Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Hoping beyond hope

We drew 2-2 this afternoon. We scored the first goal and celebrated like we had won. Shortly after though, they equalized. We then surprised ourselves again by scoring a second with only minutes left to play. This time, we celebrated like we had won the Champions League. And yeah... shortly after, they equalized - again.

grrrr. So close. We were so close. I was *this* close to writing an entry for floorball that has a "we had lost a game but won the next. We qualified for the quarters." But I guess it wasnt meant to be. "If only I had used my legs or body to block the shot instead of the stick." I told myself. "If only..."

I had signed up for floorball expecting nothing much besides making new friends and learning a new sport. I made new friends, and loved a new sport. But why am I feeling so bothered that we didn't win? Could it be love? Could my love for the game, and my teammates, have changed my initial expectations? Maybe. I guess I'm one who hates to be on the losing side when I'm involved in something that I love - for I love a fairy tale ending.

I later found myself asking if it's possible for one to love so many at the same time. I said I love soccer, frisbee and now floorball. I love to write and I loved Magical Realism. I love my family and my friends. And if there's a girl, then perhaps her too. So I guess the draw could be a sign that says, "This is what happens when one starts to love. In love, there will always be disappointment. So if you're gonna start loving one too many things, you just gotta learn how to live with the disappointments that might be waiting round the corner." But since I'm generous with the word "love", I guess I could try to love the disappointment that awaits me.

I know full well too that life isn't a story that I can simply write about. I know that things may or may not go my way. And when it does, thank god. And when it doesn't, I think I need to remind myself that things always happen for a reason. Perhaps I'm not meant to play 3 sports concurrently: my right palm's aching and I'm seeing blue veins; my right forearm feels so tight that I feel so tempted to try and punch through one of the blue walls of my room (I cant decide which one); my left feet and left hamstring are slightly strained. If I had to choose just one sport, I guess my choice is pretty obvious.

However, there IS a twist to my fairy tale (as always).

We lost a game, and drew another. All we need now is a miracle. The team we lost to 5-1 yesterday has to win the team we drew this afternoon by 5 goals in order for us to qualify. I know it's hard but the side of me that believes in the 0.00001% probability of it happening is definitely still in me somewhere. I'm just hoping beyond hope.

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