The Annoying Idealistic Optimistic Introvert

He is terribly annoying. Always tries to see the positive side of things no matter how negative it may be.  Always hoping that the best will happen even though he knows that most of the time, things will turn out differently. He keeps to himself, sharing only selected thoughts out of the endless train of thoughts running through his mind. He cant quite explain why he does the things he does mainly because he himself doesnt quite know why he does what he does.

He is annoying. And weird. As much as he wants people to understand him, he knows its hard. Perhaps he just wants people to be supportive of his being who he is - this weird annoying idealistic optimistic introvert. And let him be just that.

Thoughts

Sometimes,
little events,
little little things that people say,
jokingly or not,
mostly jokingly,
but you know I feel about jokingly,
that it often always mean seriously subconsciously,
blurted out unknowingly,
but obviously,
to me.

Most time,
I'm wrong. But who cares?
No one does, coz if they do,
wouldn't they have watched what they say,
or do?

Yeah,
these little things,
make me retreat into my dark little cave and hide for days, weeks;
Sighs,
7 days of not writing usually means,
no thoughts, lots of thoughts,
kept all to myself.

Things are all fine,
and happy,
and dandy,
but for how long,
can one hide behind a facade,
behind one mask,
after another mask,
after another mask,
you get the idea.

Be calm,
prayers,
give good advice,
a pure mind,
a pure heart,
but then we fall,
and hide in our caves,
ashamed,
because we find it so hard to be good,
because we question ourselves,
by asking questions like why try so hard to avoid music,
when many others are not,
coz afterall, there's nothing wrong,
right?

Frankly,
I don't know,
for music, I,
just hate it when it gets stuck in the head,
hate how it distracts me,
how not listening to music for a fair while suddenly,
made me click on one link after another,
and another,
like as though,
I'm in total control,
I'm free,
to do as I please,
but really I'm not,
coz I consistently think about the can, cannot, better not to,
and so on.

And how I miss conversations,
and talking,
and how I fear talking,
all because of the little things,
the little little things that people always say,
or do,
without,
thinking about how,
the other person might feel,
or do,
as a result of what they say,
or do.

I really do.

Thoughts,
they get pretty circular sometimes,
most times in fact,
and when they do,
that's when I know,
I'm ending.

The Cave

Sometimes, a step forward takes you twenty steps backwards. Is it worth it? Is all this change worth it? At the moment, life's one hell of a rollercoaster.

He retreats back into his cave. He figured it'll be much better there. He figured he'll be a much much better person when he's in his cave. Find me in my cave.

"O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from incapacity, from sloth, from cowardice, from miserliness, decrepitude and from torment of the grave. O Allah, grant to my soul the sense of righteousness and purify it, for Thou art the Best Purifier thereof. Thou art the Protecting friend thereof, and Guardian thereof."

The Day

A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars,

or do we gaze at them because we are human?"

Pointless, really...

"Do the stars gaze back?" Now, that's a question.

Today's the day when I destroy the boundary between the real world and the unreal. I've always wanted to destroy this wall ever since I wrote Unreal Realism (27 Oct 09).

Could thoughts and stories come true in reality? Do wonderful stuffs only belong in books and films? Do opposites really attract? These are questions a thinker thinks about but never will he find the answers unless he embarks on a personal quest to find the answers - himself. The eventual answers may not be what he had hoped for them to be but at least now, he has answers instead of questions.... Answers that will come in useful in later parts of one's journey in life.

Today's the day when words translate into actions. It ain't going to be easy but he has gotta start from somewhere, right?

Run Lola Run

So what if one cant rewind and control time like Lola? What if time rewinds by itself? Week after week, he goes through roughly the same things - he meets the same people, goes to the same classes, sits at roughly the same places. The things taught, the places they cross paths or the clothes he wears may change, but the emotional setting remains.

Will he do something about it? Or will he wait till time stops rewinding itself so that he can then wish for time to rewind? He wants to talk to her.

The director ponders what his character should do when time rewinds itself once more for the 14th time.

Sven Jaschan and the Sasser worm

Peaceful and quiet 21st. I like it subtle. I had hoped for a dark chocolate truffle from The Royals but i was too lazy to step out of home to get one. The nearest outlet was at Choa Chu Kang. Maybe someday when I really feel like it.

Spent the day within the four blue walls of my room -- doing computing and chemistry as well as lots of idling. And I guess now it's time for me to sleep. I'd like to share a little from a news clipping i came across online:

It's about Sven Jaschan,19,an introverted teenager, who spent up to 10 hours a day in front of his computer in the family home, creating a 15 page long code -- later called the "Sasser" computer worm --which crippled hospitals, closed banks, grounded planes and trains, and even delayed the Taiwanese post.

And the evening of his 18th birthday, he hit "send" and launched the virus on the web.

The scary aspect of spending the day on the computer, writing and debugging programs. And instead of frustration, i derive enjoyment. But do not worry for i am fine.

21.

Extroverts and Introverts

Extroversion and introversion are terms used to gauge social styles. Extroverts are more comfortable interacting in groups and are more energized by being with others than by being alone. Introverts, on the other hand, are more at home with their own company than in throngs of interacting people. They are stimulated by private activities like reading, listening to music, or working on a hobby or project. The latter have to be dragged to parties, and the blizzard of festivities around Christmas and New Year’s ranks right up there with colonoscopies and root canals.

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, the introverted wife of 38 years to an extroverted husband and author of The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, prefers quiet conversation while her husband seeks the stimulation of others. Sound familiar?

Why do extroverts end up marrying introverts? Psychologist Carl Jung, the creator of the personality descriptions of introversion-extroversion, says the individual seeks wholeness. The outgoing type seeks balance by marrying the more inward individual and vice-versa. Extroverts are easy to understand. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs and thrive on interaction with other people. They also make up most of us.

Three-fourths of all people are extroverts. And, unless they have mastered compassionate acceptance of all sentient beings, they think introverts are plain odd. Extroverts have little understanding of introverts. They assume the company, especially their own, is always welcomed and cannot imagine why someone would need solitude. Understandably, they have many friends and find it easy to strike up a conversation with strangers.

Not all introverts are as misanthropic as philosopher Sartre, who said, “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Some enjoy breakfast with people who have quiet conversation. They usually have a few long-time friends and are exhausted when engaging with large groups. They need quiet, secluded time to recharge their batteries.

Despite being outnumbered, introverts do have their spokespersons. One is Jonathan Rauch, author of Caring for Your Introvert. He writes: “Introverts may be common but they are among the most misunderstood and aggrieved group in America, possibly the world. I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually I am far from shy. I love long conversation and explore intimate thoughts and passionate interests. Remember, someone you know, respect and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.”

There are definitely benefits to being an introvert. Introverts do better in college and graduate school. They divorce less and change jobs less than do extroverts. However, a study of 258 college students found that extroverts had higher self-esteem and fewer sleep problems. So there are trade-offs. Says Laney, in defense of her way of being, “I eat slowly, too. I have learned to be prepared for waiters to try to snatch my plate….I talk more slowly, and my clients are used to waiting for me to finally eke out my words. I may plod along in life, but I get quite a bit done.”

Rauch adds, “…extroverts are over-represented in politics, a profession where only the garrulous are. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life around other people….Extroverts therefore dominate public life. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place.” It’s not likely they’ll get the chance.

... HealthLeader, an award-winning online health, prevention and wellness magazine, produced by the Office of Institutional Advancement of The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston.