Wednesdae....

Chemistry.... confirm cannot. But... i like chem lah. And i really want to do well in it. Will just simply go for it lah. Anw, tmr physics.... seems to be able to understand physics but... still lack the practice. If only i'd done more practices. Well practice after practice was the key factor in me doing well in pri. sch. BUt it ended when i stepped into sec one. Maybe coz there's no more teacher to guide u every step of the way. Ure like on ur own from day 1..

Well.... will read as much as i can for tmr. Wun let physics pass just like dat. Will giv my all for tmr. WEll, this few daes not really in the mood to talk lah. Face always damn sien..... hair always so down... dunnoe lah... not in the mood. And the question "Why blog?" came from Tauhid todae.. who feels its a waste of time. Well.... its is kind of waste of time.... like which like yuying said can be used for studying.... but i only blog when i got time.... or when i cant study... haa... well i blog for myself actually. So that i can see the old me.... memories... learning points.... yah... i got short term memory so blogging helps a bit lah. Haa...

WEll just came back frm religious class again. Man... still in egypt.... haha.. and the ustaz talked about the seven years and the next seven years ... well... he linked things back to reality, how u should only do things that u have the knowledge and skills to do. Dun try doing anything ure not good at. How when u plan, u have to be fully commited into it and all that. And he said that one should not be satisfied at what he have and let it be. Like sae i cant be saying things like "fail fail lah.... cannot already.... after A level see how lah.... be road cleaner also can".... and i cannot feel sad to the extent that it makes me want to give up. He says islam do not allow its followers to feel like this. Yes sadness is an emotion in which every human beings will feel... but never let it make u give up. Well.... i did let it take over me for the past few days... now i guess i cant be doing it anymore. Well he did mention that human beings see things with a human mind. Like say... i see that it is highly unlikely for me to be good within the next 4 months...... and its not really possible for a normal human being to do it. What more a human being who is less than normal. Well.... he told us that God too has His plans for us. What's impt is that we ourselves hv to do our own planning(and be commited to it).... and simply not give up.... simply not lose hope.... coz who noes what God has planned for us in future..... And he told us that though we MUST go far in this world, we must not forget our life after this. No point getting good grades when u forget about God.....

Well that's wat i feel lah. K.... tts it for now. Shuldnt be "wasting" my time... time to give my all for physics...

tuesdae....contd..

How is it possible to get all the reactions and reagents and conditions into this small head of mine? Well...told Mama its very the hard, but she say if hard, how come other people can do so well in it? Heh...ya ah...

Chem tmr.... NO HOPE! Haha... cannot lah... no solid foundation yet. Lack the practice, so nothing really got stuck inside my head lah. And the more i read the more i head pain now lah. Haha.... Den must spend like from morning till 3.30 lah tomorrow! For a test i noe i got no hope at all! Wah why can they put paper 1 and paper 2 together? Sien..

FOUR MONTHS MORE ONLY!! i noe... i noe.... Practise practise practise... but how to find time to practise? Tauhid sae i must study in a grp.... cannot study alone. WEll, wei yan wanted to stayback in skool wif me to mug once skool starts proper.... so tt shuld help my dying cause... heh..

Tuesdae...

Maths- most ppl could easily score an A...i think i could.... if i had been prepared for the test. The qns seems simple lah. SEEMS only... but i didnt try it coz i dun really remember formulas well.... lack practise i guess.....4 mths.... counted all the marks i did... 58 out of 100. Well.... minus a couple of tens more due to careless mistakes and all.... hopefully can get a decent mark.

Well i went offline at 10 yesterdae wanting to slp. HEh... didnt really had the mood to study esp. after sucky gp.... Lucky got hock yesterdae to listen to my craps lah.... den i tot wanted to slp early... skali decided to read some tutorials and notes... ended up sleeping at 1. Lucky i hadn't gave up totally( i really wanted to do so)... coz during the test todae.... most of the things i read yesterdae were of great use! haha... lucky me.... well.... tis doesnt mean tt last-minute revision pays....Somehow i just got very lucky...

Tmr's chem. Hmm.... chem.... wun sae much bout it lah. More or less as teruk as my Mths and Physics..... dun tok much... must try my best to read and understand more of chem.... Help me God....

Monday

Gp-- Lousy. Nthg to talk abt. Should hv done wat ms tan told us to do--compre and essays and articles. Everything abt me now is "shuld hv"..."would have".... "Wat if"... "if only"

On the train wif tauhid on the way home... made me realise even more, how stuupid i am. How i am different from all the other guys in the sense that i m the one that is lagging behind the most. 4 mths.... too late? Tauhid thinks so... Me... i dunnoe... i noe its not too late... i simply noe its not too late. Well u guys say wat u want.... i dun care...i'm in a world of my own for all i care...

Mama asked how's the test. Shook my head with dissapointment... she didnt sae anything.. but can sense that she noes how hard it is for me. A truly understanding person... just noe that my aim now is not to dissapoint her...

Major talkng point -- me and my dumb timetable.

Realised i hv been tokin alot abt my life on tis blog... and this has been to my own detriment. So i guess i'll b tokin less now.

I noe i always go the long way to reach the same destination. Let's pray that i'll still reach my destination this time round. Miracles? ... i dun tink so... Effort... and with God's permission... more likely so... Wat's next for me? Learn from this Mids... and start plotting my next step. If all my life i have to go thru things the long and hard way.... then so be it.... There must be a reason for it...

the big week

cant help but post sthg b4 i sleep.

Big week.

Unprepared, yes.

Too late to worry, yes.

Is there any use for worry? No.

Coz i noe its my fault.

So i shall stop worrying.

And let tis be a learning point.

To err is human.

Though i have erred one too many times....

Nevertheless, this week shall come and go swiftly like the plague that hit Egypt.

People learn from failures. I shall learn from mine. I always have.

It's wat is to come that is the more impt thing to look at.

Till next time.....

Heh(first time i hv to sleep early)...all e best to me.... and u of course! =)

.....my holiday evaluation...

Sucky.(Pardon my language)... not in a good mood coz of my missing notes..(though i noe i am overeacting). But things would be different if i had that notes... coz of the psychological effect it has on my brain. Unprepared. Going to battle with no guns.... no reinforcements... nothing. Going there with what i have.....

Wanted to visit a dentist-- but couldnt make time for it. WAnted to buy shoes but couldnt make time for it. WAnted to buy pen and pencils but couldnt make time for it. Wanted to get assessment books for my bros--if i cant make time for my own self, how can i have time for others. May seem selfish.... yes, but i dun mean for that to happen.

Made this timetable, made that timetable. Plotted my every move. But in the end, what happened?! Nothing. Could have emerged an A student if i followed the plan i had. Seriously. But i cant be an A student if i dun put the effort needed to be an A student. i noe i noe i noe! Dun have to keep reminding myself that! But why! Why oh why cant I be desciplined enuff to follow those plans i have!!??

Everythings left at the very last minute. As usual. So now wat.... forget the Mids go for the Prelims(which i've just found out is 79 daes away). Yea.... 79 daes.... more time to prepare? So wat now.... plan again.... let it go down the drain again? AFter 78 daes, will i really be as prepared as i think i would be? Or would i still be in this exact situation cramping things in at the last minute? Or worse still, would be in this exact situation..... but already raising that white flag above my head? Wat next den? THe As... which will then be like 57 daes after the prelims? More planning? MOre last minute cramping? Thinking as though some magic might happen? Thinking it will be the same as my primary school daes or my Secondary school daes?

I didnt expect a second in class in p3. I didnt expect to jump from almost last class to first class. I didnt expect to get an EM1. I didnt expect to get into Anderson for goodness sake. And during streaming in Sec 2, who wouldve thought i'd get the stream i wanted. And in the worst year of my skool life -sec 3- when all signs showed that i'll remain in sec 3 for an additional year, i promoted with the minimum grades possible. And in sec 4..... JC was the last place on my mind. I told myself either AJ or poly.... And somehow or rather, i got that 11 points and ended up in JC. J1 was the next worse year.... fail fail fail fail fail and last minute get decent grades and managed to go up to JC 2. Lcuky? But what seems to be "miracles" or sheer luck is coming back to haunt me in my last lap....

How? I noe planning is essential. But its dumb to plan wat i cant commit myself to. Mistakes.... big mistakes have been made in my planning.... i got another wat...78 daes and some 50+ daes to plan for.... wat can i do bout it? Is it simply the end for me? Can i still do something about it? What are the odds?

Still abit left undone..... for my mids i mean. Have put all the tutorials for the topics that're to be tested in separate files... dun think i can try those qns... am only resigned to reading i guess. Haiz..... but the good thing is that in future, i'll noe wat to tell my bros wat to do and wat not to do and guide them thru their life.

I keep telling them todae that it's so unfair. Why dun i hv an elder bro or sis to guide me... to show me wat to do and all.... to tell me my mistakes.... well, again the self-pity mode..... But its common lah.... when school's bound to start, there's always this panic attack..... this stress.....

My life is in a mess. I am the one solely responsible for the mess tt i'm in now.... and i am the only one that can pull myself back to safety.

(And btw, nvr stay up till 3 or 4....coz u'll definitely be DAMN tired the following dae.

^$@&*!**?!

Hmph!....simply had to add one more pic.....

...

Question: Whats worse than being unprepared?

Answer: Not being able to locate the notes which u've made.

Damn sucky man the feeling. Can't find my integration mindmap. Man..... i noe i hv the main notes and all.... but i really put a lot into that mindmap.... and i hv this feeling that i might hv thrown it away by accident.

-agitated-

A silent prayer. Dilemma.

Decided to start leading prayers todae....just me and my 2 bros lah. Man.... for Maghrib(4th prayer time), we took 40 mins to finish praying lah!Everyone kept laughing and giggling..... basket.... when we started to get bored laughing...its only den we went on "serious" mode. Decided to continue the same thing for Isyak(Fifth prayer time)....to make the giggling and laughing and all die off... almost werked... coz we took abt 25mins to do everything w/o interuption. Haha... will keep doing this for all 5 times till everyone gets bored of laughing and be more serious....yea...

And finally, managed to memorize one of the six page i needed to memorise. Took 1h30mins to get everything into my head. A really really BIG achievevment. I dun care abt time for revision and all.... i noe i need to pick the Quran up and start memorising esp when the "mood" came. Heh.... how i wish GOd would simply take my life away rite now. When things have been extremely peaceful. But when i come back to the real world...with exams to face... how i wish my life simply stops here. Though i noe the things i've been doing rite now will definitely not outweigh all my sins i've made in the past.... at least i'll "serve a shorter sentence" and that'll simply be it. Argh.... am not feeling suicidal btw. Just thinking out loud.

prayer. Here's a quote from the Prince of Egypt OST.

"Many nights we've prayed, with no proof anyone could hear. In our hearts a hopeful song (that) we barely understood. Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear. We were moving mountains long before we ever knew we could. There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles, you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will….you will when you believe In this time of fear, when prayer so often proved in vain. Hope seemed like the summer birds too swiftly flown away. Yet now I'm standing here, with heart so full I can't explain. Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say.

There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles, you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will….you will when you believe”

Song describes me now. So true. Every single word. Day and night I pray, with no proof anyone but myself could here. (And I noe, that there’s no need for proofs to every aspect of our lives.) But slowly… I begin to realize that my prayers are being answered. First it was me and my sis. Now it’s with me and my bros. I always ask God to bring us closer together, bridge e gap. And I see things improving. My bros recently found this spirit to mug but it seem to flicker on and off and I asked God to really make that spirit stay for good…. And I saw e diff todae. They were doing work happily in e morning. In e afternoon. And at night. They were at it till 12+. Things begin to change and I can see it happening. Spiritually, I noe I have been thru ups and downs but now seems to be an up…. Which is why I sound “suicidal” in e 2 nd paragragh.

But in times like this, “times of fear”… prayers often seem to be in vain. I do pray to ask God to aid me in my study life. To allow me to be able to memorize my stuffs, understand and remember. But this prayer has long not been answered. Maybe me memorizing that 1 page marks e start of an improved me… but… me knowing its just 2 days left. Me “fearing” of e music that I’ll face when I get back e papers…It makes hope seems so distant, like e summer birds tt had flown away.

I know there can be miracles, when I believe. And “though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.” Who knows what miracles I can achieve and when I believe, somehow I will….I will when you believe. Self-encouragement I guess. I guess tonite, I am in this self-pity mode.

Anw, I cant help but wonder why…. Though I told myself to look at e “long term”, not to worry about e Mids, how inconsequential e Mids is and all that stuff….why despite saying all this, do I still feel fear. Why despite all this do I still feel e need to do well? Why despite saying all this do I feel so…. Man…

Well that’s it for self-pity. HAHA!!!! That really helped a lot. Hmm…. Now something proper to talk about. I still haven’t had e time to step out of e house during this entire holiday to get myself a decent pair of shoes. My current shoes has holes….and e soles…. Hhaa. Let’s put it this way – my feets can almost feel e ground.

I know I should cut my hair. But I cut it on week 1 of e hols. The sides and back are rather short…. But the top… heh… u noe wat I mean. But nvm, hopefully it looks decent enough when I go back to school.

Better go shop for stationeries tomorrow. Coz after a month, all my stuffs are either missing or used up. But I have the feeling that I wouldn’t be stepping out of the house just yet.

And my uniforms aren’t ironed yet. I know I’ll need every single second from now till after Physics test on Thurs….. so must slot in ironing time… ish…

realised the new post photos.... i guess i shall try using it. The picture up there's taken from an Iranian artist, i think, via google. Really feels like me. Heh... doing work. Sometimes simply fall asleep. The darkness symbolises the night. Hmm.... can feel the tireness the little gurl is feeling.... heh.... well thats why the pic's simply special...

Hmm….. coming to an end already lah. Really want to talk more…..haha…. as usual… but… as usual, cannot lah. Two days. Am really unprepared. Should I worry? Should I just do my best? What if my best isn’t my best? What if my best isn’t enuff? Grr… wat should I do….?

To those who read word for word, thanks for listening.

To the people who simply feels that my entries are getting more and more monotonous and boring…. Haha…. dun give up just yet ar! Hhaa…

-dilemma-

My shortest post eva!.... i think...

Taking a short break... went blog hopping...and realised tt Bloggers using SHOUTBOX as their taggie can't tag!! Haha!! ppl like yasin and thaqif and all ALL cant tag! Heh.... hope the same thing wun happen with Tag-Board. KK.... slapped myself a few times already coz minutes are slipping away just like dat....shall end by saying.... more to come tonite?(i dun think that there's much tt i can sae...but u nvr noe..)

.....can't resist the temptation.....

was online frm 10 plus..... tts bcoz i needed to fill in some blanks for my notes. So since i m online, might as well blog lah...heh..can't resist the temptation i guess... hmm...

would like to thank hock for sacrificing an hour just for me! ahaha.... so sweet of u! a big THANK YOU once again hock. Ure the best! =P

And OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!!!! ...... wanna also sae that the twins knows about this blog of mine.... haha.... grr.... hope nthg will leak from this world into the real world. But to be on the safe side, must watch my fingers already -- cannot happie happie type. Cannot type like "nobody's business" anymore.. Yeah.... so the start of shorter entries? We'll see.....

Ate dinner late todae. Mum went JB with my aunts. And yesterdae's dish left abit only.... and we all quite jelak with that dish...... and when she came home, everyone rushed to her looking for food lah. Lucky she bought fried rice. So i guess i ate 2 meals only todae..... haha.... like almost any other days.... which explains the loss of yet a couple of kilos. Hees....

And my medication just came todae. Some supplements imported from the US. Singapore pharmacies dun sell one. Haha... well the doc said i will see results in a matter of daes..... woohoo...cant wait for my jaw to move back to its position. And there's also a supplement to supply my body with calcium.... heh... and he told me when this supplement finishes.... must really drink milk...bleargh! But no choice.... haha...

And he told us how muscle tear, meniscus thingy all got supplements to aid in the healing. Haha... so i guess when ppl like adib and shak go for op.... they kena con lah coz like i said in the previous few entry.... doctors todae all wanna make money. A bit tear oso they send for op even though there are medications that are available else where in the world. So doctors, surgeons and physio all get money.... HAHA.... the 21st century....

anw, the twins managed to rekindle their dying mugging spirit todae man..... haha.... been telling them to go thru qns at the speed of light. Telling them techniques when doing the qns. Haha.... but all this to my own detriment lah.....coz i have to set a side 2 hrs with them lah. Haha.... and they bug and bug me with questions and all until i said "haha! i want to do my work! u all dun want me to fail rite?" ..... though the reply was a "fail fail lah" .... i knew they were just kiddin....haha! ya, hope so.... well anw, one still kept bugging me with qns but i simply dun hv the time to stop and listen..... haha.... i told him tmr. I can see disappointment in his facial expression ..... but it's a good sign. Shows that he's really keen. And i really really do hope that this spirit will continue burning..... and hope that it wun be like the other dae and simply die off......

Yeah.... shall continue mugging...... nitez~!! =)

(A rather short entry don't u think?)

A rare day post.....

During my meddling with the templates and all.... i realised that time hadn't waited for me. Hours after hours simply slipped away without me even realising it. Well i guess that's one of the many characteristics of me.... and i am not proud to admit it. At least i realise this bad charactheristic of mine and shall vow never to waste my time anymore. (Erms...wonder if this is ever possible)..... If any half and hour simply slips away without me doing anything fruitful, i better slap myself in the face to remind myself that i m wasting my time. Hmm.... and my religious teacher have been bugging me for the Yassin which i should have memorised by now, coz it has been almost 6 mths and i hav yet to be even bothered to memorise it lah... haha.... yeah... i keep telling him i got no time memorising tt 6 pages frm the Quran coz of my "busy JC schedule".... and week after week he keeps asking me if i'm ready or not... Waaaah!! haha... i guess tts one thing i could do when i begin to switch to "idle mode" .... haha.... must do something quick to "appease" tt restless soul of his.... heh...

and just to briefly mention that the Malay language has started to creep into this blog of mine. Some malay was used in the entry or two before this one. Malay hv suddenly been appeaering in my tag board.... haha...i guess that's coz Malays have found their way into this "secret" blog of mine.... It used to be an all chinese readership coz the majority of ppl in my immediate circle of friends are chinese.... haha...."this IS singapore".... well, theres even a point where ppl said that ive become "more chinese"...hehe..... lucky theres now Malays who have entered the circle to balance things up.... i sometimes wonder whether i should use Malay or english when replying their tags....hees..

.....anw, i noticed that my blog appears differently on IE 6.0 and Firefox. Well, it's so me to make my blog friendly to users of the respective browsers but.... i realised it took too much of my time... Well, to the users of both browsers, i can't please both parties just yet (though i noe only 6% of the people using my blog uses Firefox).... so my recommendation is to check out Firefox by clicking the button below my tagboard. The next best thing is to make do with wat u see on the screen lah. Haha... when its TOTALLY not readable.... or when u find tt the degrees of ur specs are increasing.... do alert me ya!

Hmm....i am repeating this time and again. ALI!! 4 daes to the mids. And yea....i'll do my best! I noe when one gives his best, he'll achieve his fullest. But haha..... i dunnoe what i'll achieve even if i give my best. But this is short-term thinking....i must think long term.

During sirah(religious history) yesterdae, the Ustaz told us that when Prophet Yusuf prepared Egypt for the 7 years of famine which came after the 7 years of excellent harvest, he did not simply have a goal in mind-- which is to ensure that there's food to go around during the famine. Yes he had a goal. But the ustaz said that having a goal is not enough. To ensure survival thru the 7 years of famine, the prophet put in 7 years of constant hardwork and management into it. Linking history to present times, that teacher of mine told his audience yesterday that when kids like us say that we want to be a "grade A" student in 5 years time, we will get no where if we don't put that 5 years of hard work.... That part really hit me hard lah. Coz when i have goals, i realise that most of the time, i don't actually put in the amount of hard work i should be putting in. I know it's possible to achieve the goals i set.... but like i mentioned earlier, that equal share of hard work has to be put in too.... something for u and me to really think about.

and oh....been having a hard time keeping that "new found spirit" of the twins burning... haiz.... must persevere..... and not give up on them..... hehe...

So that's it for todae..... -a limited edition DAY blog-

Still making adjustments...

I am still trying to make adjustments to my blog. It just dun seem right just yet. Like the words seem too thin too me. The spacings between the letters are too close. The spacings between the lines are too close.The words on the sidebar are too big. The words,though i think its ok, i know ppl will have trouble reading them. Coz i am used to seeing small handwritings.....my handwriting are smaller than the average writer. I find it neat and cute though but others fins it excruciatingly painful to read. I am now trying out different fonts to see how it'll look like on screen. Though i noe i should spend my time finishing the last few pages of complex no. i really really want to be fully satisfied with my blog. I have been very fond of the font "trebuchet". Maybe becoz it looks sleek.But it appears small on screen.When i change the font size to Larger, it'll become too big.

If only i could truly master the art of HTML. Then i can change and edit my template.MOre importanyly, understand the stuff written on my template. I really like my current template lah. Simple. And purple. I've been wanting to change the colours but... its hard to get the right combinations of colours.

Well Then..... i think i shant waste more time. I think i'll leave the blog as it is for the time being.

Hmm..... some things to talk about tonight.

I was really feeling a bit bored . Dats why i seems to hv nthg better to do and the top 3 paragraphs are simply a way to show my boredom.If i had all the time in the world, I would continue with my trial and error editing my template but 4 more daze to the mids. Yeah..... i m in a daze. So like i said, the blog shall remain as it is i guess.

Did complex number for almost the whole day. I think i'm rather slow lah coz i feel that i should be going at a much faster pace. I am taking my time understanding and all.....if only i had done this earlier.Well i hate it when the phrase "if only" comes out of my mouth....in this case thru my fingers. I hate the feeling of regret. I hate looking back at the things that i have done and WISH i had done things differently and WISH i could go back in time. Time and again this same "phenomenon" happens everytime a holiday is about to end..... and everytime time this happens, I'll tell myself what i should have done. What i regret not doing. How smartly i should be spending future holidays and stuff like dat. Grr.... and the same thing happen over and over and over again.I noe its not just me but why must i be among those who have to go thru this process holiday in,hoiliday out. Kk....it's so unlike me to get emo and whiny and all.... so i shall stop now.

Next issue is wat yasin wrote on his blog. He said i blog like nobody's business. But its true coz i find i write too much. And when i bloghop.... i wonder how come others write so little! I find reading the entries of others rather entertaining but when it ends within a scroll or 2 or worse,when it ends before i could even scroll, i find tt tt blogger owed me more than that one liner or two. HAHA...(finally, my first haha).... but den again, when i read blogs which are long(which are a rarity).... i simply tend to scroll and scroll as it becomes more and more mundane.Coz it's rare that i find a writing style that simply catches my attention..... but have to make it clear here that THERE ARE blogs which i visit on a regular basis lah to READ wat tt writer have to sae.... HHa....i guess some writers are more than simply a fan of their own work. Hmm.... but i promise to blog lesser coz i noe it gets boring the more u scroll....

oh ya, forgot to mention tt i felt the joy of doing revision once again todae. It may seem a bit too late and all but am gonna make full use of whatever days are left. Haa... lucky there's STILL 4 daes before the mids coz i noe there are ppl who'll be taking their tests in 4+2 hours time......haha...

and hHAAHa...almost forgot abt this small talk i had with Mama tis evening. Heh... was eating a plate full of semi-solid rice....(not the dry kind but neither is it porridge. Its in between)... haha.... mama noes i like tis kind of rice. Heh... plus the dish she cooked todae... it goes so well with the rice. But when u eat this kind of rice...u can eat a lot! Felt as though today, i ate for all the meals i missed this entire June lah! But still feelin rather hungry though. WEll lets proceed to the conversation shall we. Me and mama and my nyai(grandma) were eating at the table lah. Den they were talking abt how much i was eating and all(PS: I seldom eat alot one....) Anw, i told my mama tt i need to write down all the recipes for her cooking when i find some free time lah. I dunnoe why i said this but i told her that "i'm scared wait if u no longer around, there's nothing for me to eat". Haha.... i told her what if my wife can't cook the dishes i'm used to eating at home now.... den i'll die. I told her if i dun learn how to cook her dishes, i wun be able to survive not having her to cook for me lah. Coz dun leik foods that i have never tasted before in the entire 17 yrs of my life. Call me picky....call me lousy...call me fussy.... but i cant seem to swallow foods that are new to me.... foods that seem alien to me.... haha.... better get that book ready and start practicing how to cook my favourite dishes....

.... dunnoe why i felt the sudden need to compile all the dishes in a book. Dunnoe why i suddenly feel that i could lose her. Dun even noe why in the world i said "when ure not around" in front of her! It seems rude i tink.... but .... dunnoe how to explain lah...

...den i also do not noe why i said "what if my wife cant cook the food that u(mama) always cook".... NEVER have i ever used the phrase "my wife" in front of my mum. Haha.... just find it weird lah. I guess when ure 18(almost).... the things u tend to sae changes..... coz recently, my cuz who's a year older than me was told by his mum to study first. Then go Ns.... then work.... And my mum told me that his mum told her that my cuz replied "study study study.....when want to get married?" A similar thing happened with another 19-year-old cousin of mine.... hehe.... wah like suddenly everyone's thinking abt the future. Heh... no lah... i think i was not in the right frame of mind lah..... haha....

But on a more serious note, i really need to start collecting "Mama's secret recipes" so that i can survive the future... where mayo,cheese and butter rule the kitchen.... Heh... den i'll start cooking for the family.....and since we have insurance for the kitchen, i dun have to worry abt destroying it...whahahah...(kk, i noe i said "on a more serious note"....can't help it lah).... cooking as a hobby.... haha.... funny...but its for my survival lah... haha.... must spend more time in the kitchen.... But not at the present moment lah....

Hmm...... its 3am now..... I GOT SO MUCH TO TALK ABT.... but i guess it'll end here coz i simply hv to continue wif werk b4 fatigue starts sinking in...

so much for wanting to write a shorter entry huh??

I have this sudden urge to....

......i have this sudden urge to revamp my blogskin. (dun mind me borrowing this line yah?) Ok, maybe not my blogskin. But the whole outlook of my blog....

It all started when BENjaminP. suggested that i should use black instead of white. But den i find the words too thin to read. but looking at other ppls blog.... i think i'm just being fussy. Den it procceeded to me having fun wif the tag board(i really find it cute though).... den tts where i felt this sudden need to rename my blog...

Was having second thoughts about renaming my blog lah....Its like parting wif a close fren for a new one. But "Strangers are friends u have yet to meet" feels like a mouthful..... haha.... So looking at my blog, i wanted to name it Grapes. BUt too lame lah. Hence e i-find-it-catchy phrase "Where Purple Rule".

Den decided to add some "Blog description".... and something short "About me"....

And yeah, readership has increased. Haha.... BENP's blog must have been the catalyst. Tts how Halimah and Shariza must've ended up here. Suliyati must have bumped in here thru Farhanah's blog. And Farhanah..... hmm.... should be from my Friendster's profile rite? Heh.....

Anw, the gurls hv been the more fussy(acc. to shariza) among the two species. Heh.... not a single guy complained and asked why the words in CAPS are like dat! Well, "thaqifBUDDY" did say it sounds gay...but quickly added "he liked it".Haha....(hope he's not gay).But most guys simply cant be bothered i guess.Right hock?

BUt seriously, i really dunch noe wat to put for u gurls lah,i mean girls(notice the i). Coz i really dun noe u guys(by this,i mean girls wif an i) tt well--though we were in the same malay class for 4 years!......and though i and "the GIRL from 4/1" was in da same klass for 2 years. Haha.... and for farhanah and suliyati.... aha..... same same lah. Actually, i wanted to put MLDDS after both ur names but it felt too mundane lah. Haha.... Put AJC lagi worse rite? So i thought.... suliYATI and farhaNAH... i find it amusing though, don't u? And for halimah, dun mind me putting the word POLICE behind.....haha.... i really dunnoe wat else to put.... haha... nanti besok besok baru tukar lah when i find a word to replace POLICE. POLICEWOMAN perhaps? And Shariza, i noe gurl sounds funny. And girl(<-- with an i) sounds MUCH nicer. Like WAAY nicer. U noe i once hated the word "gurl" coz it sounds sooo ...u noe... But it seems like a normal word once ure in the virtual world.Its seems like e way "girl" is spelt on the Net.Ppl find it whacky?Cool?Stylo? But wEll u just reminded me to start not liking tt word again.HAha.

Perhaps the reason why i fail to noe u guys well is bcoz i think tend to avoid girls lah. (It was the Primary school to Secondary school transition i guess) .... haha..... BUt in JC oso abt the same lah. PPL like Farhanah and Suliyati are really being nice and all...really.... but.... haha....

....Maybe something went wrong during my growing up years lah. Haha.... and religion? I dunnoe....

Well..... let's change topic shall we... As u all may have already known.... this's a big year for all 4 of us. Me wif the As, my sis wif her Os and my bros wif their PSLE.Dunnoe wats going on over at my sis side,hopefully she noes wat she's doing. But i have been "studying" the PSLE format for maths and science yesterday. Well, my bros noe its either Anderson or SEmbawang for them. Haha.... so i was like telling them how i'll help them master maths and science within this 4 mths and all they need is lots of practice and stuff like dat lah. HAha.... And how easy to get an A*. Haha.... so yesterdae night they did maths and keep bothering me wif qns(some of which i couldnt answer).... yah.... tough seh want to help them as well as myself.I dunnoe whether i should ignore their pleas and continue my work or the other way round. But in the end, i put my work aside to help them lah. Well me being so sweeeet and all.... LOL! No lah, its just tt for the first time in during this hols, they seem so keen on studying lah!SO must keep this newfound spirit of theirs burning lah....

Haa.... wished i was also taking my PSLE at the end of this year lah! Well i did mention how my bros noe its either Anderson or Sembawang. Coz their big bro went to Anderson and he found Anderson to be the BEST skool there is..... so.... if they cant make it to Anderson, they might as well go to the skool right in front of our doorstep than some other neighbourhood skool of equivalent or slightly better standard.

BUT i told Nizar abt this and he said that Anderson sec now is different from the Anderson Sec during my time. He said Anderson Sec now is a mat and minah skool.... (i hope its not true lah)... Hmm.... eh Halimah, ur sis Anderson rite? So is it really true Anderson sec is now a mat and minah skool? Haha... Well..... no matter wat, i guess its the education tt matters lah. If the mat and minah issue goes overboard, we always have our beloved Cikgu to control the situation. Haha..... so i'll try make sure this 2 bros of mine go to Anderson together lah. They'll have a slightly brighter future there. But by their current standard, they still have a long way to go to get into Anderson. But u all noe that this is PSLE, where anything is possible. Hope i can sae the same abt my As.

Hees.... Five daes to the mids. Haha.... scary.... well, i'll end here and mug wat i can b4 i sleep lah. Suddenly like got no mood to sleep...... haha... but my eyes are wide shut!

kk....enuff crapping.... till tmr i guess...

A mind boggling night....... the birth of a writer....

This is e second time in a week tt while blogging, e com hanged on me. e feeling is simply horrible lah! & e "recover post" function doesnt seem to werk. So i guess tts just too bad ...

OH, and btw, do take time off ur busy schedule to read tis entry coz i tink its a " e da Vinci code"-like entry..….hehe….

And WARNING!!: This is potentially a long entry, some may find it “berjela-jela”…heh…. Should be more than 3000 words I think. Coz in case u didn’t noe, my entry on e Malacca trip was also ard 3000 words like dat. But I feel tt its worth reading so yah…enjoy! And do tag ur comments on e things tt I may mention in this entry of mine.

so like i was saying before e com got hanged.... my mama got a doctor to come tonight(Sunday night). From e things the doctor say, i could gather that the doctor is one smart fella ..... (well... dun wan to go into details abt the doctor to protect e doctors identity and for fear of his family security….haha)....but trust me, the doctor has degrees.... (did go to some FAMOUS university in UK…. Had a stint at a university in China…. A member of some powerful group in Singapore…… )

e reason why i dun wan to mention the doctor's resume and all is to protect the doctor's identity....scared wait e things i mentioned in tis entry will affect the doctor's future... u all noe tt when ppl enter some words on Google! , my blog may end up in their search.... and "funny" things could happen lah....heh... e word “blog” and “bloggers” are very commonly found in e papers nowadays be it for e right or e wrong reasons…. Haha… I m afraid of e possibility of ending up on e wrong side of it. Haha… and when writing this, I’m just wondering if people on e Net can write anything e want? Are they allowed to? Can they do anything as long as its legal? What’s legal and what’s not? What will atrract e media’s attention and what’ll not? How would ppl like myself noe all this rite? I m no knowledgeable guy u noe. SO I wun bother finding answers to e above qns and shall simply continue blogging….

Well some other relatives of mine came too to "try their luck" with tis doctor. I was e first patient and e doctor took a look at my jaw and explained some things which made sense to me. And e doctor'll be prescribing me some supplements and a way to exercise my jaw.... something the doctor will obtain from a physio coz the doctor said this kind of things would be done by a physiotherapist. And i did ask the doctor if operation was nescessary. Well lucky for me, the doctor said no. SO tts it for my consultation lah.....heh.....$20. WEll at least its cheaper than the consultation at Alexandra HOspital lah..... save $80 sia.... those blardy doctors want to cheat people money man!… However, i heard tt the medicine would be ex. Heh.... nvm....we ll see how lah....

So after me was some other "patients" ... relatives of mine ... yah... so i was spending my 8-10+pm out in the living room listening to wat the doctor was saying ….it felt like I was kind of sitting in some chem/medicine lecture.... hearing things like fybroid...dunnoe what sulphate....dunnoe this sulphate....osteo athritis.....dunnoe wat athritis....uric acid.... all tt lah......was rather insightful for me though.... and to digress abit, the doctor did mention that if u blend fruits and vege and simply drink the juice and throwing away the fibres, what u are drinking is in fact natural sugars lah.....heh....all the essential stuffs lies within the fibres.....so eat everything whole.... or try the Jack Lelane power juicer at a price of SG$299.00.... as seen on TV! ....haha! When i saw it on tv, they said 99% of everything is in the juice....very very little fibre is thrown away.

WEll anw, the doctor did say that most doctors out there do "scare" their patients in order to get them to return to their clinics. Doctors do have to earn their keep and pay the rents and their workers and all u know.... cant imagine tt there are doctors(professionals) who’d do this sort of thing. So is e first duty of a doctor to save life? Haha… Well tts something to think abt.

Yah, so by 10 + liddat..... my relatives left ....so the doctor was drinking tea and eating some desserts lah. SO we talked.....there was me and mama and dad and grandma and my 2 bros…well the doctor did most of the talking though…..which to me seems partly amazing..... partly doubtful...

Here’s e fun part of this entry….well tt’s my opinion only though…condemn me if u find it sucky yah?

DISCLAIMER:

[ I may seem to make sweeping statements and all. But e main ideas introduced below are e thing e doctor said and its up to u to see truth in e things mentioned or not. Well I did mention earlier tt e things e doctor said was partly amazing and partly doubtful….And to add on, e doctor shared with us lots of stuffs and I think when e doctor shared with us those stuff, e thought of me writing what e doctor said on a blog definitely didn’t come across his mind. And I would also like to add tt I dun mean to offend ppl out there be it Malays or Chinese or wat… coz some of e things I mentioned may seem bias or racist? Well I must add here tt “I am not good with words”.SO here goes….]

Firstly, the doctor talked about how it is impossible, for Malays of Indonesian extract eg.Javanese, Boyanese (ppl like myself), to get into NUS Faculty of Medicine. The doctor said tt those "Malays" u find inside are "mixed" -- either Indian, Chinese etc. Pure Malays they take a second look but for Javanese and all, ZERO chance of getting in. Weird huh? To think its all about merit. The doctor said tt even though e smartest Malay apply for tt fac, he wun make it into FOM no matter how good his grades are. Well the doctor did mention a Malay who had good grades asking the minister Yacob Ibrahim to help him get into that faculty coz his application was rejected. Heh...well dunnoe how true it is lah....but we have to remember that THIS is SINGAPORE.

Den the doctor talked abt how an influential man named LEE went to some "fortune teller", some WOng fella to see Singapore's future and how tt guy told him to name his son dragon to make Singapore a success (something along this line lah…PS: I am not good with words). Found out from a fren tt e word Loong means dragon. Hmmm.…..Den tis doctor said tt after some time, nthg happened to help Singapore’s economy and tt when he went to see this Wong fella again, the guy told him to build a dragon ard the country….Which is the Haw Par Villa and when tt didnt werk (maybe coz e dragon was so small) Lee created another dragon, this time a bigger one tt runs round e country. And this dragon’s called e MRT. Funny huh? The MRT=that dragon....ard e country. Yah......(I am not sure whether the son part came first or the building the dragon part came first but it doesn’t really affect e story much)

....den the doctor talked about the one dollar coin. How it was created so tt it can be used to buy MRT tickets (u need coins for tt rite) ...... and how theres the ba gua(octagon) on the coin...well i did some googling and could only find this story,...

...

The one-dollar coin came into circulation at the time of the MRT construction on the island (check the date if you don’t believe me). The story goes that the Venerable had advised Lee that MRT tunnelling work would be bad for the feng shui of the island, its prosperity, etc. Firm however on pushing ahead with the project, Lee asked if there was anything that could be done to circumvent the bad feng shui. “Yes", replied the Venerable, “but it may be impossible to implement".

Said Lee to the Venerable - please speak. The Venerable then said that EVERY household on this island must have or must display a ‘pak kwa’ or a symbolic octagonal (8-sided) object. Oh no, there would definitely be racial riots. How could Lee force every household to have a ‘pak kwa’ then at home?

Hehheh… said the wise Lee - I have an idea. I know how to make EVERYBODY like to have as many ‘pak kwas’ as possible and so, our one-dollar coin was born.

(www.lunadust.com/blog/archives/2004_05.html)

The story quite power rite?....

The doctor oso told us to take a look at e one-dollar coin before 1990 and after 1990. U guys go find 2 one dollar coins from the respective "era" and come back to continue reading......

...

...

..(I’m sure no one would actually be taking e 2 one-dollar coin huh)

...well when u do.....see if u can spot any difference. Most likely a NO. But if u take a closer look at the heads part (the thingy wif the state symbol and the lion and the tiger) ... the bottom part there's a "MAJULAH SINGAPURA" right? e one before 1990 is inverted downwards but e ones after 1990 has the "MAJULAH SINGAPURA" part inverted upwards. Heh..... i took a look at the oldest $10 note i hv....(the one wif the bird and all).... there's e same state crest on it.... but the "MAJULAH SINGAPURA" symbol is inverted upwards, not downwards! Which means to sae tt a mistake had been made. And e crest is a VERY SACRED thing which cant be changed as and when u like. So why was the "MAJULAH SINGAPURA" part of the crest on the coin b4 1990 made like :( and not :)? Was a mistake made? If so, didnt the coin like go thru thorough checks of many levels? And there must be someone of high power who must’ve authorised for the coin to be mass produced right? .....hehe... Weird huh? I did some googling but couldnt find any stories to back this up... is it TOP SECRET? Or are ppl up there hoping no one notices tt mistake? Haha....well....i tink i kind of heard this one-dollar story somewhere b4 lah but nothing solid did come out lah.... it was just seen as a weird thing and tts it. SO....is there more to it?

And e doctor told us about e one-dollar note story. e doctor said someone up there noticed something was wrong with e ship on e note. Go and look for e blue one dollar note….go…

Dun worry lah! I’ll wait for you!!…..hees…

If u take a look at e ship, it seems tt e ship is going from e right to e left. And if u look at e sails, e wind is blowing from right to left. But look at e flag at e top of e ship! Its not drawn correctly! It should be blown to e left too! Well, it was said tt someone up there noticed this and ordered for e production to be stopped…… so everyone will carry tt ba gua around??? Haha….

Anw.... the doctor mentioned that the state crest (i just found out its called the "coat-of-arms"), and e flag and e police crest and all tt was designed by the man who composed the national anthem. Is it true? COuld anyone volunteer to verify this? Well.... googling didnt turn out conclusive answers. And notice how all the words on the crests are in MALAY.... so its possible tt Zubir Said might have really been e “designer”....coz would a chinese want to put the words in Malay?.... why not keep the words English? Well....its just a theory....Anw, the doctor mentioned tt the red and white was similar to the merah-putih(red-white)/ Sang saka... in other words....the indonesian flag. According to some Mark Sensen(I got this piece of info thru goolgle!), the red represents human blood, standing for the corpreal or concrete, and the white rep. e spritual. Together they are a pair, like the life on earth: day and night; man and wife; creation and individual. Heh....(Zubir SAid came from Indonesia u noe) And the doctor added how the crescent moon is the symbol of Islam and the 5 stars represents Islam's 5 pillar of faith. (Zubir Said's a Muslim u noe) So is this just a theory (or simply a radical thought) put forth by the doctor? Or is there truth behind it? So is e peace, progress, equality thingys there to de-islamacize the state flag? Afterall, the flag and all was adopted in 1959...Zubir Said was no longer around.....? Remember Gladiator?The king made Russel Crowe king before the king died.... but no one did noe abt it? Yah....and things took a different path.... haha.... could the same idea be applied here?

[Notice all e question marks I have. I am doubtful. Not certain. So this is just something for u to read and perhaps think abt? Do research?]

Den the doctor talked about Malays. How Malays are like grains of rice-- u could gather them all easily. But u can disperse them easily too. Try getting a fist full of grain. Its easy to do that. But when u release that grip of urs....the rice will fall all over place. Well its kind of true I guess....and the doctor quoted tt rice metaphor from someone in some high places and tt someone is a very popular man.....heh...

The doctor talked about how Malays are doing rather well now compared to the past and how things are being implemented now to stop this increasing(worrying?) trend. Coz remember, THIS is SINGAPORE.... Malays instead of Chinese being up in high positions? Worrying rite? Chinese being threatened by the emergence of Malays? A possibility?....Again, I must say tt this IS Singapore….

The Ganja(some form of drugs) was a hit among ppl in the 70s....mostly Malays. And technically, one can say that the Ganja "destroyed" the malays. Glue sniffing too -- though shocking, nthg concrete was being done to curb e problem (i think) coz malays are the ones doing it? Racial purity?.... (suddenly i remember SOme German history..) This is just a thought..... WEll anw, the recent craze that hit Singapore is the sisha ... something like smoking and all but dunnoe how it werks lah. WEll.... i dun think Chinese readers of my blog will noe wats tis lah....but just read on and u'll noe why.

... the sisha came from the Arabs and its like smoking sweet smelling fruity stuff boiled in a water and so u suck the vapour thru a pipe and it'll like calm u down and all like aromatherapy liddat I tink....(..PS: I am not good with words)... SO now, Malays are going to those restaurants/bars in Arab Street and all to sisha(can I make this word an action word?) Haha..... Something like dat ....and it is now okay to own a "sisha machine(?)" (PS: Again...i am not good wif words) In the past, the CNB will arrest u if u posses this contraption. Well now its ok. Why? Coz only the Malays noe wat tis is and are again "destroying" themselves? One may say that the sisha is not smoking tobacco.... just inhaling some very sweet smelling fruity flavours like apple and all.... WEll.. the doctor said that if the sisha can like make u feel relaxed and calm, it means tt there is an increase in (a scientific term i dun recall)..... in the brain and this is no good. And e doctor added that ppl dun really noe where the flavors are derived from, whether it is synthetic or natural. If its synthetic, direct inhalation wun be good rite? ...and that there will be some form of addiction too! Well if the owners of sisha bars wants more customers and if they added nicotine or any other addictives into e water, no one could tell the difference rite? Cmon! Tis is the Malays ure talking abt here...(not putting down ppl of my race…well, Malays here refers to all grps of malays which include us javanese lah..) But I feel tt its true! Anw, this sisha thingy is well known mostly amg the Malay community and not so much by the others... and the sudden legalization of selling and owning the contraption..... Is this a repeat of Ganja? Racial purity? Oh btw, the Ganja was banned in the 70s too coz soon, not only Malays but Chinese are using this drug. (See where i'm driving at?) SO when this Sisha craze becomes popular outside the Malay community, i wun be surprised when ppl up there will ban the ownership of such contraption. Heh..…..

Here’s a scenario e doctor painted for us: When ppl see kids smoking e sisha, they’ll think tt its okay coz its only e sisha. But kids being creative and all, would ppl really noe wat they are really smoking? They could be smoking Ganja for all u noe! Well my parents said tt e way e sisha mechanism werks is very similar to e way ppl smoke ganja. Scary thoughts huh? Well, I guess so long only e Malays do it, nothing will be done lah! Just a thought….

[Do google your way to find out more]

Non-alcoholic beer.....Jolly Shandy.... a way to make Malays fall? Coz u noe tt Muslims cant drink alcohol and just wanna add tt someone is my family did drink Jolly Shandy coz she didnt noe it was alcoholic ( Well after the first few sips, she threw it away coz the taste and smell was awful). I dun think it was made clear that Jolly Shandy was alcoholic in the first place.....the innocent looking packaging was there to fool the Malays(?).... coz if the Malays do drink this alcohol.... it would make them further away from their God and thus lead to their own fall...? Hmm..... what if there’s truth behind this? Hehe….

The doctor did talk about the MUIS(a muslim body in Sg).... how the leader wanted to step down but some one high up told him tt no one gave him the permission to step down. (WAH I really wonder if this is true!) Coz of the cemetry issue. The ppl up there supposedly needed his signature to approve the projected 3 tier burial. Something like u bury 3 ppl in one grave. A multi-tiered grave lah. (Everything in singapore has to be multi-storied) Lately, they are destroying those small single storied mosques and building multi story ones. And this cost money! Well....guess what? The contractors for the new mosques are Chinese!! Cant they find malays to do the job? ARe all Malays that lousy? THe mosques in Malaysia were built by MAlays(I think) ....... so why cant Malays do the job here???? Or is there politics involved? Heh....... see how dumb Malays can get? Giving jobs to chinese instead of their own people. See how dumb Malays are allowing their still-solid mosque to be demolished? And guess where they get e funds to build e mosque? Thru donations made mostly by MALAYS LAH ....seriously..... can we Malays really sae we aren’t tt dumb? I guess e Chinese contractors would be laughing behind our backs…… designing and building our place of worship…

[Well again I cant verify e truth of this. Do go find out whether e Chinese really are e contractors. Well I am writing assuming tt there’s truth in all this lah… and like I said, I do doubt e things e doctor said]

And the doctor told us how chickens arent actually being slaughtered properly. Coz u all noe tt Muslims must eat halal meat..... and tt the chicken has to be slaughtered in a particular way and all -- with prayers and stuff like dat.... so the doctor was saying tt if there s only one malay man slaughtering 2000 chicken by tommorow morning..... is it possible to slaughter properly throughout? ...well... the doctor said that someone told him that theres a chinese man who would kill the chicken by poking its neck with some sharp pointed thingy and tt makes the killing faster? And the muslim fella just sit back and watch? Haha... life in the 21st century...... full of challenges..... the end of the world is near i guess...... And also there’s this Muslim called TM Fouzy (I tink) who told all muslims tt all e other chickens are not halal and tt only his chickens are halal and told e muslims to buy chicken from him. (This is wat e doctor told us lah) But e question mark lies in whether this TM Fouzy can actually supply halal chickens for e whole Muslim population. He wants to attract more customers but does he really have tt many chicken? Anw, heard other stuffs abt this TM Fouzy which I find rather ridiculous….. heh…and can u see how dumb Malays can get?

And e doctor also mentioned how come Old Chang Kee was given the Halal status after so many years in business and after so many rejections? ..... hmm.... as u all noe most Malays are HAPPY tt now they can eat at OCK (though even when its not halal, Malays do eat it still). Yah, so is it a case of racial purity again??? The fall of the Malays?? The rise of the Chinese?? Wats the ingredients behind OCK delicious stuffs? WOuld anyone like ask? Would anyone care? Only me i guess.... but hey, not in a million years would I go eat at OCK.... call me radical....call me extremist....but y shuld i go there when my Grandma and my mama makes the most delicious epok epok in the world!?? (Am digressing i noe...hees).

[oh btw, after spending almost my entire night writing e above stuffs, I decided to get some hours of sleep while I still can…. And continued some 11 in e morning.]

Hmm….. so, can u see how dumb Malays can get? Just because e MUIS gave e halal status, everyone began rushing to queue for OCK stuffs. Without due thoughts and all. When one thinks carefully, e zillions of applications by businesses for e halal status. And e number of personnel MUIS has to oversee all this things and e long stringent guidelines tt e applicants must meet to get e halal status. Can there even be a possibility tt corruption is involved? People with money do get what they want and there’s lots of mosque being rebuilt and e MUIS need money and all… IS there any chance tt e MUIS will go to every outlet to see if e ppl there observe e guidelines like no pork in e kitchen and all? Yes Chinese cooks can cook halal food but they do it non-halal foods. And do MUIS noe what actually goes into e food? e doctor mentioned tt e doctor went to a seafood restaurant and e doctor’s Chinese friend happened to be e cook there. e doctor asked his fren if its halal and he said yes. e doctor asked wat makes his soup special and to e doctor’s horror, e “juice” obtained when u boil pigs’ bones….coz e gelatin released is delicious?…. weird….. scary…. So when ppl see halal on sign boards, does it nescessarily means its halal? Would anyone care to ask? Would anyone really bother? Well a similar incident happened during e AJ Soc Malacca trip and we were at this Chinese restaurant and e fella there said its halal and I found out tt rice wine is used to cook e dishes. Well, can there be more to it than rice wine??? Heh… but dumb malays like me on tt trip didn’t open his big mouth to ask. It was only when some Chinese on e trip “enlightened” us…. Haha… See how dumb Malays can get? Regarding e MUIS and e halal status, will they actually admit it? Will anyone ever find out e truth? Well no one will actually noe e truth I guess.

e doctor mentioned Banquet and e doctor mentioned tt e chickens tt were bought, only e top few are halal…. e ones hidden below are not. Dunnoe how true this is? But theres a possibility it might be true. Coz u see e owners of Banquets are Chinese and Chinese always want to make profit. And halal chickens,in case u dun noe, are more expensive than non-halal chicken…. So what do they care abt integrity? As long as Malays come and fill up e empty seats can already…. Hah… dumb Malays….. Do take note tt by this I dun mean all Chinese are like tis…. Just some thoughts lah! Racial purity? Instead of Aryan(Hitler’s race), is it possible tt there are ppl who wants to make Singapore a “pure” country??

Again, just a thought….

And there’s also e case of Loong and his Malay teacher. Why of all teachers tt taught him, he picked a Malay and why did this came out in e papers and news? Was it to make Malays see him as a good leader? And dumb Malays are traditionally kind hearted ppl who easily buy wat they see on tv and all. Can all this be propaganda of some sort? e media and all, are they being controlled? Is there really freedom of speech and all? Coz e doctor also mentioned tt normally, when Malay teens abort e baby… it is widely reported. When there’s corruption like during e Haj thingy, every news channel reported on it…. When theres crimes involving Malays, reporters rush to e scene. Not saying tt there aren’t Chinese being reported too. Well wouldn’t it be crazy and obvious if all e reports is abt e Malays? Well e heads of e media company are CHINESE…. And ppl up there are Chinese too. Could politics be involved? I think Malays will eventually see their fall…. End of e world?? Just thoughts though….

Taufik winning Idol. IS THIS UR IDOL MALAYS??? Why most of his fans are Malays…. Taufik’s seen hugging and kissing gurls on stage and all. And I think he’s a muslim….like duh…. So is this UR IDOL?? Sly should have won. I m not being biased or anything but is there a possibility of e votes being rigged. Can Singtel ever declare e votes. Ppl up there have e power to control things. Could this unthinkable thing actually happen in Singapore? Could e ppl up there have said “Give e Malays their Idol and let them go crazy over him? Let Sly lose but it’s okay. We ll help him all e way like send him overseas to make his own CD and all.” Could e ppl up there have stopped Singtel from actually declaring e votes? After all, people up there to have stakes and positions in e telecommunication industry. Who’s their CEO? Find out…. Dumb Malays actually thought Taufik won…. Haha…. not sure abt e truth though but wat is e truth? How true can e truth be?? Heh…. This “idoling” of their own kind, I think, will lead to their own fall. HOW in e blue world could anyone idol another person? Ppl in e past have idols they worship. Ppl during e time of Prophet Ibrahim and all worship idols and look what God did to their civilization…. Haha…. e fall of Malays? Highly possible!!

Nuraliza won e Ms Singapore some years back. An idol e females could look up to? Whats right and whats not in Islam? Do ppl really care? Are ppl really afraid of hell? What is hell? I cant see it so I dun believe it?? Anw, e incident took place ard e same tim e “tudung issue” was widely debated. So wats left of e tudung issue? Doesn’t anyone actually bother anymore? Were people hypnotized by e “amazing” looks of Nuraliza? Haha….. was politics involved to “destroy” e Malays? …. Just some thoughts though….

And by giving us Taufix as our Idol, ppl up there must be hoping tt Malays would be happy to have one of their own “up there” and tt e Malays would not notice tt there’s NO malay among e nominees for presidency. Haha…. a ploy? So will we see any Malays as president in future? Or will Yusof Ishak be e only one. And btw, Yusof Bin Ishak was Arabic. Haha… well or at least tt’s what e doctor told us. Do more research I guess?….. e fall of e Malays? Haha…..

And e doctor mentioned tt e Stanford Raffles statue was somehow replaced and is now different from e one which was at e place before he was moved. e doctor said tt now, e statue is stepping on a letter whereas there’s no letter in e original statue. e letter he said was e treaty signed with e Temenggong at tt time….. haha…. if it is true, what does it signifies? Disrespecting e Malays whom he signed e treaty with? And what does e letter represent? Who put in tt letter? Why did he or she added tt letter? More importantly, is there a letter there in e first place? Haha…. go check it out!

e doctor talked about e NeWater plant…yeah tt shitty drink and how it was used in an attempt to drive Malays out of e country. Coz traditionally, Malays used to be easily disgusted by such things and there could be a possibility of running to Malaysia or elsewhere. And Malays have to perform ablution in before they pray and many got worried if e water is clean enuff and all. All in e hopes of driving e Malays out? Coz there are ppl up there who can speak Malay, knows e Malay culture better than us Malays… read Arabic and all u noe….Haha… so since e “attempt” failed, they might as well open up e desalination plant in Tuas. Haha… possible?? Racial purity?…… haha…Is it more complicated than it seems? Or like I said, some radical thought??

And e doctor said tt books talking abt malays in e past can only be obtained in London and all, places like e Oxford University. Books written by Musyi Abdullah and all….. coz Raffles brought home all this books u noe…. Den there’s something abt how his ship got burnt down but e books managed to reach home….

I think this is about all tt doctor mentioned coz e doctor needs to go home rite? Haha….. well…. It was definitely a mind boggling night. Hehe…..

Karl Marx, e guy from e history textbook…. He’s a communist(Russian or german I forgot). And he’s a writer. Wolfgang Leonhard, another fella in my history textbook. He’s communist. He’s German. He’s a writer.

I am no guy from a history textbook. I am no communist. I am no radical. I am no extremist. But I am a writer. I am a blogger. Can I be as influential as Marx or Wolfgang? Will I be caught for making public my thoughts? Coz ppl like Marx and Wolfgang spent most of their life in jail. Haha!

Is this a trend tt is evolving? Will there be more ppl like me using blogs to share some radical views tt they might have? Will this be a worrying trend? Will actions be taken to curb this trend? So what will e course of action be like to stop this increasing trend?

Haha….well this is a damn long entry. Its has passed 5000 words in case ure wondering. Well, I am not a person with a great mind. e things mentioned above are all what e doctor shared with us. So I m just sharing it with e world. I wun be writing like tis for future entries…. Hah… I dun wan e ISA or e CID to come knocking on my door tonight and confiscate all my computer things. Heh…… post 9/11 ….. ppl see ppl like me in a different light. So should I remove my name from this blog. Should I remove e links I have on this blog? Shuld I start becoming anonymous? CMON LAH! e ppl up there aren’t dumb u noe! Hehe….. so why bother?

Well, before I end my 5+ hours ordeal writing this 5000+ words entry to start my day, I hope no one got offended by e things I said. I hope Malays reading this will understand where I am coming from. I hope ppl out there will really ask themselves e questions I asked myself. Do tag and offer me ur feedback ya?

And one more thing, hope I wun get into deep trouble publishing this entry =P (May God protect me)

Urs trulie,

A budding writer (he still haven ate his breakfast yet and its 2 pm now!!)

(5,526 words)

The horse called Seabiscuit....

Was hopping from channel to channel..... looking out for shows tt i should sit and watch. Coz if there weren't any, i would be heading straight into revision. I knew i should be revising but i knew i had time to spare. Then on Star Movies(the preview channel) i saw what i knew was a movie that was on the big screen some years ago. Seabiscuit was the title. Was glued to my sit almost instantly..... man..

The movie was very touching.....highly inspiring. Seabiscuit was "picked up from the dumps" but went on to make it big. He was little compared to the other race horses.... but he beats every one of those big horses. The owner of Seabiscuit said that when one does not know tt he is little, he can achieve big things. And i feel that when someone little knows that he can achieve big things, man will he achieve those big things.

Effort.....hard work.... Seabiscuit didn't simply make it big. Its not becoz he was born a champion. Its becoz of the constant hard work and training put in by its trainers....and most importantly....its becoz Seabiscuit himself want to make it big. Like what his jockey mentioned,"It's not in the legs. It's in the heart." I always felt that those smart fellas in my class like the China twins.... those scholars in the top classes..... they were born thinkers. I always felt that ppl like them were born geniuses. Man do i now realise that its wrong to be thinking like that. Maybe their parents and teachers were better than mine thus, making them what they are today....... but i think the reason why they are what they are today is the effort and hardwork they put in......them wanting to actually make it big......not just by dreaming big, but by actually making nescessary sacrifices to make that dream come true. I know its hard to make the sacrifices..... i know i'll die not watching tv...i know its mad to even think that i'll be making those sacrifices..... BUT if this was to remain as it is, the big dreams i have will only be a dream--nothing more than castles on clouds.

While watching Seabiscuit, i am able to relate what i saw on tv.....to my life. And it seems so connected.

Seabiscuit tore a ligament and the doctor said it will not be able to race again. Seabiscuit's jockey broke his ankle and was told he could walk but could never ride again. Nevertheless, the movie ended with Seabisuit and his jockey making a very miraculous comeback and ended up winning tt race. Miracles.... maybe. But i believe its hard work....effort....and the power of the heart. My JC life will come to an end within 5 months. It has been a rough ride for me. I "tore a ligament" almost every common tests i sat for. I almost "fell and broke an ankle" when i took my Promos last year. But for the Promos last year, I knew i didn't want to break an ankle so i put lots of effort and heart into it.... and i emerged battered and bruised but i wasn't brought down. I managed to continue and walk on.... i have to admit tt my marks barely pushed me thru to second year. ANd i have to admit that i made use of the last 1-2 weeks before the exams to "cramp it in"..... That being said....i may only have around a week left before the Mids. But i sure have a good 5 months before the big one.

Lets hope that i'll be able to make the hard but nescessary choices throughout this few months.Let's hope that i'll be able to make the nescessary sacrifices no matter how much i hate to have to make that decision.

Like how i've told my brothers.....and now i m telling it to myself, "It's just this 4-5 months only. Give ur best......do your best..... and after the exams, you can do what u want with ur life. Make sure u dont live to regret not having put in that extra effort. Coz when the results are out........i m sure you'll be happy to have made all the sacrifices during that final lap of yours...."

Life is like a roller coster ride...

do read this entry--(coz i feel that this is the lousiest entry i ve ever written)

Life is like a roller coster ride. My past 2 daes have been preety lousy for me. My Wednesdae was on a high. Really! I thought that if i could keep that spirit all the way, my holiday would be a really meaningful one. But sadly, it ended on Wednesday.

i did something i shouldnt have done. I knew God will frown upon it.I knew things would go wrong. And i felt tt God will make things hard for me.And i thought that well..... if things do go wrong... i would still have total control of my life and nothing will like make my life harder for me...nothing...

well....stupid move i guess....man....its God i m tokin abt here..... i knew i shouldnt have messed ard.... hhaa...coz like i said, the past 2 daes had been lousy for me. Well it seems tt God didnt make my life hard at all. WEll tts coz, i slacked alot on thursdae and fridae. Never do werk and all. And i watched LOTS of tv..... played soccer and badminton with my bros.....laze ard doing nthg. Well yesterdae morning(friday morning).... was doing my physics revision when i fell asleep and woke up like at 12 noon lah. Man.... haha.... so in a way, life wasnt made worse for me. It seemed as though i was like in the "super slacked" mode lah. Kind of enjoyable and all but this being a crucial period....theres no time for me to actually slack? Well.....kind of realised tt this was God's way of making me realise my mistakes on wednesdae and tt no one actually has full control of his or her life. Man.... in a way i saw this coming but me wanting to go against a higher power had cost me big time..... well...i learnt my lesson alright. I ll change from now onwards..... or at least i ll try my best. Must also try cover lost grounds sia.... coz this 2 daes i was supposed to be doing A LOT!! Must really focus too.... haiz....make or break...

well...... no mood to blog actually. Lacked the enthusiasm i alwaes had when writing a blog. Guess wat.....i FORGOT to blog yesterdae lah...... haiz.... its just this 2 days lah. Mann..... i guess the days ahead will be a better one.

And guess wat oso.....i did blog on thurdae nite.........and tt entry got deleted before i could publish it coz the com simply hanged. Man!!! haiz..... well.... i wanted to tell the world i learnt how to cook rice and how the first rice i cooked simply seem soo fragrant and white and white... yah..... but now tt mood simply vanishes ......i cant seem to write anything "HAPPY" tonite........i just cant......

well....... i simply aint feeling happy rite now bcoz of this 2 days......haiz.... i guess i should noe better.

and ppl...... i must admit tt this is the lousiest entry i ve ever written and trust me tt i did NOT write it wif enthusiasm....... which is why it feels different. Man.....AIYAH ! I GUESS wat i ve been wanting to sae is that this 2 daes REALLY SUCK LAH!!!! -sigh-i better end it quick and hope tmr will be a brighter day for me.

=)

Checked the mailbox today......

Yea i got some news i wanna share wif the world but tt has to wait for a while...

Woke up tis morning with a locked left jaw....for the first time since 3 years ago, the left jaw cannot be unlocked with ease. Man....it lasted for like abt 15 minutes lah. My mouth could barely open by a centimetre....but i was like not tt scared lah coz nthg much could happen anyway. If it doesnt open by tmr or so.....then tt calls for panic...but lucky for me, it was just a false alarm.

ANd after i took my morning shower, i started to sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and....i knew i caught a cold. Bummer..... man... my nose was running all over the place....heh! ANd the dustbin in ma room is now loaded with tissues filled with moist disgusting stuff...haha.....yea gross....man..... and to think only children get this sick.... it lasted practically the whole day lah.....

And i finally sold off the whole box of Straits Times i had been keeping or quite some time now. I ve read thru every single one of them.....except for the Classifieds and Life section...... and had cut as many useful articles tt i could find....so yea.... anw....when i heard the karang guni man calling....i looked at him first.....well he seems like a nice fella lah....so i called him ... and when he came....he took everything and weight everything and gave me $2.00!!! Woohooo......hey $2 is quite a lot u noe.... the first time i sold the same amt of ST, i got $2 too.....frm another fella(dunnoe if its the same guy or not)...... but the next time i sold almost the same amt of papers....i got 30 cents....ONLY!!!! Man.....but tt 30cents karang guni man wasnt nice looking lah and he looked like the kind hu would cheat u of ur money....heh......so cant blame him lah.. Man....today's karang guni man was so kind tt he actually passed the $2 note to me using both his hands lah! Wooo.....RESPECT!!

And frm 10am onwards.....did electrochem....man....i read carefully every single line on every single page and jot down impt points frm each pg on a drawing block and scribbled qns tt i had.... finally....i understooded everything by 5o clock.....and was rather happie with it lah. And to think i actually wanted to put aside Electrochem simply because i dun understand wat i had been reading for the first 2-3 pages......heh....but lucky yesterdae Hock showed me the ropes and taught me some points which made electrochem seem a biiiiiiiit clearer....so yea....understooded all 32 pages alright....am waiting for the right time to bug people with questions. Am writing a mindmap for electrochem at the moment....

....and speaking of mindmaps, I LOST MY BLACK PEN!!! WAh....so sien lah. The black fine tip Pilot Super Gel pen is missing lah! Hav been using tt pen to squeeze lots of info onto a sheet of paper sia......tt has been my "mindmap pen" and now its missing.....erm....

...while writing the above para....i was in fact retracing my morning and all and i realised i had a file on the study table.....and guess what....i opened it and the pen's inside!!!.....power lah..... see....blogging can help u find missing items....

hmmm....11 days to the mids.....should have enuff time to cramp everything into my brain.

Yaz just invited me to follow him go orchard with him tmr.....well todae is tmr... Its really really sweet of him to ask me along and all but i really really really can't. I really need the time to like catch up with werk and all......but.....sheeesh....bummer.....i'd love to have gone.....get some fresh air....have a change in surrounding....its sickening looking at the baby blue walls which surround me while i revise....(relearn).....

well it may seem normal for u guys to get invites to go out and all.... but its like hitting a jackpot for me lah...... heh....i think its the first time anyone has ever like..."eh ali, tmr wanna follow me to orchard"...haha...... man..... to think i actually rejected my first date....heh..... well yaz.... thx for the invite....sowie for the decline....

anw, even if i had given u a yes.....u still noe tt my mum has the final say dunch u??...

anw, the school term starting soon and its abt time i get myself a new shoe! Fast! Was thinking of queensway..... maybe next wk?? When most my werk shuld be 80% done?? haha..... am thinking of gettin something cheap....simple..... heh... i think going to Bata and getting a $20 BM2000 would be sthg i should consider.

kk.....i think tts abt all i hv to sae....so now's the news....

opened the mail box today and saw a letter for me among the many letters tt were inside. It was from the RSAF. Power lah....i smiled.... knowing tt 90% will be a rejection of my application to become a pilot and 10% will take me to the next step of becoming a pilot. WEll...... i ran back home and sat down and tore the side of the envelope and pulled out this letter informing me tt i have passed the computerised test and tt i ll hear from them soon. WOOOOOOOOOHOOO!!! power lah! So happy man. ALthough the next rd is an interview.....haha.... at least i m one step closer....haha....though its still a long road ahead.... i had faith in myself after tt test. Though i did badly for the Trax portion of the test........ i still kept a small window of hope open....yea....thank god..

so am looking forward till the next letter......i really wanna fly high. And to do that, i must get good grades for my As. And i need to be fit too....meaning i ll try step up my fitness routine....And lastly, i think i really need to overcome my fear of heights..so maybe i ll spend more time in the audi looking down from the balcony( oh so scary) ..... or climb the stairs to the fourteenth floor of my block and look down.....

yea....tis will be my motivation to succeed.