I was on the train back home thinking about things. The word 'crossroad' came to mind. I then stopped my train of thoughts so that I could think about it now - as I write(I don't like to think about things twice). My Physics paper this afternoon was a bad one despite me knowing what to expect having failed it last semester. And when the paper was over, I was confused. I wasn't sure whether I should stay positive and look forward to my final two papers or to dwell on the paper just passed and slam myself for not preparing for it as well as I could have. I know the latter's a definite waste of my time. But I'm not sure about the former either - I'm not sure when optimism crosses the line of madness.
I'm always giving advices, silly words of encouragements and telling friends not to dwell too much on the past and to look on the bright side of it all instead. But seeing many feeling depressed and upset over the littlest things made me wonder if I'm "mad" for always looking at the glass half full. I don't think I am, but why the self-doubt? I feel like I'm at a crossroad - feeling unsure as to which path I should take.
On the bright side though, I felt that my previous 3 papers went well. Alhamdulillah. Last semester, I felt great after my Physics paper and ended up getting an F for it. So this time around, I've learnt to expect the unexpected. A failure isn't the end of the road. Two consecutive failures .... I'd like to think of it as a final wake up call to really a rhythm that suits me best.
The two biggest monsters, Soil Mechanics and Mechanics of Materials, await me next week. While they're clearly my weakest two modules, there's really nothing much that I can do now besides making smart use of the next couple of days and hope for the best.
Can't wait for all this to be over. There's a movie that I've been wanting to watch and never had the chance to, but will - 500 Days of Summer.
"This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen, grew up believing that he’d never be truly happy until he met “the one.” The girl, Summer Finn, did not share this belief. You should know upfront: this is not a love story."