed to do this 2 days! Well..... all in all, all i can say that second october didnt end with a high. It ended with me shouting at my bros again for being too noisy in bed. To my bros who could be reading this in future, i wanna tell u that u really made this day a really bad day for me.

Hmmm.....I'm 18 now. However, i have this feeling that i'll always be the 6 year old/10 year old me. M18 films and clubbing do not and will not appeal to me. I'll always be the person who'll say he expects this to happen and tt he wun be too greatly affected by it but in the end.... -sigh- I'll always be the guy who "whines" on his blog even though he doest like to. Symptoms of someone lousy i guess... Is this something which makes me unique? I really dun tink so..... I dun feel 18. I feel miserable. i guess i'll be 18 when i'm 21.... so till then...


Is it happening to everyone or is it just me? I cant log in to MSN ALL day. I cant access to the list of entries of my blog. The screen i'm in right now while typing this is distorted! The bar which shows "font", "font size", "b" ,"i" ...the bullets, the ABC with the tick, the picture and eraser thingy..... isnt its usual horizontal lah! It's vertical! SO not normal.

SO i was wondering, is it just me? Man.... trying to be calm....

Today is 2nd October.It's ALI's BIRTHDAY. happybdayhappybdayhappybdayhappybdayhappybday happybdayhappybdayhappybdayhappybday!

(I wrote something last night but saved it as draft. Now i cant access my entries for dunnoe some weird reason. Thus, forcing me to retype everything; not that i mind of course...consider this my 2nd draft)

I wanted to keep my birthday a secret but i guess my sis and yuying had let the cat out of the bag huh? DID SOMEONE SAy CAT??!! *jumps onto a chair* lol... very lame indeed but being 18 means i must cut down on my lameness-- not stop being lame totally . Haha~!

So i guess the whole world knows my birthday den. Tts wat the 210 in my email add stands for....2nd October. =)

I was "appearing offline" yesterday doing my work when i noticed an email. Haha... sweet.... Hey yuying..... thanks a lot!(this shuldn't be read in a sarcastic tone) =P I really do love words.... like wat i had said in an entry a couple of days ago. I guess u caught the clue huh... lol........ eh btw, it's quite funny to think tt i keep thinking tt u've been wishing me Happy Bday everyday for the past 8months. Haha.... remember what u wrote in my notebook? Maybe u dun. But i'm sure this entry's title sound familiar right? haha...Yea.... everytime i flipped it open, i'll always see wat u wrote even though u wrote it towards the end of the book.(Btw, i haven reached that page yet)... And everytime i read it, it's like i'll keep thinking.."no, today is not second october"... again, THANKS!!! *smiles*

My sis dropped a tag ytd.*surprise surprise* haha..... and she told me to grow up. lol...sis of mine, u better grow up too u noe! Ure not a small kid anymore! yea... thx to u too! =)

Mama woke me up tis morning to wished me a Happy Bdae and gave me hugs and kisses. Just one hug and 2 kisses on my cheeks. (tts wat ive been receiving for 17 years now) Well..... today's one is different coz i was 70% asleep. haha... I remembered her saying she's going to go out and wun be home till in the afternoon? Tts why the early wish. As for my dad? Hahahahaha.... need i say more? Maybe later i guess.... WHile bathing just now, this thought came across to me-- that there's a part of Dad in me afterall! Its not all feminine.... lol!! Coz u see, i guess Dad's the reason why i dun bother abt ppl's bdae and Dad's the reason for my quiet nature. Coz for the past 17 years, me and Dad hv been tokin very very very little to each other. Its those one question,one reply sort of relationship. Maybe, i may have interpreted his actions as what guys normally do-- they dont really talk, and that Bdays arent really a big deal. lol! Thus the me u see on the outside. Another missing puzzle found.

My auntie wished me happy birthday thru my mum. She gave a cake as my present! (mama wenta her house ytd and Auntie passed her the cake) Haha... chocolate cake. (she bought me chocolates last year) Its more of a simple swiss roll in a tube box kind of cake. Cheap but delicious!!! Its not a birthday cake btw. Coz i ate the cake alone one sang me no bdae song...and coz there's no candles on it? haha... its a present... Anw, who celerates Bday with a cake? I remember a cake for my Bday some ten years ago? haha.... well, a cake is not cheap u noe... hugs and kisses and words will do just fine=) (btw, i haven called my auntie to thank her yet. Its one of those guy thing... haha... hard to say thank u or sorri to girls. Maybe later.haha!)

U noe wat, Barney and mickey and donald and goofy and the Beatles and Frank Sinatra and Justin Timberlake sang me birthday songs!! Haha.... (i downloaded them) Pathetic huh? LOL! BUt it's the thing tt make todae special... heh..

Tis year's bday is indeed a special one. To yuying and sis and mama and auntie... thx for remembering my bdae. Thx for making it a special one! To those who will be wishing me later( shame huh?), thx. And i'll thank u again later. Haha.... anws, if it'll only be this 4 who wishes me happy bdae, its okay. Haha! Coz tts normal. It has always been a quiet and simple one for the past 17 years. Hehe.... but having Grandma kissed me and hug me and maybe give me sthg(lol!) would make it more complete. ahahahaaha! (she's at my other auntie's place now)

And as for my bdae wish...

*it's a secret*


Sunday, October 2, 2005

Fighting crime trying to save the world..

Muahahaha.... shall watch PPG:The Movie while doing homework.

Children's day

yea how i wish i was born earlier.... such a great day today man-- children's day. Been up to nothing today really, except jotting down wat i wanna do( there's A LOT of homework for me to do lah!).... do maths, watch Man U's game against Benfica...and eat lots and lots of ICE CREAM!!! MY FAVOURITE!! haha... one can never get bored of eating icecream-- haha... maybe not. Its just tt its been a while since i eaten icecream. Oh man.... children's day somemore.... felt like a kid again man! Haha.... chocolate and durian icecream... must be got some offer at NTUC (otherwise, mama wouldnt hav bought them!)

Better clear the tubs before wednesday coz otherwise, during our fast, we'll kp thinking abt the icecream... =P

WEll.... gonna go treat myself to the icecream in the fridge...again... haha... i always feel as if i rule the world in October.... -- tt i can do wateva i like, whenever i want...HAHA!! Have a great weekend!

Saturday, October 1, 2005

where's friday?

...hhaha... first time i missed blogging at least once a day lah! ANd this wasnt on purpose. Really really cant find the right time and the right words to say.

Had maths test today. Thought i did fairly well coz i was scribbling answers throughout the 3 hours lah! But sadly, after looking at e answer scheme, i spotted so many careless mistakes. ANd i now noe the few topics i really cant handle-- like DE and integration and differentiation. My plan for the weekend is to clear up my prelims correction, spot my weakness, and plan my nxt 3 weeks. Not forgetting 1 GP essay and 1 GP compre due next week (teacher felt tt its been a while since we last wrote an essay). Quite true though...

Finally, september's ended. October's here!!! Wooohoo!! And guess wat? October is my favourite month lah! My favourite day is today lah-- Children's Day! -- always making me think abt my fond primary school days. And my second favourite day is not long after Cdren day.... haas...

Note to self: It is scary to be on ur own. Having spent most of ur time alone for the past 5 days, it really feels weird doing work among people. The way i interact with them seems to differ by a lot-- maybe coz i've forgotten how it's like to be ard them. WEll....

zz....eyes open close open close liao.... really super shagged today. 3hrs maths, 1.5 hrs Chem, 1.5 hrs GP... i'm gonna turn in now.... gotta start work with full steam tomorrow morning. Gotta clear my homework as fast as possible so tt i can gift myself with the luxury to stop, breathe and relax abit on Sunday. haha.... =)