Thursday, May 3, 2012

There's so many things on my mind right now ...

..and I just can't sort them out into nice paragraphs of words.

The exams are over. It was over last week. But a post was scribbled and left with the many piles of drafts coz it was deemed mundane. The numbers of Saturdays I have left with my kids are numbered. I'm probably left with one. Have yet to let them know. Am thinking how best I can say farewell. And then there's the preparation for next week's Oral Presentation. Trying to put the report into presentation slides and coming up with a 20 mins script and rehearsing seems pretty daunting. The problem with me is that internally, I break down when required to come face to face with a monster. I've yet to cultivate the ability to tell myself:

"Now son, look at me. Stop looking at too big a picture. Zoom in on one thing at a time. In your attempts to try and kill two birds with one stone, you almost always end up killing nothing at all. So please, dear boy. Focus."

Half my mind is somewhere in Mecca - thinking of the things I wanna do, wondering what it'll feel like. And there's the packing. There's also post-exams activity to look forward to - people to visit, say hello to, catch up. There's so many people I'd like to meet and thank personally for being such wonderful people in my life.

I recently attended a talk about the Malay Community. And I want to do something to help (and the brain starts to overwork itself again by looping arguments over and over again). Attending that talk made me realize that I'm not exceptionally good at anything. And when I asked myself what I wanna be exceptionally good at if given the opportunity, it's the ability to understand and appreciate the Quran. I wanna be able to know which verses are where and the reason and place and context in which the verses were revealed. And in order to do that, I need to make the Quran my companion and do lots of reading. I'd need books and references and teachers and classes.

And then there's the driving test in 2 weeks. It's 2am. Got a driving practical tomorrow morning. Slides and script at probably 30% completion. Slight headache.

So many things on my mind right now. May Allah ease me in my journey to accomplish these tasks and dreams of mine. May Allah ease you in the journey you're on.

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