Selamat Hari Raya ya guys..

Wells, spent ytd overnight at TTSH wif my grandma. I just cant see her spending the morning of hari raya alone. And besides, I wun be able to do this for long.

Went for prayers and came back. Waited and waited and no one came. Expected mama to be the first one there so when it seems like she's taking her own sweet time there, i became very disappointed in her. Mustve forgotten that her son and mother's there. She was the fourth to reach. So much for not going to my aunt's place. And im feeling like a fool caring so much for my grandma. That's why some times i wish id be less emo. But dennagain, guess grandma means alot more to me than to others.

Have you ever reach the point when you'd rather lose someone you love than to see him or her suffer?

I have. Twice.

So after mama came, i was sitting there looking at my grandma. And the mood to like celebrate Hari Raya totally vanished. So i decided to head home coz i dun want to leave with the knowledge that my grandma will be left alone. So well, wun be celebrating so long as she's still suffering. So long as she's there alone. Will try to be by her side so long as shes still breathing, so long as im free. Or at least till i get bored of looking after her.

Looking after the aged.... realised its physically and mentally challenging. Now i understand why most dump theirs in the homes.

This totally rash entry speaks a lot about myself. Me spending almost the entire day alone at home speaks alot about me. That i'm not yet ready to be saluted. That it's too early to call me mature with a v in front. I had mentioned that i would be crushed today and mama be utterly depressed yet ive yet to shed a single tear. No sadness no happiness no nothing. Its as if everything's being pent up inside. Miserable hari raya. Wonder how next year will be like. whether id have the chance to be by my grandma. Or my mother for that matter. Dun worry about me. This is afterall just a blog. Where things might be a bit exagerated(did i spell it right?) and no one can really tell. And u noe how i write. Thats what i'll always say...

But nevertheless, Selamat hari raya... my profound apologies had/have/should any of my past present or future entries hurt u in one way or another.