SUnday

Super sleepy lah ytd. Basket. no more "three forty sicks" mugging man. Haah.. tt was one off coz i just returned home. Night studying doesnt suit me.... or at least i must add tt i'm not used to it. Regular 9-12 studying would do just fine. And i must add that i better do sthg about chem man. Really sucked at it.

Had a nap ytd afternoon. I dreamt that i was on the day we collect our result slips. The fear of failing. The anxiety. I was like asking my teacher how i did and all that. Then the result slip was in my hands. It was purple -- haha.... looked like my enlistment letter but, it was supposed to be my results. And i wanted to open it, but... it was then and there that i woke up. I woke up 2 weeks before the exam. ANd i was like really thinking.... that this two weeks will determine the grades that i would see when i go collect my results. Maybe that was the reason why i dreamt such a dream. Maybe that's also the reason why i woke up the very moment i wanted to open my result slip (it was like my enlistment letter, the kind u must tear the perforated sides and all...)

This few weeks like damn bad lah. When i eat i think of exams. When i sleep i think of exams. When i blog oso i think of exams. Haha.... ppl who come here all sien see me repeat the same things over and over and over again.

Never think about HAri Raya seh.... wat clothes i'll be wearing for that first day. A replacement for my old songkok. The colour of my baju kurung. Haha... i was watching tv some couple of days back. The burial of Malaysia's PM Badawi's wife who passed away. Then, i saw a man amidst other men. WHile the others wore black or white, that man wore purplish-blue(something like this colour.. i think it IS this colour). That man was PM Badawi. ANd i looked at my mum and said, "This year we wear this colour can?" ... pointing at the baju kurung the PM was wearing.

And this year's ramadhan super bad for me oso lah. Dun hav much time to spare to go to mosque or read the quran. REad oso like that same 6 pages twice a day everyday in the hope i'll memorise it by the end of the month. Maybe not possible given that more thoughts go into my exams. It's really a waste that this Ramadhan hadnt been like my previous ones. It'll be lagi wasted if i dun have the opportunity to meet next year's ramadhan. Balancing life and afterlife. THe choices u make. U may get AAA for alevel but if u pass away soon after, have u done enuff deeds to ensure peace in ur afterlife. Ur AAA will definitely not help u in securing a place in heaven. BUt then, if u do deeds and not get ur AAA and u happen to have a long life, will there be peace in ur present life?

If peace is defined as having a condo, car, education and a wife... then there isnt peace. If peace is defined as the feeling of knowing that ure prepared to die when it's time, prepared in the sense that uve done much good than bad, den i think there WILL definitely be peace-- more peace than a guy that has a car, condo, education and a wife. The most ideal is if one strikes a balance between the two --when one has both kind of peace. BUt tell me, wats the probability of that happening? Striking that balance. I may be stereotying but the rich always wants to get richer. Haas... a couple of analogies to help make my point clearer.. if i was richer, do u think i'll be who i am today? If i was handsomer, do u think i'll be who i am today? Am sort of painting myself in a bad picture here but, i have to admit that there's a high degree of truth in it.

The feeling of self-sufficiency is a dangerous one. But i'll be trying to prove myself wrong. That if i am richer, i'll still be who i am today-- who i was 12 years ago. That if i am more handsome...erm... haha... forget about this, it'll never happen. Lol...

I'll be aiming to strike that balance-- even if the probability is very small.

And i wonder, is there anyone that reads from top to bottom? Hhaha... Maybe tt's why i have bolds here and there -- to help slow down ur scrolling down the screen. Haha..