Day 1: First Real Job

I worry about stuffs that I know is pointless to think about - so I'm shutting that train of thoughts down.

There's no use worrying about first days.

My colleagues were welcoming. The manager was very friendly and feels like someone I'd work hard for. Sadly though not surprisingly, there's no females in the workplace. Perhaps one day from now till the 3Q of 2013, I'll bump into a nice teacher from the primary school next to my site during lunch time or something. But I digress.

It's been a pretty decent first day, alhamdulillah. Real work begins tomorrow. May He always keep me safe from the unseen dangers that exist at the construction site.

Fathers Day

Fathers Day reminds me that that it's been 6 years since the day Dad left us. The date was the 18th June 2006.

6 years later, 18th June 2012, I struggle to fall asleep. My first day of work - and I'm nervous. I worry about stuffs that I know is pointless to think about - so I'm shutting that train of thoughts down. The mind still thinks that I'm a student. The heart feels that I'm still Mama's eldest little boy and that I'm still just that annoying elder brother to my siblings. As I select what to wear for my first day, it's starting to sink in that I'm not getting any younger.

The shoes that Dad left me is starting to fit in pretty nicely. As I become the guy with that slightly deeper pockets who'll spoil his mum and siblings more often, I guess I'll have to start asking myself the question: "What's next?"

"Wahai Tuhanku. Sayangilah kedua ibu bapaku sebagaimana mereka berdua telah mendidik aku dan adik-adikku sejak waktu kecil lagi."

Essay on The Heart

Some of the little "me" time in Mecca was spent at a couple of bookshops just standing and looking at books on display. Being in a foreign country with foreign money, one tend to be less stingy with one's spending. 10 little books caught my eye! I even bought 2 copies of the same book coz I couldn't recall if I already have a copy. I didnt want to risk not buying it coz one gets lost pretty easily and finding the same book shop would take away more precious time.

Currently, I'm reading a thin book entitled A Commentary on Ibn Taymiyyah's Essay on The Heart by Dr Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips. Reading it constantly reminds me that my heart is not yet ready to read such books. The eyes see and the mind processes information but the heart struggles to keep up, somehow. I guess in some ways, the following paragraph in the book puts it nicely:

"As the heart was created to know things, its pursuit of things out of a desire for knowledge is [called] thought and reflection, just as the ear pursuit of speech desiring to hear it is [called] listening, and the eye’s attention to things trying to view them is [called] sight. Thus, thought relative to the heart is like listening relative to the ear and sight relative to the eyes, etc. If [the heart] comes to know what is reflected on, that was its goal, likewise, if the ears hears what it listened for, or the eyes sees what it looked at."

For a while now, I've been going on about listening to the heart and the head. Perhaps, this thin book could help shed a little more light on the heart. And who knows, perhaps in future, I'd want to listen to my heart a little more often.

The Shaded Seven

The Prophet said:

There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade: a just ruler; a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, the Mighty and Majestic; a man whose heart is attached to the mosques; two men who love each other for Allah’s sake, meeting for that and parting upon that; a man who is called by a woman of beauty and position [for illegal intercourse], but he says: ‘I fear Allah’, a man who gives in charity and hides it, such that his left hand does not know what his right hand gives in charity; and a man who remembered Allah in private and so his eyes shed tears.’

Narrated by Abu Hurairah & collected in Sahih al-Bukhari (english trans.) vol.1, p.356, no.629 & Sahih Muslim english trans.) vol.2, p.493, no.2248

The above hadith was shared by the mutawwif (guide) during the recent Umrah. Before we went our separate ways, he shared that everyone of us are individuals who have met and gotten to know one another for Allah's sake, and will part upon that. He suggested that we love each other for Allah's sake just so that we may be shaded under His Shade on the Day of Judgement.

Over the years, friends come and go. Antisocial me doesn't really mind it either. But of late, I realize that there are friendships that seem to last longer than most. And I realize that these are the friendships that I should try to hold on to as much as I can, for Allah's sake. We could exchange advice and reminders, and offer help when help is required - for Allah's sake.

For His Shade - on the Day when I need kind righteous individuals to save me from the Fire.

A wonderful experience

It's been a wonderful experience - one that I wanna relive over and over again. Travelling alone was fun - as I had the freedom to move around freely. But as I spend my time at the mosque looking at families with cute little children, I quietly pray that the next time I'm here, I wouldn't be alone.