Let me try to verbalise my thoughts.
I'll never forget that line. I believe i can write my thoughts into volumes of books if i wanted to. But i know i struggle trying to convert my thoughts into words that can be heard by the ears of mine and yours. When writing, one can pause and think and backspace and go back to the previous paragraph to add something that one had left out. But the same cant be said about talking.
I told myself that there's definitely something that ive learnt over the past couple of months but i just didnt know how do i put it in words. Im was impressed by how the other students shared their thoughts, views and reflection. But I kept telling myself that there's no way i could come up with something that's got to do with politics or policies or use big big words that i hardly hear. I saw how well the others speak that i was afraid i wun be as brilliant as them and worse, make a fool out of myself.
But the inner struggle i had, to just share made me soo scared that I could literally feel my heart beating faster and faster. I told myself that if i didnt say anything before the end of the class, i've not changed. Im still the guy who dun dare speak up in class. The guy who thinks that those that can speak well are born that way.
The Caliphs were close to God and the sunnah of the Prophet and at the same time, were able to achieve so many things. I hope this course will make me a better Muslim when school starts. To remember that it is possible to achieve so many things while being close to God. In other words, the balance between world and the Hereafter.
It didnt matter to me if what i said was as good as his or hers. All that mattered was that Im really glad that i spoke up. And i was told it sounded quite good(or was it didnt sound bad) by my train buddy. That made me feel better and i hope this is the start of many changes to come.
And perhaps this would mark the start of a change in the way i write my entries. I wouldnt be surprised if i see chunks of text and one liners that dun seem to make sense on this blog of mine. Perhaps even speeches i need to prepare should i join a club like Toastmasters. Well who knows ...... for the joy of the journey is the element of surprise.