The Dreamer

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires.

Kahlil Gibran

Signs

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought.

~Surah Ar-Rum Verse 21

Time. Till next time.

By Al-'Asr (the time),
Verily! Man is in loss,
Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience.

...Surah Al-Asr

Of like natured individuals

It is said in the Quran:

It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature in order that he might dwell with her in love...(7:189)

I stumbled upon the abovesaid quote as I was researching (read: punching keywords on Google) for materials for my article. I'm in the midst of writing an article for the school magazine on Rights of a Husband and a Wife. Since I'm a guy, I've been informed to write only on the wife's right. I've found materials to talk about the wife's right after marriage(read: Divorce). But what about their rights DURING marriage? Sometimes love blinds us so much that we tend to overlook these things. But I digress.

The moment I read "like nature", I realized that perhaps, it's about time I abandon the fairytaleistic idea that opposite attracts. Perhaps, it's time I be on the look out for someone who is somewhat like me. Perhaps too, I should forget what they say about how boring life will be if you're with someone just like you. I believe that when you put 2 people of like nature together, even the mundane like staring out the window of a moving bus can be fun.

The Love

I do not know what's gotten over me this past few days. Wellll, maybe I do but I simply refuse to believe it is what it is. But how do I know it is what it is? What if it isn't?

But one could also ask me, "What if it is?"

As days turn to weeks, as weeks turn to months and as months turn to years, this feeling I'm feeling keeps growing stronger and stronger. Too strong that I'm afraid I might do something wrong... and then all of this will be gone. A couple of days ago, I left a comment on a blog hoping to make a tiny difference. The writer wanted a fresh perspective on relationship - to help out a friend in need. And in it, plenty of advice for me.

I wrote:

"Are you ready?

This is a yes or no question in my opinion. Are you ready to get dumped by the guy knowing how guys are when they see someone better? Are you ready to dump him should he not be as he used to be during courting? Are you ready to learn things about him that might make you think twice abt ur decision to commit urself to e rs? Are you ready for the worst?

These are among the things that I think individuals should ask themselves before starting a rs. A rs isnt something that needs to be rushed. There's ample time to get to know someone a little bit better WITHOUT having [to be in a relationship].

If you need a year to think about it, tell the guy, "You're nice. And i think i like you. I think I like you maybe, probably. But give me a year. Are you willing to wait [one] year?" ..and if u really do this, PLEASE do not suddenly get attached to some other guy and leave your nice guy hanging. That's evil.

There's no reason to rush into a relationship. Personally, I believe that relationship blossoms over time. No matter how far 2 individuals may be, no matter how long the guy may take to win the girl's heart, if two individuals are meant to be, they're meant to be.

Never jump into one no matter what the circumstances may be, k? Pray and seek guidance from Him. I pray that both you and your friend do not get hurt by this silly little thing called love. Insyaallah."

The Traveller

Istikhaarah: Seeking Guidance

O Allah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength and I ask You from Your immense favour, for verily You are able while I am not and verily You know while I do not and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know this affair -

"My being in the University with all its struggles and my being distracted with the sweet distraction (although I don't think I'm *that* distracted but my friend thinks I am)"

- to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.

.... Du'aa of Istikhaarah

NB: In orange is this writer's own affairs. Replace it with affairs of your own. There is, however, a proper way to make this prayer. But since this writer is new to this concept, he'll start with the du'aa. Insyaallah, in time he'll find out. This writer would also like to thank the individuals responsible for making Thursday's talk possible as well as the individual(s) responsible for moving him to attend the talk. May you have benefited from the session as much as I did.

The Best of Both

Hadith:

On the authority of Ibn 'Umar r.a, who said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW), took me by the shoulder and said:

"Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler/wayfarer."

Ibn 'Umar r.a used to say:

"When evening comes, do not expect (to live till) morning, and when morning comes, do not expect (to live till) evening. Take from your health (a preparation) for your illness, and from your life for your death." [Al-Bukhari]

If your mind's currently in a mess, reflect upon the above as you digress from your revision. Let's not be too overwhelmed by tests, quizzes, assignments, reports, presentations and the inevitable final exams. When the going gets too tough, remember that we're only a traveler in this world.

We come, and we go.

As we prepare for the final exams, as we push ourselves beyond our limits, try ask ourselves if we're prepared for our next life. Maybe then, if the answer is no (I noe mine's a big NO), it puts the stress we're facing in perspective. This balance is hard to achieve I know. But we can try.

Entries with quotes from the Quran or the Hadith such as this will appear once in a while - usually when this writer feels so full of himself. It serves as a gentle reminder to himself, and to whoever's reading insyaallah, to strive for that balance in life.

To achieve the best of both worlds, always.

Feeling Detached

The purpose of having a blog, personally, is to organize the mess in my head into something nice and decent. Helps make me calm and composed and more in control coz the mess are now beautiful entries. And a tiny part of me would like to read an entry each night to my grandchildren which'll make them go...

"Apa jadi dengan Little Red Riding Hood Atok?"

And hopefully I could tell them, "She's the one hiding at the doorway. Smiling. Eavesdropping."

I'm finding some of the comments I leave behind on Facebook blog-worthy. But it's funny though how feelings can change in a matter of minutes. I guess waiting for the morning trains will no longer be the same.

TIme

By Al-'Asr (the time),
Verily! Man is in loss,
Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience.

...Surah Al-Asr

He is a waster of time. He recalled the stagnant grades of his and wonders if it could be due to how he spends his time. Perhaps. He knows shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts during prayers and he's trying not to. He closed his eyes but his mind was still able to see. As soon as he's done, he went to his study and took out the Quran. He read Surah Al-Asr. He then took a pencil and wrote the surah on a blank piece of paper.

It felt like a million years since he last wrote something in Arabic. His handwriting was terrible.

"Time .... I'm a waster of time. I'm in loss. I try to do good, believe in doing good, tries to be patient and tell others to be patient. But still, I'm in loss. Please help me." He heard the message from his heart. He vows to ease it's pain.

2010 is here. I've yet to pen a resolution so here goes.. If there's one thing I wish to achieve this year, it's to make use of time wisely. I do not want to look back and say that I could've done better with the time I had. Which then brings me to regret.

I hope to not look back in regret - the things I wished I had done but I didn't, or the things I wished I hadn't done but I did. This is a tough one coz I know my actions could go either way. But then again, most of the time, we only know which are the actions that we'll live to regret and which are the ones that we'll not only through experience. Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” And from mistakes that I'll inevitably make, I guess I could view it as an opportunity to discover something new about myself, about people and about life.

2010 will therefore be a year with few regrets, plenty of mistakes and countless opportunities to discover and learn, insyaallah.

The Scientist

In one scene Yvaine asked Tristan:

"The little I know about love is that it's unconditional. It's not something you can buy... You did this (finding a fallen star) to prove your love for her. What is she doing to prove her love for you?"

Later, she confessed to Tristan:

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable.

All those wars, pain, lies, hate... made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves…. You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.

So yes. I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...

What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.

My heart… it feels like… like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

Lovely. And yes, I've finally learnt that girls only confess their love in the movies. In reality, it's the guys that ought to make that first move. I guess one doesn't need a scientist to teach him that. Or maybe he does.

Homer, Frost and friends

The first time I watched the movie In Her Shoes was the first time I heard the name E E Cummings ..... And I fell in love with it - or was it Cameron Diaz. Im not too sure.

And it was through The Reader that I was exposed to Homer and The Odyssey: "Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns driven time and again off course, once he had plundered the hallowed heights of Troy."

The only Robert Frost I knew was the one I read while reading Paulo Coelho's Like the Flowing River :

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Sappho, Dante, Milton, Seamus Heaney, D H Lawrence, Sylvia Plath, Rita Dove and the list goes one (at least 25 other names) - and this is only the poetry section of Introduction to Creative Writing. For the prose section of the elective, Franz Kafka and Gabriel Garcia Marquez are the only two familiar names. I have no idea who's Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, George Moore and friends. Oh, and I cannot differentiate a prose from a poem and last i heard, there's such a thing as a poetic prose.

Enrolling myself into an elective potentially filled with a sea of Lit students doing a Minor in Creative Writing is akin to a failed suicide attempt. But should one be afraid of committing suicide just because of the 0.00001% chance of it becoming failed suicide attempt?

haha! I don't think so.

And no, I'm not advocating suicide. And yes, if you're feeling suicidal, please talk to me.

The Fight

"Has there not been over man a period of time when he was nothing to be mentioned?"

A quick flip of the Quran after the end of my Soil Mechanics paper brought me to Surah Al-Insan(Man) or Ad-Dahr(Time). I wasn't feeling too good after being slaughtered by the muddy monster. And the first verse caught my eye. I knew there were definitely several period of time in my life when I was feeling worthless - reduced to nothingness. I knew lousy papers werent exactly good reasons to feel worthless about but sometimes, just sometimes, I can't help but think that I'll never be able to master my school work no matter how hard I try.

"And they give food, inspite of their love for it to the Miskin(poor), the orphan, and the captive. Saying: "We feed you seeking Allah's Countenance only. We wish for no reward, nor thanks from you. Verily, We fear from our Lord a Day, hard and distressful, that will make the faces look horrible (from extreme dislike to it). So Allah saved them from the evil of that Day, and gave them Nadrah (a light of beauty) and joy. And their recompense shall be Paradise, and silken garments, because they were patient."

Why do I not fear a Day that will be hard and distressful? I know that being slaughtered by Soil Mechanics, Physics 1 and Mechanics of Materials can hardly be called hard and distressful. During the few hours when I'd allowed myself to entertain silly thoughts about giving up, I asked myself why I am not patient. I asked myself why friends of mine can work so hard and get the results, but I cant. Sometimes, I felt as though the time and hard work I put into something goes to waste.

"It is We who created them (disbelievers), and We have made them of strong built. And when We will, We can replace them with others like them with a complete replacement."

Perhaps they were made of strong built. That might explain why they're up there while Im still stuck down below. However, it doesn't mean that we're not made of strong built. Perhaps its a test of how much we want to achieve and how far we're willing to go to get what we want in this life. I asked myself why, despite the time and effort, I still can't do it. Should I keep fighting?

"Verily! This (verses of the Quran) is an admonition, so whoever wills, let him take a Path to Allah. But you cannot will, unless Allah wills. Verily, Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise."

We should never stop fighting the fight - even though we know we're losing.

The Sense of Purpose

I read and hear of people around me complaining about school - to the point of giving up. Whenever I hear such stories, I pray to Him that I, as well as my siblings, will never think of giving up at any point in our lives. I pray that we'll be as strong, if not stronger, every time we meet an obstacle. And I shall not let anything stop me from believing in myself - even when my results say otherwise or even as I'm not doing as well as the rest around me.

I believe the key to my optimism is faith. Having faith that insyaallah, things will turn out fine as long as I keep on trying and doing my bestest. Besides faith, I believe that having a motivation or two and a sense of purpose have helped me stay on the right mental track.

This semester, my motivation has primarily been someone who do not know of my existence. While walking to class this afternoon, I questioned my purpose of being in school. I asked myself what REALLY keeps me going - whether it's her, or is it something bigger. And I realized that my sole purpose is to be able to graduate, find a good job and to support my family. And only after I successfully achieve this mission of mine will I make known of my existence to her.

Would that be too late? Am I being foolish? Should I make myself known now?

Haha ... And rhetorical questions such as these never fail to keep me going day after day after day.

"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." ~ Carlos Castaneda

Athena inspires the Prince

Whats an Odyssey? It's a journey.

Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns driven time and again off course, once he had plundered the hallowed heights of Troy.

........The Odyssey by Homer

Failure

"What is an alchemist?" he asked, finally.

"It's a man who understands nature and the world. If he wanted to, he could destroy this camp just with the force of the wind."

The men laughed. They were used to the ravages of war, and knew that the wind could not deliver them a fatal blow. Yet each felt his heart beat a bit faster. They were men of the desert, and they were fearful of sorcerers.

"I want to see him do it," said the chief.

"He needs three days," answered the alchemist. "He is going to transform himself into the wind, just to demonstrate his powers. If he can't do so, we humbly offer you our lives, for the honor of your tribe."

"You can't offer me something that is already mine," the chief said, arrogantly. But he granted the travelers three days.The boy was shaking with fear, but the alchemist helped him out of the tent.

"Don't let them see that you're afraid," the alchemist said. "They are brave men, and they despise cowards."

But the boy couldn't even speak. He was able to do so only after they had walked through the center of the camp. There was no need to imprison them: the Arabs simply confiscated their horses. So, once again, the world had demonstrated its many languages: the desert only moments ago had been endless and free, and now it was an impenetrable wall.

"You gave them everything I had!" the boy said. "Everything I've saved in my entire life!"

"Well, what good would it be to you if you had to die?" the alchemist answered.

"Your money saved us for three days. It's not often that money saves a person's life."

But the boy was too frightened to listen to words of wisdom. He had no idea how he was going to transform himself into the wind. He wasn't an alchemist!

The alchemist asked one of the soldiers for some tea, and poured some on the boy's wrists. A wave of relief washed over him, and the alchemist muttered some words that the boy didn't understand.

"Don't give in to your fears," said the alchemist, in a strangely gentle voice. "If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart."

"But I have no idea how to turn myself into the wind."

"If a person is living out his destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

"I'm not afraid of failing. It's just that I don't know how to turn myself into the wind."

"Well, you'll have to learn; your life depends on it."

"But what if I can't?"

"Then you'll die in the midst of trying to realize your destiny. That's a lot better than dying like millions of other people, who never even knew what their destinies were.

"But don't worry," the alchemist continued. "Usually the threat of death makes people a lot more aware of their lives."

........."The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho

Friendship

And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay." And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught. And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

....."The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran

When one becomes too many

This week was and might still be filled with events. I do not remember a time when I've been out as often and thus, i didn't know when one becomes too many. Until today...

I was pretty much a person of excuses whenever it comes to social gatherings and stuffs. And I really don't give much thought about what others may say. I only think about what my mum would say whenever i make my decisions.

Lately, it has all been about me that i forgot about her. However, just a handful of words from her left me thinking -- about freedom.

At the city gate and by your fireside I have seen you prostrate yourself and worship your own freedom, Even as slaves humble themselves before a tyrant and praise him though he slays them.

Ay,in the grove of the temple and in the shadow of the citadel I have seen the freest among you wear their freedom as a yoke and a handcuff.

And my heart bled within me; for you can only be free when even the desire of seeking freedom becomes a harness to you, and when you cease to speak of freedom as a goal and a fulfillment.

You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief, But rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound.

And how shall you rise beyond your days and nights unless you break the chains which you at the dawn of your understanding have fastened around your noon hour?

In truth that which you call freedom is the strongest of these chains, though its links glitter in the sun and dazzle the eyes. And what is it but fragments of your own self you would discard that you may become free?

If it is an unjust law you would abolish, that law was written with your own hand upon your own forehead. You cannot erase it by burning your law books nor by washing the foreheads of your judges, though you pour the sea upon them.

And if it is a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within you is destroyed. For how can a tyrant rule the free and the proud, but for a tyranny in their own freedom and a shame in their won pride?

And if it is a care you would cast off, that care has been chosen by you rather than imposed upon you. And if it is a fear you would dispel, the seat of that fear is in your heart and not in the hand of the feared.

Verily all things move within your being in constant half embrace, the desired and the dreaded, the repugnant and the cherished, the pursued and that which you would escape.

These things move within you as lights and shadows in pairs that cling. And when the shadow fades and is no more, the light that lingers becomes a shadow to another light.

And thus your freedom when it loses its fetters becomes itself the fetter of a greater freedom.

......"The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran

Remember that life is short

It's easy to get caught up in our own stress and anxiety. However, if we remember that our life is short and temporary, and that the everlasting life is in the Hereafter, this will put our worries in perspective.

This belief in the transitory nature of the life of this world reminds us that whatever difficulties, trials, anxieties, and grief we suffer in this world are, Insyaallah, something we will only experience for a short period of time. And more importantly, if we handle these tests with patience, God will reward us for it.

How A Muslim Should Deal With Stress and Anxiety by Abdul Malik Mujahid

Mandatory seat belt laws

A recent paper in the May 2008 edition of the Journal of Health Economics by Carpentera and Stehr finds that mandatory seat belt laws save lives.

“…we find consistent evidence that state mandatory seatbelt laws – particularly those permitting primary enforcement – significantly increased seatbelt use among high school age youths by 45–80%, primarily at the extensive margin. Unlike previous research for adults, however, we find evidence against the selective recruitment hypothesis: seatbelt laws had consistently larger effects on those most likely to be involved in traffic accidents (drinkers, alcohol-involved drivers). We also find that mandatory seatbelt laws significantly reduced traffic fatalities and serious injuries resulting from fatal crashes by 8 and 9%, respectively. Our results suggest that if all states had primary enforcement seatbelt laws then regular youth seatbelt use would be nearly universal and youth fatalities would fall by about 120 per year.”

So should we implement mandatory seat belt laws? From the evidence in their paper, Carpentera and Stehr believe so. However, is this issue truly so clear cut?

One question is whether or not mandatory seat belt laws really caused increased seat belt use. Did the seat belt laws cause increased seat belt use or did increased seat belt use lead to the increased popularity and passage of a law?

This paper is important in that it quantifies the benefits of the mandatory seat belt laws, but does not quantify the costs. What is the cost of enforcement in terms of 1) time law enforcement must dedicate to seat belt policing instead of “real” police work? and 2) the cost to the justice system and work absences due to the adjudication or appeals process for seat belt violation, and 3) the violation of a person’s individual freedom to choose to not wear a seatbelt. In this case, there is no externality to not wearing a seat belt; the person harmed from not wearing a seat belt is that person themselves. A libertarian would be strictly against a mandatory seat belt law. Nevertheless, a compelling argument can be made that minors do not use an optimal decision-making process when deciding whether or not to wear a seat belt.

Do I support a mandatory seat belt law? No.

I believe that parents should help to convince their child to use seat belts and that it is possible that schools should educate children on the benefits of using a seat belt. However, using police resources to fine individuals who do not wear seat belts seems to be a waste of resources. If mandatory seat belt laws are not enforced, then this would free up police resources, but also would weaken the impact of mandatory seat belt laws.

Seat belt save lives. But I think parents and schools–not the government–are the best institutions to spread this message.

* Christopher S. Carpentera and Mark Stehr (2008) “The effects of mandatory seatbelt laws on seatbelt use, motor vehicle fatalities, and crash-related injuries among youths“, Journal of Health Economics, Volume 27, Issue 3, Pages 642-662.