yet another one...

i dun quite like pathetic entries to be left as the most recent entries. Wait the more ppl see the entry.... the more loserish i become. Haha... so i think i'm gonna write a new one and leave past entries where it belong-- in the past.

I think missing out on the chalet is an unfortunate but nescessary decision i had to make. Of coz it'll make some ppl unhappy, me being the most unhappy abt it. And i noe it's one person's happiness against the many... but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Hah.... first time i refer to myself as a man sia.

And for ur information, the last time i went to a chalet wif my frens was.... hmmm... haha... there wasnt a last time. I wanted to make the coming one the first of many... but i guess GOd forbids? LOl... I guess some things just werent meant to happen. i guess some things just werent meant to be....just yet..i hope.

Yong talked abt living life to the fullest. And my fullest is helping my dad. And i was like.... something is definitely wrong wif me some where if my fullest is at home. haha.. when ppl talk abt living life to the fullest, climbing mount everest or go bungee jumping or windsurfing or travelling the world comes to my mind lah. And my fullest is wif my dad.... there's an essence of truth in wat yong wrote. haha... a mind-opening tag....

I so like want to be like mainstream, normal, ordinary ppl but the more i compare the differences, the less normal i become. Well, mama of all people noes that i have no sense of identity. She observed and at often times, told me that i'm following what other kids do and not being myself. And her tone was that of displeasure. Hmm... i guess i finally know now who i really am. Who i was born to be. Who i wasnt meant to be like.

Talking abt identity, my name is Ali Marzuki. Ali is the me known to most of u school frens. Marzuki is the me known to some of u and of coz... family. And i do realise that i'm different when i'm Ali and when i'm Marzuki. I feel tt Ali is the guy who feels lost most of his time. Marzuki's the one who feels more secure about life. In my blog too, i seem to notice that sometimes, i blog as Ali while at other times, i blog as Marzuki. haha... just something just realised... something i think i needed to write down.. haha..

wells, have a nice day.