Monday, August 23, 2010

Conversations with God

After a timely wake-up call yesterday morning, I made my way to the mosque that night. I stayed back all the way till the end to listen to the minutes-turn-hour long tazkirah. What he said moved me. The fact that he's a young imam yet so eloquent in arabic moved me. I remember being younger wanting to be like the young imams that read oh-so-beautifully. I know I still do wanna be like them. I need to change. I want to. So help me God.

It's been a long long time since I had conversations with God. Apparently, the best time to have conversations with God is deep into the night.... say around 3-4am. But what do I do? I don't think I've got much to ask or say to him.

Today, I woke up early for tuition only to find mum lying on the couch. She usually continues her sleep on the couch after morning prayers. I later came back to find her still lying on the couch. I found it weird. Perhaps she's tired. I switched on the telly and opened the windows in the living room - her constant coughing was disturbing and I didnt want germs to linger. The living room got brighter. Afterall, it was already noon. She got up and went to her bedroom. I thought she'd probably wash up and do what she usually do. However, she remained in bed till about 10pm.

She refused to eat much when it was time to break her fast. I asked if she wanted some bread, a banana, anything. She simply shook her head. Took a sip of tea and went back to bed. I realised late on in the day that the youngest brother of mine was down with fever when I saw him covered with a cold wet towel. Touched his body and that kid was hot. He ate half a slice of bread for break fast.

I sat at the dinner table feeling helpless. Mum in bed. The brother refusing to eat much. What was I to do? It's times like this that I wish Dad's still around. He'll know what to do. He'll probably drive them both to the clinic or something. How do I look after an ill mother, or my ill brother?

I remembered some words from yesterday's tazkirah - to seek help from Him. I realized I've been taking things for granted one too many times. I forgot to be grateful. The people around me, our health ... these can be taken away from us at any time. Dear God, I believe I've learnt my lesson. I shall seek to have conversations with you this Ramadhan and beyond. I hope mother and brother get well soon.

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