Saturday, November 22, 2008

Always the love 2

It has been 2 weeks since i spoke to either of them.

I never knew this side of me existed but I guess i now know what it feels like to have your heart broken. Whenever friends talk about how their friends just broke up with their girlfriends and how they feel very sad, I'd often say that if you get too emotionally attached to someone, that's what you'll get.

I guess i was too emotionally attached to those two and that i should've heeded my own advice. Perhaps enough was enough.

I'm feeling like a mother who sees years of love and affection go down the drain. A mother whose heart just shattered into million of pieces that there's just no way to mend it. I'm recalling those days when my own mother would refuse to say a word because of what we did and im finally starting to understand why. But back then, there was my father who could turn things around.

Perhaps that explains why ive been dreaming of him ever so often lately. Perhaps a part of me just wants him to come back. Or perhaps im feeling what he's been feeling ever since i started to grow up. Maybe he realised that the best way to tell me everything is by telling me nothing. Maybe it's about time i realise it too.

And now that i feel like a single child, I finally understand why kids out there hang out in the playground late into the night or choose to sit at the voiddeck strumming their guitars. Or why they ride a bike and ride into the the night. They're just looking for something to keep them occupied, for someone to spend time with.

Perhaps in the end, parents are really the ones at fault for every delinquents they raise. For not ensuring a healthy environment at home for their kids. For creating a functional dysfunctional family.

But i guess one has got to look life in the face, always to look at life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away.

Always the love. Always the hours.


0_0 said...

i totally feel you man..
but sometimes as the eldest, we need to shed light.
we need to lead.
if not lead now, in the near future we will.
someday somehow.
if we ourself show signs of weakness, how can others look up to us.
we can pull this through.
everything happens for a reason.
have faith. =)

point to ponder.
why defend our beliefs if we truly belief?

marzuki said...

Exactly. That's the dilemma.

As the eldest, we need to shed light and lead at all times. Leading need not be thru our words. SOmetimes actions speak a thousand words. I shall let my actions do the talking.

Hopefully them kids could see things in a different light. Insyaallah as they get older, they will.

WHy defend our beliefs if we truly believe....

I believe it depends on the person- whether one is the "what ppl will say" kind of person or the "this is who i am, so ure either with me or u arent" kind of person.