thinking...

haha.... not about love or wat hv u not...

Was feeling slightly sleepy... so decided to lie on the bed beside my bro. Tucked him in. And simply gave him a long warm hug. Ran my hands thru his silky hair and i was like....

...two months to As... and on the day u guys go to prom, i'll probably be dancing ard at home wif my 2 bros who'll sadly for me,finally be 12. And then they'll be in sec 1. I remember my sec one days preety well. And i never came across a single soul who says he got a big brother at home who loves him like mad. Ya.... i imagined how i'll react when someone says he has. I imagined wat its like if i ever have one.

YUCKS! Disgusting! This would be my initial reactions. ANd it finally dawned onto me. No more lovey dovey stuffs..... cmon...sec 1 sia.... how time really does fly.....

Well back to reality, i still hv to remember tt i've got 2 months left before the As. 3 months left before my loved ones become young adults-- my last 3 months tt i shuld really tresure. If only i had a digicam to capture all the wonderful moments.

And me.... i'm still living as though i'm 12. SOmetimes 6. Most of the time 12. Thats coz the next 6 years were full of downs which i dun quite like.... though there were ups of course, moments tt sometimes make me forget my downs for a while.

But i guess NS and all tt will help "severe" the relationship b/w my bros and me. This is wat the 2 brats hv been looking forward to....

Anw.... seems like im beating abt the bush in tis entry, wif no end in mind. Just having those moments when u simply hv to accept tt some things simply can't be avoided. Nature has to proceed in accordance to His plans. And tt u simply hv to keep moving on.

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....after much thinking, seems to not hv anything to talk abt. I noe i said i dun think when i blog but tonite's not like normal nites. I even find it hard to type in "haha". Yes, its those one of those off moments.

Brain too tired. After 3 days break since GP paper... i guess my brain not accustomed to mugging yet. And i hate to say this but there's a part of me that's busy sewing pieces of white cloth together to make a flag. I hope there never comes a point within this 2 months in which i ever raise the white flag.

had enuff. Though it was little, it was enuff. Gonna rest now. Fever yet to subside. Headache. Blocked nose.

Why cant my road to success be less bumpy?

Tong Hua (Fairy Tale)

Eugene and hock noes i seldom listen to chinese songs sang by guys.... except Jay and of course sly... haha...

But i really liked this song by Guang Liang.. it's so unlike me to post lyrics on blogger... but i really liked this one..... Heard it once on an ad on tv a long time ago, and thx to hock, i finally got hold of the song. haha... hock, this song makes me think of u sia, though its only been a couple of daes... lol! And of coz, yea...

Tong Hua (Fairy tale)
wang le you duo jiu [forgotten how long it's been]
zai mei ting dao ni [I haven't heard you]
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi [say to me the song you love most]

wo xiang le hen jiu [I've thought for a long time]
wo kai shi huang le [I've started to be concerned]
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me [Did I do anything wrong?]

[chorus 1]
ni ku zhao dui wo shuo [You told me while crying]
tong hua li du shi pian ren de [Fairy tales are to deceive people]
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi [It's impossible that I'm your prince]
ye xu ni bu hui dong [You cannot know]
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou [After you told me you loved me]
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le [The stars brightened in my sky]

[chorus 2]
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
[I'm prepared to change to the angel you love in the fairy tale]
zhang kai shuang shou [and open my two hands]
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni [to become wings which protect you]
ni yao xiang xin [you must believe]
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li [we can become as the fairy tale]
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju [and have a happy ending]

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju [we can write the ending together]

And btw, it was the tune, not the meaning of the song, tt initially attracted my attn me to tis song. Haha.... now tt i noe wats behind the song.... it takes listening to a whole new level....

Red Eye

Not the movie but my eyes....

If tis keeps affecting me, tts it man.....

AH CHOOO!!....

******************************************

Once online, wenta c my blog and "fafa"'s tag kindof took me by surprise. kk.... maybe not tt surprise. Coz the way i blog recently make me seem as though i hv a girlfren...... haha..... see, i like to make others wonder....make them wonder until they cannot tahan till they ask such qn....

Haha.... but rather than letting ppl like fafa wonder and wonder...might as well tell her straight away tt i dun hv gf lah. Wait innocent wondering leads to nasty speculation i die sia! haha....

Like i said, only i noe the hidden meanings behind my entries. To anyone out there who thinks u noe wat's behind my entries, good for u. And i hope u guessed correctly too..... Anyways, for those who dun, if by any chance u noe of anyone who's a psychologist or dunnoe wat else tt can read and analyse my blog..... den go decipher this blog of mine. Gd luck....

Sthg for me to read when i got the time...

"We all noe wat it's like 2 get "butterflies" wen someone we're attractd 2 walks into a room, but how do we know wen it's love & not simply an infatuation? Is it Crush? Infatuation? Love? Anw, its definitely 'Mind Boggling or Mind Blowing'

Surfing thru e Net or driving on e roads of life, u encounter many a people who become ur frens. Some frens are cool, some aloof, some near, some far. These frens tend to be so open wif u & most of e teenagers feel e fun of flirting, some get infatuated and soon when once e message flow stops – everything Freezes! The friendship flops and vanish into thin air! All remains is memories & those sweet or bitter memories reminds of a human interaction, a longing to talk to someone, whoever you encounter on e roads of Internet. Relationships in frenship do have its own charm and tt frendship which lasts a life long is e ‘true friendship’ and rest is wat u call ‘crush’ or ‘flirting’ or ‘infatuation’ or ‘acquaintances’ or ‘having wee bit of scoop in life’

Infatuation can be characterized as feeling excited , physically and emotionally, when a particular person is present or even when thinking about the person. When you are infatuated with someone, the tendency to dwell solely on the person's good qualities while neglecting the negative ones is present. This is not love; placing someone on a pedestal sets you up for disappointment and hurt. With infatuation comes a total devotion to the point of loss of one's identity and self. Infatuation can be particularly dangerous if the person becomes such a dominant part of your life that you are no longer able to live up to your responsibilities. Having a "crush" on someone is a normal part of growing up and discovering what kind of person you would like to be in a relationship with. If kept in perspective, these crushes can be exciting.

Being in love seems to bridge the gap between infatuation and true love. It encompasses the intense and passionate feelings at the beginning of a romantic relationship; the excitement of hearing your partner's voice on the telephone or staying up all night talking and watching the sunrise. Eventually, the newness of the relationship wears off and the "spark" may not be as strong. However, this does not mean that the relationship is over. Nevertheless, it is important to assess whether you are losing your attraction or interest in the other person or whether your feelings are simply developing toward a higher level- more intense love.

Loving someone goes deeper than infatuation or the intensity of feelings surrounding a new relationship. It involves an unconditional acceptance of another person's beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This does not mean, however, that you must agree with the person on all matters in order to love him or her, but an appreciation and respect for opinions and emotions is vital. Love takes time to develop and involves sharing one's thoughts, feelings, dreams, disappointments and triumphs. Love must also exist at a level in which each person can maintain a sense of his or her identity apart from the relationship. Loving someone entails acknowledging and accepting everything about him or her, both good and bad. Your personal growth should not be stunted by the relationship but, rather, must develop more fully because of the relationship.

Loving someone and building a solid relationship is an ongoing process; it will be filled with conflicts and resolutions and should never be taken for granted. To love or to be loved is the greatest gift one can give or receive from another.

So, What is Crush then? You feel low, falling apart, flying high in the skies or being pricked by a thousand thorns inspite of the fragrance of a rose, when the heaven meets the hell and you feel all is ‘Oh so, exciting yet malign’ – You are having a Crush!! Crush is no too young or too old for any person. Anybody can have a Crush, be it a teenager or a 40 Plus! Traditions insists on a certain age gap between a guy and a girl in love and the girl got to be younger but that’s no longer the rule! A crush throws traditions out of the floor. The relationship in friendship can be matched to a younger girl and older man or a married man and young girl or married women too. So, what if you get caught in this age old trap? What if you feel that you have a Crush? It happens any time, anywhere, someday, somewhere in everybody’s life. Isnt this true?

All one got to remember is ‘Smooth sailing Relationship’ with soft hearts but no broken relations if one got to stay happy, make happy, stay cool. Just Remember..

Stay cool. Make sure the person you like so dearly is not married because it sooner or later spells disaster. If you do so, keep the friendship a distance and let not your emotions go haywire. After all, many people learn this from experiences only.

If your Crush is too young, treat her right! Don’t scare them out of your wits. Just be cool friends, give positive signals of openness to make her realize that you care. Even if you don’t get encouragement to positive signals, let go. Don’t hurt yourself or the other. Do not tell tales about your Crush as it would only harness yours and her reputation spreading rumors about your relationship.

If your crush is too old, Watch out! Snoop around a bit and get to know how her reputation holds mportance. If you think of her as a flirt, the warning signal but if she is a flirt like all libras and Leos do, just remember that she lives a lot in realities and you will sooner or later realize your own mistake! Don’t get smitten with love bite but be cool to let your relationship take on a lighter tone while flirting and think positive that some relationships are inspirations and encouragements too. These things are more important to back you up in pursuing your responsibilities in life.

Staring, sending cards, making phone calls, sending messages and stuff should mean something but let not those emotions run wild. It may happen that your crush is more mature and finds such things ‘Silly’. Just ‘Be yourself’ Do not act in haste, make a show-off, smoke, drink or drive senseless to impress someone. In any case, mature people don’t change themselves to please others. Stop those ‘Blank calls’ and all the crazy ways if you have the Crush. Soon you realize its only a ‘Crush’ but if you think, you like the friendship, go ahead and be practical instead of being crazy because friends are forever. If you think, your emotions are chasing high, stop, think and analyze and then, go and let your Crush know point-blank what she means to you or you are interested. If you feel you are right, you are right and stick tight but if you don’t have those reciprocal relationship treat, just Relax, stay cool – catch the hold of the moment, let the heart beat into the sweet memories forever."

Having speed-read the above txt frm some kids website, i can safely say i learnt a couple of things.

1. Infatuation is the worst of the lot.
2. Love is the least possible of the lot.
3. Crush..... Despite their 3 or 4 para on tis, i cant figure out wat theyre trying to say...

Cant werk but can blog. Cant blame me. I dun think when i blog. I write. I write wateva tt comes into my mind. But when i sit down and see sigma notations and conditions and reagents.... my head aches. When i blog, my mind feels freeier and emptier and calm...... so many things inside tt can be typed out while there'll always be those which simply cannot be made public. Things like do i hav a girlfren..... do i like someone.... am i in love.....do i hv a crush....or is everything simply infatuation....... haha.... Oh cmon! This kind of thing are the things tt u wun see me mentioning on my blog lah. Haha... tis kind of things are things tt only i will see playing in my daydreams.... whenever i'm bored.... etc etc ......hahaha.... Besides someone who has a blog which no one reads, no one tells no one that he or she likes someone online lah! Online as in on blogs.... haha...tt'll be suicide....

Heheh.... body still feeling hot.... after flu, came fever. Tests after tests...i wonder if i'm gonna pass both His tests and the school's test....

till nxt time.... hopefully i dun wake up dead tmr.... haha..... byes..!

Actually, come to think of it, even if i'm dead, dun be surprised if u see updates on my blog. I noe the g**** me will by hook or by crook find a way to blog! Hahahaa....

Man.... body's really heating up like nobody's business......haiz...kks....really gotta go now.... not tt i must or anything, but i cant simply stay up all nite and blog rite? hahaa..... i need to sleep and hopefully, study tmr....

=)

sick

this time i'm not sick coz ima compulsive blogger. OR i m not sick coz i m in love. OR i m not sick coz i hv a crush. OR i m not sick coz if infatuation.

This time.....i'm really sick. Sick until i never go online the whole day yesterday. Must be becoz of friday lah....u noe....the angel incident... haha.... and i was like sneezing sneezing and coughing non stop lah! Wah....quite disgusting u noe.... I feel as though i ought to put a "Caution: WEt Floor" sign in the living room sia. Hope u get wat i mean....yah...i noe...eeyer...... but it was that bad..... tissue after tissue after tissue.... haha! I decided to use my shirt after that. Haha... guys.... single guys mah.... hahahaa!!

Mini Katrina?
And yesterday was damn scary lah! From fine weather to strong winds and heavy rain.... and it lasted for an hour only lah! Wooo...... freaky... and imagine if He decided to up the speed of that wind to 145mph...... hehehe.... scary..... but dowan leh.... got ppl outside doing CIP sia..... wait kena blown away i dowan..... hahahaha!

Mama and my shoes
Mama bought me shoes yesterday! OOoooooh. But i didnt quite like the design and color. I told her it was ok and all to not want to hurt her feelings...but gave her tt...." argh!" face. Then i wenta pray the 3rd prayer of the day and somehow..... i think God told me tt i was rude and tt i better tell her tt i dun like it. Lol...maybe its just my good conscience. Hehehe...So after tt,...mum wanted to talk to me coz haha.... she noes i dun like it! i told mum tt its not nice lah.

ANd guess wat, i also actually told her tt im over the age where she can buy my shoes and things like tt. Haha....tt i m almost 18 liao...haa.... I told her we got diff preference lah.....and tt now tt i'm all grown up, i dare to tell her wat i like and wat i dun like instead of doing wat i've always done-- simply wearing wat she liked! haha..... man... dunnoe how to put it across in a less direct way sia....ahahha.... and mum took it okayly lah! hahaha....i saw the "man!my son is really growing up and i dowan it to happen so soon" look on her face lah!

hhaa....anw, she noes i m growing up! SHe just doesnt want me to i guess. Its like how i dowan my bros to grow up so i can continue to hug and kiss them... but too bad! This aint Neverland. hahaha....i love my mummy !!!! SO yea...gonna go to the warehouse again later and change tt shoes...see....my mummy super understanding!!... very(X53) special. The best woman in the whole wide world....or shuld i say the whole universe!! Hahhaa...

She added also tt she is my only source of income.... haha.... to make me remind myself tt no matter wat, wat i want will come thru her and tt she may cut off my supply of income if i insist i'm old enuff to get my own things. HHahah.... crazy.... where can survive sia.... haha.... which means to say, till i work and get my own pay, i might to wear wateva mama bought for me which she sees as nice....

Bros and maths
Was drilling my bro maths yesternight till 11. Haha...bully them a bit lah! One more month only. After that they can enjoy mah! haha....so i was like worried for them coz they cant really see simple concepts....concepts like angle and algebra.... hehe....concepts that i only mastered when i'm in sec 4.....haha.... but yah.... this is one of the reason why i feel jealous for them lor. They got brother to guide them thru life....i dun.... Anw.... gonna really make them work hard this last lap.... make sure they go to anderson.... although mama only expect a 230 frm them..... ahah.... actually rite, i see it as Anderson or nthg lor. Coz if they cant go into anderson, Mama would want them to go to a nearby school..... save transport money since she noes that other skools alll provide the same quality of education mah! So rather than travel far far.... might as well go to the school rite in front of my house.... haha... tough luck.

Dang tired.....ahaha...
Den at 11, wanted to go online like i wanted.... haha.... but i collapse immediately upon landing onto my bed. I was like telling my bro not to off the lights coz i wanna do maths.... and instantaneously... i was in dream land.... haha... tonite.....see how....

Hard work?...ya...
Anw, speakng of hard work, i haben actuallly been putting in hard work lah. Yesterday was an off day coz my con was damn teruk. BUt i c like other days, past and present and future, i've been like on MC onli lah...... haha.... i think i gotta get out of the house and study in a new environment. Like the libry...or by the roadside..... haiz.... maybe in skool...maybe a some 24 hr mac somewhere... .haha.... sien.....

Till tonite...i hope.....self descipline.... no more goin online b4 nite after i published this entry.... ahaha...

God, i haben really been putting much efforts towards realising my dreams... my goals..... i have this final 9 days to do sthg bout it. On top of me really giving my all, i really need one thing. Something that only u can present to me-- a miracle. Help me God... Amin..