The Voice

The voice is a gift often overlooked.

It started with a combination of fever, flu and cough on Monday followed by 2.5 days of work despite feeling under the weather. Took the loss of my voice as a sign to visit the doctor - and she gifted me a 3 day MC. It seems that the body too has its way of forcing me to take a break!

Lack of water. The sun. The dust. Stress. Lack of sleep. Lack of healthy food. Lack of exercise. And who knows what else resulted in my body's shut down. Took the mind off work completely. Ample rest. A couple of jug of barley drink. Lemon. Meds. Sign language. Whispers and plenty of water later...and the voice is finally (partially) back.

And so is work. Still can't figure why I'm getting less and less psyched up about work lately. Something's not right and I need to put a finger to it fast.

Sometimes, big boys do cry

He thought he had mastered the art of controlling his emotions.

But he later realized that he hadn't - the moment his voice began to crack midway through the recitation of Surah Al-Fatihah. And for some weird reason, tears rolled down his eyes and he couldn't control it. Perhaps it was the dust in the living room. 

Or perhaps the build-up of emotions were simply too much for the mind to ignore. Big boys cry too - even if it's only for a short while. 

Twenty Five. Twenty Six.

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

Firstly, alhamdulillah  for being given the opportunity to turn 26 on the 2nd of October. 

It's been a while since I last wrote. I missed writing about Eid, how I totally forgot about my mama's birthday on the 31st of August, and how both my brothers were recently enlisted, and how weekdays without them felt so empty. I missed writing about turning 26 and my reflection on life this past year - oh what a 25th year (yes, work work work!!) it has been! And I missed writing about the passing of my beloved grandmother on the 6th of October.

Work has been very very overwhelming. The mind's in a mess. It feels like there's a million and one things to learn and do and being the hardworking worker that I am, I'm allowing myself to be drowned as I swim my way through this hard time. It's been a year and 3 months since I first joined the company and there's still a lot more to learn. Countless times I feel like raising the white flag but there's a part of me that enjoys this struggle. I pray for the day when everything clicks and everything begin to feel more manageable. A part of me always reminding that the next job, should I ever decide to call it quits, will not be any easier. 

On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear – [Quran 2:286]

The Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” (Sahih Bukhari Vol. 7, Book 70, #545)

But still some days, lately most days, it feels as though I'm starting to distant myself from people in general. I believe that's what people do when they graduate and enter the workforce. I'm still trying to find the balance between life and work. I used to tell others that work is life and we will only disappoint ourselves if we try to see it as two separate things. But lately, I find myself struggling to see life and work as one. I find myself struggling to find time to sit and pour my thoughts out - be it through my blog, through smses, FB messages or whatsapp messages. How I missed the days of MSN Messenger when I could chat people up to rant and stuffs. 

I guess 25 is the year I kinda lost myself as I tried to establish myself. Who am I? What do I wanna be? Who do I wanna be like? Where do I see myself in 5 years, 10 years, 30 years down the road? May my 26th year be the year in which I find and define myself. May Allah guide me and send individuals to help me find my way through this temporal life.

And to those who still visit this dusty blog of mine, smile always. May you always be in the best of health. (: