Jobs

Tonight, I open with interest mass emails from the school about job opportunities related to my field of engineering. Because I do not see myself working atop high-rise buildings due to my slight fear of height, I'm seriously considering the rail industry - digging tunnels and underground stations and everything else in between.

And then I thought about giving myself a couple of months break and not dive straight into the working world. And then I realized when my sister graduated, I ensured that she got into the working world immediately. It's about time I gave back. Paris, UK, Egypt, US, Switzerland, Australia ... Places such as these will have to wait.

May the road ahead be manageable for me.

I miss some friends

Sometimes I think about all the people that I've met in my life and how they've affected me, I really do. And then I think about how long it has been since the last time we've met and I wonder if they feel the same way too. And then I delve into whatever wonderful memories I have of them and reminisce. And I smile.

And I hope some day, some way, we'll meet over a cup of milo or something and catch up. On old times.

Seeking Comfort

I find comfort at home, among my mother and sister and brothers. But when they're out working or are on a holiday, I find myself looking for something to latch on to so as to remain comfortable. That's when I write.

After 17 days, I write once more.

Hidup dalam ketakutan,
Hidup berlandaskan al-Quran.

I do not know why but the mind formed those couple of lines as I fell asleep last night. Earlier this afternoon, it was mentioned that the fear of Allah and the love of Allah are two paths that will take one to the same destination. However, it was said that the former may leave a negative psychological impact. I paused, and reflected. I'm reminded of the verse in surah Ar-Rahman verse 46 which means:

"Dan orang yang takut akan keadaan dirinya di mahkamah Tuhannya (untuk dihitung amalnya), disediakan baginya dua Syurga."

"But for he who has feared the position of his Lord are two gardens."

Thinking about it, I can't help but feel like I'll never be capable of loving. Or maybe I do, but I show it through fear - the fear of deviating from the straight path, the fear of allowing myself to be excessively distracted by unimportant worldly issues and such.

Or in some distant imaginary worldly relationship, the fear of losing someone whom I've yet to even say hi to.

Sigh,

It's been many days since I last wrote something. It seems that once the exams are over, I've been spending more time away from the Internet. Most days I find myself in school doing my final year project, at my grandma's place, playing floorball and soccer, learning how to drive a car, watching movies (online) and stuffs. For some reason, I wish I could get into Ramadhan rhythm and spend more time with the Quran. For some reason, it's been an eventful 17 days but the heart feels empty.