Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Please start learning how to respond and react accordingly to the people around you especially when they're your elders. Only when you demonstrate the ability to respond and react will you start seeing the people around you respond and react to you.
You can't have things your way. There's a way to get things going your way. And to pack up and leave is not the way. That's as good as you flushing the 22 years of heart, blood and sweat that your parents gave to raise you down the toilet.
Watch your words, in moments of anger. Words, when said can never be taken back. Think thrice before speaking your mind. The word sorry is depreciating in value, fast.
May Allah makes us all better parents and children.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I woke up. Went out of the bedroom and into the living room. Lied down beside the twin sleeping on the floor. Got up. And showered.
My sister woke up. Went out of the bedroom and into the living room. Lied down beside the twin sleeping on the floor. Got up. And showered.
I remember doing that when the twins were a lot younger. I remember how it went from them hugging me, to me hugging both of them coz one was jealous that I hugged one but not the other, to them pushing me away everytime I tried to hug, to them moving away every time I came to close, to them not moving away so long as I kept my distance.
I don't remember them being as tall as me. Now it's all about stealing those precious moments being by their side as they're sleeping.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
To be standing on the fringe of camps and criticizing the way camps are being run is easy. Too easy. I had the opportunity to observe 3 camps from 3 different point of views: that of a logistical helper, a station master and a facilitator.
To finally be part of a camp's programming team was a natural progression. And I must say that after much observation, it's no easy feat. The amount of hours that goes into planning and replanning due to changes after changes is ... wow. Long day today. Too long, I feel. Some things don't feel right but I just cant seem to pinpoint where exactly. I've yet to piece the different pieces of the jigsaw together. Time's not on my side given the fact that work starts in 2 days time.
Will see what what happens over the course of the next 3 weeks.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Pokemon - Gotta catch em all! Until they added more and more Pocket monsters into the picture. The brain could only remember 151 names.
One word: Weird. Why am I not surprised that 10 years on, people still call me weird. Am I really that ... weird?
I guess 10 years ago, I was pretty much Mama's boy. When I chose to play soccer after school at the nearby basketball court, I made sure I left by 3pm. I made sure my uniform isnt too wet. I made sure I didnt overuse the "I had NCC meeting" excuse.
And I believe no one would have imagined me and Shris playing soccer on a weekly basis at the centre of midfield when we're 24.
Sigh a happy sigh. Those were the days. (:
Sunday, May 15, 2011
So, the exams are over. A week's break before Industrial Orientation begins.
Just thinking about things as I hop around the Net. One thought that screams louder than the rest is the thought about death. Live like we're dying, says Kris Allen. I wanna do that. I wanna forget about exams.
I wanna do good and die the next day.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
1 day 16 hours 44 minutes to the end of my 3rd year in NTU.
Exams have never been my forte. I simply do not know why the brain refuse to commit formulas and concepts to memory. I'm at the point when Im starting to ask myself the same old question of what I wanna do with my life, where I'll be in 5 years time, where can I go once I'm done with university.
This semester, I learn that everything comes from Allah, and that includes the motivation and drive to succeed. During the first half of the semester, I find myself enjoying my solitude. I was focussed, I could juggle my time well, and I even managed to memorize a new surah. I even did pretty well for my quizzes. However as the semester wore on, I felt as though I owed my little success to my ability to manage my time, my diligence, perseverance and having a good circle of friends around me. Ignorance got the better of me.
One by one, I felt as though those abilities of mine were slowly being taken away from me for reasons I should know.
I felt how it's like to be super productive this semester. But I also felt how it's like to have so much time in my hands yet the only thing I can do is to watch time pass me by, slowly. The strength and perseverance and diligence simply vanished. The circle of friends slowly went separate ways. Life is full of ups and downs. Ive been experiencing the ups and the downs for God knows how many years yet, I subject myself to the same old cycle again and again and again.
God, when am I going to learn my lesson.
A part of me feels that the 3 weeks break from APEX played a role in this downfall of mine. I was missing the company of good people, good kids, good intentions. It might be a little too late to do anything about it given that I'm 48hours away from my one one-week break. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. It always does. However, I do hope that these little hiccups that I'm experience during my schooling days will one day shape me into a somewhat decent guy in future.
All these years have confirmed that I make a bad student, but I'm still trying to figure out what Im good at.
He's the only one who thinks that the reason why I'm less active on Facebook is because I've found a girlfriend and because of that, I ignore my close friends. What a way to break the monotony of studying! Girlfriend? Not ready yet. I hope I've made it clear to him that if I do end up with someone, I will inform him first, and then ignore him. HAH.
So it's been close to 11 years since I know the fella. Trust me, it's full of ups and downs. But it's not always that a friendship last for so long and still goes on strong. This coming exams do not look too good despite the fact that Im only sitting for 3 papers. Somewhere along the way, I mustve lost sight of my target. Perhaps it was complacency.
I'm stressed, yes. But for some reason, I just keep everything hidden and bottled up because negativity begets negativity and I do not want to affect the happiness of others. And not so strangely, I love listening to the problems and rants of others coz I know the moment everything is out of their system, they'll feel better. And when they feel better, I feel better knowing I helped somewhat. Not everyone has this in-built blackhole that destroys angst, negativity and everything in between.
The loner, never feels he is alone. Coz he knows there are people who care.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
On Mothers Day, I ended up giving dear Mama a lecture on love, children and mothers and how Mothers Day is overrated and not to be jealous about other mothers being treated to dinners and gifts and stuffs.
But she knows that I was simply trying to wish her Happy Mothers Day and that I love her.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Because I have distanced myself from talking politics (because the exams are coming, and because I said I'll post them up here), I shall slowly try to revert back to my old reflecting self. And what better way to do that then to take a trip down memory lane.
It has been 6 years, yet the communication between us remained more or less stagnant. It's somewhat like the level of communication between me and my dad - even when I dream of my dad, it's either very little or no communication at all. Sad, but that's the story of our life. Anws, communication has always been through different means like the occasional shouting match or the long silence. Oh wells, one of us has to start growing up and I foresee that'll probably only happen when she gets married. So, I'll live with it.
6 years. Still no girlfriend. So no green light for her to have a boyfriend. She'll probably have to wait at least one more year when Im done with boring mugging, settled with a stable job with enough money to go around. Now, that'll be a very interesting time for me. The transition from romantic comedy films to reality. Kinda tired of hearing people telling me that I'm too afraid of rejections, not daring and stuffs.
Really, it's about the right time when everything in life has more or less fallen nicely into place. This is testimonial #1.