Thursday, January 1, 2009

Big shoes: Behind the single line

I like to play with words. Finding the right words with the right style can sometime take forever.

I planned on writing something last night and after hours typing and deleting, I settled for a one liner. Thoughts after thoughts were forming in my mind that it almost became unbearable. Hence, the single line.

I could choose to adopt the "dont bother thinking too much" mentality but I just cant help thinking about the what ifs if I put in some effort into the thinking process hoping that i could see things in a better light.

As a child, I would have loved for decisions to go the way any child would want it to be -- in his or her favor. But as a father, I seem to adopt a rather overprotective stance when making my decisions. The mother could have made the decision on her own but she decided to let me have a taste of being in the big shoes left for me.

Last night, I found it hard to find an ideal common ground between the child and the father. It's as if the child will never seem to understand the thoughts of his father and the father, likewise. And i realize that any decisions made by the father will have an effect on future events. And for this reason, I find it hard being a parent.

I mentioned that I might be rather overprotective as a father. However, one of the thoughts after thoughts that was forming in my mind was the need to let go. And the thought that followed several thoughts later was when the right time to let go was.

I even did a search on the net and found the following:

Birth to seven years old: Parents make the decisions.

Seven to fourteen years old: Parents listen to the child, then make the decision.

Fourteen years old through high school: Parents and teenagers make decisions together, as increasingly more of the final decision power is given to the teenager.

"Increasingly more of the final decision power is given to the teenager" is good news to the child. And I realized today that parents are more than willing to give more power to the child -- provided that the child shows signs that he or she is ready. Perhaps, for some, the time could be as early as 14 but for others, it might be later and may not even come.

As a child, what he can do is show to his father that he is ready and able to stand on his own two feet. After that, he'll have to wait for the time to come and trust me, the time will come. Only then will there be an ideal common ground between the child and the father.

The thought that immediately pops up next is this: What if the child's a she? What then?

Clearly Im not ready to be a father. And for precisely this reason that I really wish he was around to tell me what i should do. All i can do now is think things through and try to do things as he would do.


0_0 said...

first step:
dont think too much. =)

sometimes somethings need to be taken one step at a time.

and there are just some things that you cant face alone.

the father doesnt make the decisions alone,
there is also the mother.

marzuki said...

Exactly my point.

Its hard enough for 2 to make decisions. Even harder for one. I was just putting myself in his shoes -- to try see things from his perspective -- and then, see it from her perspective....

Sometimes, it helps to do the thinking now so that in future, one doesnt have to worry. Esp now that school's starting real soon...