The Oreo Cheesecake Boy

1 pkg. (1 lb. 2 oz.) OREO Cookies, divided

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter or margarine, melted

4 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened

1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

4 eggs

HEAT oven to 325ºF.

LINE 13x9-inch pan with foil, with ends of foil extending over sides. Process 30 cookies in food processor until finely ground. Add butter; mix well. Press onto bottom of pan.

BEAT cream cheese, sugar and vanilla in large bowl with mixer until well blended. Add sour cream; mix well. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating just until blended after each. Chop remaining cookies; stir 1-1/2 cups into batter. Pour over crust; top with remaining chopped cookies.

BAKE 45 min. Or until center is almost set. Cool completely. Refrigerate 4 hours. Use foil handles to lift cheesecake from pan before cutting to serve.

If only I'm a baker.

This is a story of the boy and the oreo cheesecake. The boy who knows all (read: most) of my secrets. The boy whom I've known for nearly 10 years yet I still feel I barely know him. The boy who likes to make fun of me: In 2005, he told me I wrote like a bapok. (Do I still write like a bapok?) The boy who still makes fun of me.

He's the boy who came all the way down to school on a Saturday afternoon for floorball coz he knows if he doesnt tag along, I'll most probably not go even though I really really want to - he knows how crazy I am about floorball and why. He's also the boy whom I sometimes wish was a girl - that way, I could ask her out for movies and stuffs. Haha! I am so kidding.

For some weird reason, the boy have touched my heart. SO much that Im actually moved to bake him a cheesecake. But I'm no baker. And I cant stand the smell of cheese. But even if I do, I wouldnt know how a cheesecake is supposed to taste like coz Ive never eaten a cheesecake. I hate cheese. And you know that.

So I'll do what I do best and wish I were a baker, so that I could bake you an oreo cheesecake! Happy Birthday dear friend. May our other friend bake you a real oreo cheesecake some day. :D

The Lingering Thought : Paperbag

So that was the question that entertained me during my hour-long train ride back home from work.

I believe I’ve said it a number of times before. I want to break that cycle but I’ll always find myself being a slave to that cycle. I’ve always held the view that people come and go. But a friend once told me that while it’s somewhat true, I shouldn’t hold on to that view tightly. I was gently advised that since I “know” that people will go, I shouldn’t simply allow them to go when ‘THE time’ comes. The friend reminded me that while people may come, and go, there are exceptions.

‘THE time’ is something undefinable. It comes whenever it feels like coming and when it does, there’s nothing much one can do about it except wish for things to be as they used to be. Sometimes, with some people, it’s easy to pick up from where we left off. But with most, for some undefinable reason, it’s hard.

That led me into thinking about the past, present and future that had/has a direct connection with the quote “We used to talk for hours and now it's like we never knew each other.” The first that came to mind were conversations both real and unreal, past and present - the way old conversations used to be and how they are right now. And of course, naturally, the new conversations. The final cabin in this short train (of thoughts) of mine was how I could prevent the present state of things from becoming like the past. In other words, try “break the cycle”.

After a brief moment of stupidity and incoherence, clarity settled in. I think I now know how I’m gonna break that cycle. But some things are better left unsaid – things like the specifics of how I’m gonna break that cycle. Haha. And then there are some things that you just need to get out of your system ....

...... even though you know you’re gonna end up with a paperbag moment. It's worth it.

The Lingering Thought

There's been a thought that's been lingering at the back of my mind these past couple of days. It's one of those thoughts that is almost impossible to put down in words coz I'm not sure what exactly I'm thinking about.

All I know is that I'm thinking of something, or many things at once.

It all started from one of those random things that people 'Like' on Facebook. A couple of months back, one of my friends liked something along the line of "We used to talk for hours and now it's like we never knew each other." It must've struck a chord somewhere within me coz I can't seem to shake the 'Like' away.

I hated that 'Like'. I hated it coz I thought friendships do not do sudden U-turns. However, over the years, I realized that for some weird reasons, they do. What I initially labelled an exception became two, and when a third and a forth appeared, I figured a trend was developing. I'm seeing a cycle. So the question now is, "Do I break that cycle or do I continue being a slave to that cycle?"

[...To be continued...]

Just Bleargh.

The brain is drawing blanks at the moment.

I'm not sick, but I'm feeling very sick. I think I'm thinking too much and it's killing me.

Four Years

Last night, mama mentioned that it's been 4 years since dad's passing.

I shouldnt have doubted her and insisted it was the 19th (today) and not the 18th coz when I checked the entry that I wrote on Father's Day 4 years ago, I realized I'd gotten the date wrong. That entry shouldve been dated 18th June 2006 and not 19th June 2006.

I remember locking myself up in my room that Sunday evening with the excuse that I'm tired and I need a short nap. And I remember scribbling the messy thoughts that I had at that moment. I needed to get it all out.

4 years. It has been a while.

Al-Fatihah.

The Quickest Scribble

4th day of work and I fell asleep at around 9pm and is now wide awake at 4am! It could be due to the following reasons:

1. Work is mentally tiring
2. World Cup matches are boring. Like freaking boring.
3. I can't find a decent live streaming on the Net.

A Quick Scribble

Only my 3rd day of work and I've had my first 8pm to 11pm sleep. My sister had hers yesterday and I nearly went, "What's so tiring about a simple office job?" I'm glad I didn't.

Why are you always back home so late? Doesn't work end at 530? These questions, however, I've asked countless times. I've always treated her answers with a slight tinge of doubt. Always. But today, I realize it's always easy to judge. One needs to put one's self in that person's shoes before judging. And what better way for me to wear my sister's shoes than to actually work in the same office as her - just for a month or so.

I've gotta admit that she reminds me of my dad. And in some parts, me. Maybe it's the monthly allowances that I've just received from her. Maybe it's because she leaves home for work at around the same time dad used to. Whatever the reason maybe, I'm happy and proud that my sister is turning out to be as capable and responsible as me. Haha!

And it's funny how timely this realization is. I just realised we're days away from Father's Day. You know, somewhere, somehow, I'm pretty sure he's happy and proud of you too. (:

The Real Dream

I had the realest of dreams today.

It was a dream created from little thoughts I've been having for weeks now. In the dream, I was on MSN when someone quoted me a long list of quotes taken from this blog of mine - quotes that I found pretty "interesting". It was interesting as I never actually wrote those words down coz you know, sometimes, some thoughts are best kept as thoughts.

But when thoughts are kept as thoughts, they become dreams that ask the question: Which is more real - your dreams, or the life you're living?

A rare dose of Optimism

Destined Choices

Some lives are linked across time.

It's interesting to see the lives that are linked with mine as I sail across the sea called Time. These lives that intertwine with mine - I wonder if Destiny or Choice played the part. At times, I tell myself that it's choice. With the mouse in hand, I can choose whether to click "Send Request" to add individual X as friend. I can also decide when I want to add or I can even not add. At times, I'd like to think I'm in control.

However, things are never in my control. I can choose to add someone as a friend but there's always a probability that it might be rejected. I can pick the best words to write on someone's wall yet how the person reacts to it remains out of my control. I can choose to say Hey! to someone yet whether or not he or she replies is another story altogether. Things will never be in my control.

Some lives are linked across time. These lives, they're destined to be linked. I think. Like how I was destined to go 7 days without writing anything.

Inspirasi

"Somewhere there is another girl prettier than you, smarter than you, taller than you, skinnier than you. Another girl somewhere is more outgoing, more laid back, more interesting, more athletic. Another girl somewhere is not you. You may not be perfect, but someone someday will think you are. He will love you for each and every imperfection and flaw. He will wait all day just to see you and stay all night just to hold you. To him, you will be more than perfect, you’ll be the love of his life."

- Taken by a Blogger from a Livejournalist who took it from a Tumbler who reblogged it from another Tumbler who.... it'll never end.

Posts like the above never fails to put a smile on my face. The Livejournalist whom I copied the above from seems to be one full of hope and patience. She could be one who knows what she wants yet not go all out to get it. Every morning, she wakes up hoping a miracle would happen and that one day, insyaallah, she will meet the guy whom she's meant to be with. Idealistic individual I must say. She reminds me of me.

I'm looking outside my window right now as I let my thoughts settle down and I'm starting to realize that maybe just maybe, I'm attracted to individuals who do not try hard to impress. Individuals who live in their own little world with the own little group of friends. Individuals who are like me but not exactly like me. These individuals catch my attention. And I think I see that in my sweet distraction.

I do not think I am making the mistake of shutting everyone else out of my mind just because of one sweet distraction. Frankly, I think it's silly, but sweet. Idealistic individual I am. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. But even if it isn't, I still do pray for your safety and hope that all is well.

It has been 4 days since I last wrote. Besides the above, I'm thinking of learning the art of Silat. I'm inspired by what I saw during the IVP tournament over the weekend. So, let it be written that I'm daring myself to take up this challenge.