I try my best to understand. To speak to them only when required coz for some reason them being older makes them too cool for small talks. I tried my best not to offend. To respect. But I guess something mustve gone wrong somewhere and I reached a point where I realize that perhaps it's not going to work. I've been pretending and lying to myself thinking that I've got it in me to wear my dad's shoes.

Lost my cool. Raised my voice. Broke my heart. I hate people who break hearts.

Probably the reason why I'm not into marriage mode despite it being encouraged and despite me being envious of parents with children at the mosque for terawih prayers is because of the fear that someday, my kids would grow up hurting me and my wife's feelings like how I'm feeling right now.

Fear prevents me from doing things. Lots of things.

Saying hello

Just say hello. 
Ask for direction to Subway.
Ask for recommendation to nice food outlets. 
Say something.
Say anything.
Okay I know. Say that you're from a charitable organization in Singapore and that you're wondering if she could donate her handphone number to you.

Publika @ Mont Kiara.

We were just walking around when we saw a girl in purple hijab looking at books at MPH. The next thing I know, my two travel companions were pushing me to step out of my comfort zone and say something to her.

We're not asking you to marry her.
All we're asking is for you to say hello. Anything. Something.

I didnt, of course. And we went on exploring the mall.

Guys, I'll say something if we meet her again for the second time.

30 minutes later, we found ourselves at MPH again. She was there sitting on the bench outside the bookstore with a book in hand, reading. There's something lovely about girls with books that I can't quite explain.Kinda like how it's always lovely to cross path with the girl on the morning train to work. There's always a quran in her hand. But I digress.

She sat there for around 30 minutes. And so were we, nearby and from a safe distance. And it stayed that way much to the chagrin of my two friends who believed that I could find muster up the courage to walk up to someone and say hello.

Why should I say hello to someone whom I know I'll probably never ever meet again?
Isn't it kinda pointless?
Am I really afraid of making a fool of myself?
What am I really afraid of?
Will I ever do what needs to be done should the day comes?
Perhaps I'll wait till next time. Perhaps she isn't the one. 
If we're meant to be, we're meant to be.

Cmon Ali!
Say something. Walk up to her. Ask anything.
Say something funny. Girls like guys who are funny. 
Ask her if she's had her dinner and if she'd like to join us.
Heck if you want, we could be invisible and let you have dinner with her.
Do it for Allah! Even if you don't want to, then at least do it for us.

Guess nothing much have changed.

On a short break

It's been a long long while since I sat and write. Writing helps one to keep in touch with our inner self. It's like making time for the self - something which I've not done, clearly.

Hopefully this short retreat in urban KL allows me to just take the mind of work. And hopefully think about what's next.