Love

To show Mama that I love her, I'd do what she wants me to, to listen to her, to avoid what she dislikes, to talk to her when I can, to make her happy, to make her proud. To show my sister I love her, I'd nag at her, and argue about things, and saying things that frustrates her. To let my brothers know that I love them, I'd tell them that I sayang them, I'd ruffle their hair, try to make small talks with them, watch soccer with them, help wash their plates, and stuffs.

Love, you're complicated.

Privately Sociable

Trying out the new Blogger blogging interface. The layout makes me feels as though I'm writing an essay on Microsoft Word. Having been writing reports for assignments and scripts for presentations, blogging on this interface is giving me mixed feeling. I'm so gonna send Blogger a feedback.

There was a BBQ held in school a couple days back. Someone asked me if I'm going.

"No," I replied.

"Why?"

"I don't quite like social events."

"So you're anti-social?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just .... a private person."

"So you're conservative."

"Well, no ... I .. I'm just private."

And then I think about the things I write and share on this blog of mine and said to myself, "yeah right. A private person. A private person who spills his buckets of paints of thoughts on his white canvas of a blog like nobody's business. And I've been at it since three + two + two years equals to 7 years ago and it's still as fun and when I first began writing!"

Yeah I'm private alright. Openly private. Secretly sociable.

Time

This is, I believe, the second time this semester that I'm camping out in school. Sometimes, some quiet nights are needed to get things done. For some reason, whenever I'm home, I tend to watch TV with the brothers, have late dinner and chat a while with the mother, and facebook. And then when I'm about to get down to business, I'd tell myself that business can wait till tomorrow.

So tonight is a very cold night after a long day's rain. The cold's keeping me awake. That, and the thrill of mind-mapping. I mapped out an entire module, analysed four past year papers and have decided the two of three questions to do during exams. I'd probably print out the MCQ sections for the past 8 papers and find the answers soon. I could use a jacket, a warm cup of milo and probably some company right about now. But there's something nice and comforting when you're on your own though. Rather than the feeling of loneliness, I feel as though someone's wathching over me.

Ive read somewhere that if one makes time for Allah, He'll make time for you. And that if you don't, you'll probably feel as though time is not by your side. The concept of time has been playing on my mind this past couple days.

School has always been hectic. I was at the second page of Surah Yasin for around 8 weeks. A tad too long. I realized I haven't been spending enough time to read and reread and actually memorize the verses, let alone read and reread the meanings of those verses. To memorize a page is tough but with enough practice, insyaallah, it gets easier.

The same can then be said about my studies. If I put in as much time and effort into sitting down quietly and study, insyaallah, it'll get easier. I should stop seeing the hours spent reading and memorizing as hours that could've been better spent on studying. Rather, those hours spent are hours that would've otherwise gone to waste.

Alhamdulillah, 3 pages left.

By time,
Indeed Mankind is in loss,
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.(Surah Al-'Asr)

Gloomy Saturday

Professional Communication, over. FYP progress report, almost completed. Traffic Quiz, though it went horribly wrong, is over too. School occupies my thoughts to the brim. Oh, and there's this one that caught my.

Anws, 4 weeks to make some magic. Exams!

One week hides another

One week hides another,
And another hides another,
Never will it end, never.

For the management project, my group that consisted of 9 other members managed to pull some last minute magic. And somehow, the prof seems keen and interested that he wanted us to work with him to build on the project - even though the project component is over. So, a job well done, despite all the frustrations and misunderstanding of working in sucha large group. For the design project that I'm working on, me and five others managed to come up with something despite us being back to square one just last Friday. For my communication project that involves 3 others, just brilliant. Discussion, preparation of slides, editing of slides, rehearsals. Everyone's just so co-operative it's very refreshing. And for my final year project, we may fight and quarrel like husband and wife, yet time spent at the lab with him is always fun. Maybe I should be less bossy and demanding and stubborn. I still am too serious. Still the no nonsense kinda person. All work no play makes Jack a dull boy.

I need to reward myself with donuts, ice cream, durian and chocolate cake.

Date with the boys

Had another dinner date with the boys. And as always, we talked about the girls in my mind, or the lack of it, or not. They care. And are afraid that I might feel left out, or not.

I was consistent about the fact that I'm not ready but the part that got me stuck was the qualities I'd look out for in someone. The qualities that I gave were like flares trying to dodge a homing missile. Coz quite frankly, when I meet that someone, I'll know it and she'll know it and somehow, there's that chemistry.

And the rest will be unwritten.

And so I continue to dream, and pray. And irritate my friends. (Please dont stop asking me out for dinner.)

Brain exploding in 10 seconds..

Why does it feels as though I'm the only one pulling the strings? It's tiring. I so prefer working independently. Please let this phase be over soon.

*deep breaths*

Fear

“Fear Allāh; and Allāh teaches you” [Al-Baqarah: 282]

Exams, just seven weeks away. Deadlines. Presentations. Juggling several groups and discussions. Accommodating my floorball and soccer teammates. Games. Training sessions. Relationships with friends. Family. Snowballed tutorials and lecture notes. Quizzes. Exams.

Listen.

I get angry when others are angry at me. I get angry coz I dun understand why they get so angry so easily and why they need to get angry. And when you shout, I shout louder, to be heard, and then it becomes a shouting match. As if anger solves anything. Anger never solves anything. Women. (Read: Some women.)

And it doesn't help that I'm not the kind to give in when I know the fault's clearly not mine.

Happy 24th!

Here comes the customary birthday post:

So where do we begin? Mama threw a "party" for me. She cooked lots, invited aunts and uncles and cousins over. There was a birthday chocolate cake. Although it's a tad embarrassing, it made me feel like I was six (coz the last time she threw such a party was when our television had no remote).

I signed up for Class 3 coz a cousin showed me how to. Sister paid for it coz I got no Debit Card. Hope she pays for all the other fees too!

Birthday wishes. Hope them wishes do come true.

For me, 24. It's no longer about getting older or getting less young. It's about what's happened this past year that's worth remembering and writing about. Lots have happened. Hope the coming year will be even better!

I wished someone had bought me an alarm clock though. The kind whose ring is produced by the hammering of the bell and not some digital bell beep.