Sunday, April 11, 2010
To err is .... I don't know
While taking long walks, moods may change.
I'm still up - doing my tutorials. I dozed off, while sitting down, for like a good 15 minutes. I've still got a few more questions to go and I've still got it in me to remain awake. I needed to write.
I've been keying in thoughts into my phone during my "break" from writing, all in the hopes of looking back and writing all of them down on the 5th of May. There's one that I keyed in around an hour ago and it's been bothering me.
Relations with people are hard to maintain. Today, I realize that people drift further apart the longer they remain apart. Feelings DO NOT remain the same. Absence DO NOT make the heart grow fonder. This, is contrary to what I've believed all this while. Maintaining relations with others is a skill - a skill that I'm still learning.
There's a stubborn unreasonable streak within me that I can't seem to get rid of. The special preferences, the double standards, the exceptions. And the selfish me that wonders why he always seem to be pleasing others and never the other way round, or why he has to always be understanding and accepting one. Why can't others try to understand him for a change? Unreasonable me, I know.
In rare moments when any of the above tendencies reveal itself, I'll always have some caring honest souls to slap me in the face and tell me that my behaviour was truly unacceptable. Sighs. This dark side of mine has been following me ever since my JC days. Will I ever be rid of it? I don't know. I really don't.
To err is human. But to err sucks big time. It's one of those nights when reflections simply go round and round in dizzying circles. I needed to write these down rather than let it loop in my mind.
The conclusion of this lengthy ramble?
I don't know.