Inspirations are hard to come by these days --Inspirations to write that is. Perhaps as the days come closer to the exams, I find myself too caught up with the need to spend every waking minute studying.....
..... that i forget to set aside time for myself. I find it a crime sitting and thinking about something to write about. I find it a crime to watch tv. I find it a crime to play soccer. And it's all because the exams are 10 days away.
I have not been doing much housework. It has been a very long while since i last swept or mopped or folded the clothes. Mama's been doing everything. And I know she's fine with it cause she know the exams are just 10 days away.
I have not visited Grandma for almost a month. The longest ever absence. And with this favourite lady of mine, I know she's pretty angry about it. Never has she called my home asking us to visit her. I can imagine how she feels inside. Despite all the feeling feeling, I didnt followed the rest to visit her -- all because I find myself too caught up with the need to spend every waking minute studying..... But I will do so soon.
Despite being too conscious about time, it's not as if Ive been fully utilizing my time well. I still find myself distracted with TV, the computer, the internet. Each time i get stuck trying to understand certain concepts, I'll let myself be distracted. Something's just not right.
I was rushing through my prayers in the hopes of wanting to study. The guilty feeling finally sank in. I finally realised what went wrong. My being successful is not my doing and i forget that. When i start to feel good about myself, i tend to forget where it all came from. I forgot to be grateful. And each time i forget, I fall. I always have to realize it the hard way.
Why cant i always remember to be grateful? This is definitely not the first. Looking through my past entries, i have risen and fallen one too many times just because I forgot to be grateful.
Whoever's reading this, never let a little success cloud ur mind. Trying overly hard might just be the wrong thing to do. Always remember to be grateful and insyaallah, with some effort on your part, u will get what you want. Do not make the same mistake as me.